I didn't want this to happen, mainly because I'm about the only person in the world who doesn't crave attention, but yet I was told it had to happen because I hadn't had one before. Damn.
Either way, I was completely taken aback by the whole thing and I will thank Josh and his family now for hosting and organising the entire thing, so that it could actually happen. Thank you.
It does genuinely mean a lot to me that because I had such a depraved and horrible childhood, my friends have set out to reclaim my lost time and make sure I have all the fun I can, all the fun that all kids have, before I become too old. I love you guys, and that's never going to change.
Anyway, I arrived at Josh's house at about half 1, and immediately was asked if I could help dismantle a church while everyone set up, because apparently I wasn't allowed to see anything. So I helped dismantle a church. I say dismantle a church, what I really mean is that I helped Andrew (Josh's dad) take down some decorations that were hung up in the church for his wedding. It makes sense. Jed then arrived and I asked him if he'd like to join me running along the railway lines. He agreed. We then got to the railway lines and instantly noticed a problem: fences. It's like they didn't want me and my expensive camera to be potentially flattened and cut in three by a massive 70-tonne object moving at a hundred miles an hour. So we climbed the bridge and I snapped some pictures of the line. I then took some more. We then found a way onto the railway line, but by this point I had noted that this particular section of track was heavily infested with a frail man's worst nightmare: trains. I took some more pictures. We then headed back to Josh's house.
The time was now about 3, and in that time almost everyone had arrived and were waiting for me to walk in. Oops. It's not my fault that I saw the moon when it was still daylight and therefore had to take lots of photos with it with my telephoto lens. It's a picture waiting to happen.
So now that I was here, the party was in full swing. We started with an odd game that involved moving a balloon through your knees and passing it on to the next person. Lauren's team of her and Harpreet beat my team of like 7. Oops.
We then played wink murder, which was fun. When it was Harpreet's go we all decided that no one should be the murderer, and that we'd all die at random points in the game so that she'd be all confused.
We then did pass the parcel:
The prizes included a funny gorilla thing that wolf-whistled, a toy gun that Jed got to play with, and these happy chappies:
The final prize was a box of Weetos, obviously.
Some knob-rocket then decided it would be a good idea to put lots of candles on a cake and make me blow them out.
But there was an extra funny about these candles. They had magnesium or something in them, so that when you think you've blown them out, they reignite. Hah! Well, at least that was hilarious. I showed those candles what-for though, and before too long (and definitely after losing all of my breath) I blew the shit out of them. They were less on fire than a cat in a washing machine after I was done with them. No funny man is going to fuck with me and make me look like a fool in front of all my friends. Next time you decide to pull a hilarious prank, think again, because I've got lungs of... well I suppose the stuff they're already made from is the best to use. Latex would probably be too weak. And steel would definitely be a bad choice.
After I fucked those candles up, I was tasked with cutting the cake for the first time ever:
That was fun.
The party had reached its climax, and an assortment of sandwiches, cakes and sausage rolls were wheeled out to keep us nourished.
Soon though, Lauren and Harpreet had to leave, and I was sad. But in true kids' party fashion, they didn't leave empty handed:
Party bags! How cool is that? Lauren left me with a present, but one of Lauren's rules is that I can't open it until my actual birthday. I hate that rule. But at the same time I kind of like it, because it keeps the tension.
Anyway, after they left and Westie and Tom Hoier joined, charades happened, and that continued for like... a lot of hours. David Hilton and his friend got the nicknames Brokeback and Mountain because ... well just because. We would constantly think that Westie was talking about either the Human Centipede or A Serbian Film, because that's the kind of stuff he's into, and we would shout Holocaust film names at Joe because he's Jewish. I mean um... that didn't happen. It's cool. He laughs at it. He's as bad as everyone else. If not worse.
Anyway, it only leaves me to say that I had a wonderful time, and it was certainly interesting to delve into this part of childhood and experience it finally. I thank Josh and his family once again for making it possible. I also thank everyone who attended for being wonderful people, and helping me to achieve my dream of living a normal life.
I love you guys.
Pete out.
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