Seriously. Don't. My blog posts are notoriously long and take between 5 and 10 minutes to read. I challenge you to hold your breath for that long. Actually, the point is that I don't challenge you, because I know for a fact that no one in the world can hold their breath for longer than 7 minutes [citation needed].
Now, what would this blog post be all about? I wish I could tell you, readers, because I'm frankly rolling with it because I have nothing better to do. The only thing that has happened since New Year's has been JC night with the Brotherhood. As awesome as JC nights are, this leaves me feeling a little underwhelmed at this final week of holiday. I'm currently sitting amongst my German papers with my finger poised and ready to double click on my DT coursework. Now I bet you know why I'm writing this blog post.
Yup, exams are nigh once more and this time I'm even more worried because they're retakes of the exams I didn't do too well in during the summer. To be fair though, I didn't do particularly well in any of my exams in the summer. I guess that's why I'm worried. I set my sights for A's and B's and come out with B's and D's, which is never ever a good thing. If I don't do well over the next couple of weeks, then that's it. I may as well kiss my dream of being a writer/director goodbye.
The first of these exams will be my German speaking. This is bad. While I can write German pretty damn well, speaking is certainly not my forte. It shouldn't technically be any different, should it? The only difference is that writing 200 words in German takes about an hour whereas speaking would take about 5 minutes. I guess it's the whole error margin thing. While speaking, I can't go back at the end of my sentence and check my grammar, and it's also a lot more time-costly when trying to work around words. Never-mind though. I'm at least twice as prepared this time.
The second is my German listening, reading and writing. Herr Nicholls is confident that I'm going to do brilliantly this time around because I'm ... good at German. So I'm not as panicky about this one.
The third will be DT retake. I made a stupid mistake last time and paid for it by missing out on like five billion marks. This time will be different though. I'm going to ace it.
So yeah, I don't know whether it's the constant revision/DT coursework, but I haven't been feeling all that fresh this week. Normally I'm a happy chappy who sees light at the end of the tunnel, kind of like a mole who's had laser eye surgery, or a bat. That bat hasn't had anything special, they just have really good eyesight. Don't argue with me, it's just true. Yeah, their sonar helps them see in the dark. They live in the dark. Just shut up. I'm not having this conversation with you any longer. I know I wasn't arguing with anyone. Fuck off. But over the last week I've been really down. I've reverted to my ways of getting angry at everything. I'll tell you what, on Tuesday morning I shouted at myself because I wasn't awake enough to whistle to the dog. I don't know, I guess it's just that all talk has been business talk recently. It's rubbish. Whatever's getting me down though, I'm sure it'll disappear on Monday when I'm reunited with my Real Family once more.
So uh... this has been a depressing post, hasn't it? I feel kind of bad. Looking for inspiration... Damn it, I literally can't find any inspiration for a weird, hilarious story. There was a ... goldfish and a ... rhinoceros and they ... lived in a shack ... on top of a large hill that overlooked Pearl Harbour. Whose bright idea was that? I mean that rhino is way out of its depth. It doesn't know what's going on and its certainly sure to be agitated. You really don't want to agitate a rhino. This is why the goldfish is so scared.
Rhino: you lookin' at me, sunshine?
Goldfish: No, no, I'm just... swimming about ... bloop.
Rhino: You look a little frightened there.
Goldfish: Me? Why heavens no, I don't even remember what happens from one moment to the next... AH! THERE'S A FUCKING RHINO IN MY HOUSE!
Rhino: Whoa, take it easy fella.
Goldfish: I'M SERIOUS! SOMEONE CALL THE FUCKING VET OR THE BLOODY ZOO OR A POACHER OR SOMETHING!
Rhino: Now I'm offended. I'm getting really angry now. *Nostrils flare*
Goldfish: Hmm? What was that? *Turns around to face the rhino* AH! THERE'S A FUCKING RHINO IN MY HOUSE!
Rhino: This could go on for some time.
*The rhino smashes into the goldfish bowl and the goldfish is left flailing on the ground*
Rhino: Oh shit, you can live without water can't you? I never mean to hurt anybody... it's just this
Goldfish: Life... flashing before eyes... I see... my bowl... being smashed... can't remember who did it or why... why...? *Looks at rhino* Would you help me kind sir? AH! THERE'S A FUCKING RHIN-
*The rhino stamps on the goldfish*
Rhino: Some things are better silenced.
Whoa, that was gruesome. I'll update soon with some wit and humour... and not a rhino getting pissy at a goldfish.
FYI, if you want to be testy, yes, goldfishes actually do have pretty good memories... for food and colour. "I met... well I can't remember her name... or where I was... or how I got here... or what I was talking about but... *gasp* RED MEANS FOOD TIME!" That's how a goldfish's mind really works. Apparently they're really quite shouty.
Goodnight.
That took me three minutes to read.
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