Salute to Stupidity 5

Peter Duke: What's wrong is that Grantley and Ruby are gonna get together on Waterloo Road.
And there's NOTHING right about that.

Man who claims to be my father: Do you want some money?
Me: Uh... oh yeah!

Joshua Hilton: Well, after 6 long dreary tiresome months to the day, Mr and Mrs Durham University have decided that my application to study physics, which was tailor written to be perfect for the course, has been 'unsuccessful' on the grounds that they think I am either a) a Negro, b) a Molerat worshipper, or c) they wanted to be a waste of fucking time.
Cheers guys, Manchester it is
Peter Hutchinson: Well Dur... it's clearly because they don't think you've got enough Ham on your bones.
*3 Personen gefaellt das*
Joshua Hilton: That's not funny.
Peter Hutchinson: Oh you know it's funny. I can hear your screachy little laugh right now. Face it, Josh, I'm more hilarious than a baboon with a speech impediment. That's pretty damn funny.
*3 Personen gefaellt das*
Joshua Hilton: Curse you, you're right.
You are... a Class A (life threatening and hazardous) muppet
Peter Hutchinson: I see.

Peter Duke: Joshua Splodge Hilton - For reasons I can't explain, we need you to have a sex change and then have IVF to have Joe Hadden's child... ASAP would be awesome, cheers.
Peter Hutchinson: You mean I get a baby brother?!
That's a terrible idea.
Laura Mackay: Whyyy :P
Peter Hutchinson: Duh, because then I won't get as much attention.
Peter Duke: Who said it'd be a brother?
Laura Mackay: Aww, I'd make you still get the same amount of attention :3
Joshua Hilton: Hmmmmm... well as to how this came about, I must admit to a certain amount of personal scepticism, but whilst I reject your conclusion I accept your hypothesis. Me having a sex change and having Joe's baby definitely sounds like a good idea. Making sure Bugs still gets an even amount of attention, not such a good idea. If you give Bugs attention, he feeds on it like a homoerotic vampire until his neck expands and his mole venom mixing facilities (his BALLS) swell into watermelons, then become watermelons, then become watermelon flavoured starburst with milkshake for semen that most definitely brings all the boys to the yard.
Peter Hutchinson: Josh, come on. Homoerotic vampire? Now you're just being ridiculous.

Josh: K'tchair. It's what happens in Marvel when you hit someone with a chair.

One of the most simple pleasures in life is the ability to sign into MSN using my fingerprint. I feel so awesome right now it's unbelievable. 

Battling Ram is more awesome than your puney wooden pole.

Josh: Hey Joe, how are you doing? 

Joe: Oh hey... I have a hangover... I've got paint on my face and glowsticks up my arse. 

If I'm honest with you, Joe seems to have shown us his true colours. Hah, do you see? Because they're glowsticks! You really suck, IV. Shut up! What I mean is, Joe's fetish for glowsticks has really shone through. My god. I just can't comprehend how lame that was. 

"K'tcha! See, if this were a real gun, you'd be dead." 

Duke: Josh, you know how you're part metal now? You're my friend and alloy. 

Mr Tiktin: See, normally there are attractive girls waiting outside the classroom for the sixth formers. But I don't know about you. 

Mr T said this to me when I was waiting outside the Physics classroom for the guys to come out for lunch. Perfectly reasonable and definitely a witty moment for Tikkers there. 

Josh: Me and Laura just realised, well Laura realised, that since we walk you, feed you and care for you, you're our tamagotchi :)

So now I apparently have six parents. Christ this is complicated. Joe and Becca, Luke and Sophia and now Josh and Laura. As awesome as this is, it is definitely extremely confusing. I mean, who gets me for Christmas? 

Naturally I shall update later with more, but for now I have two Deutsche Prufungen to revise for. This is now a lie. I shall update as I will. Also, on the note of German exams... I'll probably do a post about it.