I call it Freedom Friday because today was the last day of term.
Whoop.
I believe you know how this works now.
Start of the Day
Bus was uneventful, got in, spoke to a couple of members of the krewe, went to my locker, which is about twenty steps away, managed to get ditched, picked up Ha..si, and then the rest of the krewe came. At this point I was very annoyed, seeing as for the last couple of days I had been noticing how I'm always running around after them, having to find them again after only speaking to them ten seconds before... I mean, that doesn't make any sense does it?
No, it fucking well does not.
First Lesson - DT
I know, exciting stuff.
I've almost got the wine rack finished now, but there's a major flaw. I have two layers, and the bottles are held by the neck. This causes the bottles to dip slightly, and obviously on the the bottom layer, the bottle hits the ground. Damn. Oh well, not much happened, melted some more plastic. Hah, reminds me of my nipples. Oh shit! I didn't tell you all about my nipples. Let me tell you about my nipples. One is called Sheila... no, wait, wrong story. On Tuesday? Yeah, Tuesday last week Luke helped me drill some holes in my wine rack, and the melted bits of circular acrylic looked like nipples, so I started a business.
Tutor Time
Not much to report really... got reports, not particularly proud of myself... uhh... what else happened... oh, Lamaal finished her English essays. That's about all I can remember. OH! We got sweets! That's definitely worth a mention.
Second Lesson - Structured Study
See, this is why these 'my day' blogs are awesome, because I remember things that I could've put in a blog earlier, but forgot to do so. So yeah, I can finally tell you about Andere Fred.
Er ist ein bisschen Anderes...
Nur ein bisschen...
Anyway, it's a translation of Special Fred (which you may or may not have heard of, but having seen it now, it's quite amusing), and we've been editing the video we've made using mine and Lujamc's mac skills, and Pedadu's... intuition? I dunno. It's pretty amusing, I'll post a link to it if YouTube ever has the courtesy to bloody upload it.
Third Lesson - French
Nothing to say really, did a test, did pretty well. Yay.
Well, in my mind I did pretty well.
I mean, I had my speaking booklet answers in front of me, so my essay had just a little help...
Fourth Lesson - German
Uhh, pretty ordinary German lesson I'd say. Herr Nicholls made us do work and stuff, but we talked a lot as well, had the usual laugh. Josh: "Garble garble computer stuff garble garble", Herr Nicholls: *confused look* "Oh I love it when he talks dirty." WHat (yes, I meant to exHagerate the H) a legend.
Fifth Lesson - Media
Spent the lesson with Jopasi and Maausu talking about shtuff. Won't mention what shtuff, because it delves into other people and shtuff on a need-to-know basis, bitching etc etc.
Anyweg. Das war mein Tag.
C'etait tres joli, non?
Ah oui oui, les oignons et les champignons.
Tchuss! Dat verdanja! (that might not actually mean goodbye, look it up, it's Russian)... Au revoir! Buenos nastos, senora y senoritas! Goodbye.
Friday 26 February 2010
Tuesday 23 February 2010
RAWWRRRR
Yes. Rawr indeed.
So we're well back into the thick of things, after that little day off.
But, I'm not too depressed about it, things are going well.
Besides, I need this week to finish my DT project, that should be hell, yet strangely it isn't. Although Quinreynolds is constantly bitching to us, which wastes a sizeable chunk of the lesson. Good going (Y)
Anyweg, as I said, things are going pretty well.
There've been like, no negative emotions for a while, happiness levels are rising again :)
Although I must say I'm pretty pissed that one of my kids continues to annoy members of my tutor group. I ought to beat him.
Also, my little brother keeps talking at me, yeah, not to me.
"I wonder what I should wear... jeans or trackies?"
Do you think I give a shit?
No, I don't.
"Haha, I've got my revision guides"
Oh, get you. You might not fail afterall. Although you probably will. Hah.
Stupid little dick.
He also asks stupid personal questions like "have you had sex yet?" or "do you wank?"
WHY
When the fuck have even paid attention to him, let alone cared about his pathetic little life?
It angers me that he's trying to break down the very thing that makes this family unique, our ability to give absolutely no shit about what we're doing. Why would he try and ruin something like that?
And yeah, I know what everyone's about to say "maybe you should just talk to him and the rest of your family and then maybe those questions wouldn't sound so stupid to you."
My reply will simply be this: no.
Not now, not ever.
Piss off with that idea.
Ooh, god, this light-hearted post really went south.
Apologies.
Catch y'all later.
So we're well back into the thick of things, after that little day off.
But, I'm not too depressed about it, things are going well.
Besides, I need this week to finish my DT project, that should be hell, yet strangely it isn't. Although Quinreynolds is constantly bitching to us, which wastes a sizeable chunk of the lesson. Good going (Y)
Anyweg, as I said, things are going pretty well.
There've been like, no negative emotions for a while, happiness levels are rising again :)
Although I must say I'm pretty pissed that one of my kids continues to annoy members of my tutor group. I ought to beat him.
Also, my little brother keeps talking at me, yeah, not to me.
"I wonder what I should wear... jeans or trackies?"
Do you think I give a shit?
No, I don't.
"Haha, I've got my revision guides"
Oh, get you. You might not fail afterall. Although you probably will. Hah.
Stupid little dick.
He also asks stupid personal questions like "have you had sex yet?" or "do you wank?"
WHY
When the fuck have even paid attention to him, let alone cared about his pathetic little life?
It angers me that he's trying to break down the very thing that makes this family unique, our ability to give absolutely no shit about what we're doing. Why would he try and ruin something like that?
And yeah, I know what everyone's about to say "maybe you should just talk to him and the rest of your family and then maybe those questions wouldn't sound so stupid to you."
My reply will simply be this: no.
Not now, not ever.
Piss off with that idea.
Ooh, god, this light-hearted post really went south.
Apologies.
Catch y'all later.
Friday 19 February 2010
Snow Day
Today school was off so I got a lie in
Nice.
What? You want me to continue?
No, fuck you.
Nothing's happened.
I slept in.
End of.
Nice.
What? You want me to continue?
No, fuck you.
Nothing's happened.
I slept in.
End of.
Thursday 18 February 2010
Today's Thursday
Yeah, last week I did Wednesday.
This week I do Thursday.
Guess what day next week will be!
That's right.
The rapture.
When we find out whether the atheists were right or not.
Anyweg, same structure as before.
First Lesson - DT
Exciting stuff. To fill you in, this term we've been working our asses off to get our practicals done. It's a bigger project than all other projects of all time in DT, yet instead of a whole year to do it, we get 8 weeks. 7 weeks actually, we did catch up work in week one. So yeah, fortunately last Friday the tube I had ordered at the end of week 1 had finally arrived. Yeah, I know, it was ordered from Germany, but still, 6 weeks? That's pretty poor. So I finally started drilling it, first with a hand drill, failed, power drill, failed, pillar drill.. now we're getting somewhere. Then Mrs Quinreynolds wasted 20 minutes of my time by telling me that I hadn't done enough for Criterion 2, oh. Meh.
Tutor Time
Arrived about ten minutes late. Exchanged greetings with Lamaal. End.
I should probably try to be more talkative in tutor time, I mean, these are the guys that I'm supposed to have been best friends with since the first day of year 7. Needless to say these days I spend my tutor time talking only to Lamaal and attempting to avoid the stinking black man. That's not racist. He's black and he smells. Plus I don't know how to spell his name. But yeah, he's annoying. Also I think he has a thing for Lamaal. Just a small observation.
Wow, I managed to actually talk a little bit more about tutor time than I thought I would. Cool.
Second Lesson - Krewe time
It was disrupted by a piano lesson at the beginning, but hey, sacrifices and everything.
To be honest I can't really remember what happened.
Talks about football and sports and science and a helluva lot of other stuff.
That's what krewe time is.
Talk time.
Third lesson - Structured Study
Further krewe time. Indeed it is only with two of the krewe, Lujamc and Pedadu, but they're fun people.
Spent the lesson attempting to do what Mrs Quinreynolds had told me to do.
Don't know how I quite managed to stretch it out for that long.
Oh yeah, she told me to render my design, by colouring the parts the colour that they will be. Congratulations, ProDesktop, your rendering program is god awful, and only renders solid colours, crappy glass and for some reason brick walls. Why would I design a brick wall in ProDesktop? That's right, I wouldn't.
Fourth Lesson - Media
Another lesson spent watching drama. Wasn't too bad. Casualty apparently has some humourous qualities about it. Yet, for some reason, they can't show a man being kicked in the ging gang goolies. His manhood. The private area. The 'no fly zone'. The baby-giving syringe. The diddly daddle. Willy.
Fifth Lesson - German
Mr Nicholls was tired out from doing speaking assessments all day so we got to watch some Tatort. It's basically a German crime drama, and of course Tatort stands for Crime Scene. That's right, CSI's name is totally unoriginal. I don't care that they abbreviated it. This came with some great acting from Pedadu and the others, who had to lip-sync with the characters. Failed.
So yeah, this wasn't actually your average Thursday.
It was for the most part, up until German.
Good-bye everybody! - As Simon Amstell would say.
This week I do Thursday.
Guess what day next week will be!
That's right.
The rapture.
When we find out whether the atheists were right or not.
Anyweg, same structure as before.
First Lesson - DT
Exciting stuff. To fill you in, this term we've been working our asses off to get our practicals done. It's a bigger project than all other projects of all time in DT, yet instead of a whole year to do it, we get 8 weeks. 7 weeks actually, we did catch up work in week one. So yeah, fortunately last Friday the tube I had ordered at the end of week 1 had finally arrived. Yeah, I know, it was ordered from Germany, but still, 6 weeks? That's pretty poor. So I finally started drilling it, first with a hand drill, failed, power drill, failed, pillar drill.. now we're getting somewhere. Then Mrs Quinreynolds wasted 20 minutes of my time by telling me that I hadn't done enough for Criterion 2, oh. Meh.
Tutor Time
Arrived about ten minutes late. Exchanged greetings with Lamaal. End.
I should probably try to be more talkative in tutor time, I mean, these are the guys that I'm supposed to have been best friends with since the first day of year 7. Needless to say these days I spend my tutor time talking only to Lamaal and attempting to avoid the stinking black man. That's not racist. He's black and he smells. Plus I don't know how to spell his name. But yeah, he's annoying. Also I think he has a thing for Lamaal. Just a small observation.
Wow, I managed to actually talk a little bit more about tutor time than I thought I would. Cool.
Second Lesson - Krewe time
It was disrupted by a piano lesson at the beginning, but hey, sacrifices and everything.
To be honest I can't really remember what happened.
Talks about football and sports and science and a helluva lot of other stuff.
That's what krewe time is.
Talk time.
Third lesson - Structured Study
Further krewe time. Indeed it is only with two of the krewe, Lujamc and Pedadu, but they're fun people.
Spent the lesson attempting to do what Mrs Quinreynolds had told me to do.
Don't know how I quite managed to stretch it out for that long.
Oh yeah, she told me to render my design, by colouring the parts the colour that they will be. Congratulations, ProDesktop, your rendering program is god awful, and only renders solid colours, crappy glass and for some reason brick walls. Why would I design a brick wall in ProDesktop? That's right, I wouldn't.
Fourth Lesson - Media
Another lesson spent watching drama. Wasn't too bad. Casualty apparently has some humourous qualities about it. Yet, for some reason, they can't show a man being kicked in the ging gang goolies. His manhood. The private area. The 'no fly zone'. The baby-giving syringe. The diddly daddle. Willy.
Fifth Lesson - German
Mr Nicholls was tired out from doing speaking assessments all day so we got to watch some Tatort. It's basically a German crime drama, and of course Tatort stands for Crime Scene. That's right, CSI's name is totally unoriginal. I don't care that they abbreviated it. This came with some great acting from Pedadu and the others, who had to lip-sync with the characters. Failed.
So yeah, this wasn't actually your average Thursday.
It was for the most part, up until German.
Good-bye everybody! - As Simon Amstell would say.
Monday 15 February 2010
Flailing Head Waggle
*Splashes face with hot water, looks at self in mirror and looks deep into soul*
That's a pretty deep starting sentence.
Alright, okay, time to sort out myself.
I've done this sort of mind cleansing thing before.
Where I think I like someone, and then realise what a tit I'm being and then magically move on.
It's a simple overnight process of going "why oh why oh why" and then beating myself up.
In a metaphorical sense.
Sometimes.
Nope, this is the new, calmer me.
No self beating.
But hey, after yesterday's jealousy rant, and a few words from a couple of people, I'm well on my way to getting over everything and starting over once more.
It's true, you can't wish that your feelings will just disappear and then expect them to do that.
But over the years I've managed to gain the ability to suppress feelings for obvious reasons.
I have to, otherwise I wouldn't be able to get through the day.
Deep breath in... hold breath... enjoy a minute of absolute calm and tranquility... and there goes another one. Feeling suppressed.
Also, this has happened before so I know how easy it is to get over.
I got a stern talking to from Lamaal, and then somehow magically my feelings suppressed themselves.
Is it healthy?
I think so.
But this probably means that tomorrow I'll be in a state of complete mellow.
That's probably not so good.
Why am I suppressing these feelings, you ask?
I don't want to feel them.
I shouldn't feel them.
Just like in the past, just like now.
The mind is a complicated and weird structure of wonderfulness and shite.
So much so that I should probably stop thinking with my penis.
That's a pretty deep starting sentence.
Alright, okay, time to sort out myself.
I've done this sort of mind cleansing thing before.
Where I think I like someone, and then realise what a tit I'm being and then magically move on.
It's a simple overnight process of going "why oh why oh why" and then beating myself up.
In a metaphorical sense.
Sometimes.
Nope, this is the new, calmer me.
No self beating.
But hey, after yesterday's jealousy rant, and a few words from a couple of people, I'm well on my way to getting over everything and starting over once more.
It's true, you can't wish that your feelings will just disappear and then expect them to do that.
But over the years I've managed to gain the ability to suppress feelings for obvious reasons.
I have to, otherwise I wouldn't be able to get through the day.
Deep breath in... hold breath... enjoy a minute of absolute calm and tranquility... and there goes another one. Feeling suppressed.
Also, this has happened before so I know how easy it is to get over.
I got a stern talking to from Lamaal, and then somehow magically my feelings suppressed themselves.
Is it healthy?
I think so.
But this probably means that tomorrow I'll be in a state of complete mellow.
That's probably not so good.
Why am I suppressing these feelings, you ask?
I don't want to feel them.
I shouldn't feel them.
Just like in the past, just like now.
The mind is a complicated and weird structure of wonderfulness and shite.
So much so that I should probably stop thinking with my penis.
Sunday 14 February 2010
Wassup.
Ma home dog bitches.
And such.
What not.
Hi!
So what to say?
Once again I had another krewe day yesterday, but in Corby this time.
It was great, hung in town and then went over Luke's then Becca's.
EDIT: Wow. What a complete dick of a section of this post. Deleted.
Laters. As my home dog, Dukey P would say.
Actually he's never said that.
Ever.
Hasta la pasta.
And such.
What not.
Hi!
So what to say?
Once again I had another krewe day yesterday, but in Corby this time.
It was great, hung in town and then went over Luke's then Becca's.
EDIT: Wow. What a complete dick of a section of this post. Deleted.
Laters. As my home dog, Dukey P would say.
Actually he's never said that.
Ever.
Hasta la pasta.
Wednesday 10 February 2010
10/02/2010 - An Average Day
Okay, so I haven't thought this post through in my head, but I'll improvise.
I decided that since all of my posts have been pretty negative, I'll write one on a day that actually went pretty well.
First Lesson : Free/French
I say free forward slash French because I go it about half and half. I join the krewe in our spot before the start of lesson for a quick laugh and a morning pick-me up before heading to the room in languages where the short French woman completely ignores us in our so called "speaking" lesson. I and Descje always leave at some point to go do our own thing for a while. This time we decided to go to breakfast and then not go back to French. That way, I got to spend the rest of the lesson with the Krewe. Result.
Tutor Time
What can I report? I'm being pestered about driving lessons by Lamaal. That abbreviated name sounds funny. Anyway, uhh, I lost my train of thought.
Second Lesson : German
Wicked. Always fun to hang with Pedadu and Johalaha (you will praise Johalaha and strike down those who do not - sorry, it sounds like a god's name). We never do much in Ms Hibberd's lessons, but hey, you have to have fun.
Third Lesson : French
Smarties. Lots of Smarties. Yum. Lunch with the Krewe. Nice.
Fourth Lesson : Teaching
Got a break from the actual teaching of the year eights today to watch some stupid play on their future options. Must say it was quite amusing, purely because of how ridiculous it was.
Fifth Lesson : Teaching
Started drawing with the year sevens now. Quite boring, if I say so myself. However, I think I've almost completed my list of siblings from our year in that group
Scott Bulchin's sister
Luke McIntyre's sister
Alex Sadler's brother
Kate Matthews' sister
Maire Beatty's brother
Almost sure that Sophie Dickinson's sister is in there too, although I haven't confirmed this yet
Needless to say they all instantly recognised me in the first few lessons.
I'm also finding a new sibling every week.
So who will I find next week?
Perhaps Bejocr has a random younger brother I never knew about.
Ooh, scary stuff.
The Bus
The year sevens (including Kate's sister) decided it would be a good idea to roll to the back of the bus purely because only I and another sixth former were there. Bet that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't taught half of them in the past.
Anyway, that's my rendition of a pretty good Wednesday
Pretty standard Wednesday, but hey, standard good is better than random shit is it not?
I decided that since all of my posts have been pretty negative, I'll write one on a day that actually went pretty well.
First Lesson : Free/French
I say free forward slash French because I go it about half and half. I join the krewe in our spot before the start of lesson for a quick laugh and a morning pick-me up before heading to the room in languages where the short French woman completely ignores us in our so called "speaking" lesson. I and Descje always leave at some point to go do our own thing for a while. This time we decided to go to breakfast and then not go back to French. That way, I got to spend the rest of the lesson with the Krewe. Result.
Tutor Time
What can I report? I'm being pestered about driving lessons by Lamaal. That abbreviated name sounds funny. Anyway, uhh, I lost my train of thought.
Second Lesson : German
Wicked. Always fun to hang with Pedadu and Johalaha (you will praise Johalaha and strike down those who do not - sorry, it sounds like a god's name). We never do much in Ms Hibberd's lessons, but hey, you have to have fun.
Third Lesson : French
Smarties. Lots of Smarties. Yum. Lunch with the Krewe. Nice.
Fourth Lesson : Teaching
Got a break from the actual teaching of the year eights today to watch some stupid play on their future options. Must say it was quite amusing, purely because of how ridiculous it was.
Fifth Lesson : Teaching
Started drawing with the year sevens now. Quite boring, if I say so myself. However, I think I've almost completed my list of siblings from our year in that group
Scott Bulchin's sister
Luke McIntyre's sister
Alex Sadler's brother
Kate Matthews' sister
Maire Beatty's brother
Almost sure that Sophie Dickinson's sister is in there too, although I haven't confirmed this yet
Needless to say they all instantly recognised me in the first few lessons.
I'm also finding a new sibling every week.
So who will I find next week?
Perhaps Bejocr has a random younger brother I never knew about.
Ooh, scary stuff.
The Bus
The year sevens (including Kate's sister) decided it would be a good idea to roll to the back of the bus purely because only I and another sixth former were there. Bet that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't taught half of them in the past.
Anyway, that's my rendition of a pretty good Wednesday
Pretty standard Wednesday, but hey, standard good is better than random shit is it not?
Saturday 6 February 2010
06/02/2010 - The Day the Krewe Came
So yeah, the Krewe decided to spontaneously come over my house, which I adore.
It's why they count as my actual family, instead of just a bunch of friends.
Needless to say it was brilliant them coming round and having a laugh, things are a little hostile with the family I'm forced to live with at the moment, so this was a nice break.
Although, that said, my Dad's impatience with more than one person meant that he had a right go at me whilst they were actually only in the other room.
What a dick.
But hey, this sort of thing always blows over after a few days.
It just happens more often than I'd like.
Going to keep things short and sweet, like those gorgeous brownies, except they weren't short, just gloopy.
Also going to have to keep up this streak of going out on Saturdays with the krewe.
It's why they count as my actual family, instead of just a bunch of friends.
Needless to say it was brilliant them coming round and having a laugh, things are a little hostile with the family I'm forced to live with at the moment, so this was a nice break.
Although, that said, my Dad's impatience with more than one person meant that he had a right go at me whilst they were actually only in the other room.
What a dick.
But hey, this sort of thing always blows over after a few days.
It just happens more often than I'd like.
Going to keep things short and sweet, like those gorgeous brownies, except they weren't short, just gloopy.
Also going to have to keep up this streak of going out on Saturdays with the krewe.
Thursday 4 February 2010
I'm Sorry
I'm sorry that I bought you roses to tell you that I like you
That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk
That's my body's not ripped enough to 'satisfy' you wants.
I'm sorry
that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised
that I'm not cute enough to be 'your guy'
that I'm actually nice, not a jerk.
I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things
I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club
that I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date.
I'm sorry
that I always held back your hair when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puling in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy
that I'm there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend
I'm sorry
if I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around.
I'm sorry
if I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple of hours sleep before school.
I'm sorry
that you can't realize... I've been the one all along.
I'm sorry
if you read this and know somebody like this but don't care
But most of all
I'm sorry
for not being sorry anymore
I'm sorry
that you can't accept me for who I am
I'm sorry
I can never do anything, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.
I'm sorry I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...
I'm sorry
that I told you I loved you and actually meant it.
I'm sorry
that I talked to for nine hours at Christmas when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family
I'm sorry
that I cared
I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.
Ladies always complain and gripe to their that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head, "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.
That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk
That's my body's not ripped enough to 'satisfy' you wants.
I'm sorry
that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised
that I'm not cute enough to be 'your guy'
that I'm actually nice, not a jerk.
I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things
I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club
that I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date.
I'm sorry
that I always held back your hair when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puling in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy
that I'm there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend
I'm sorry
if I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around.
I'm sorry
if I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple of hours sleep before school.
I'm sorry
that you can't realize... I've been the one all along.
I'm sorry
if you read this and know somebody like this but don't care
But most of all
I'm sorry
for not being sorry anymore
I'm sorry
that you can't accept me for who I am
I'm sorry
I can never do anything, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.
I'm sorry I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...
I'm sorry
that I told you I loved you and actually meant it.
I'm sorry
that I talked to for nine hours at Christmas when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family
I'm sorry
that I cared
I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.
Ladies always complain and gripe to their that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head, "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.
Wednesday 3 February 2010
27/01/09 - Blast to the Past
Taken straight from Travis, the keeper of secrets.
This is an entry from a year ago, and I thought it would be quite relevant.
To set the tone, this is just after my 16th Birthday, on the worst day of the year.
I'm planning on comparing it to the same day this year.
Anyway, blast to the past.
"You know, I waffle too much and I seem to have lost the plot. I've talked through two pages at a time on one topic, and that won't do. I appear to have completely disregarded my REAL feelings. It's time to be completely and utterly selfish for a few minutes.
I spent my birthay staring at my laptop waiting for someone to talk to me, almost in tears. Since then I haven't been happy, I've been hiding my emotions from everyone, with [that blonde that I was completely infatuated by when we started talking regularly] I just pretend I'm tired, but she actually seems to give a damn about my feelings.
I've diagnosed myself with hypersomnia, an uncommon symptom of clinical depression.
You could say that.
So what? Am I clinically depressed?
Wouldn't bloody surprise me, a continuation of angry, unpleasant and even deathly thoughts crop up now and then.
I'm glad I can finally write this shit down.
It's 13 years today that my Mum died, that doesn't help much.
If one thinks about it, if I didn't try to physically keep my relationships, everyone would forget that I even exist. No one is ever looking for me, I have to keep running after other people.
I'm tired of it.
It makes things more depressing.
I wait every morning just so I can have that tiny conversation with [that blonde that I was completely infatuated by when we started talking regularly].
I'm in fucking love with her for Christ's sake.
So it seems that this is now more than a sexual attraction, all because she dropped a few books on my head.
I believe in fate, but we subconsciously control that fate.
Things could be better.
Best not to get angry about it though.
Or I'll start punching people.
Over and out."
What has changed since then?
Not sure really, I mean, the fact that this year's worst day of the year wasn't actually that bad proves that something must be going right.
Ah yes, my actual family, those that I love, they made it alright.
I also didn't have to go to French, which was a bonus.
Got to hang with the fam.
and then I got to teach, a time when you absolutely cannot show negative emotions.
03/02/10 - Teaching today was pretty fun, also that girl that I've always probably liked, let's call her Frenchy (when she asked me what nationality she looked, that isn't English, I responded French, and that was exactly the answer she was looking for), is talking to me quite a lot again, but I'm getting increasingly annoyed at myself for liking her still.
So yeah, things are pretty shit, but apparently not as shit as they were.
We'll see what the future brings.
This is an entry from a year ago, and I thought it would be quite relevant.
To set the tone, this is just after my 16th Birthday, on the worst day of the year.
I'm planning on comparing it to the same day this year.
Anyway, blast to the past.
"You know, I waffle too much and I seem to have lost the plot. I've talked through two pages at a time on one topic, and that won't do. I appear to have completely disregarded my REAL feelings. It's time to be completely and utterly selfish for a few minutes.
I spent my birthay staring at my laptop waiting for someone to talk to me, almost in tears. Since then I haven't been happy, I've been hiding my emotions from everyone, with [that blonde that I was completely infatuated by when we started talking regularly] I just pretend I'm tired, but she actually seems to give a damn about my feelings.
I've diagnosed myself with hypersomnia, an uncommon symptom of clinical depression.
You could say that.
So what? Am I clinically depressed?
Wouldn't bloody surprise me, a continuation of angry, unpleasant and even deathly thoughts crop up now and then.
I'm glad I can finally write this shit down.
It's 13 years today that my Mum died, that doesn't help much.
If one thinks about it, if I didn't try to physically keep my relationships, everyone would forget that I even exist. No one is ever looking for me, I have to keep running after other people.
I'm tired of it.
It makes things more depressing.
I wait every morning just so I can have that tiny conversation with [that blonde that I was completely infatuated by when we started talking regularly].
I'm in fucking love with her for Christ's sake.
So it seems that this is now more than a sexual attraction, all because she dropped a few books on my head.
I believe in fate, but we subconsciously control that fate.
Things could be better.
Best not to get angry about it though.
Or I'll start punching people.
Over and out."
What has changed since then?
Not sure really, I mean, the fact that this year's worst day of the year wasn't actually that bad proves that something must be going right.
Ah yes, my actual family, those that I love, they made it alright.
I also didn't have to go to French, which was a bonus.
Got to hang with the fam.
and then I got to teach, a time when you absolutely cannot show negative emotions.
03/02/10 - Teaching today was pretty fun, also that girl that I've always probably liked, let's call her Frenchy (when she asked me what nationality she looked, that isn't English, I responded French, and that was exactly the answer she was looking for), is talking to me quite a lot again, but I'm getting increasingly annoyed at myself for liking her still.
So yeah, things are pretty shit, but apparently not as shit as they were.
We'll see what the future brings.
Tuesday 2 February 2010
40 Truths
Hey, I haven't done these in a while, and I also don't care that this particular quiz might be aimed at girls. Seriously, I don't. In the past I've been told that my answers to these quizzes are a thing of beauty, random girls suddenly emailing me like "Hey I read your quiz, and I have to say that I love them!" I enjoyed that moment, and that moment when it happened again with a different girl. Nice. "They're so much better than everyone elses!" Okay, I've got carried away.
40 Secrets about yourself.
Be honest no matter what...
1 - Have you ever been asked out?
Yes, yes I have. First ever relationship I was asked out, back when I was shy and naiive.
2 - Where was your avatar picture taken?
Well all of them were taken in my bedroom, don't think I have one on the blog yet though.
3 - What is your middle name?
Luke - A biblical referrence, like the rest of my name.
Except my last name, that means son of rabbit.
4 - Your current relationship status?
Desperately single.
Seriously, it's like the most single anyone could be.
But meh.
5 - Does your crush like you back?
Hahaha, I've given up on saying I have a 'crush' on someone.
Now it's just "Oh she's nice" or simply "I would"
Cliché guy response there.
6 - What is your current mood?
Oh I'm alright, bit miffed but hey? When aren't I?
7 - What color underwear are you wearing?
Ooh, cheeky, oh do stop *waves hand like a gay man*
But anyway, my boxer shorts are blue today I think.
8 - What color shirt are you wearing?
Ees green, senor, my colour I've been told.
9 - Missing something?
Why? What have you taken?
10 - If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
Take a guess, genius.
I'd cure lukemia.
11 - If you must be an animal for one day, what and why?
Oh I wouldn't be one animal, I'd be a bald eagle, a snake, a frog, a dolphin, a kangaroo and definitely a wolf.
Maybe a rabbit.
I don't give simple answers.
12 - Ever had a near death experience?
I nearly got molested by two drunk men. They had broken bottles.
I've also nearly been in a car crash, me on the road.
13 - Something you do a lot?
What don't I do a lot?
Catch herpes. That's what.
14 - The song stuck in your head?
and why do birds... suddenly appear... everytime... you and I are near?
Just like me, they long to be... close to yohoouu
15 - Who did you copy and paste this from?
The interweb.
16 - Name someone who has the same birthday as you.
No one shares my birthday.
Not that I know of anyway.
I mean, I'm sure someone does, but I don't care.
It's my day.
17 - When was the last time you cried?
I don't cry. One of my many flaws.
18 - Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
Oui. I did a solo at my old school for our leaving performance.
"We could anything that we wanted to be, and it's not too late to chahange"
19 - If you could have one super power what would it be?
Telekenesis.
Moving stuff with my mind.
Opening doors without touching them.
Shit like that.
20 - What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Shape if I can't see their face (I refrain from saying boobs) and then their lips.
In fact, the girl's features as an ensemble.
There isn't a particular part of a girl that makes me go "ooh I would" and then I look at her face and go "Oh maybe not"
No, it's always "Okay, she could be hot, okay, turn around, let me see your face, nice fit."
21 - What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I don't.
22 - What's your biggest secret?
Ooh, sneaky.
23 - Favorite color?
I don't particularly care.
I have a favourite colour for different things.
Par exemple, I would have a red shirt, but not red trousers.
I would cream leather seats, but a metalic grey car.
24 - Do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?
I watch man shows.
Scrubs.
Heroes.
TV panel shows like Mock the Week and Have I Got News for You.
Other stuff.
25 - What's on your wall?
Currently my personal England shirt and a couple of achievables.
26 - What are you?
Magic.
Possibly in a can.
27 - Do you speak any other language?
Every language on the face of the planet.
28 - What's your favorite smell?
Smoked ham.
Seriously, it's like the best smell of all time.
I can sit there and sniff at my sandwich for ages.
29 - Describe your life in one word.
Meh.
30 - Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Oui, my first.
It was alright.
Not going to make a fuss.
31 - What are you thinking about right now?
I'm just thinking about what I would be doing right now if I was a spy.
Perhaps I'd be sitting on a bench, with good bush coverage, so that there is little chance of an ambush.
33 - What should you be doing?
Work. That I said I'd be doing instead of whatever the other option this evening was.
34 - Who was the last being that made you upset/angry?
Hmm, good question. Probably me, I do that a lot.
35 - How often do you talk to God?
All the time.
Yeah, me and the g-dogg are like that *does weird gangsta thing with the fingers and the chest hitting and the what not*.
37 - If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Jeremy.
Yup, that's right, it's a first name, not a last name.
Get me.
39 - What is your natural hair color?
This.
40 - What are you terrible at?
Oh just about everything.
40 Secrets about yourself.
Be honest no matter what...
1 - Have you ever been asked out?
Yes, yes I have. First ever relationship I was asked out, back when I was shy and naiive.
2 - Where was your avatar picture taken?
Well all of them were taken in my bedroom, don't think I have one on the blog yet though.
3 - What is your middle name?
Luke - A biblical referrence, like the rest of my name.
Except my last name, that means son of rabbit.
4 - Your current relationship status?
Desperately single.
Seriously, it's like the most single anyone could be.
But meh.
5 - Does your crush like you back?
Hahaha, I've given up on saying I have a 'crush' on someone.
Now it's just "Oh she's nice" or simply "I would"
Cliché guy response there.
6 - What is your current mood?
Oh I'm alright, bit miffed but hey? When aren't I?
7 - What color underwear are you wearing?
Ooh, cheeky, oh do stop *waves hand like a gay man*
But anyway, my boxer shorts are blue today I think.
8 - What color shirt are you wearing?
Ees green, senor, my colour I've been told.
9 - Missing something?
Why? What have you taken?
10 - If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
Take a guess, genius.
I'd cure lukemia.
11 - If you must be an animal for one day, what and why?
Oh I wouldn't be one animal, I'd be a bald eagle, a snake, a frog, a dolphin, a kangaroo and definitely a wolf.
Maybe a rabbit.
I don't give simple answers.
12 - Ever had a near death experience?
I nearly got molested by two drunk men. They had broken bottles.
I've also nearly been in a car crash, me on the road.
13 - Something you do a lot?
What don't I do a lot?
Catch herpes. That's what.
14 - The song stuck in your head?
and why do birds... suddenly appear... everytime... you and I are near?
Just like me, they long to be... close to yohoouu
15 - Who did you copy and paste this from?
The interweb.
16 - Name someone who has the same birthday as you.
No one shares my birthday.
Not that I know of anyway.
I mean, I'm sure someone does, but I don't care.
It's my day.
17 - When was the last time you cried?
I don't cry. One of my many flaws.
18 - Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
Oui. I did a solo at my old school for our leaving performance.
"We could anything that we wanted to be, and it's not too late to chahange"
19 - If you could have one super power what would it be?
Telekenesis.
Moving stuff with my mind.
Opening doors without touching them.
Shit like that.
20 - What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Shape if I can't see their face (I refrain from saying boobs) and then their lips.
In fact, the girl's features as an ensemble.
There isn't a particular part of a girl that makes me go "ooh I would" and then I look at her face and go "Oh maybe not"
No, it's always "Okay, she could be hot, okay, turn around, let me see your face, nice fit."
21 - What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I don't.
22 - What's your biggest secret?
Ooh, sneaky.
23 - Favorite color?
I don't particularly care.
I have a favourite colour for different things.
Par exemple, I would have a red shirt, but not red trousers.
I would cream leather seats, but a metalic grey car.
24 - Do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?
I watch man shows.
Scrubs.
Heroes.
TV panel shows like Mock the Week and Have I Got News for You.
Other stuff.
25 - What's on your wall?
Currently my personal England shirt and a couple of achievables.
26 - What are you?
Magic.
Possibly in a can.
27 - Do you speak any other language?
Every language on the face of the planet.
28 - What's your favorite smell?
Smoked ham.
Seriously, it's like the best smell of all time.
I can sit there and sniff at my sandwich for ages.
29 - Describe your life in one word.
Meh.
30 - Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Oui, my first.
It was alright.
Not going to make a fuss.
31 - What are you thinking about right now?
I'm just thinking about what I would be doing right now if I was a spy.
Perhaps I'd be sitting on a bench, with good bush coverage, so that there is little chance of an ambush.
33 - What should you be doing?
Work. That I said I'd be doing instead of whatever the other option this evening was.
34 - Who was the last being that made you upset/angry?
Hmm, good question. Probably me, I do that a lot.
35 - How often do you talk to God?
All the time.
Yeah, me and the g-dogg are like that *does weird gangsta thing with the fingers and the chest hitting and the what not*.
37 - If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Jeremy.
Yup, that's right, it's a first name, not a last name.
Get me.
39 - What is your natural hair color?
This.
40 - What are you terrible at?
Oh just about everything.
02 Feb 2010 - Nothing Interesting
Well I thought I'd start off with nothing interesting.
At the time of writing I'm talking to KB, and she's a great person to talk to. Needless to say we live a couple of hundred miles apart, but somehow the connection has been made and it has stayed. The only other instance in which I have stayed in contact with someone I don't physically know is the Swede, but he doesn't leave me alone.
I regret to say that she and Frenchy/Lamaal know something that my actual family (meaning my close friends) don't know. That being of the hurting of myself. They should know, but sometimes I can't trust them.
It's the guys mainly, Big P can be very untrustworthy, because of the way he messes around. I can trust the Stag, but I've also known him to double-cross me on more than one occasion, either just by telling everyone else and going "haha", or by reporting to the Doe. Perhaps us males are just completely untrustworthy altogether.
I would trust the Doe, but I've also known her to tell the Stag things, one thing in particular that was like "Whoa, I told you that in confidence." Next thing you know the Stag tells Pogostick and then the whole frickin world goes "Oh my god."
So yeah, that's why I haven't told my actual family.
Well, they'll know now as soon as they realise that this is me.
Anyway, I'm scarpering for the night.
What I plan on doing in future posts is lifting stuff from the T-Dog (my diary - with an extra little codename just to confuse things up a little), because that has some pretty deep shit in it.
Ciao for now.
At the time of writing I'm talking to KB, and she's a great person to talk to. Needless to say we live a couple of hundred miles apart, but somehow the connection has been made and it has stayed. The only other instance in which I have stayed in contact with someone I don't physically know is the Swede, but he doesn't leave me alone.
I regret to say that she and Frenchy/Lamaal know something that my actual family (meaning my close friends) don't know. That being of the hurting of myself. They should know, but sometimes I can't trust them.
It's the guys mainly, Big P can be very untrustworthy, because of the way he messes around. I can trust the Stag, but I've also known him to double-cross me on more than one occasion, either just by telling everyone else and going "haha", or by reporting to the Doe. Perhaps us males are just completely untrustworthy altogether.
I would trust the Doe, but I've also known her to tell the Stag things, one thing in particular that was like "Whoa, I told you that in confidence." Next thing you know the Stag tells Pogostick and then the whole frickin world goes "Oh my god."
So yeah, that's why I haven't told my actual family.
Well, they'll know now as soon as they realise that this is me.
Anyway, I'm scarpering for the night.
What I plan on doing in future posts is lifting stuff from the T-Dog (my diary - with an extra little codename just to confuse things up a little), because that has some pretty deep shit in it.
Ciao for now.
In the beginning...
... exciting story about the heavens and the Earth/some huge explosion.
Hi, I'm the Wolf.
I'd like to say what my actual name is, but stuff and stuff about identity and people finding out about stuff.
Anyway, let's start with a little about me whatsit
...
Okay, I give up, I'll just do some kind of thing about something or nothing
Also, I apologise for being a little something, but I can't be bothered proofreading and stuff so I'm just going to type stuff as I think it - best way to blog in my view.
Right, here's me and my life in a short little niblet:
I'm a self-loathing, self-harming, jealous, depressive, too-skinny-for-my-own-good idiot who follows girls around like there's no tomorrow.
I hate my family, I have only one parent and one grandparent, plus my two brothers = the only direct family I have.
On the other hand I am always happy when with my actual family, those-lot-that-I-love.
At these moments I am an accepted member of society with goals and attributes that can actually be marked down as something acceptable, or other ramble.
Anyway, that's my ramble about myself, if whatever vague
I'm welcome to questioning, so fire away.
Hi, I'm the Wolf.
I'd like to say what my actual name is, but stuff and stuff about identity and people finding out about stuff.
Anyway, let's start with a little about me whatsit
...
Okay, I give up, I'll just do some kind of thing about something or nothing
Also, I apologise for being a little something, but I can't be bothered proofreading and stuff so I'm just going to type stuff as I think it - best way to blog in my view.
Right, here's me and my life in a short little niblet:
I'm a self-loathing, self-harming, jealous, depressive, too-skinny-for-my-own-good idiot who follows girls around like there's no tomorrow.
I hate my family, I have only one parent and one grandparent, plus my two brothers = the only direct family I have.
On the other hand I am always happy when with my actual family, those-lot-that-I-love.
At these moments I am an accepted member of society with goals and attributes that can actually be marked down as something acceptable, or other ramble.
Anyway, that's my ramble about myself, if whatever vague
I'm welcome to questioning, so fire away.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)