Let's get it started in here.
Let's get it started uhuh.
Etc.
So, it is officially Monday and therefore school is in like eight hours so I should get my seven hours of sleep. That'll probably drop to six by the end of this post, but hey, it's enough.
So, what the hell has happened since my last post? Well, Thursday and Friday were quite boring days on account of the fact that I can't remember them and because all the funny bits were put into Salute to Stupidity 5 (featured below this post). Saturday, luckily, had some blogworthy material.
The Diamond Anniversary
Guest featuring Inside Voice!
Fine, you can plague this bit of the post, Inside Voice. Basically, at the stupidest time in the world (Friday night) I was told by my stupid whatever-you-call-your-brother-who-is-only-your-brother-because-you're-adopted told me that we were going to my Aunty and Uncle's 60th wedding anniversary. While that is quite a feat and I'm very proud of them, why the hell did anyone in this stupid house wait until Friday night, after I had already made my plans for the day, to tell me that I would most certainly have to drop everything so that the people I'm not actually related to could huddle around me and tell how much I've grown and how I was only this high when they last saw me. I hate this stupid family. Who put me in it? God did it. Take your rage out on him. Oh I have. I have had several words with God, but he claims that he wasn't responsible. Pff, this is like the Great Flood all over again. They're calling the earthquake in Japan the Great Flood? No, I meant the bible story with the big ship and the inbred animals. Fun tip: Noah's family were all actually something like giant squids that could walk and their brain power could rival that of a sea otter. I know, crazy right? But yeah, because it was his family that rebooted the human race, we only look like we do now through generations of horrible inbreeding. It's disgusting. Thanks, Inside Voice.
So yeah, on Saturday I woke up waiting for the man who swapped hair on his head for hair on his top lip to ask me if I wanted to go to this stupid thing, but apparently it was non-negotiable. I told you to kick him right in his bald forehead. That would be counter-intuitive. Luckily I got an excuse to wear a really nice shirt and my waistcoat, so that made me feel a little better. When we arrived at the Thornhill Arms (the location for every single one of our fucking family gatherings, as infrequent as they are) Inside Voice immediately said, "Christ, it's like the graveyard from across the road just got up and tipped all the corpses into this room and then gave them placeholder cards. This is going to be extremely annoying." Inside Voice was right, as always, it was extremely annoying. The first half an hour was just mind-numbingly painful. All the old people were huddled together for warmth because old people can't stand temperatures below that which is only achievable in the pits of hell, which is where they're going to end up for having opinions that rival those of the BNP and religious extremists. You tell em, Outside Voice. But when the happy couple arrived (the only people in the family whom I can actually stand. I've mentioned them before, my Great Aunty Joy and Uncle Bob) things got a bit more bearable, partly because it gave me a glimmer of hope for these people yet that they're actually genuine people because they managed to organise a surprise party for these two good people... but mainly because it was now acceptable for me to go the bar and start drinking. Oh, and a little while later I had lasagne, which is just fine. Drinking made the whole thing a lot easier though. I managed to have a conversation about cameras with a guy who had a beard, so that was cool. However, I was unnerved by the fact that he knew exactly who I was because of, yup, you guessed it, the fact that he knew me when I was little.
Anyway, enough about that.
Josh's House
This is what today was supposed to be all about. After I got back from Nightmare on Desborough Road, Dukey came to pick me up with a Joe in his front seat. Hah, innuendo. There isn't an innuendo in there. Yes there is, damn it. Anyway, we then carted off to Josh's house to do some stuff. In fact, today was all about Granite Moths and we certainly got a shit load of videos done for it. If you would like to see our work so far, then take a look at our YouTube channel... I mean P's YouTube channel. Good save, gotta keep the magic alive, man. No one can know that this isn't actually a guy in immediate danger from a six foot pink panther. The web address is: http://www.youtube.com/user/GraniteMoths
Wicked stuff. Anyway, after that Laura came round with food. Food happened. Pizza topped with meat, meat and more meat! It was surely a concoction of brilliance thrown onto some pitta bread. I don't know why the Italians think they're good at this, because they haven't got anything on pizza chain restaurants like Perfect Pizza. Perfect Pizza is especially good because Laura works there and we get free food. Free food is, indeed, a gift from Laura. I would've said God, but he's actually a selfish bastard. He won't let me have my own body to control, for balls' sake. Oh stop whining. So, after we watched Austin Powers we hit the hay.
Joe woke us up at the bright and early time of eleven of the clock because he had to go home. This was quite a shock, and I don't remember him saying anything about going home before going to Edwards' thingy because of some family meal thing. I feel for you mean, I really do. One delicious sammich later and we were on the road.
Edwards' BBQ
Yeah man, David's house is where it's at. Where it was at, idiot. Oh shut up, you. I immediately thought aloud, "Wow, Edwards has a bridge over his pond!" and I was amazed.
I'm going to have to be a cunt now and summarise this event for you because I'm tired and it's approaching the early hours of Monday morning, which is never a good place to be. So yeah, we fooded, we ate, we fooded and ate some more. Oh yeah, 'to food' is now a verb because they use it in German. Essen means to eat and Essen means food. So yeah, suck it. After that we sat around and chatted about various things. It was just a genuinely nice day, if I'm honest. I don't really need to talk about it, do I? It was just nice to be in this relaxed, care free area surrounded by people who weren't about to die from being in oxygen for too long rather than the moth-ball particles that old people have to breathe to survive. So yeah, I enjoyed it.
That's summarises this weekend pretty well. Now, all I have to do is to kick my internet into life again so I that I can post this blog post.
*Kick*
*Kick*
*Kick*
There it is. You didn't kick anything. There's no physical chance of you being able to kick a wireless connection. In fact, I have a better chance of kicking a wireless connection on account of the fact that I am purely made of electrical impulses. Okay, you've made your point. I don't think I have! You consistently lie to these people about actions you take to get things to work. Kicking broadband to life, sheesh. Thanks, IV, you're a real sport.
See you on the morrow.
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