If Shrek were Politically Correct

Hey there, Inside Voice here. 

I've been trying to think for some time now what fairy tale I could make politically correct next, but Snow Caucasian and the Seven Vertically Challenged but Otherwise Perfectly Normal Individuals just worked so perfectly that I can't really think of anything that compares. But then I had a thought. What contemporary movie combines all fairy tales into one huge fairy tale that was given two sequels too many? Yeah, Shrek. 

Shrek was either male or female, but it doesn't matter because we don't judge people for it. It also doesn't matter what Shrek looks like nor where Shrek lives. Shrek probably got on well with people, but I suppose Shrek may have had a few arguments, but we won't point them out because that would be wrong of us to do so and would also be infringing on Shrek's privacy. What Shrek got up to in Shrek's own personal time was Shrek's own business.

However, on this special occasion we've been given special rights to conduct an investigation into what Shrek got up to in Shrek's last adventure. A tale of an androgynous sentient being in distress reached Shrek's ears, and the Very Important Individual of Power approached Shrek and asked Shrek if Shrek would like to help the VIIoP, and Shrek agreed to take equal part in the task.

The VIIoP then left Shrek to do things how Shrek wanted to do them, but Shrek insisted that this was much the VIIoP's task as it was Shrek's, but the VIIoP was being a little racist towards the VIIoP's self and absolutely claimed that Shrek was up to the job. Eventually Shrek agreed (despite Shrek not liking the idea of claiming superiority over an equal being) and he rode to a large house that was surrounded by fire and lava and shit, and so was actually quite normal (because you know, everything is normal. Everything is average. Nothing is exemplary). There was a dragon in front of Shrek, blocking the path, so Shrek had a very polite conversation with the beast and after a lengthy talk the dragon let him past. A donkey then a relationship with this dragon, but that's more of a subplot.

Wait, if I say something is a subplot, is that technically racist towards subplots? In fact, isn't the term racist a bit... un-PC? The tale of the donkey and the dragon who had a relationship and produced many donkey-dragon offspring is as much of important as the tale of Shrek and as important as the tale of the VIIoP, but shall only be mentioned sparingly during this story because of time-constraint issues. This is the same reason as to why I won't bother telling you the tale of the VIIoP, nor the tale of the androgynous sentient being in distress.

Anyway, Shrek reached the chamber of the androgynous sentient being in distress and she/he told the story of how the dragon was extremely un-PC towards her/him and locked him/her in this tower.

Christfuck this is hard.

Shrek then assisted the androgynous sentient being in distress, whose name Shrek learned to be Fiona, in escaping from castle where Fiona was kept in a very un-PC way.

I suppose un-PC should be PinC, because it's politically incorrect, and not unpolitically correct. Fuck it, this is a PC society that we live in, so it can be either! 

The couple then helped each other back to the house of the VIIoP and the VIIoP then asked Fiona to marry the VIIoP. Fiona politely declined and asked Shrek if Shrek wanted to marry Fiona and he accepted. This was absolutely normal.

Shrek and Fiona then invited all of their beings of undisclosed relation to an undisclosed event to celebrate. All was absolutely normal.

Sometimes, I suppose it was a good thing that Walt Disney was a racist Nazi. But only in this particular circumstance. Who the fuck thought political correctness was an average idea anyway? It's just absolutely normal. Oh wait, I don't have to be PC anymore. Fuck political correctness, fuck you, fuck racism and fuck society's attempts to create one social etiquette. Hitler tried to do that. Do you want to be like Hitler? Why not? That's rather PinC of you. I KNOW HITLER WAS AN AWFUL AWFUL PERSON. I was just making a point.

Anyway, that's all from me. See you on the flip-side.