Let's Do it Like They Do on the Discovery Channel

That has been in my head since last night, and you know what the annoying part is? Well, let me verse it to you:
"You and me, baby, *murmur* so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!" That is as annoying as it reads. The lyric is incomplete, and my brain can't piece together the words. I had a Brain Fart, if you will.

So, I guess I'd better begin with Friday.

After an amusing chat with my biggest fans, I went home to throw on another shirt and then make my way to Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut is not next to my house, nor anywhere near. In fact, it's about 5 miles away. Walking five miles in really thick fog in the darkest dark you've ever darked, constantly worried that the next person who jogs/strides past you is definitely someone about to kill you is pretty damn tiring. I would've said scary, but what's scary about thick fog and dark? Isn't this just a scene of tranquillity?

I really couldn't see very far. 

In fact, it was so foggy, that my hair got soaked on the walk over. As fun nights go, it was a pretty fun night. I can't really report amusingly on the happenings of the evening, so fill in the blanks yourself.

Now for Saturday.

The night began with Luke randomly turning up at my house adamant that he had previously told me that it had been set in stone that he would pick me up as opposed to me organising my own way there, which I had of course done, but it mattered not. The music was slapped on straight away when we arrived at Luke's house and Luke showed us his beer-can-belt, which is a pretty awesome invention. Totally impractical if you want to sit down, but good if you don't want to carry six cans of beer in your hands at the same time. So there are ups and downs. It was mainly used for the photo-opportunity:

Yes, that's a tiger with aviators. That's pretty awesome. 

After all of the guests arrived, alcohol was quickly distributed so that people could get their drunk on. I also remember there being a lot of food. And cupcakes. And bacon rolls. And pizza. Mmm...

So, what did a tame person like me do at this party? I suppose the first thing significant to happen to me this night was this:

My battle wound.

This was caused by my pathetic skin being broken by the sharp end of a bread-stick extremely toughened skin being penetrated by a lion after I saved some small children from it.

I then completely thrashed everyone except Becca at dancing like this:

My extremely convincing robot dance. 

After the madness had died down a bit, I ran out of Strongbow (which is my favourite alcoholic beverage) so I asked Joshi of the Quach variety to try and make me some kind of alcoholic beverage. He failed and simply gave me something that was most likely alcohol and tasted like lemon. It was a fruity alcohol. I must admit I like fruity alcohol. Anyway, at this point I decided that I didn't want to ridicule myself other people through my epic dancing, and instead decided to sit down at the dinner table where other people were talking. At some point I started talking to Jess Lines, whom I don't normally talk to, and I don't see why because she's a perfectly lovely person to talk to. We got onto the topic of vegetarianism, and how she is one, and I got to use one of my Knowledges (You already know that I have five Awesomes a day, but did you know that I also have a collection of Knowledges?) and I totally dropped the bomb on the fact that a dog produces more CO2 than two 4x4s. That's just what it eats, not what it excretes. Anyway, I brought up the fact that I'm a moral vegetarian, in the sense that I occasionally feel really bad and guilty that I'm essentially eating the flesh of another animal, which is what barbarians and wolves do. If I see a whole leg of lamb in the supermarket, for example, I immediately think about how that was in fact the lamb's actual leg and it's now stripped of its fluffy fluff and replaced by environment-killing preservative-packaging. But in practise, I could never do that because Jess mentioned how you lose a lot of energy when you stop eating meat. I don't have much energy because of this weight-gain thing I've been doing. If I were to go all eco-friendly on your asses, I'd probably die. So yeah, I talked to her for what seemed like a long time and enjoyed doing so.

Uhh... what happened then... I'm not so sure. I don't think anything new and exciting happened until we walked Jess home. Well, that wasn't really exciting, but it was nice. After a hug goodbye we rejoined the party, at which point everyone was like "need... sleep..." because it was like four in the morning, and we're people who don't do staying up all night. Humans weren't built for the night. Yes, we're evolved enough to survive in the night, but we're not exactly nocturnal. If you pitted yourself against a badger, you'd lose. Yes, you may have a torch, but what's the likelihood that you'll have the speed and agility to one-up a badger? Badgers are vicious. They're also very shy. But don't piss off badgers. Bats would also help the badgers, because they both share the same first two letters. So if you piss off a badger, bats will come to its aid and you'll be royally fucked.

I think I just made a funny. 

I don't remember what I was talking about. Yeah, we pretty much went to sleep after the badger attack. I got a fantastically comfortable beanbag. You know, the kind that you and your chosen friend sit on during a social encounter. There is no such thing as a beanbag that you can comfortably sleep on. Needless to say, none of us got much sleep, apart from Dukey who was dreaming about Josh.

So yeah, that was my brilliantly brilliant weekend. And because we got up so early this morning, I was able to get loads of stuff done and not feel rushed. I didn't use that time to do work, but that's what this time is meant for. The bit after I've run out of things to do. The fact that I'm still writing this, like forty minutes after I started intending it to be a ten minute update (as I always plan to do, but fuck up because I'm far too interesting for just ten minute's worth of text) but yeah, I'm sure I'll do something. I might go to bed early, come to think about it. That wouldn't be detrimental.

Anyway, thank you for a wonderful weekend guys.
Goodnight.

Funderful Thurday

I know that funderful isn't a real word, but I asked Dukey to give me an adjective, and that is what he came up with. He's a tit. Anyway, it's Thursday here in the real world, it may be different for you.

First Lesson - Janina
This was pretty boring. We attempted to have an argument about immigration, but then Hannah broke out into an all-out rant about how England should not be in the EU. It was pretty intense. Also, for all my new outside readers, Janina is my German assistant, and every week I have a lesson with her to improve my spoken German. It doesn't work very well.

Second Lesson - DT
I was with the kids this lesson, doing my own work mind. Once again I made a model for my bike rack, but this time I had my own little bike to help me work out dimensions and stuff. While I was doing all that, the year nines were all up in my business asking me questions and here's the end result:

Weirdos.

It is fun hanging around the kids though. Well it would be, otherwise I wouldn't still be teaching them after a year of doing so.

EDIT: I forgot to explain how I got to that end point of taking that disturbing photograph. Since I had a mini bike there, all the kids suddenly thought that I had made it, and I had to say "Yes, I made it. No, of course I didn't make it you tit" a billion times, but without the profanity. Eventually I got to the point of taking photos of my model, and Casey (the blonde one) was all like "Ooh, take a picture of me!" and I was like *sigh* and then took the picture.

Third Lesson - German
I don't really think that there's anything interesting to report here. Nothing really interesting at all. I can barely even remember what we did. I'm almost certain something interesting happened in lunch though. Hmm... It might not have even happened in lunch, if I'm honest, but I'll tell the story anyway. Josh H was talking about how much better his senses are when he's with his new significant other and then he was talking about how quick and creative I already am, so that when I get a girlfriend, I'd write all of Shakespeare's works in one night. That would be pretty impressive, and I also need to test this theory. *Claps hands* Okay, I don't have the magical ability to make girlfriends appear at the clap of my hands. Darn.

Fourth Lesson - Free
This lesson was probably a waste of time. We found an empty computer room (empty apart from the year 12s that we don't mind that were in there) and they were playing this game. We were intrigued, so we downloaded it and wasted the entire lesson shooting snakes, skeletons and pirates.

That snake is so fucked. 

Fifth Lesson - Free
In an effort to waste even more time doing nothing, we wasted even more time doing nothing. I spent the majority of the lesson talking to Josh H and Jed about the hidden blade that Josh has been trying to make for a while. Needless to say, it was decided that a hidden blade would be almost impossible to make, at least to be practical. Then we joined the others, at which point Edwards' life was planned out for him. He's going to get a job as a stripper/lap dancer at a gay club, marry Bekah H and live in a huge house, where they will have parties every night and own lots of giant rabbits. Bekah will then suffocate him to death using one of the giant rabbits for the insurance money. Indeed.

Well, that was Thursday. See you soon.

The Phonetic Alphabet

I was spending some time with Becca today, and she wrote out the alphabet, and for some reason this got me thinking, "I would totally write that different." Now, as you all know, I'm a super grammar nazi, and I also absolutely love studying language and learning about its roots and such. During this time I've come to learn a lot about how the English language should actually be spelt, so here's my rendition of the alphabet:

Ayh

Bï

Scï

Dï

Ïe

Eff

Geï

Haytsch

Ei

Djay

Kay

Ell

Emm

Enn

Oh

Pï

Queue

Arr

Ess

Tï

Yü

Vï

Double-vï Yes, double-vï, not double yü. W does not look like uu, but it does look like vv

Exx

Wy

Zed It will never be zï, because of its roots. Zed derives from the French Zett, and the German Tszet. The Americans bizarrely invented the letter zï, probably because they wanted it to rhyme with the rest of the alphabet.

Now you may be wondering why I used this, ï, a lot. When I learned German, I learned that ie sounds like ee, and ei sounds like Aye. Through my own research, I then learned that a long time ago, the Germans may have used the letter ï instead of ie. That would make sense, since they place an e after letters if they can’t umlaut them. For example: ä is the same as ae, and ö is the same as oe. Therefore it only made sense if ï was replaced by ie, but I don’t know why. It is used in Dutch, and Russian (when using the Latin alphabet, of course) and you should recognise it from the word naïve.

Right, that’s the language lesson done, I apologise for not being very fun. Wait, I know exactly what will piss Dukey off. Here’s my rendition of the Gordie alphabet.

Äh

Bäh

Scäh

Däh

Äeh I know, it’s hardly any different

Eff

Geäh

Hähtsch

Ähy Again, very difficult to distinguish

Djäh

Käh

Ell

Emm

Enn

Öh

Päh

Kuyü

Ühr

Ess

Täh

Yüö

Väh

Double-yüö

Exx

Whaiy

Zähd

If that didn’t piss Dukey off, I don’t know what will. He döesn’t lähk it when ähy späek all Gördie with ‘im.

If you’re finding it difficult to understand what the Gordie accent sounds like, just read this sentence:

Ähy dön’t lahk it when they cüm över ‘ere, stählin’ ühr jöbs, and räpin’ ühr wömen. (ühr = our)

Well, that’s the language lesson done and over and done for a second time. Let’s get down to a small amount of real blogging.

*Dramatic music*

*Types away furiously at the keyboard, chronicling his thoughts and feelings and then showing them to the world*

*Vinyl squeak noise*

Okay, I have only one real thing to say. Remember how the other day I was like all worried and shit that my kids were being all “Peter fancies Courtney” and then I heard one of them excitedly say “She said yes!” and then I got super paranoid. Well, I was paranoid for a reason.

Casey: Are you still going out with Courtney?

Me: *Confused, but still managing to look evil, glare*

That wasn’t really an extensive conversation, but I have spoken to Courtney on several occasions today, and it seems that these kids are playing me for a fool. She has not said a word regarding the subject, and she’s being as lovely as ever. I felt I needed to talk to her about it, but after I had a conversation with her as we were walking towards our respective homes after getting off the bus, I knew that she had no part to do with it. If she does, I’ll be annoyed. But I’m pretty sure she doesn’t.

There’s also a huge possibility that my kids think that I’m going out with Becca (but naturally I'll inform them otherwise if they ask), which should hopefully throw them off thinking that I fancy Courtney, but she’s not like a bit of cake. I only ever fancy a bit of cake. I fancy a bit of cake, coming to think about it.

I’m sure I was supposed to expand on a point in that last paragraph, but now all I can think about is cake. Shit, we might not even have cake at home right now. We finished the remaining cake at the weekend. NOOO! CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I take pride in this picture. Yes, that person is colourless, but I didn't want to offend anyone.

Hutch out.

PS: I have 799 blog views. 788 of those are from Grande Britagne, and another 6 from America. That means that five views are from a country that doesn't exist. Who are you? Why don't you exist within a country? Unless... :O You're French! No one would happily disclose that information, so you simply hid that fact! Or you're an alien. Either/or.

PPS: I found some cake. It was at the back of the cupboard. It was a regular sponge cake covered in chocolate, and it was beautiful.

PPPS: Apparently I was wrong about the word naive. It is actually French, but they stole the umlaut rule from Dutch. Thank you, Westie.

PPPPS: The number of P's is getting ridiculous. I've never even seen someone go beyond PPS. In fact, PPPS and PPPPS probably aren't even things. 

I Made a Picture for You!

I really wanted to post today, but I had the fear of it being an unscheduled My Day post, and therefore I couldn't. But then I looked back at Blog Roll: Now with Aloe-Vera! and realised that I could totally draw a donkey bridge based on my description. So, here it is:

As you can quite plainly see, donkey bridges are awesome. It's true that the donkey takes up pretty much the entire bridge, and it's also true that the donkey is smoking. Smoking is bad for your health, but damn that donkey looks cool. I mean, look at that top hat, and that tuxedo. I think I should have probably let someone good at art do this, but hey, I needed a challenge. Blogging is much more fun when you have an ulterior, donkey-related motive. One day I'll get good at these drawings, and then the world will be mine. *Subtle, but undoubtedly evil laugh*

This brings me on nicely to something that happened to me today. In fact, there is literally no relation between this event and the donkey bridge, but maybe he can help you along the way.

In my DT lesson today I got-a-talking to the year nines doing engineering, and in particular Casey and one of the ones whose name I can't remember. In fact, I don't even know why I want to talk about this, because while I enjoyed talking to the, they did annoy me by continuing the infamous "Peter fancies Courtney" routine. It's annoying. However, I did get to perfectly justify myself, and my reasons for not liking this girl. Age was simply the best thing I could come up with, and I didn't once think to say, "You're my kids. I see you as these little people I have to look after," and I made up shit about maturity. They're pretty immature, but they're also probably more mature than most people I know, so yeah. They then asked who my ideal girl would be, so I promptly made up shit about a gorgeous girl I know, because in reality I don't actually like any particular person because everyone is different and I can't really afford to be picky. That seemed to get them off my back a little bit though. Although one of them ran up and said "Courtney said yes!" and now I'm super paranoid and afraid that evil Satan monsters will eat me because they don't ever listen to the source, just the rumour, and I couldn't handle that. It's okay for fat people; they don't feel much, but since I'm thin, I'd feel the meat being torn off my bones. I don't want to be eaten by evil Satan monsters and therefore I need to rectify this situation. Or of course there might not be a situation and I don't need to worry.

Evil Satan monsters are evil.

I have a German essay to do.

Shit.

It's like 00:10. Ten minutes past zero. It's far too late to start work now. I should've done it earlier, but I procrastinated and procrastinated, and then I drew a donkey bridge and then I wrote this blog post. Darn.

My German teacher better like that donkey bridge.

Mittwoch Wednesday

Yeah, I know what it says. But I think it makes a bold statement about the fact that it is Wednesday, and the title just reaffirms that. Twice.

First Lesson - Deutsch
I do love German, however I'd be repeating myself if I told you what happened in this lesson. Just because it'd be boring to repeat it, doesn't make the lesson not interesting. Every lesson of German is super interesting and I learn a lot about Germany, the language, the culture and oddly enough the English government and the state of our contribution to protecting the environment.

This here is a man who knows his shit.

Second Lesson - Media
I began my fourth poster today, in order to try and finalise this project. However, finalising this project means finalising this project, and never doing it again. Why would I want to finish something so beautiful? I know you may be confused, but there are so many things that I want to get out of the way and done. Media is not one of these things. I want to continue doing that forever and ever. I never want to stop. The day I stop Media will be the day that the A is handed to me, and then I go off to Uni to more Media. I'm also constantly doing stuff for RichChief, which is a medium, and therefore I can't and won't stop with my creative juices impregnating today's society and producing little baby media, which I will then raise to become the best media they can be. Metaphor all over your ass there.

Third Lesson - Free
I know I did my personal statement and UCAS in this lesson, and I also know that Quach and Harry were trying to write a script for some kind of Deadliest Warrior thing that they plan to do. I, for one, think that this is a foolish venture and can only possibly end badly. However, it could also be argued that I'm the best Media student, and therefore know about this shit. You're right, I was indeed about to contradict myself, but I decided not to, and go ahead and render the word 'however' obsolete in that last sentence. Represent.

Fourth Lesson - Teaching
As annoying as some of the kids are in my current class, I do enjoy teaching them. Yes, they can be dickheads, but at least they know when I'm being serious. Sometimes. Brandon (he's basically Chris McGhee without the mole) is one of those kids who is slightly taller than I am, and thus feels it necessary to try and be on my level. Obviously I can't allow this, so while he's attempting to shake my hand constantly or (in the case of today) put his arm around me, I play all iron fist (whatever that means) and tell him as subtly as possible that he's an arsehole. Aside from that, it was Jess's birthday today *party pop* and as such I gave her no particular special treatment apart from being a little biased towards helping her. Hey, I'm a giver, it's the least I could do. I also got to know Jaygun's sister (I think this one's Travis, but don't take my word for it because I have no idea) and that girl who looks a little bit like Lana Lang from Smallville (and also I don't know her name) a little better since neither of them have taken special interest in my teachings before. However, today I pushed the boat out a little because that girl who looks a lot like Lana Lang from Smallville was totally cutting wood wrong. "You can cut wood wrong?" Yes. Yes you can. Very wrong. So yeah, I've just made two new friends.

Fifth Lesson - DT
This lesson wasn't so bad either. I could describe what happened, or I could do this:

That is a model of a chair with goggles and other various items balanced on it. 

"I've found it! After all these years I've finally found... the Bracket of Destiny."

And this is Westie wearing two pairs of goggles. 

I apologise for those pictures coming out weird, but you must understand how huge these images are. They're huge. Anyway, aside from this, I helped out the kids in the other room, because they totally needed my help. 

So, Wednesday didn't shape up to be a bad day, did it? More My Day blog next week. 

Peace out. 

Happy 705th Pageview!

Okay, so I totally missed the 700th pageview, but instead of missing a huge opportunity like that, I'm going to go ahead and offer the person who last looked at this blog A MASSIVE YACHT.

Google doesn't recognise the word YACHT.

Anyway, if you'd like an interpretation of what A MASSIVE YACHT looks like, here it is:

That's a pretty massive yacht.

I also made Google understand that the word 'yacht' is a real word and it will no longer bother me.

Congratulations, 705th reader, your MASSIVE YACHT will be in the post.

It may or may not be just that picture of A MASSIVE YACHT.

I hope you weren't expecting anything else from this post.

Peace out.

I am the Saviour

You know already, that I the Messiah am (whoa, German grammar creeping into English there) but did you also know that I'm also the saviour of a mystical kingdom that may or may not be Corkwood? I don't think it is Corkwood, because that's entirely different to what happened in this dream.

Yes, you did hear that right. I had a dream. I was well chuffed when I woke up, that I went back to sleep to continue the dream! And it worked! Whoo! Let me tell you what happened.

Two kingdoms were at war, but on a much smaller scale than you might think. Imagine the map Avalanche from Halo 3, it was about that sort of scale. My team were the good guys, and we were fighting these guys that were probably known as the Rebels. The name "Rebels" was thrown about a bit during this dream sequence. Anyway, to bring you back to the scene, this was based around the medieval period, so everyone was armed with swords and suits of armour. Apart from I, who had a sword and a lightsabre. So basically, what happened for the first part of the dream was essentially me kicking ass with my sword in one hand parrying like crazy, and my lightsabre in the other cutting everyone up like a honey badger with a vengeance. Eventually the two teams retreated back to their castles/ditches/villages/kingdoms, I don't know that part. The 'bases' were in ditches reminiscent of Machu Picchu.

The camera then cut to the Rebels (my dreams rarely follow me in first person, especially during action sequences) and it appeared that they had a bit of a problem on their hands. Inside their base was Frau Hibberd and a robot army. I don't know why Frau Hibberd has a robot army, but just run with it. So they were all like "Damn" and didn't know what to do. A third enemy had just put itself into the equation, thus rendering the realm of my dream a three-way war of death. At this point I discovered an objective, it was a little hazy in the earlier part of the dream, and that's why I didn't mention it before. Basically, every now and then when some one died, they dropped a scroll, and at this moment I discovered that the scroll they were now inspecting had a map of their base and the surrounding area, so I totally darted in, cut a few of them up, stole the scroll and took it back to base.

Back at base we started looking at the scroll, and then another plot element revealed itself. Apparently the Rebels had some kind of epic monster/giant thing (again, I don't know, this part was hazy) that they were planning to use against us. I was all like "We're a bit screwed, we don't have anything that can fight that" and then my general was all like "But you are its equal" and then a large, morale-boosting speech happened and I was totally motivated to kick some more ass.

I then kicked some more ass.

I then woke up at about quarter to ten, turned my phone on and then decided that I had just had the most awesome dream of all time, so upon discovering it was 09:44, I went back to sleep, to try and finish the dream, and thus it continued.

While I was kicking ass on the battlefield, my mind had started following this monk/wizard guy who I totally thought was me but with a long beard. He was in this alleyway-type thing, and before him stood a large gate but next to him was a dude who was all like, "But over here is paradise. You could step through that gate and determine the fate of the world, or just relax it in paradise."

The guy I was following was all like, "No, I have to save this place. Besides, it doesn't look that great anyway."

This 'paradise' had luscious green fields, trees, bushes and a church with a design inspired by Assassin's Creed. Then the other guy started to sell the idea of paradise by producing large branches which apparently the monk/wizard guy loved, because he was then all like, "Fine, I'll stay for a bit."

The end.

I don't think I can leave it there though. While I'm cutting people up, the monk/wizard guy is about to have the time of his life in paradise. I think it's now up to me to convince the monk/wizard guy to not stay in paradise, and go through the gate, possibly with me to determine the fate of the world. Also, what the fuck happened with the robots? And the epic monster/giant guy? Too many questions.

Blogging 101

Do you see what I did there? That's quite funny.

I'm sat here in the library wondering why I would even need to update my blog, but something has been bothering my mind, killing my brain and generally making me miserable. Would you like me to ruin the train of happy fun posts? No, you wouldn't, but I feel it necessary. Don't worry though, I'll try and round it off with something joyous and wonderful. It'd be like teaching you how to properly structure a blog post.

1. Introduce your topic in a fun and interesting matter. Getting straight to the point is overrated. Make your reader want to find out want on Earth you're not currently ranting about.

I have already done this.

2. Get to the point.

I'll do that now.

The person in question (I know there is no question, because I said it was something bothering me, but fuck off) used to be my super best friend and she knows everything about me. Or at least used to. Now as I'm sure you'll readily know, I literally can't let go of people who know everything there is to know about me, because of some weird-ass emotional connection I have to these people. I know they definitely don't feel the same way about me, and the person in question seems to want to drift away from me. It's disturbing. I saw this coming, but I can't bring myself to accept it. We were super best friends once, and that sort of thing doesn't disappear from my mind ever. I don't like it one bit. I absolutely do not know what I would do if other super best friends who know everything about me were to start drifting away from me. I can't deal with that shit. Remember how I lost my dog? Yeah, it'd be like that.

3. Continue rant or move on.

I apologise for that, but it needed to be said. I'm an emotional person. Okay, no I'm not. More-so now than ever before because I actually have rapid changes between happiness and sadness rather than the shitty phase of either passive or aggressive. Neither are good.

4. Round it off or go off on a tangent

Hey, you know what this post needs? Something happy and joyful to help cheer you up after reading that trash up there.

A lion and a polar bear had a shack together in the Rocky Mountains because they couldn't stand the monotony of their current environments. Let me explain.

The polar bear was all like "It's a bit chilly out here, I'll head south. At least then I know I don't have to balance on ice sheets that are slowly heading away from my family." Incidentally, that's how he got to America.

The lion was all like, "I'm tired of having to find meat. I wish I could go and live with something like a polar bear in a shack in the Rocky Mountains." So he got on the first plane to a polar bear in a shack in the Rocky Mountains (at this point in time, planes had very specific destinations).

Anyway, an interesting story about hunters, darts and tearing the ranger limb from limb happened, but I feel like this post is getting on a bit now, and you know what I get like when I go off on tangent. See: Tangents
(I would link it, but for the life of me I have no idea how to)

5. After that weird tangent, decide that it's finally time to call it a day and get the hell out of there before the audience gets angry at the fact that you started a story about a polar bear and a lion and didn't continue or conclude it.

I'm very sorry for this blatent disregard of your feelings towards my about-to-be-awesome story about a polar bear and a lion.
I hope you enjoyed my guide-within-a-blog, and to be honest, the only reason I did it is so that I could have 101 in the title because this is the official one hundred and first post! Woo!

*Party pop*

I'll catch you soon.

Happy 100th Post!

Okay, so I deleted that shitty shit thing that took up far too much of my time and is too long to read, so instead I'm going to go ahead and celebrate my official 100th post!

*Party pop*

Well, well. How did I possibly manage to get this far? Not on drugs, that's for sure. Let me cast your minds back to February.

"In the beginning...
... exciting story about the heavens and the Earth/some huge explosion.

Hi, I'm the Wolf.
I'd like to say what my actual name is, but stuff and stuff about identity and people finding out about stuff.

Anyway, let's start with a little about me whatsit
...

Okay, I give up, I'll just do some kind of thing about something or nothing

Also, I apologise for being a little something, but I can't be bothered proofreading and stuff so I'm just going to type stuff as I think it - best way to blog in my view.

Right, here's me and my life in a short little niblet:
I'm a self-loathing, self-harming, jealous, depressive, too-skinny-for-my-own-good idiot who follows girls around like there's no tomorrow.
I hate my family, I have only one parent and one grandparent, plus my two brothers = the only direct family I have.

On the other hand I am always happy when with my actual family, those-lot-that-I-love.
At these moments I am an accepted member of society with goals and attributes that can actually be marked down as something acceptable, or other ramble.

Anyway, that's my ramble about myself, if whatever vague
I'm welcome to questioning, so fire away.

Wow, that's certainly something. It seems I've changed since then. I have become a better, happier and more functional person. I just copied and pasted a post that wasn't totally awesome, so you can see where I'm coming from here. Back then I was all depressed for no reason and even resorted to self-harming, which is totally not the way to go. You should punish yourself if you find that you want to harm yourself. Yes, I do realise the irony of that statement.

But what about now? Well, just look at my recent blog posts and you'll realise that I'm hilarious and full of surprises. And hey, I couldn't have done it without you guys. You guys are great, and I often refer to you as my real family. That's because I feel a real family should be open and honest with each other, and should also know when it's appropriate to wake me up. Ten minutes before my alarm goes off is not acceptable, people I have to live with. I would gladly swap this adoptive family for you guys. In fact, I must say I'm far more comfortable in some other people's houses than my own because I can talk to their parents and not feel alienated. I think a good example of this was when I went to Luke's house for the night, and his parents were super cool and it felt homely. This is also how I feel at Joe's house, because that pretty much is my second home.

I have talked about how you guys influence me and make me happy in a previous blog post, so I won't do that again, but last time I didn't have these people:

Josh + Maisie
What amazing people you are to hang around with. I haven't been super best friends with either of you for very long, but the past few months of being super best friends with you have been super awesome. You even invited me to spend time with you on a Friday afternoon! That's like your love-making time and you totally gave that up because you didn't want me to stay in school. You're both so totally awesome.

Josh Hilton
I haven't been super best friends with you for very long either, but your craziness coupled with my ... charisma certainly makes for a good time at any time for any length of time. Berlin was probably the start of our super best friendship, and we totally divulged all to each other. I'm happy that you feel that you can confide everything in me and if anything interesting ever happened in my life, I'd totally be happy to confide in you as well. Aside from that, you're hilarious and you never cease to amaze me with... whatever you apparently amaze me with.

Dreams

Last blog post I said that I don't dream. While that's the case now, I did certainly once dream when I was younger than I currently am, so I'm going to take you through all the weird-ass dreams that I can remember and hopefully all this talk of dreams will suddenly make me dream about dreaming, which in turn will cause me to dream. Found a way around you, mind.

The first dream takes us back many many years into the distant past. I don't normally ever mention my childhood, because it was pretty shit and not really what a childhood should be... but we'll soldier on. The dream in question consists of a world entirely consisting of me. Picture the scene, you're in a city (well not you, but me you, as in you but me, as in me but you're you but me), the buildings are tall, the road system is horrendously complicated and it's actually quite a lot like Metropolis from the old Adventures of Superman. One of me got trapped under a wall or something, and then a super-me flew in to save me. I don't remember what happened to me, but I'm pretty sure I was fine. Anyone who is anyone who reads this blog knows that I'm quite a solitary person, my family not being my real family because you're my real family and therefore I was forced to ignore these arseholes that parade around what should be our house pretending it's theirs. I don't know if that has anything to do with this, but hey, a world of me would be pretty good, wouldn't it? No wait, I'm a man, that would be shit.

The second dream is also in the past, and only remember it because of how vivid it is. In this dream my house was essentially haunted, and I was running through it trying not to be eaten and such. The first incident I remember is me looking up my staircase, and then a black cat pounced at me. Now regularly you'd expect that this would be the point where I'd say I shat myself, but I didn't. I just watched as if I was a passive observer, but I was still pretty freaked out because this cat had just pounced at me. Soon enough I ended up in the conservatory, where a huge-ass vampire-bat, winged-devil thing flew down and totally like snarled at me with his someone-needs-to-eat-less-raw-meat bloody teeth and that's all I remember.

Now I bring you into more recent times. Some parts of the dream best be left a little censored because they involve people you may know and might tell them about it, and I wouldn't want that. And no, this is not an excuse for you to be all like "Oh we won't tell anyone, just say!" because there's no point because it's just a dream and means literally nothing except this obviously means something but I don't care just don't ask because I already know the meaning of it and therefore you don't need to question it I believe I've made myself clear but if I haven't I'd gladly repeat what I just said. Good. Anyway, the dream starts in the school cafeteria, I'm with some friends (namely Deromi, Jonny, Lauren and co), and the school cafeteria morphs into a regular, varnished-wood looking one in some kind of café or similar place. So I'm getting my food, I don't remember what I got. It's also important to note that this place doesn't have a fourth wall, and it kind of just fades into a field. But yeah, I was for some reason or another having a fight with this guy, and we can both apparently use super speed to run at each other but somehow never hit each other. Or I hit him and won. I don't know. Then the Angel of the North falls down off its hill and crashes down next to us. We're fine. Then for some reason that becomes like a table thing to sit around in the crater it just made, and I apparently started to get snuggly with someone and someone else gets angry. You could take five guesses at who those people are, and maybe get one right, but there's no point because of that speech. All of my dreams in recent years have been this same incoherent nonsense; this is the only one I remember in any detail mind.

In another dream Joe, Becca and I are in some kind of pinball thing. But aside from the obvious hilarity of trying to get through a maze while being chased by huge-ass shiny balls, I don't think I should mention what happens. It's super awkward.

All other recent dreams that I have any slight recollection of have been sex dreams and they're not worth mentioning at all in the slightest. Although in one dream the school became a sex school. Where PHSE is all about getting your first kiss and fingering class is all about... well fingering. That's kind of weird. This is why I didn't want to discuss this. Eugh. Get yourselves wiped off because we need to get serious again.

So, those are three (and kind of a fourth) dreams that I remember and probably worth making a note of just to prove to myself that I do have dreams and that I'm not some sort of inhuman freak.
Hutch out.