Anyway, let's not dwell. All I need is a time machine.
Phone: Ring ring. Ring ring.
Me: I need to borrow your Tardis to go back in time ten days.
Doctor: What on Earth for? This isn't a bloody taxi.
Me: Just trust me.
Doctor: Do you know how much the insurance damage would be if you were to crash it?
Me: Oh relax. I'm more careful than a mouse.
Doctor: Mice get caught in mouse-traps all the time!
Me: Well I won't go near any mouse-traps then, will I?
Doctor: I still don't feel comfortable *clunk*
Me: Yeah, I just hit you over the head with my phone. I was behind you the whole time. Anyway.
Ah whoo-wha. Bah boo dah.
2nd February 2011
Happy Birthday, Cliché Life Stuff! *Party pop*
It's been exactly 1 year to the day since I posted my first post, and a lot has changed since then. A lot.
I could run through a list of all the things that have changed, but would you want to read that? No, I don't think so since I've done it at least twice on this blog before.
OOH! FUCKING GREAT IDEA. THIS IDEA IS IMMENSELY ORIGINAL.
Perhaps I should explain what that immensely original idea is first. I will take an aspect of my life, and then summarise what has happened. That sounds cool.
Family
Over the course of the last year I have officially declared that I don't belong to the people who live in my house, and in fact my family is my friends. However, I did gain Walter this year, which is awesome because he's the best dog in the world.
Awwwwww.
You see that little black puppy? Yeah, Walter has barely changed at all. He's just a little bigger now.
When I say a little bigger.
Yeah, he's twice the size of Daisy now, and she's as old as he is. Damn Walter's cool, and everybody loves him! An awesome blog writer needs his awesome sidekick, and Walter will definitely be by my side when I defeat Evil Tyrant Lord Dukeystein.
Note: Gewalt is the German word for violence. So, if I'm right, Walter is actually the name of a warmonger, or at least someone with violent tendencies. Dogs are carnivores capable of ripping things apart with their teeth. Case and point.
Friends
You guys are fucking amazing. Like, if I were to compare you to anyone else on Earth, they'd like have their head beneath the sands because you'd trample them with you're awesome. I mean, I say I'm awesome, but I'd be nothing without you guys. Seriously, you complete me. This is why you're my Real Family. It's all because you're the people who I can actually count on in my life to help me do the right thing. You're also pretty good at saving my life when Evil Tyrants try and kill me with heavy-ass tribal masks. The only way I could possibly improve us would be to forget about all the drama and just accept that we're a huge family and that there is no "Krewe" and there isn't a separate "Smack" and that nothing matters more than just being together as a unit, as a force not to be reckoned with. We'd be an unstoppable love machine. That sounded weirder than I anticipated, but I'm pretty sure you understand what I mean. Each and very single one of you has contributed to making this the best year of my sorry-ass life. Well done. Pat yourselves on the back. Seriously, do it right now. If you don't pat yourself on the back then I will come over there. What I'd do once I'm over there is beyond me, but I'll certainly do something.
Do you remember Zombie Plan? That was fun, wasn't it? How about that time when we went paintballing? Great Yarmouth was awesome, too. RichChief Live was fun to make. Naturally there has been five thousand and one birthday parties, all of which have been the best fun ever. Oh! Berlin! All of our free lessons together. Just fracking everything and anything you can think of that you can add to the list. Just think right now. Tilt your head to the right and look up towards the left, and just have a good hard think about all the amazing times we've had together over the last year. This is why I religiously take photos and have a running photo-album as my screensaver so that I never forget a moment. I love you guys. Don't ever leave me. If you leave me then I'll destroy you. I'm not threatening you, I'm just saying.
My Kids
A huge important part of my life over the past year has been my kids. They're wonderful. It's fantastic to have an outside view of what actually happens inside a year group, and you'd be surprised how little-a-difference there is between my kids and us in years 7, 8 and 9. It's like, exactly the same. I always get asked how I can put up with them, and sometimes I question it myself. But then I see the result of hard work paying off, and a huge beaming smile across their face when they know that they've done well and exceeded my expectations. That makes it worth it. It's not to do with how annoying they are, it's about how rewarding it is to be able to influence these kids in such a way that you're actually making an impact on the way they see and react to things. And you know what? Some of them are quite grown up. Okay, Courtney is probably the only one I've had in-depth conversations with about stuff and such, but I'm sure if I spent as much time with some of the other kids as I do with her, then it'd be the same story. I hope it'd be the same story, or Courtney is literally the only person in her year with any depth to her personality. I've also had my fair share of weird-ass stalkery comments from them, and in fact at the moment Casey is completely obsessed with me being this "The Situation" guy from Jersey Shore. What the fuck is Jersey Shore? Shit, I've just realised that there's probably a picture of me on Facebook now with three year nine girls. Nobody add Casey Lawrie. If you do, then she'll find me, and she'll be able to stalk me even more effectively than she does now. I don't really want that to happen. Seriously, I felt compelled to tell her that I'm a deadly seriously relationship with a girl from Kingswood just so she'd stop harassing me about that subject. It worked, to say the least. Anyway, I love my kids and it'll be damn difficult to say goodbye to them in the summer.
I think I'm done
Cool.
Just remember that today is the 2nd of February even though your calendar says the 12th. Just trust me on this one.
Doctor: There you are!
Me: Oh shit. Uh...
12th February 2011
Me: Yeah, sorry, for hitting you over the head with my phone and stealing your time machine so that I could do a blog post.
Doctor: Just don't let it happen again.
Me: Oh it won't.
Doctor: Good *clunk*
15th March 254BC
...
Due to technology not existing at this time, the following words cannot be obtained. Thank you and goodnight.
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