Salute to Stupidity: FOOTBALL STUFF

So this is a conversation that I had with Peter Duke discussing the new design for his football website. Soon later, the Chinese were mentioned. If you are offended by any of the following, I don't mean to offend, because I'm British and therefore so polite that my balls shrink. See? It works both ways. I'm not racist. But I also have the manhood of Chuck Norris so you can fuck off with that earlier comment. Either way, don't be offended, just laugh along because laughing is what keeps us all sane. Unless you laugh at morbid situations, then you're just a fucking nutjob.

Anyway, let's get on with this. Oh, and another warning, this was a Facebook conversation, so the usual warnings about disjointed sentences and stuff applies.

Peter Duke: "Well I'm kind of hoping the Olympics could be the first thing we cover."
Me: "Maybe"
Dukey: "Not sure about it though, you'd need to be writing a preview/report almost daily."
Me: "There's more than one game? Ooh, new idea. How about, now this is a great idea, just hear me out"
Dukey: "In the Olympics? There's a whole group stage xD"
Me: "They take every football team to the Nevada desert. Right, and they set up one goal. And it's a massive knock-out tournament. And it'll take DAYS. But people would watch it."
Dukey: "They would, without a doubt."
Me: "Hell, I would watch that."
Dukey: "Right I'm installing myself as editor for this site."
Me: "Upwards of a thousand people trying to get at a ball. Priceless."
Dukey: "It would be. And you can go on YouTube and see 98 little kids playing 11 men. It's hilarious."
Me: "I'm going to find an American oil tycoon and pitch this to him."
Dukey: "There's like, no room on the pitch."
Me: "Oh?"
Dukey: "Yeeeaaaah, type Real Madrid China kids."
Me: "I assume this was some kind of charity event?"
Dukey: "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udx2K73DmMo PR I think." (Watch the video to understand the rest of the joke)
Me: "This camera work is terrible."
Dukey: "They're Chinese..."
Me: "WHAT THE FUCK. Is this what Europe is going to look like soon? Badum ts"
Dukey: ":P"
Me: "There's not even bothering about formation. They're just swarming. And I love how there's just one fat kid."
Dukey: "Me too xD!"
Me: "God this is crazy. Maybe this'll teach the Chinese that just pouring in numbers doesn't actually give you a tactical advantage. OH NO! THEY'RE LEARNING!"
Dukey: "xD!!!! It's horrifyingly adorable!"
Me: "Yeh... Do you think this is what all Storm Troopers are like when they're kids?"
Dukey: "That's the funniest thing I've read all day."
Me: "I'm glad."

I hope you found that as laugh-worthy as Dukey and I did. Otherwise, I guess you had to be there.

Pete out.

Electric Teapots: STEREOTYPES WEEK

So this week has been a bit controversial and some people got really angsty because Kesh mentioned the words "potato" and "famine" in a sentence. I did as well and I was told off by the Ire I was talking to.

Huh, I thought I invented the word Ire, but apparently it's real. Just so you know, an Ire (as I invented it) is an Irish person. British people are called Brits and American people are called Americans, Canadians, Germans etc., so I figured Ireland needed one as well. Ire. It just works. Ohhh, of course, it means "anger or intense fury" but can also be used as an abbreviation of Ireland. Well, Ires are now going to be the people of Ireland. It makes perfect sense.

Anyway, I'm probably done. Kesh's video was hilarious, James' video felt a bit rushed and my video was pretty cool.

I'm off to Ireland next week, so no posts, but when I get back there will be a bucket load of stuff. I want to leave it with some good content-to-go though, so I might see if I can set some time aside just to blog stuff. I really want to make some short stories.

Anyway, I'm done.

Pete out.

Video Projects

So here they are for those of you who haven't seen them yet :)

These are what I've been working on for the past couple of months, and I'm pretty damn happy with them (beside the animation) if I do say so myself.

If you'd like to feedback, could you please comment on the video on the YouTube page, and that would be very much appreciated :)

Anyway, now it's back to do some paperwork.

Pete out.

Salute to Stupidity: Polar Bears and Rent

I'm just going to go ahead and copy and paste a conversation that Lyn and I had the other day. While she was gone, I went a bit mad.

Vivialyn Joynson: I love polar bears!
Peter Hutchinson: and that's all the polar bears want really. The only reason people think they're being attacked is because the polar bears just want to hug everyone
Vivialyn Joynson: Hahah
Peter Hutchinson: and then they get angry when they're rejected
Vivialyn Joynson: Poor polar bears :(
Peter Hutchinson: They're very jealous animals. And their home is being repossessed. You thought it was global warming
Vivialyn Joynson: My mum's just got home, I'll be right back
Peter Hutchinson: Okay, I'll carry on with my polar bear story
Vivialyn Joynson: Although I'm not gonna risk giving you a time frame cus I probably won't stick to it this time :P And okay, I'll definitely read it when I get back :P
Peter Hutchinson: Awesome. So yeah, it's not global warming that's destroying their homes. See, whales are actually the landlords of the seas and the polar bears just haven't been able to keep up with the rent. Because you know, a giant sheet of prime real estate ice in the middle of the northern hemisphere is very expensive to maintain and they keep having to repair the icebergs that break off. It's just one thing after another. The polar bears don't really have a chance. The penguins are trying to help. But it's the whole moving thing. The whales would get pissed off if the polar bears tried to move to the south pole. They've even gone as far as grounding all of the polar bear planes until the rent has been paid. So it's just one big circle. The polar bears couldn't move even if they get evicted.  You could say that we could help them, but we don't have any polar currency. No one knows what it is. The whales won't let us bank with them. This is also why our economy is broken. Whales are really good with money. Like, better than the swiss. This might make the whales look like bad people, but they're endangered; they've got to look after their investments. And this is why everyone in the world needs to learn to like each other.

Sorry if there's like a billion grammatical errors in there and some of it didn't make much sense; it was copied and pasted from a Skype conversation so I had to convert talking into sentences, and that can be difficult sometimes.

Either way, I thought it was quite amusing, and so did Lyn. For those of you who don't know Lyn, she plays Tessica in Entry #52 of the popular web-series, Granite Moths, and I must say I regret not finding her sooner because she's like the best actress ever. She's a million times better than any of us and can actually learn lines!

Either way, there's the real story for why Polar Bears are in trouble. Not all this global warming crap that the American government don't do anything about. They know what's really at stake. Obama is in league with the whales.

We must get the whale money.

Pete out.

Salute to Stupidity: Alannah's Text

Okay, so I woke up the other morning and noticed that I had a text sitting around. I proceeded to read it. It was sent by Alannah at 3am of that morning. The message confused me.

Alannah: "Time is running out, it's hard when curly fries stand in the way. Do not be drawn by their temptation xo"
Me: "Umm... I don't think I have a response for that. Time is running out for what exactly?"
Alannah: "Ahahahahahahhahahahahahah! Congratulations for being a recipient of one of my sleep texts! (a.k.a. I text you in my sleep) ahahahahah! Oh dear hahaha xox"
Me: "You text in your sleep? That's amazing. And also hilarious. I definitely think you should enter some kind of talent show with that skill."

So yeah, that was definitely I think the most confused I have ever been at half ten in the morning. Either way, I promised Lannah I would blog something about this, and at first I thought of making a story, but then I thought what would be way cooler would be to make a comic strip! YES! AN EXCUSE TO DO A COMIC STRIP!

I fuckin' love comics.

Well, there you have it. Another Salute to Stupidity. It's been a while since something amusing enough to blog about has happened, so thank you Alannah for providing my life with a bit of uplifting humour :)

Oh yeah, and those images are all 1600x900, so if you want to make any of them your desktop wallpaper then be my guest. Of course I don't expect you to because they're terrible, but I think they have a certain charm to them. But yeah, if you want them, they're there. I don't care if you re-use them because like hell are they going to make any money.

But shouting LOGO and punching cameras; that's my thing. It will always be my thing. You're not allowed to use it. It's mine forever.

Oh, and seeing as I'm blogging right now I fully intend to start designing t-shirts soon just in case I get loads of money and can start ordering them/selling them. If you have any designs then I'd be happy to take a look at them. Just Facebook or email them to me.

Anyway, that's this Salute done. Who will make me laugh next? Only time will tell.

Pete out.

Granite Moths Screening

So on Saturday night, the lads and ladies of the Granite Moths fanbase were treated to the amazing spectacle known to you mortals as a screening of Granite Moths. It went down a treat, with the obvious favourites being towards the end of season 2, where indeed we put most of our effort.

But ah, what a journey Granite Moths has been. It started out as a harmless terrible, awful parody that people liked because it was shit but hilarious. Now look at it. It's fantastic. It turned from a grape into a grapefruit. Now it's in HD and actual time and effort is put into editing it. It's awesome. It's the single greatest achievement I've ever made in my videoing career, and it acts as practise for everything I do.

For example, Entry #52 solved a problem that would have presented itself in the future if I didn't need to do it now. And that's muzzle flash. Because one gun was used in the original, obviously this has to turn into a Gears of War-themed showdown with bucket-loads of rounds fired and loads of scenes scattered all over the place and such. It was amazing.

You know what else is amazing? The time and effort everyone puts in. I mean, I put the most in because I script it, film it and edit it, but the other guys act in it. Josh even occasionally makes a ToTheRC video. But seriously, we've filmed in my home town, we filmed stuff in Cornwall, Leicester and all the way up in Durham. We've spanned the country in search of locations, and unfortunately we encountered a problem when Cornwall needed to turn up a second time, but we didn't have the means to get there a second time so... we improvised.

But that's why this project has been such fun. We've occasionally had to completely replace characters and actually have some characters on screen twice to make a scene work. With our amazingly creative minds (I say "our" when I really mean mine) and my awesome camera and editing talents (I say "my" when I really do actually just mean my) we can create comedy and visual gold. I say we... I'm just going to move on.

But wow, what a team. Let's just review the characters in case you don't know enough about them.

P
It has been recently revealed that his full name is Pavlyuchenkow Tchchtthaaa. The spelling of his second name entirely depends on how you pronounce your static noises. Throughout Season 1, P was a porn enthusiast, and wasn't keen on letting Alec's work go to waste. Upon realising that Alec was being stalked by Slender Man, he started to investigate and got horribly mixed up in the mystery, and regretted all of it. In Season 2, it is revealed that P was in fact trying to make a wildlife documentary, and is in fact completely obsessed with catching wildlife on camera. Perhaps even of the slender variety. Now P has even ditched his wildlife documentary so he can completely focus on finding Alec and unravelling the mystery. This guy is played by me, by the way, and I've only gotten better in terms of acting I believe. This character is the parody of Jay from Marble Hornets.

Alec
He's a dick. We know that he was trying to make a porn film, but then got sidetracked by this Slender character, and is now probably possessed by him. We know little of Alec's current state, because all footage of him is from at least a year in the past. Alec is played by Peter Duke, who is lazy and never learns the script before a shoot. This character is the parody of Alex from Marble Hornets.

Jim/Masky
After Masky's mask is taken off, Jim slowly begins his process back to normality. Somewhere between Entry #32 (the entry in which Jim attacks P, the previous closest to an up-to-date event we have) and Entry #52 (the latest entry and also the most up-to-date event) Jim becomes normal again and resumes his hunt for his "precious". Jim/Masky is played by Josh Hilton, who is completely dedicated to looking like a knob all the time. He brings out a lot of the funny in the show. This character is the parody of Tim/the Masked Man from Marble Hornets.

Extra 1
Little is known about Extra 1, apart from the fact that she is female and is played by Joe Hadden. She also makes no appearances ever in Granite Moths. It should be said that this character is the parody of Sarah from Marble Hornets.

Extra 2
Extra 2 was the main actor for Alec's porn film, but has since vanished. In Season 1, P raids his house THREE TIMES and finds nothing. No current footage exists of him, but it is assumed that he is linked in some way to the current events of Granite Moths. This character is played by Joe Hadden and is the parody of Brian from Marble Hornets.

Extra 3
Another extra whom we know little about. Extra 3 only appeared a few times in Granite Moths, but it is assumed that he is dead or MIA due to the events in Entry #22 when he and Alec are attacked by an unknown entity. This character is played by Joe Hadden and is the parody of Seth from Marble Hornets.

Fucking Hot Blonde
At the very end of Season 1, we see that Alec has found comfort in a new partner: Fucking Hot Blonde, who does not have blonde hair, but has what appears to be a pink scarf. It is suspected that she has cancer, or is dead because of the events with Slender Man in her only appearance in the show. This character is played by Joe Hadden and is the parody of Amy from Marble Hornets.

Tessica
Tessica is Season 2's newcomer, being revealed as Hot Blonde's room-mate, but after the events of Entry #32 her current situation is not known. Because of recruitment problems, Tessica has been played by lots of people, including me and Josh in voice, but now we finally have someone to play as her and that person is Lyn Joynson, and this character is also the parody of Jessica from Marble Hornets.

Are we nearly done yet?

ToThePark
Nothing is known about ToThePark, only that he is just some guy who happened to be walking in the woods on the same day as P in entry #31. This guy is played by Joe Hadden and is the parody of some guy who happened to be walking in the woods on the same day as Jay in Entry #31 of Marble Hornets.

ToTheBeard
ToTheBeard was killed by Alec in Entry #49. It was a sad loss. Nothing is known of his history or background. He was played by Mitchell Bellamy and is the parody of the guy that Alex killed from Marble Hornets.

Blasky
Little to nothing is known about Blasky. All that is known is that he carried P's camera back to Alec/P's car in Entry #41. Apart from that, we know nothing. We don't even know who plays him. Seriously, whenever we need Blasky we blow a horn and then up he pops like a black Derren Brown. He's the parody of the Black Masked Man from Marble Hornets.

ToTheRC
Assumed to be Blasky, but is unknown. This is not a character as such, and more the name of the YouTube account that follows Granite Moths and posts responses to the videos. It is not known who makes or posts these videos. It is a parody of ToTheArk from Marble Hornets. We do know, however, that TTRC is trying to kill Alec and potentially help P. Although this is to be confirmed.

Slender Man
Another elusive character, but also the entity that drives the entire plot of Granite Moths. Nothing is known of him aside from the fact that he has an affinity towards people who film themselves while they sleep. This character is played by a stuffed six foot Pink Panther and is the parody of The Operator from Marble Hornets.

So that's the characters. Now it's time for a treat.

Pete out.

My Ham Sandwich

So yesterday I was talking in my uni blog about how social networking sites are used, and I think I came up with an amazing analogy. To demonstrate this, let me give you an example of how a story can be told on each sharing site.

Facebook status update: I have just eaten a ham sandwich. It was delicious. *Three of your friends like this*

Twitter Tweet: I'm eating a #hamsandwich. *Retweeted several times*

Tumblr post: I just ate the most glorious ham sandwich, here is a picture of a ham sandwich from the internet.

Blogger post: Let me tell you about the ham sandwich that I just ate. It all started when I woke up this morning and ate a bowl of cereal. I then took the dog for a walk and saw a man dressed like a lemon. I asked this man why he was dressed like a lemon and he gave me a sour look. That was a pun. I then went home and thought ... (and so on)

But of course, this is a blogger post, so let's not leave it there.

By the way, this is not a true story.

Let me tell you about the ham sandwich that I just ate. It all started when I woke up this morning and ate a bowl of cereal. This was odd for me because I do not like cereal, however my craving for Golden Grahams was just too much to handle.

Anyway, I then took the dog for a walk and came across a man dressed like a lemon. I asked this man why he was dressed like a lemon and he gave me a sour look. Badum pun.

Upon returning to the establishment in which I live, I thought about what I would have for lunch. It then struck me like a leopard strikes a bandoleer when he's being an arsehole. And the bandoleer in question was being an arsehole of the highest orders. Three arseholes were given to the elves, the wisest and fairest of all middle earth's beings. Seven were given to the dwarf lords, and then nine. Nine arseholes were given to the men, whose lust for power was only matched by their greed. But my shit, this guy was like, the Lord of the Arseholes. He was the One Arsehole to rule them all. One arsehole to find them. One arsehole to bring them all, and in the darkness, bind them!

But yeah, I've gone horrendously off-topic. I think that's also the rudest tangent I've ever made. It originally had the word cunt in it, but excessive use of it proved too much for even I to handle. Arsehole isn't much better though. It's still very, very crass.

Anyway, I had a thought about the sandwich I would eat, and it hit me like a runaway convict hits a prostitute before taking her winnings for the night. I say winnings, but if you're being paid to have sex with Louis, the overweight lowest-ranking member of the local Mafia, you're a loser really.

Anyanyway, the idea came to me. The tasty, and yet humble ham sandwich. Majestic, delicious, and simple. Two slices of bread, a bit of butter and a slice of pig in the middle. Arguably the most popular sandwich known to mankind. Also the most commonly made sandwich of womankind.

So yeah, that's social networking and the story of a ham sandwich.

Pete out.

Salute to Stupidity 8

Peter Hutchinson to Peter Duke
In a world where time is infinite and our movement is perceived as either infinitely fast or infinitely slow, when getting from one place to another can happen instantly or take an age, in this world it would be acceptable for you to delay doing and sending me Intermission, since release dates wouldn't matter. Everything would be released at the same time an in intervals and also randomly. However, in this world we have to keep to schedules. You've got two days before I fire you.

Peter Duke: Why does the Anti-XFactor Christmas song have to be Nirvana? Can't it be... I dunno... A Christmas song? Slade maybe? Or Let it Snow? Something like that?
Peter H: We should get Little Donkey to the top.
Peter Duke: WE should record it. No no no, it needs to not be a faith thing.
Peter H: You want a Christmas song not about faith? Dude, A: It's a fucking donkey. B: The Romans made the Christmas holiday to join the celebration of the birth of Christ, note: CHRIST, and the winter solstice. It's a flipping holiday centred around FAITH, you close-minded knob-rocket.
Peter Duke: I didn't mean it like that, I meant if it's not about faith, then people from every faith will buy it... not just Christians... (oh he did so not get my point)
Peter H: Then I won't mention to you a good, nay massive, proportion of the world's population is then. But after seeing your point, that's fine. I just want you to see what an idiot you are. So in that case, let's just get Nirvana to the top. Oh wait...
Peter Duke: Let it snow works fine. Or Band Aid, that's about Christmas TIME (again, so not getting my point. If you want to avoid faith, Dukey, you have to call it Winter Holidays like the Americans do. God, you're such a crap atheist) not Christmas itself.
Peter H: No it's not? Band aid is something you use to seal wounds... Bazinga.
Josh: Let's get Walkin' on Sunshing to the top. (Good effort, Josh)

Josh: Are you excited about Nickleback?
Peter H: Not really. Me and new music are like chocolate and steak.
Josh: Best kept off the same plate. Or you both come from Germany.
Peter H: What? Chocolate is Aztec [citation needed]... never mind. But yeah, I do old music. Music like the Rolling Stones, Beethoven's Fifth, Mozart's Twinkle Twinkle. Yeah, you get me.

Alannah: Wish the cool owl outside my window would be quiet for 5 minutes so I can sleep =)!
Peter H: Is he cool because he's wearing sunglasses despite it being dark and because he stuck his middle feather up at you when you told him to be quiet?
Alannah: Haha, no! He is an awesome colour! And not many people have an owl that lives outside their window =) xox
Peter H: You're right. Wish I had an owl. (It's true. I fantasized about having an owl during every French lesson back in year 8 at Brooke Weston). Have you given it a name yet? I think Stephen would be a great name for it, if it were male of course.
Alannah: It's called Wilbert... He looks like a Wilbert =) xox
Peter H: Well it's your owl so I can't judge your poor owl-naming skills.
Alannah: Haha!! It's a wicked name!! So is!! xox
Peter H: S'alright, I guess. But I think we should ask Stephen which name he prefers. And if says, "My name is Bridget," then we'll both be wrong and that'll be that.
Alannah: Haha, so you are naming my owl Stephen? His name is Wilbert, simples =P xox
Peter H: Between you and me, I actually preferred the name Wilbert the moment you said it, but that would make me appear weak, which is why no one can know.
Alannah: Haha, yet you have just posted it on my Facebook status! Haha!! Win win for me!! =) xox
Peter H: Ah hell! You're too cunning for me, Miss Vient.
Alannah: Muah ha ha!! xox

I think I do fixate on owls a little bit much. Do you remember the one about the owl and the crow?

I'm also noticing that I seem to be the focus of hilarity in these Salutes. Hmm... Oh well, I think that just accurately reflects on what kind of a person that I am. Hilarious.

Peter Duke: Get on the right side of the bloody road (see, this quote is stupid because the French do drive on the right), you Gallic fucking garlic bread tossers!
Peter H: Hey, hey, hey! If we're going to insult the French then at least acknowledge the fact that they have done nothing of note for the last hundred years, and that the only thing they can remember how to do effectively is not do a single solitary day's worth of hard work in their entire lives. And you know what? If someone French is reading this and feels insulted, bring it. You hop on over the channel, which will cost you precious time, time in which you could be on the streets outside your office complaining that it smells a little bit like cheese and onion pasties, and then you come and punch me. I feel safe in the knowledge that there is one good reason as to why the French won't invade us. And I've already explained it.
Peter Duke: ^ has never watched Eurotrip. (What's Eurotrip? Is it a car show?)

You remember the video I'm so Ashamed? Here are some of the responses:
Lauren: Literally so much love for this video!! Had me in absolute stitches!!
Sophia: I was kind of half-watching it because I'd already read the blog post and just heard you go "the guy that was doing the photographer." Yeah, so that plus naked photo shoot and my imagination was going places I really didn't want it to go!

Oh, I just found one of my favourite jokes of all time. I physically chuckle every time I read it.

Peter H: ‎Stanley Ashton, Ben 'Ahmed' Cotton, James Langley, Alannah Vient Just read the minutes from the last meeting, and I couldn't help but wonder what on Earth a naked colander is. Is it a colander that just has one massive hole? ... Well I thought it was funny.
Alannah: You... haha, that made me giggle! At least I can publicly admit I liked it! =D! x
Langley: I was waiting for someone else to comment.
Stan the Man with a Plan: ok thanks guys its good know face book will tell of mistakes that are made :) (for your amusements, I deliberately left the mistakes in that paragraph. Usually I correct them for my comfort, but this time I thought I'd treat you)
Peter H: I'm not gonna lie, I chuckle every time I read it. It's a brilliant joke, it must be said.

Let's see if I've got any more of these crackers lying around. Just the one.

Peter H: As Head of Production for Demon TV, I'm always finding new and interesting ways for technology to piss me off.

I feel like that's a good one-liner to end on.

Cliché out.

I'm NOt Gonne Lie to DYou

I'm actually pretty drunk right now.

The reston?

I mean uh... the reason?

Well, I went to the pub, and then I went to the bluc. I mean club. That's what I mean.t Honest.

I'm actually being honest though. You don't even have to id me or nothing' for it.

Ah man, I can't hear a fucking thing.

But even so, I have completely deduced that going to clubs isn't like the best or idea or nthing or nothign. It's stupid, really. It's exactly as I predicted. it was only really worth going to see Ben Cotton get dunked into a ... tank of water? Yeah, I suppose it was that. I didn't have my glasses on, and they wouldn't have really made a different because it was fucking dark. You know that kind of dark where you can kind of see because there are multicoloured beams of light flashing across your vision every second or so? Yeah, that kind of vision. Felt a bit light daredevil, really. Except if Davedevil went to a club, he'd be fucked.

Anyway, it was the Demon Media social event. Tha'ts why I'm deaf and drunk. Because what's more sociable than getting a little bit drunk in a pub, going to a club, drinking while being deafened, then pretend like you can dance on the dance floor for a while, all the while continuing to be deafened and then being compeltely bombarded every second by people who don't knwo the meaning of the word "exucse me?"

I suppose excuse me is two words. I also suppose I wouldn't have heard them anyway because my bat senses weren't tingling.

You know why they weren't tingling? Because I couldn't hear anything.

If I want to keep my bat senses tingling, then I'm going to have to not attend one of these "club" thigns that you kids like so much very often.

Anyway.

Hah! I called him Davedevil! What a fun parody of Daredevil that would be. Instead of him being a superhero who has super hearing and ultra-mega reflexes, he's just a regular guy called Dave who has super mega hearing and awesome reflexes. He just uses them to get along with his daily life really. He doesn't want any fuss. He's just a Davedevil.

So. Bosoms. Pretty cool, eh?

Ben Cotton got dunked. Did I mention that?

Oh, I could become a DSU exec by default if I sign up to be ah fuck my ears are ringing. Anyway, I could be ... fuck, what was it? The head of Production at Demon TV. That's it. I'd be the one in-charge of cameras and stuff and cool and I get my own office and a gold card which gives me free admission into Level 1 at the DSU! How awesome and cool is that? That's pretty awesome and cool. Cool and awesome.

Oh fuck! I have a lecture in the morning. Wait, now I don't. Ahh, you see what I did there? I made an executive decision, necause of course I could be a DSU executive soon, to not wake up in the morning, and therefore I can't possibly have a lecture at that time because I'll be asleep.

Oops. I'm starting to sober up a little, and I'm realising that I'd made a duck load of spelling and grammar errors.

Althoguh on the other hand, [redacted] is fucking hot.

Okay, I'm sober enough to redact things that could get me into trouble. A little bit.

Anyway, why do only fools and horse work balalala. Balalala la. Lalala lala. Lalalala la. Badadada. Badadada da.

Uh... Oh, I'm pretty sure I didn't get that job I was hoping to get so that sucks.

Other than that, [redacted]'s true identity is... ahhh! Got you.

God I shouldn't be pushing buttons like that. I know I'll regret it tomorrow when I get one quadrillion thousand million hundred billion messages asking me about it.

That number is so real.

Pete out.

Salute to Stupidity: Australian Meat Special

Me: "Hey, Josh, I just searched kangaroo steak in Google and the first result was for eBay and the result said 'kangaroo steak - great prices on string instruments'."

Me: "Oh hey, look at what meats you can get in Australia! Ostrich, kangaroo, crocodile, locusts, snails, venison, wild boar, bison, rattlesnake, buffalo, zebra, springbok whatever the hell that is, blesbok whatever the hell that is, kudu, eland, IMPAILER! Wildebeest..."
Josh: "Hutchy, it's impala."
Me: "No it isn't! Oh wait, yeah, I suppose that makes more sense..."

Me: "Swedish? How did google translate detect kangaroo meat as Swedish? Maybe it's because the Swedish like strange meat."