I'm NOt Gonne Lie to DYou

I'm actually pretty drunk right now.

The reston?

I mean uh... the reason?

Well, I went to the pub, and then I went to the bluc. I mean club. That's what I mean.t Honest.

I'm actually being honest though. You don't even have to id me or nothing' for it.

Ah man, I can't hear a fucking thing.

But even so, I have completely deduced that going to clubs isn't like the best or idea or nthing or nothign. It's stupid, really. It's exactly as I predicted. it was only really worth going to see Ben Cotton get dunked into a ... tank of water? Yeah, I suppose it was that. I didn't have my glasses on, and they wouldn't have really made a different because it was fucking dark. You know that kind of dark where you can kind of see because there are multicoloured beams of light flashing across your vision every second or so? Yeah, that kind of vision. Felt a bit light daredevil, really. Except if Davedevil went to a club, he'd be fucked.

Anyway, it was the Demon Media social event. Tha'ts why I'm deaf and drunk. Because what's more sociable than getting a little bit drunk in a pub, going to a club, drinking while being deafened, then pretend like you can dance on the dance floor for a while, all the while continuing to be deafened and then being compeltely bombarded every second by people who don't knwo the meaning of the word "exucse me?"

I suppose excuse me is two words. I also suppose I wouldn't have heard them anyway because my bat senses weren't tingling.

You know why they weren't tingling? Because I couldn't hear anything.

If I want to keep my bat senses tingling, then I'm going to have to not attend one of these "club" thigns that you kids like so much very often.

Anyway.

Hah! I called him Davedevil! What a fun parody of Daredevil that would be. Instead of him being a superhero who has super hearing and ultra-mega reflexes, he's just a regular guy called Dave who has super mega hearing and awesome reflexes. He just uses them to get along with his daily life really. He doesn't want any fuss. He's just a Davedevil.

So. Bosoms. Pretty cool, eh?

Ben Cotton got dunked. Did I mention that?

Oh, I could become a DSU exec by default if I sign up to be ah fuck my ears are ringing. Anyway, I could be ... fuck, what was it? The head of Production at Demon TV. That's it. I'd be the one in-charge of cameras and stuff and cool and I get my own office and a gold card which gives me free admission into Level 1 at the DSU! How awesome and cool is that? That's pretty awesome and cool. Cool and awesome.

Oh fuck! I have a lecture in the morning. Wait, now I don't. Ahh, you see what I did there? I made an executive decision, necause of course I could be a DSU executive soon, to not wake up in the morning, and therefore I can't possibly have a lecture at that time because I'll be asleep.

Oops. I'm starting to sober up a little, and I'm realising that I'd made a duck load of spelling and grammar errors.

Althoguh on the other hand, [redacted] is fucking hot.

Okay, I'm sober enough to redact things that could get me into trouble. A little bit.

Anyway, why do only fools and horse work balalala. Balalala la. Lalala lala. Lalalala la. Badadada. Badadada da.

Uh... Oh, I'm pretty sure I didn't get that job I was hoping to get so that sucks.

Other than that, [redacted]'s true identity is... ahhh! Got you.

God I shouldn't be pushing buttons like that. I know I'll regret it tomorrow when I get one quadrillion thousand million hundred billion messages asking me about it.

That number is so real.

Pete out.

Salute to Stupidity: Australian Meat Special

Me: "Hey, Josh, I just searched kangaroo steak in Google and the first result was for eBay and the result said 'kangaroo steak - great prices on string instruments'."

Me: "Oh hey, look at what meats you can get in Australia! Ostrich, kangaroo, crocodile, locusts, snails, venison, wild boar, bison, rattlesnake, buffalo, zebra, springbok whatever the hell that is, blesbok whatever the hell that is, kudu, eland, IMPAILER! Wildebeest..."
Josh: "Hutchy, it's impala."
Me: "No it isn't! Oh wait, yeah, I suppose that makes more sense..."

Me: "Swedish? How did google translate detect kangaroo meat as Swedish? Maybe it's because the Swedish like strange meat."

Welcome to the Internet, Ethiopia

There is actually a back story behind this potentially racist blog post title. Trust me.

You see the other day I was checking my blog stats and for that day I saw that I had a single view from Ethiopia. This surprised me, mainly because I've never had a single view from Africa. The first thing I had to do was inform Josh, the potentially racist but in a non-hating way individual who thinks most of Africa is a barren wasteland. He certainly wasn't expecting a person in Ethiopia to go on the internet and view my blog.

Cue Salute to Stupidity: Ethiopia Has Internet Special
Me: "Put your previous judgements aside, Ethiopia actually has technology! See I know this because I got a view from the country today."
Josh: "Hold on, Ethiopia? What could they... okay, previous judgements aside, what have they done?"
Me: "They viewed my blog. Not just technology, Josh, but internet too. And they use Safari, Chrome or Firefox. Specifically not IE though."
Josh: "Hmm, maybe I've been quick to judge them. But one computer with internets in the whole country isn't breaking the bank. At lease they had the sense not to use IE though."
Me: "Indeed. And if all other observations are to go by, they found me using google.com. I don't think they have their own Google domain yet."
Josh: "Sure they do! I believe it's www.google.poorasfuck"
Me: "Ah, now Joshua. Now that they've viewed my blog we can officially welcome Ethiopia to the internet. I don't want any of that from you at the punch bowl, okay?"
Josh: "Okay, I'll behave myself. They get a new domain then, say google.stillcomparitivelypoorcomparedtogeneralsocietybuthigherinmyestimationsthanioriginallygavethemcreditforafteralltheyfinallyfoundthebestblogeverwiththepoweroftheinternet."
Me: "I think they'll appreciate the effort you've made. Now come on, we've got a party to set up (aka, this is so becoming a blog post for tomorrow)."
Josh: "Well there has to be finger food, but as this is Ethiopia they're not quite used to the concept of a buffet, so I think we're going to need some exotic stuff. Maybe some badger cutlets, wombat carpaccio, maybe even some roasted tapir with stuffing and roast potatoes. And we're going to need to give Ethiopia a party bag, which in turn has to contain at least one penny whistle. And we should have a small army of cheap labour dressed as gorillas to make them feel at home, potentially someone dressed as a tree, although the tree has no relevance, just so he can go 'tree powers, activate!'"
Me: "Sure thing. Just remind me to quote all of this at like midday. No wait, I've been drinking so make it about one you remind me."
Josh: "Okay then, sure thing bromeslice. (FYI, Bromeslice is the new ethnic lingo I coined to combine the two levels of the outer and inner 'hood'. One can combine the very ethnic 'brother' with the less ethnic 'homeslice' to achieve a perfect racial balance, 'Bromeslice').

Just to put it out there to how dedicated to this single idea Josh is, that was all said via text message. Sometimes I think he has a very generous amount of time to spare. But then again, I just wrote all of that out and I'm about to do write some more stuff out that probably is a complete waste of time, so I suppose it can be said that I too have a very generous amount of time to spare. But hey, it's all worth it.

Wait, this isn't time to spare, this is my job. Kind of. Hobby, we'll call it a hobby. It's like a job, but you don't get paid for it, you enjoy it, and there's a h, lack of a j, and extra b and a y to account for.

So, let's do this. Get your party hats on.

And yes, this is so happening.

This will be the best party ever.

I think that wraps up that party quite nicely.

If you have been offended by any of the stereotyping displayed in today's blog post, then you are one of the stereotypes presented yourself. Take a look at yourself in the mirror, take off whatever nation-related hat that you might be wearing, and become your person.

Bless you.

Pete out.

That Thing I Did on "Live" TV

Here's that thing that I did "live" on TV!

That thumbnail makes it look like the Bodge Day thing. It isn't, I swear. Josh apparently found me to be quite funny in this video, but I don't see it. Apart from that bit at the end after the credits where I make everyone laugh, but that's just ... you know. Although I was also apparently making my co-host laugh because of how dry and bluntly I was saying everything. But when the auto-cue gives you a follow-up to an amazing introduction with the words "Yes hello, I'm Peter", I literally had no other choice but to try and make that in the least bit amusing, otherwise my life simply isn't worth living.

Also I revealed the existence of my blog to a total stranger today, which is something I've never done. It's kind of weird, really. Louis (my flatmate) had his girlfriend over and the three of us ended up walking to town together. Louis asked me about what modules I had for my course and of course I talked about the maths module and the website module and the photography module and then the blog module came up. I didn't realise how connected to this course I was. At the beginning of the modules it was like "Used Photoshop before? I'm a fucking master of Photoshop. Maths? Yeah, I can do that. Blogging? Please, I'm the king of the internet." So I obviously said that I was already a blogger and they said, "Oh cool." That's not the first reaction I normally get about blogging. Louis' girlfriend described how a couple of her friends kept blogs that were just depressing, but since I had explained that mine was about being awesome and new and fresh, it made me sound like the best person in the world.

So yeah, that was a new experience.

Oh, I should mention this here I suppose. I've been dabbling in the idea of making a vlog, that I'll obviously post on here, in which I just read what I've written on my blog because I can't make up stuff on the spot and be funny. You know, "haha, what a funny joke" funny and not, "ew, look at the growths on that man's face. And then look at his malformed penis that he just randomly has hanging out" funny. But yeah, I think I'll probably start releasing it once I finally have a new design for this blog pinned down. Again, I'm going to remind you because the last time I made a post about the redesign, someone clicked "Love it!" which, while very nice of them, is less helpful to me than a sheep made of granite.
"But then you can sheer granite! That would be insanely useful!"
No, audience, you can't sheer granite. The sheep would simply die from the weight of its own self. I know it's a bit of a morbid thought, but that would be the utter truth.
"But what if the sheep didn't gain any weight at all, and the granite was just wiry like wool?"
Well in that case, shut up.

You can't have sheep made of granite.

I hate you.

Pete out.

My First Shoot with Demon TV

You know how I do that thing where I film stuff and claim that it's TV? Enjoy.

I know the credits are bad, but I didn't edit it so shush.

In any case, this is what I do now.

EDIT: 
FUCKING LOOK AT THIS!

That's the thing that I did on Bodge Day! It's the best thing ever!
It features me as the voice talents of David Attenborough, by the way.

Pete out.

I've Just Been Live on TV!

Cliché University Stuff: YouTube as a Social Network: "Yes, sometimes I do actual work on here. How is YouTube a social network? A social network can be described as any place people congrega..."

If there were ever a bigger lie.

Also check out the work I did in today's lab session. I think it effectively demonstrates how good I am at this Media lark.

Anyway, first I'd like to talk about my job interview, because that's massively off-topic and not at all what you wanted to hear about.

"Oh but Peter, of course we'd want to know about your job interview!"

Oh, you're too kind, audience.

Basically, earlier I had to describe my life in one minute as part of the application process of becoming a student ambassador. The other people who went before me had things prepared and did really well and were being asked very appropriate questions. I started with, "Hi I'm Peter and I didn't prepare anything so I'm just going to do this off the bat," and it got me a laugh, which is always good. I think I did quite well. I talked about how I mentored my kids, and what subjects I took, and what I'm interested in, and the fact that I run my own YouTube channel, and how I also did the reading leader programme to help kids to read. Now this is an example of how the world hates me. There I was talking about what a wonderful person I was and how I'd done all of these amazing things and I get asked the question, "What do you think you could bring to the student ambassador team?" WHAT!? That's the single stupidest question I've ever heard. "I can give you a kick in the teeth, if you'd like," I thought. I blanked, which is the worst thing to do in this situation. Luckily one of the interviewers narrowed down the question for me by asking me what my skills are, so I then got back on track. Mid-way through my speech I said, "But I'm not so good at answering open questions like... what do you think you could bring to the student ambassador team?" and that got me another laugh, so that was good.

I got the most laughs, but I also had the worst pitch thanks to that stupid question. I find out on Monday whether or not I got through to the next stage. I'm not going to get my hopes up after that.

Anyway, so that was earlier.

Also earlier I went out for a drink with one of my course mates, James, and we fired up his Macbook in the pub to watch Fresher's TV live! It was tense, since we couldn't hear anything because we were in a pub and also the streaming speed was so awful that the video kept jumping. But soon later we saw the map zoom in on Southampton and we watched ourselves on TV. This was surprising to us, because we're not based in Southampton. In any case, we then saw the words, "Live from DeMontfort University!" pop up and we were watching ourselves as we were in a studio doing the exact thing that we were rehearsing last week. I don't know how we managed it, but we actually managed to be in the pub and on set at the same time. It was quite an achievement.

If you missed it, don't fret because everything on the internet gets rereleased and so I'm sure I'll be able to link you soon.

Pete out. 

My Weekend at Home

As seems to be the custom that I'm suddenly aware of, going back to your home town after about three weeks is quite the trend here in Leicester. I decided to jump on the band wagon as well, and go home.

Oh but first, let me show you the sweet new ride I got driven home in:

How cool is that?

When my Dad phoned me the other week he said,
"Yeah I've sold the Z3..."
Oh now why did you go and do something stupid like that you silly old man?
"So I've gone and bought a Z4."
Recent sins: absolved. Well done.

It's a wonderful car, not only to look at, but to be in as well. Kind of like - nope. You're not allowed to make a sick joke here. It's forbidden. Oh you spoil sport. Someone could've been offended. I'm just making sure you don't get a lawsuit or something. Oh you're such a cynic. Oh that's just a pile of shit. Case and point.

So yeah, the main purpose of going home was to see Josh, Dukey and Josh's Laura again, but also to see the new Jonny English film as well. You know what? We were organising the day, exactly as we normally do. We told Dukey that the film started half an hour before it did so he'd be on time, and he still managed to be late. So even that made it feel like we hadn't been apart at all. In fact, nothing seems to have changed. Josh is still Josh with his hat. No wait, Dukey has money now. We all have money now. That's different.

So we went to go and see Jonny English: Reborn. It's a very good film. Definitely worth the £7.55 we paid. It's action packed, hilariously ridiculous, stupid, and just everything else you can expect from a film of this calibre. And you know what else it had? A near-to-original plot-line. You don't really get that, especially with spoofs. In fact, I'd say spoofs have more original plot-lines that the serious ones... because they can just be more... wild with the science and such. To criticise it I'd say that it wasn't better than the first one. It wasn't much worse, but I don't think that overall it was better. I also found it very predictable at times, but hey, who am I to complain? It was flapping hilarious.

So after that Dukey lost his car keys. Hahahahahaha. This was not funny. Of all the things in the world that you could lose, why the keys? But never mind the why, just the how the hell we got out of there. Laura's Michael nearly killed us to death in his car, that's how. It's always an experience with Michael at the wheel of the car. This time his fancy trick was to reboot the car while travelling at 90mph on the A14... multiple times.

So that was fun.

It's also kind of late and I need to read some stuff before bed tonight so I'm ready for lectures tomorrow. I'll update this... tomorrow morning.

Anyway, after we got back in Dukey's car we went to Josh's Isham house to retrieve some things and I had a great conversation with his dad about how things were going at Uni and such and such. We then went to Josh's Burton Latimer house and talked to his mum and Dave for a while about stuff. We then went to get Indian, as in the food stuff not as in we grabbed an Indian bloke or we became Indian, no, definitely the food. It was all very lovely, if not a bit too much to eat in one sitting. We then went to Dukey's house to see his new program and got distracted by crossbows and Geiger counters and all the other crap that's just sitting in the Duke family's garage. We then back to Burton to find Josh's mum and Dave drunk in the living room watching Comedy Central, so we joined them. They let me try this Grouse whiskey which you store in the freezer so that it has the consistency of very runny honey when you serve it, and it is a mighty drink. Because it's -20 it removes the usual burning sensation that you get from whiskey so that it tastes so much better. Holding it is a pain because it feels like holding ice, but the taste is glorious. They then gave me the last of their Jack Daniels because they're just nice people. I didn't even ask for it. So that was all lovely.

I went home the next morning expecting to have a nice Sunday roast which would boost my health levels from clinically dead to just alive but it was actually just like a usual family dinner. The vegetables were badly cooked, the potatoes weren't very nice, the yorkshire pudding is just mediocre and the chicken was ... okay I guess.

In any case, I had a great time reuniting myself with a very small portion of my Real Family, and almost the entire cast of Granite Moths. It was fun.

Pete out.

I Feel Like Death

Bear with me, blog fans, I can barely feel my extremities. Basically, I have a massive headache, I'm hungry but I don't want to eat, I'm thirsty but I don't want to drink, my back really hurts, I can barely feel my limbs and my hearing is shot. I don't know what illness you can categorise that under, and I don't really care.

I'm just under the realisation that being ill here, at Uni, is at least ten times better than being ill at home. You see here, no one can actually make a fuss of me because my room is locked and I can spend as long as I want in bed. At home I'd always be expected to get up before midday and do stuff. So it's two o'clock, I've already missed lecture and in an hour I'm going to have missed another.

Also, if I was at home then they'd recommend that I take drugs. If my body was meant to take drugs, then it wouldn't expel them every time I put it in my mouth. When I had swine flu, my Nan forced me to take paracetamol. I don't know or care about what paracetamol is supposed to do, but on the first day I chucked them back up again. And then every other time I had to take them I covertly spat them out. Two days later and swine flu fucked off and let me get on with my life.

See, I'm under the opinion that if I don't take drugs then my immune system will become stronger and more resilient to illnesses. It just seems like I picked up something here that my white blood cells have never come across before. People call it the "Fresher's Flu". I could've easily gotten something from the international students. That seems most likely.

Anyway, that was a quick moan.

Stay safe. Don't take pharmaceutical drugs. Nor illegal drugs. They'll only do you more harm than good in the long run.

Pete out.

I'm Going to Be on TV

No jokes. One and a half weeks into my course and I'm already appearing on TV. How cool is that? I never saw myself as a presenter, but there I was presenting because nobody else had the balls to.

You may have read yesterday that today I was going to be taking part in Fresher's Fresher's TV and I thought it would just be some bloke with a camera and we had to talk into it. But no, take a look at this:

That's an actual TV studio with an actual green screen, with actual very expensive cameras.

We even got an auto-cue. How cool is that?

Now I was all very interested in all the technical magickery that was going on and setting up the cameras with all of those cables to worry about was simply amazing, but no one had the balls to be the third presenter, so I went ahead and did it. I even got to wear an actual lapel-mic, which was cool. I felt all important and stuff. Anyway, it was fairly standard stuff and we had a lot of fun making it. One of our things though was to play pictionary. I got to draw. With beer goggles on. I don't know how on Earth playing pictionary with beer goggles raises the awareness of the dangers of alcohol, but I got to attempt to draw Mr Blobby while everything was a shade of green but in triple vision with cross-eyed-ness as well. So yeah, that was a lot of fun.

It was a genuinely awesome day, and we learned a lot about the awesome cameras and the important of sound levels and everything else.

I'm also going to be on TV next Wednesday as part of the Nasta Fresher's TV thing and I don't know when it's going to be on, or if it's actually going to be on TV properly or just a live stream on the internet or something. I just simply don't know. Either way, Dukey, you're at home still, set your Sky Box to record it when I give you the information.

Pete out.

That GAMEfest Montage I Said I'd Upload

Because nothing is happening in the world of university that is of any interest, I've decided to dedicate an entire post to that montage I said I'd upload from when we went to GAMEfest. I'd say it was my best editing work to date. It's certainly my longest video. Actually, it so isn't my best editing work. I just had better tools at my disposal this time. My best editing work would probably have to be... probably Zombie Plan. I know it's been an entire year since that, but I haven't really had any other chances to do some proper editing work, bar this montage.

I hope you enjoy it. If you're not a gaming fan and therefore don't want to watch the video, don't despair, I'm going to give you a short update afterwards.

I say that like there's a time difference. But there isn't. You can just skip the video. You don't have to watch it.

Okay, you see now I'm wasting time because I haven't pasted the video in yet, but just keep your breath held.

Actually, don't keep your breath held; it's a really bad idea. Who knows what could happen? You could become oxygen depraved and fall into a coma. I'm sure all of those words were correct.

Anyway, montage.

Haha! What a riot!

Why did I say that? That video wasn't even funny. However, there was some crazy editing in there. Did you see the bit with the overlaying videos? How cool was that? It was like vidception. Except it wasn't really because they were just overlapping videos. But it was still cool.

Anyway, tiny update. In my lab this morning... this afternoon I learned about RGB and CMYK colour scales, and then in the lecture we relearned the electromagnetic spectrum and the eye and our perception of things. Funny thing, I only learned about rods and cones (the rod I believe is the platypus-shaped thing in your retina) through sitting with Joe and Becca while they did their A-level Biology revision. Go figure. Anyway, this evening there was the Demon TV pre-production event where we talked about the TV shows that we're going to be making over the next year and it was all very... productive. It was quite good to get some ideas out there though so that tomorrow (which will be very interesting and productive) we have some stuff to film. In fact, tomorrow is the Fresher's Fresher's TV thing. I know I said "Fresher's" twice. I meant to. That's because it's Fresher's TV made by Freshers. How cool is that?

So yeah, tomorrow will be fun.

I also just came up with an amazing motto, that you should definitely use.

"The less you fret, the luckier you'll get."

How awesome-a-motto is that?

To the person(s) who just sneezed, bless you. If you sneezed while reading this blog post and don't feel adequately blessed, then bless you as well.

Pete out.