Let's Do it Like They Do on the Discovery Channel

That has been in my head since last night, and you know what the annoying part is? Well, let me verse it to you:
"You and me, baby, *murmur* so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!" That is as annoying as it reads. The lyric is incomplete, and my brain can't piece together the words. I had a Brain Fart, if you will.

So, I guess I'd better begin with Friday.

After an amusing chat with my biggest fans, I went home to throw on another shirt and then make my way to Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut is not next to my house, nor anywhere near. In fact, it's about 5 miles away. Walking five miles in really thick fog in the darkest dark you've ever darked, constantly worried that the next person who jogs/strides past you is definitely someone about to kill you is pretty damn tiring. I would've said scary, but what's scary about thick fog and dark? Isn't this just a scene of tranquillity?

I really couldn't see very far. 

In fact, it was so foggy, that my hair got soaked on the walk over. As fun nights go, it was a pretty fun night. I can't really report amusingly on the happenings of the evening, so fill in the blanks yourself.

Now for Saturday.

The night began with Luke randomly turning up at my house adamant that he had previously told me that it had been set in stone that he would pick me up as opposed to me organising my own way there, which I had of course done, but it mattered not. The music was slapped on straight away when we arrived at Luke's house and Luke showed us his beer-can-belt, which is a pretty awesome invention. Totally impractical if you want to sit down, but good if you don't want to carry six cans of beer in your hands at the same time. So there are ups and downs. It was mainly used for the photo-opportunity:

Yes, that's a tiger with aviators. That's pretty awesome. 

After all of the guests arrived, alcohol was quickly distributed so that people could get their drunk on. I also remember there being a lot of food. And cupcakes. And bacon rolls. And pizza. Mmm...

So, what did a tame person like me do at this party? I suppose the first thing significant to happen to me this night was this:

My battle wound.

This was caused by my pathetic skin being broken by the sharp end of a bread-stick extremely toughened skin being penetrated by a lion after I saved some small children from it.

I then completely thrashed everyone except Becca at dancing like this:

My extremely convincing robot dance. 

After the madness had died down a bit, I ran out of Strongbow (which is my favourite alcoholic beverage) so I asked Joshi of the Quach variety to try and make me some kind of alcoholic beverage. He failed and simply gave me something that was most likely alcohol and tasted like lemon. It was a fruity alcohol. I must admit I like fruity alcohol. Anyway, at this point I decided that I didn't want to ridicule myself other people through my epic dancing, and instead decided to sit down at the dinner table where other people were talking. At some point I started talking to Jess Lines, whom I don't normally talk to, and I don't see why because she's a perfectly lovely person to talk to. We got onto the topic of vegetarianism, and how she is one, and I got to use one of my Knowledges (You already know that I have five Awesomes a day, but did you know that I also have a collection of Knowledges?) and I totally dropped the bomb on the fact that a dog produces more CO2 than two 4x4s. That's just what it eats, not what it excretes. Anyway, I brought up the fact that I'm a moral vegetarian, in the sense that I occasionally feel really bad and guilty that I'm essentially eating the flesh of another animal, which is what barbarians and wolves do. If I see a whole leg of lamb in the supermarket, for example, I immediately think about how that was in fact the lamb's actual leg and it's now stripped of its fluffy fluff and replaced by environment-killing preservative-packaging. But in practise, I could never do that because Jess mentioned how you lose a lot of energy when you stop eating meat. I don't have much energy because of this weight-gain thing I've been doing. If I were to go all eco-friendly on your asses, I'd probably die. So yeah, I talked to her for what seemed like a long time and enjoyed doing so.

Uhh... what happened then... I'm not so sure. I don't think anything new and exciting happened until we walked Jess home. Well, that wasn't really exciting, but it was nice. After a hug goodbye we rejoined the party, at which point everyone was like "need... sleep..." because it was like four in the morning, and we're people who don't do staying up all night. Humans weren't built for the night. Yes, we're evolved enough to survive in the night, but we're not exactly nocturnal. If you pitted yourself against a badger, you'd lose. Yes, you may have a torch, but what's the likelihood that you'll have the speed and agility to one-up a badger? Badgers are vicious. They're also very shy. But don't piss off badgers. Bats would also help the badgers, because they both share the same first two letters. So if you piss off a badger, bats will come to its aid and you'll be royally fucked.

I think I just made a funny. 

I don't remember what I was talking about. Yeah, we pretty much went to sleep after the badger attack. I got a fantastically comfortable beanbag. You know, the kind that you and your chosen friend sit on during a social encounter. There is no such thing as a beanbag that you can comfortably sleep on. Needless to say, none of us got much sleep, apart from Dukey who was dreaming about Josh.

So yeah, that was my brilliantly brilliant weekend. And because we got up so early this morning, I was able to get loads of stuff done and not feel rushed. I didn't use that time to do work, but that's what this time is meant for. The bit after I've run out of things to do. The fact that I'm still writing this, like forty minutes after I started intending it to be a ten minute update (as I always plan to do, but fuck up because I'm far too interesting for just ten minute's worth of text) but yeah, I'm sure I'll do something. I might go to bed early, come to think about it. That wouldn't be detrimental.

Anyway, thank you for a wonderful weekend guys.
Goodnight.