Super Christmas Adventure Episode II - Attack of the Pork

Ah yes, my next Christmas adventure. Today was Sophia's turn to host an event of epic proportions, and it was indeed an event of epic proportions. Unfortunately, I don't think I can do it justice with my musings, but I'll give it my best shot.

The day began, as it did yesterday, with the heating well and truly off in my house. It was so cold I didn't dare walk on the stone slabs that cover my kitchen. That's like killing your feet with death. And hypothermia. So yeah, I got up at a reasonable time of 1100 and threw together a quick sandwich because there was a rapist in the kitchen who was raping the plumbing to try and fix our heating. So yeah, I then threw on some clothes and made my way out into the wild.

I must state at this point that Sophia lives more than five miles away from my house. On any normal day I'd get a lift off someone because I can't drive yet and the man who calls himself my father is at work all week so is unavailable for anything. However, because of unforeseen circumstances, I chose had to walk to Sophia's. Luckily I studied the route extensively on Google Maps the night before, so I was well prepared.

I say well prepared.

The reality is that no map can prepare you for the reality that there are no footpaths for about two miles from the road between Kettering and Rothwell, so I almost died five thousand times when cars whizzed past me. But it was fine, because I saw this:

You'll never out-fox the fox. 

And I'll tell you what, there may have been snow on the ground but I had to make half of my journey half-naked because it was bloody hot. Before I left it was -3. -3! No bloody wonder I was roasting in my own huge winter coat. I actually felt colder inside my house.

Anyway, that wasn't what this blog post was all about, but it was a nice touch. I arrived at Sophia's half an hour earlier than Google said I would. So what's that? Yeah, I beat the internet. Fuck you internet; I beat you.  Anyway, she welcomed me into her humble abode where there were already a few people, including a Quach, a Keeble, and a Dallamore. All three of those names aren't recognised by Google Chrome. The internet is not doing any favours for itself today.

Anyway, general banter happened for a while, until a Goodall and a Hadley arrived, and then some more banter happened, with a lot of dancing Quach, until Sophia ordered us to the dinner table. Soon various food items were placed on the table, and all was well. In the centre of the table were the vegetables, which were delicious, and around it were pigs in blankets, which were delicious, chicken, which was delicious, and gravy, which was delicious. Then Sophia brought out the big-guns. By big-guns, I mean the pork crackling. After breaking through the crackling, and then it looked like this:

Damn that looks good. 

Indeed it does look good, caption. The pork was delicious. According to Quach, so was the crackling. I mean, all credit to the chef on this one, it was actually delicious. Like actually delicious. I cannot emphasise enough how DELICIOUS IT WAS. It was delicious. I've actually written an entire paragraph that simply says that Sophia's meat was effing gorgeous.

We then had strudel. That was also delicious. Bravo, Sophia. Actual bravo, though, like, this and that all over your tat.

I got carried away with my chav sayings. I don't think I've ever heard a chav say "this and that all over your tat" though. They should definitely start.

Anyway, then this happened:

Perfect synchronised dancing for the win. 

Yeah, Bekah and Quach made their own dance. How awesome is that? Anyway, then this happened:

What has been seen... 

Yup. Then we watched Inception, which is an epic movie. I actually understood all of the little nooks and crannies of the film I didn't get last time. Okay, I actually can't get over how good the pose is for those bears. The pink one actually has its arms around the other one's hips. You can't get much more realistic than that. It's genuinely hilarious. In fact, it's so hilarious that this happened:

... cannot be unseen. 

Now they're doing it orally! Those bears have got the life. The life.

Anyway, I think that about wraps up Sophia's party. As I said, I probably didn't do it justice because it was actually a brilliant day/evening and I thank Sophia very much for putting up with us. Smiley face.

Until our next adventure! *Theme music* I decided to add theme music because it just seemed dull last time. I'm sure next time I'll spruce it up even more, because I'm that kind of guy.