Looking Back: 2011's Resolutions

So today is the time of year in which every single one of us looks back (maybe) on what we said we'd do at the very beginning of 2011 and then breaks down crying because we have hopelessly failed in our task to better ourselves.

Because this is Cliché Life Stuff, the thing for me to do now would be to explain to you exactly how much I have failed and then how much I need to try and redo next year. That'll be annoying.

So, here goes nothing. Be prepared for failure of the highest magnitude.

1. Be happy
This is necessary because this time last year I was a miserable wreck. So this year I'm going to start happy and remain happy indefinitely.
Status: Complete. I'm quite literally the most cheerful person you'll ever meet. Actually, that's a lie, I'm nowhere near the most cheerful person you'll ever meet, but I have come strides forward in terms of how happy I am. There have been a few upsets, yes, but that's just life really, isn't it? I've moved forward and I haven't let petty things ruin my days. 

One down.

2. Find someone
I have everyone I need except someone. I didn't want to say "get a girlfriend" because that's far too cliché and it's not like this blog is about cliché life stuff or anything. You know what I mean.
Status: I - I don't know. We all knew what I meant, and in that sense it's a no. But saying "someone" is stupid. I have a host of wonderful people in my life, and I'm confident that these people are the best people in the world. Somewhat. Some of you are bad, bad people. But if you're a friend of me, then that means that I have chosen you because you have the potential to not be a complete moron, and you have the ability to be a good person. There are too many people in this world, which is why I try my best to only be friends with persons. Persons are ... well they're not people. Persons think for themselves and don't follow the pack. They're usually agnostic. Some of them aren't, granted, but that makes them even better, surely? 


Umm. Yeah.

3. Cut down on [redacted]
Last year [redacted] was a real problem for me, so this year I'm going to cut down on it. Some of you may think this is stupid, some of you may not even know what [redacted] means, but it's redacted for a reason.
Status: Complete. Well done.

Two out of three so far.

4. Make and retain actual workout sessions
Last year I started doing this, but it was on/off with my attempts at gaining weight. This year I intend to not give up as soon as I pull every muscle in my arm so that they become disabled for the next three days.
Status: Oops. There have been points in the year where I've forced myself to regularly exercise, but it was either the wrong kind of exercise or not at all effective. I should invest in some weights.

5. Gain weight
It's still a problem, but I'm working on it.
Status: Oops again. It was going well, and then I accidentally lost a stone in the first term of uni. But that's because I was an idiot. Fortunately I've nearly put that weight back on, and next year if I start working out with weights and start cooking then I'll do well at that.

So that's two out of five. Not even half.

6. Ace all exams, finish all coursework to my best ability and secure my place at De Montford
This shouldn't technically be that difficult so long as I keep working and don't get distracted by too much.
Status: Done! I did better in my final exams than I did in all of my other exams. Especially in Media. Christ that was a good exam. Who knew complaining about the government would get me a place at DMU? Cool beans, bro.

Okay, so that makes it 50%.

7. Be the best I can make me
Nothing made me happier than when this blog became the best blog on the planet. So this year I should really let this blog run wild and try and seep over into my life more so that I can be the best person ever, and not just on this blog.
Status: I don't really know. I'd say yes. For god's sake, I'm Head of Production for Demon TV, my blog is more popular than ever, I do a vlog, Granite Moths is running for gold in the Slender Parody Olympics, and I think I have conclusive proof that I am an amazing friend to the people I love. Yeah, I think that's a definite yes. That's such a big yes it's almost orgasmic.

Whoo! More than half!

8. Be more confident, man
Last year I had a huge boost in my confidence. This year I'm going to keep that confidence and not let petty things like house-bound issues and my past get in the way of the important things in life, like exams, my Real Family and of course resolution number 2.
Status: Ongoing. For the sake of making myself feel better, I'd say yes. At least in terms of the description I provided. I've actually purged my memory of my childhood and pretty much everything before I started to become the man your man could smell like. I mean, the man that I am now. That was so that I could start over, or at least forget what an awful person I used to be, and ever since I've just become more and more confident, and now I'm Head of Production for Demon TV. At this rate, I'll achieve my ultimate goal in my teenage life.

9. "Don't make a girl a promise..."
If I fail any of these resolutions, then this resolution is also an automatic fail. Can I handle failing more than one thing? No, of course I can't. Therefore I've made up this cunning plan so that I keep to my word. I'm wicked aren't I?
Status: Bollocks. Why would I do that to myself? Aw... Although I suppose I was right to do it, because that's a fucking harsh challenge.

There's one remaining.

10. On December 31st, laugh at myself for ever considering these other nine resolutions as challenges
;)
Status: Ha, not-so ha, ha, aw, aw, ha, ha, ha, aw. I don't know if that means it's complete or not. But, nonetheless, I'd say I've done pretty well. The things that I have completed I think mean a lot more than the things that I haven't completed. Yes, those menial challenges will be repeated next year, and if I don't complete it next year, then it'll have to be made doubly hard the year after that, because I'm cruel to myself like that. 

Well, I'd like to give myself a pat on the back, really. 2011 has been a wonderful year. It's mainly been all about the up, and not so much about the down. Our lives are moving on quite rapidly, and some things have changed (most of them very recently), but at the end of the day, as long as the good people stay good, and the bad people stay the fuck away from me, then nothing bad can possibly happen. I've met new good people, realised that some people whom I used to think were good people actually turned and became bad people, and in-turn I forgot about them, but now a state of equilibrium, on New Year's Eve, I think has finally been reached. If there are people out there who are unhappy, then for god's sake have a chat with me and cheer up.

I have absolutely no doubt that 2012 will be an amazing year. Now that we've all grown up and discarded all of this petty drama that used to surround us, there is literally nothing (aside from distance) that could keep us from being happy. I speak of course about My Real Family, and of course all of my new friends at Uni and naturally everyone else.

2012 should be the time when we look back at our past lives and then forget all about them. Tomorrow should be the start of the future, a time when all the things that I said Future Pete will deal with, will now actually deal with. It should be the start of a happiness revolution. Nothing can possibly get in the way of anything now. And if anything should try to crop up, then I want to take your hand, clench is ever so slightly (as if you were a bear) and then bat it away. There will be no violence, no tears, no anger. Tomorrow we will march into the beginning of the rest of our lives and never look back, because they may take our lives, but they'll never take OUR FREREEEEDONM!

Uhm. I think I got a little carried away.

Have a good night.

Pete out.

Andrew and Claire's Wedding

Andrew is Josh's Dad. That clears that up.

Uh, the video isn't here right now, but when it is it'll obviously be posted at the top of the post. In it I pretty much describe the entire event, and there are no pictures that have surfaced to speak of yet (my camera was replaced that day by my Handycam) and so there isn't really much I can tell you.

I mean, I would try and do some long and convoluted post about the fun we had and all that, but it is all literally described in the video.

It only leaves me to say really that I do wish Andrew and Claire all the best in their new life together and that they remain together for many, many years to come. Congratulations.

Pete out.

Merry Christmas!

Oh boy, the day has finally arrived. You know what this means? It is now socially acceptable for some fat bloke with a beard to break into my house, drink my alcohol and put some kind of parcel underneath a distastefully lit tree.

I would complain about Christmas some more, but I'd rather share some of last year's Christmas words with you, along with some of the Christmas messages I sent out to the people I actually enjoy spending Christmas with, and then I'll share with you a message that I would share with a member of my family, just to put things in comparison.

In fact, I'll do the family message first, using Inside Voice, because I'm feeling particularly hateful right now.

Dear Family Member,
You are a dick. I hate you. You have brought me nothing but pain and misery for the majority of my life. I hope one of your cards is a letter bomb. I hope that one of your parcels has a caltrop bomb in it so that you get stabbed in the feet a lot by lots of tiny pricks. You know what else is a tiny prick? You. You are. You are just an annoying thorn in my side. On this day I am forced to spend time with you due to social etiquette, and so I will do my very best to seem pleased by the fact that you have indeed bought me an expensive item that I do indeed need, but I'd rather be poor and live with my friends. The fact that you are willing to buy me gifts is a bonus. I've never understood why you didn't just send me out years ago. It would have been easy. You could have turned to any of my friends and said, "Do you just want to take him? He clearly prefers you," but you didn't. Me being me, I don't like to burden people, and so I'm going to stick around, because I'm a burden to you. How's that for thorn in the side? Yeah, not so good in return is it?
I wish you all the best for when I finally get a full-time job and a house somewhere that isn't anywhere that would give me obligation to return, but until that time I will continue to hate you, 
Peter.

God I hate them.

So, let's lighten the mood, shall we?

First, I'll write what I put on Facebook:
"Today is the day in which social protocol dictates that we eat lots, give presents and spend the day with the people we're forced to spend the majority of our lives with. I hope you all have a great day. Merry Christmas :)"

Here is another brilliant message that I concocted:
"It's fucking Christmas Day now, so it's time to loosen our belts and deck the halls. I hate halls. That's why I deck them extra hard. I hope you have a wonderful day and I hope Santa doesn't get you anything too deadly :)"

You can take three guesses as to whom this was written to:
"Happy Christmukkah! That's the combination between Hanukkah and Christmas to represent your dual beliefs! Your Jewish side should definitely want to reap the benefits of Christmukkah, since it's two holidays in one. Have a great day :)"

I'm all down for the personalised message thing. Anyway, I'm going to apologise now because I was going to try and do some sort of epic Christmas blog post thing with cartoons and shit, but I'm tired and honestly I'm just not in the mood. Literally, the only thing I like about Christmas is being able to wish everyone a good day in a humorous way. If I get any humorous responses, then I'll naturally post them. In fact, I can start with the one from Josh:
"You too, mate xx have a nice day XD bless your heart having to spend it with those cretins :)"

I feel that, Josh.

Here's Alannah's massively hilarious Christmas message:

"So my first christmas message wasn't 'me' enough! So here goes! Yo, yo, yo Lannabear in da house. .rock out my homies and have a wickey wickey Christmas!Peace out =P!"

But I can't go without sharing at least one funny thing that I made with you (you know, aside from the vlog post which is at the top), so I'm going to steal a realisation from last year:

"I guess I'd better start with Christmas Day since that's kind of a big deal around here. It's either about a fat guy with a beard that breaks into people's homes and steals their food and wine, but then for some reason leaves a load of stuff under a fir tree... or it's about a kid who became born about a month from now two thousand and ten years ago. That kid grew up to have a beard. Wait a minute...

:O NO WAY!

"It all makes sense now. In fact, let me throw another written theory at you.
Father Christmas/Santa
Son Jesus/Emanuel
Holy Ghost of Christmas Past/Present/Future

"Duh!"

I theorised that Santa and Jesus are the same bloke! That's hilarious. In any case, I think it would stand up pretty well. Look at them. They do look very much alike, except of course Jesus would be black... Would be is the important phrase there. However, I don't know if you've seen any photographs of Jesus, he is definitely white. As is Santa. Santa is definitely white as well. Photographic evidence proves this. It's right there, so take a look for yourself.

Anyway, like last year, Christmas Day's post has been awful and depressing. I hope you get a laugh out of my misery, because that in turn will make me happy. I feed off other people's joy like a badger. But watch out, badger's be crazy. Although I do indeed have your back, Jack. Like a butt crack.

As I am socially obligated to say, I hope you do indeed have a wonderful and magical day, and I hope you get fed well, and then I hope you think of the poor people in this world who couldn't feed themselves on Christmas Day, and then I hope you, being the wonderful Audience that you are, help to feed the world and let them know it's Christmas time.

Did I share the Demon TV Christmas video with you?

Well then this is a perfect opportunity!

Merry Christmas, again.

Pete out.

In The Run Up

So, it's Christmas day on Sunday (tomorrow if I don't finish this post in the next five minutes, which I probably won't. It's currently still Friday for me, but it might be Saturday for you, in any case, let's get on with this and close these brackets up) and therefore I need to update you on all of the shenanigans of the last few days.

And you know what's amazing about this post? I can do it in two formats. Just wait and see.

Sophia's Big Christmas Meal
Ever had a girl cook turkey and stuffing potatoes and vegetables and pigs in blankets for you? Yes? Oh, well then you won't be jealous that Sophia did exactly that for us on Wednesday. Wait, was it Wednesday? Nope, it was Tuesday. Sorry! On Tuesday Sophia did exactly that for us. Do I have pictures? Probably.

There she is, looking all radiant and what not. As is always the style with my photography, Sophia totally wasn't ready for this photograph. Although I gave Luke plenty of time to pose for this photograph:

He's just not making the effort really, is he? In any case, the meal was absolutely gorgeous. I can honestly say that it was nicer than the meal I had with Demon TV at Toby Carvery in Leicester. And you know what she did that I've never seen before? A bowl of stuffing. That's like, an unlimited amount of stuffing. Well, not quite unlimited, but I always find balls of stuffing to be... not quite enough. You get one or two balls of stuffing, and by the time you've had half of your turkey it's gone! I shouldn't have to ration my stuffing to only have it on every other mouthful. That's ridiculous. Whereas at Sophia's, this wasn't a problem at all, and in fact there was enough to have with the potatoes and pigs in blankets as well.

I also got to dress up and look amazing.

That's all there is to that day. Well done Sophia and thank you for making that positively scrumptious meal, you wonderful person you.

Secret Santa
Hah! I don't have to write anything!

Dual format blog post for the win.

I'm not going to bother say Merry Christmas to you yet because I do indeed plan on ... ah hell, I've got another vlog post to edit. But yeah, I plan on writing again tomorrow (probably at midnight again because that's what I do) so you can look forward to an amazing Christmas-themed blog post with shit everywhere*.

*There won't actually be any shit.

Pete out.

First Flight Footy

First Flight Footy: Ligue 1 - 18th December 2011: I'm so out of my depth that the bottom looks like a tiny speck. So, French football, in the ... whateverth week of Ligue 1. Things are rea..."

Dukey told me that I need to plug First Flight Footy. So here it is. A plug.

I hope you've enjoyed this plug for First Flight Footy. Gah! I hate saying footy. Why couldn't it be called First Flight Football? It's so much more catchy, and people don't feel homosexual for saying it. I'm not going to lie, I feel a little bit homosexual every time I say footy. It's just such a ... homosexual word. If you are a homosexual, then you are also entitled to think that "footy" is a shit word, and as such you can feel a little bit paedophilic every time you say it. No, that makes it sound like there's a scale. Hmm... How can I get out of this mess...? How about we just scrap that whole idea, and just all collectively agree that the word "footy" sucks balls and/or pussies depending on your preference.

Boom! Nailed it.

In any case, you may be interested to here, fans of Cliché Life Stuff (the best blog in the interwebs), that I am now writing for a third blog called that thing up there.

Oh, while I'm talking about blogging, I have the opportunity to be professionally published in... Okay, I've forgotten the name of the people I'll be blogging for, but nonetheless it's a professional thing that could get my name out there and make me famous. Not that I want to be famous of course, because I despise the idea of fame, but you know, I might make random money for doing nothing, which is always good. They want me to blog about uni stuff, and since it'll be looked at by industry professionals it might... not be as funny as this blog, but in this blog I take the piss out of everyone on the planet including myself.

You're a dick.
Okay, well my Inside Voice takes the piss out of me at least.

I'm going to leave you with the motto that I created for First Flight Football (I'm also going to slowly make people say that in the hopes that it'll be converted to not have the homosexual and/or straight (depending on your preference) word that is "footy"):

Be prepared to be kicked in the balls. Footballs.

Pete out.

I Will Be Home For Christmas

That was a spin on the song title "I Won't Be Home For Christmas" by Blink182.

But yes, now the time has come to inform you all that I indeed have left University for the duration of three weeks so that I can be home for Christmas. So let me tell you about Thursday.

It wasn't particularly exciting to be honest. But I got up at the very reasonable time of about 1230 and breakfasted, and then I watched Cowboys and Aliens, which is to say quite a good film. It's not one of the best, and it did seem very silly at points, but it killed a few hours, and it's been a while since I've seen an Old West film, so that was welcome. What I did like was the fact that they had a plot surrounding the cowboys and their town that could have easily been its own film, but then aliens arrived and fucked it all up. That was definitely a good way to do it.

In any case, I soon went over to Alannah's house so that I could see her before I left for home. David Winter (my boss) happened to be there as well, so it was good to have a laugh with him before he had to shoot off.

I'm suddenly realising exactly how short this blog post is going to be...

In any case, what was supposed to happen that night was the big Demon TV movie night social, which everyone excluding most people in Demon TV went to. As I was going home, I couldn't go to this movie night. So I stayed chatting to Lannah until about half 19, at which point Hannah and Ben arrived and I realised that I only had half an hour to get back to my flat, eat and pack before my Dad arrived. Ben and I then demonstrated the perfect man hug and I think I got just about the weirdest hug ever off Hannah. I don't mean weird as in awkward, I mean weird as in she's taller than me. I don't think I've ever hugged a girl who's taller than me before. It works perfectly with Lannah because she's the same height as me (and yeah, that's something I've noticed about Leicester, everyone seems really tall. They're either my height or taller, and I don't know why), but with Hannah my chin was in her shoulder. In any case, I then gave Lannah a massive hug and left them to get prepared for their night.

I then popped back to my flat (trying to avoid using the word "home" so I don't cause confusion) and set everything out, had a quick curry and then my Dad arrived in the Z4.

I then packed up and we went home.

Then I noticed some odd things about home. Everything seemed a lot smaller. The sink is lower down, the people are tiny. In fact, that is something I've noticed about all my old friends when I see them again. Because of the DMU illusion, every single one of my old friends looks smaller, and that counts doubly for Lauren who just looked minuscule when I saw her. Crazhy timesh.

I did get a nice surprise today (as in Friday, which is now yesterday) though. I went into town to shout at the Royal Mail for giving me an ambiguous note telling me that I had to pay some money, and so I did so online, but they didn't tell me what they were trying to deliver, nor even include my full name on the card. It might even be for me. In any case, on my way home I bumped into Courtney of all people. If you don't remember Courtney, she was one of my favourite kids last year when I used to teach them. Christ things have changed. Apparently they haven't at Brooke though, and in fact everything is quite the same apparently. She's getting on well though, if you're at all interested.

It only leaves me to say what a joy the first three months of Uni have been. I've already briefly talked about how much I love Demon TV and how they've made my life a little bit interesting. But, like the ways of old, let's spare a moment to commemorate those people who matter to me most at De Montfort University. (Spoiler, they're all from Demon TV)

Ben
What a dude. "This guy" is his one of his favourite phrases, along with "hero". Sometimes they're in conjunction with each other, as if to say, "I'm a hero", which of course he thinks he is. He's utterly convinced that he is a separate person from "Drunk Ben" who is his alter-ego, which only ever comes out when he's on the old glass and a half, and then some. As Station Manager, he has made sure (almost pointlessly) that I am punctual, always on task and up to date with everything that I do. He gave me a deadline to do the Christmas video, and I set out to do it. One day before deadline I said, "Ben, it won't be up by tomorrow," but a little word of encouragement later and there it was, on time and ready for the world to see. He's a pretty standard guy, who gets a little touchy feely over me when he's drunk, and he also completely confides in me.

James Langley
This guy is on my course with me, and also happens to be the Head of Pre-Production. We have more arguments in a day than there are hours, but at the end of each argument (usually the end is signalled by someone telling us to stop arguing) we have a laugh and let everyone know that there isn't any bad bloody between us. He too completely confides everything in me, and also presses me for information if I even look a little bit down, which is honourable but can be a little bit annoying. But nah, he's cool. He and I have become a team to behold. Wherever there's a Demon TV shoot, we're not far behind to say, "Look, you're doing it all wrong." We are the brick and mortar of Demon TV, and without us there wouldn't be a Demon TV right now.

Stan the Man, the Man with a Plan
Actually, I don't think I've ever seen Stan plan anything. He kind of just does stuff. Annoyingly, Stan doesn't confide in me, which is annoying because recently he's been a bit of a grumble bum. But everyone knows what happens to grumble bums. They get a ride on the tickle train. Stan's a pretty stellar guy though. If you need something done, then Stan the Man will get it done.

Hannah
Sadly I haven't really had much of a chance to bond with Hannah. She's there often enough, but I haven't yet really had the chance to hang out with her without anyone else there. But hey, that's something to work on isn't it? She's a pretty cool lady, and is also our new Social Secretary. Hang on, I've noticed a pattern emerging. James and I become good friends with Stan and Ben. James and I become execs. We meet Alannah and soon the exec team is one unit of really good friends. Hannah is also part of this group, and we're always going out together and having a great time. Hannah becomes Social Sec. Hmm... I'm sure it's coincidence that the best people for each job respectively became the Heads.

David Winter
He's my boss, the one who tells us to step it up a notch when we're not doing well. I do keep reminding him that James and I are only newbies, and that our team is actually very new indeed. We've all been thrown into the deep end a little bit, because Demon TV created at least one good show last year, and we've been tasked with creating fucking loads of great shows this year. We've got some in the pipeline, and they're going well. But yeah, he's got my back like a butt-crack, this guy. I like him, but I don't think I've warmed very well to him as an individual, but that might be because he's my boss and most of the time with him it's business, because he's got a lot to worry about. But I'm sure as soon as we as a station get our necks out of the woods, common ground will find itself quicker than a cheetah on speed.

Alannah
What a joy it has been to get to know Alannah. I think she's the one girl in history who I've spilled everything to and hasn't turned around and said, "What? Oh uh... awkward." Nope, she's stuck with me from day one. As people we've had our ups and downs, along with the "Demon TV love explosion" that Ben fondly recalls every now and then. She's not afraid of me because I like her, which is just grand. She looked after me when I nearly died from that whatever drink that Hannah gave me, and even showed me how a woman changes bedsheets. And you know what else? She's Irish. More often than not she'll say something that doesn't mean anything to me, and this surprises her for some reason, but nonetheless we always get a good laugh out of it. I get a particular sense of pride whenever she says something to someone and she turns to me and says, "I've already talked to you about this, Pete." She know that I'm there for her, and I know that she's there for me. That's pretty fine and dandy.

So, that's the team if I haven't talked about them before.

Roll on the holidays. It's time to the faces that I've missed so much after the last three months. Or however long it's been since I last saw you. You know who you are.

Pete out.

Equality

I know what you're thinking. With a title like that this is sure to be a controversial blog post. And so let it be a controversial blog post.

LOGO.

Basically, Dukey set me off earlier because he made a very good point. Let me quote him, "If the disabled really wanted to be treated equally, how come their spaces aren't randomly strewn across the car park."

Let me just clarify for a second, I have no problem with disabled people having their own car parking spaces next to the entrance of the shops. On reflection, I think it is very balanced and fair to let these people have these spots to make their lives easier and happier.

In fact, I'm just going to shut up about disabled people. They're not actually what I'm talking about.

What I am going to talk about is the rant that I think I've said to about half a dozen people already. What you are about to witness is my racism rant.

So do you remember a couple of years ago when the whole world was rallying together to put an end to racism? Yeah, the negros and Asians and just about everyone else wanted to be able to move about the world and settle down anywhere and be instantly accepted. Fine. I don't have a problem with this. What I have a problem with is that when all these people move in with us, they form their own societies. Now, it's almost fine if it's for religious beliefs (I say almost because I'm just not okay with any closed group), but otherwise if you want to mix with us so badly why do you then create Little India or Puny Pakistan in the middle of Leicester or indeed the entirety of Poland in Northamptonshire? To me, it doesn't make any sense. Yes, okay, it's easier to make friends with people that you're in some way related to, but surely the point of moving around the world was to mix with other cultures, and not to force your own culture upon everyone else and then claim racism when we say no?

If you think I'm being a little insensitive, then I'm afraid you can go and fuck yourself. Because the world isn't going to work unless everyone understands everyone, and let's face it, half of the reasoning behind racism is that the racists don't understand who they're picking on. They look at someone different and immediately think that this is wrong because let's face it, racists are mindless idiots.

But even so, I caught myself being pissed off because some Polish people opened a convenience store in the middle of my home town that was aimed entirely at the Polish population. I have no problem with the Polish making businesses, but for them to have everything written in Polish is wrong. If you now really think that I'm a racist, then take an example from whenever I go abroad. I am always absolutely pissed off when I see shops that are aimed exclusively for English people in other countries. As much in the same way that people should adapt to our culture when they move over here, we should do the same when we go abroad. So if you were to call me racist, then you'd have to say I was racist to everyone including myself. Does that make sense to you?

In fact, at the end of the day, the only people who, ironically, I'm not angry at for falling for any of this crap is the French. They keep themselves to themselves. Yes, they're really rude and lazy, but they don't just sit by and let English shops open. They're too pig-headed to that. And they're not a communist country, so that's in a way plus points for them. I didn't think I'd be commending the French for much, but this time I have. Well done?

Umm, once again, if you found me to be offensive in any way, I didn't mean to be. I'm just expressing what is apparent in society, and I believe I have formed an effective and balanced conclusion based on the results. You dig?

Pete out.

Peter's Childhood Adventures Episode 2: Cadbury World

AAH THIS WAS SO COOL.

Unfortunately I didn't vlog because my camera died. Sad times.

But fortunately I have a medium that doesn't require puny batteries and sounding like a muppet. BLOGGING!

So, this time Bekah took me Cadbury World, and Lauren and her friend Angela also joined us. It was very good to see them again; I have missed them quite a bit.

So I got up at early o'clock in the morning, high-tailed it to the train station and got on the 1016 to Birmingham. An hour later I met the most gorgeous trio of women since... I'm just gonna roll with my adjective and then we popped on a train to Bournville: the home of modern chocolate. Not long after that, we saw this:

We knew our goal was in sight.This wasn't actually part of Cadbury World, but I assume that it's some kind of office for Mr Cadbury. We strolled around this peculiar building and soon we came across this:

No! That's just Lauren and Angela. I meant this:

We were there! Inside it was a festive treat. It was a mighty chocolate themed Christmas:

That's pretty cool, it must be said. After we bought our tickets, Bekah met some black people:

We received our first batch of chocolatey goodness and then we were set to go on a magical ride of epicosity. Within the first few moments of our journey into chocolate-themed loveliness, we saw a man who was wearing a leopard:

I have a lot of respect for this guy. I couldn't wear a leopard. It's illegal now. This guy broke the system, he went against the rules and now he's the king of the jungle. And he has a spear.

In this part of the tour, we learned about the origins of chocolate, and how it used to be a drink and all that. Because I'd already learned all of this in one of my many trips to Germany, I just enjoyed the sights. What I was really excited about came a little while later, when our gracious hosts topped us up with more chocolate. Yes, we found some machinery. Cadbury didn't want me to take pictures, and their signs constantly reminded me as such. So, here's some pictures:

Boxes on their way to be distributed

Machines!

Aha! You broke it!

Chocolate processing!

We unfortunately didn't actually get to see the machines that produce the chocolate. I was disappointed. But nonetheless, some Cadbury adverts from yesteryear made me forget all about it. We then did something really creepy:

What was going on? Why are those cacti wearing sunglasses? What are they so happy about?

Why are there so many beans? Why would you give beans sentience? Does that make them tastier? How did they create that tiny village!?

Why was this cactus humping that bush?! In fact, why is this cactus growing in the Alps [citation needed]?

This was all very confusing and it frightened my immature mind.

I'm joking of course, it was hilarious and the four of us had a proper good laugh while watching that cactus hump the bush.

Anyway, soon I found a new pair of shoes for Lauren:

I thought this was pretty cool; we were able to watch chocolate being hand-crafted by Cadbury's own chocolatiers.

And then something amazing happened. You know that gorilla from the Cadbury advert? Yeah. So saw it:

This was very amazing. But it wasn't even over yet. Even after our magical tour we got to do more chocolate stuff. Firstly, there was the inevitable stop in the Cadbury shop to buy cheap chocolate and then went to something called Essence, where we learned about the formation of Cadbury Dairy Milk and it was all very amusing, and I got to poke fun at their awful attempts to amuse us. They really liked using hologram technology to make it look "life-like". Hahah! In any case, afterwards we got given liquid chocolate with an ingredient of our choice. I went with shortbread, because shortbread tastes nice. After this we went to the Bournville Experience and played a game where we got to build Bournville from scratch. To say the least, we built a pretty awesome town and it thrived and became awesome. Soon, we aspire to reshape the world.

After that we hopped back to New Street and then Lauren and I got on the train back to Leicester.

We all had a wonderful day, and I have to these three wonderful people for making me feel like every child should once in a while. For that half a day I felt like there was nothing wrong with the world, and that everything was wonderful and happy and brilliant. It was a great respite from Uni life and having to keep myself alive and running out of money and being busy with work and getting drunk. I didn't have to worry about anything, and it was almost as if I was being coerced into having a great time. Thanks Cadbury World, and thank you, Lauren, Angela and Bekah. You really made my day :)

So, what will the next Childhood Adventure be? Well, you'll have to stay tuned to find out.

You know what? I'm actually kind of glad that I didn't vlog. Because this post seems very... cliché don't you think? It's a lot like how I used to post. You know, without the worry of videos. Get a bit of nostalgia in ya.

Thanks again, you three, love you lots. Hope to see you soon in the holidays.

Pete out.

The King's Speech

So, last night... nope, Wednesday night the Demon TV crew went out for a massive meal at Toby Carvery. It was delicious. And it only cost £13.99 for as much food as you wanted! And then of course there was the small matter of buying drinks... but in any case, that's fine because I'm not spending any more money on alcohol until January.

So, let's get on with the story. Actually, I kind of summarised it pretty well if I'm honest. In fact, there's not much I can tell you that I didn't say in the vlog so... I honestly don't know where to go from here. Would it be okay to just leave the post like this? I don't see anything wrong with it if I'm honest.

But you know what tomorrow is? Yeah! It's the second episode of my massively popular adventure into the things that I should have done in my childhood. Who knows? I might even vlog in this one. If indeed I deem it appropriate to whip my camera out while Bekah and Lauren are trying to talk to me and push record. I think they'd be cool with it. Would you be cool with it? You'd be cool with it. Uh, but yeah, this time Bekah's taking me to Cadbury World, which apparently everyone this side of England has been to, so I guess it's my turn now.

Why the hell didn't I do any of this stuff as a child? Oh wait, just remembered why. You know, living without my family has made me almost forget what shit people they are. But now I've just been reminded. But nah, it's far easier to live with them if I don't actually live with them than it is to live with them. And yes, that did make perfect sense.

Either way, I've said all I really need to say. If I think of something random to do I'll make a new post, but that's always the situation, so don't count on it.

Pete out.

Cliché Life Stuff: Cinderella: Uncovered

Cliché Life Stuff: Cinderella: Uncovered: Okay, so I was going to do a PC version of Cinderella, but after reading it I discovered that Cinderella is actually fucking dark. So here's...

Pete out.

Ted's Band, the Blanks

FYI: Because I'm awesome like that my vlog posts only relate to my blog posts now, and are no longer spoken versions of it. This means that you now have to view all of my content to get the full picture :)

So, yesterday, the Blanks.

What a fucking awesome evening.

At about 2000 we set up the cameras and the various equipment and it was all looking good. At about 2100 we were still setting up cameras and lighting and what have you because it actually turned out to be quite a complicated job. The SU's lights aren't nearly powerful enough to film proper good high quality stuff, so we had to use our own lighting rig. Apparently we have our own lighting equipment. Go figure. That's actually one aspect of Demon TV that could be done better. So I became Head of Production and therefore I'm in charge of all the expensive filming (and apparently lighting) equipment, so instead of Ben and Stan telling me everything we have in stock, I kind of just have to guess and work it out as I go along. Either way, I love the job.

Some while later we met the Blanks' tour manager, and so we all shook hands and said, "How do you do" and what not, and were told that the Blanks were just sound checking. This went on for some time so we played a game. It's not an exciting game, so don't get your hopes up. It was the "tell us an interesting fact about yourself" game. I hate that game. I ended up talking about Granite Moths, because that's the only thing that I can put to my name that has any credibility (aside from being Head of Production for Demon TV). I said, "Well it's only got like 4000 views in total" and Jessi (the interviewer) was like, "REALLY?! That's really good!" and I was taken aback. I then realised that Granite Moths is somehow on-par with Demon TV's channel. Oh dear. It's either good on Demon TV, or good on Granite Moths. It depends which one is technically better.

Anyway, some time later (about 2300), the Blanks finally arrived. And I got to shake Ted's hand! I mean, it was a totally cool scenario. Everyone shook hands and said, "How do you do", except of course they're American so they said, "How ya doing" and we all took up our positions and the interview began. Hell, what a joy the Blanks are. They are quite literally the funniest people I've met in my time here at Demon TV, and I regularly film stand up comedy, so that's quite something. Because Ted's girlfriend from Scrubs is called Gooch, we managed to pitch the question to them asking them if they knew what gooch meant in English slang. They didn't. It was promptly explained to them. It was hilarious. If you would like to know what a gooch is (I'm not explaining it because you have to show at least a little bit of class on the internet) then look it up on Google, but I advise you not to search it on Images. In any case, after they were told they attacked the interviewers in disgust and that was also very hilarious. We then had to wrap up the interview because the Blanks had to get on stage, but not before we had a picture where we all said, "boing, flip!" and did the pose and it was awesome and it'll hopefully be on Facebook soon.

In any case, it was then time for the gig and you'll be able to watch some of the performances in my vlog post helpfully supplied at the top of the page. It was alright, but it didn't feel very much like a gig. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it very much, but it could've been better. In fact, it would've probably been better if we were at the front of the crowd instead of the back, and also if the Blanks had stayed longer than half an hour. But in any case, it was good fun and I'm glad I got in for free to see the Blanks perform live at my university's Student's Union on Saturday night at Klimax. Entry is usually £4. Unfortunately you have to be a DMU student to go there, so there was probably no point in that promote. Unless... Enrol at DeMontfort University so next year you can get into the Student's Union to see live acts like the Blanks! There you go. You'll also be able to see me, which is a bonus to being anywhere.

After their gig though, the night kind of fizzled out and the inevitable Christmas songs came on. I should've left at about 2am, but I ended up staying there until the end because I enjoy the company of my society, and because stuff was happening and I needed to know about it, and because I've never waited until a club had gotten to its last song before, and because all my stuff was in Alannah's house. When you weigh up the pros and the cons, it was probably a good thing that I stayed. But yeah, I wasn't too happy towards the end of the night, but I guess I was tired because I hadn't been drinking much. So yeah, excuses.

Anyway, this morning I woke up and filmed a music video, so that was good.

Uhh... I think I'm done.

Pete out.

The End of Movember

I wanted to get this post out before the start of December, but I wouldn't necessarily say that I was completely ready to do this post yet.

For starters, I haven't done my awesome Movember montage yet, which will be coming soon.
I need to do a vlog about it, but I don't want it to be done here, so I'll have to get it done possibly tonight hopefully.
Oh yeah, the vlog will have to include the awesome Movember montage, so that'll be that. Or I could do them separately. Hmm...
I'll do my Movember montage, upload it, make the vlog, include the montage in the vlog if time constraints allow me, and then it'll all be hunky and dory.

But what has this month meant? Well, because of Movember, millions of monies from all over the world will go towards treating men with prostate and testicular cancer as well as aiding the research that goes into both, as well as other forms of cancer. It naturally doesn't stop at helping to treat men, women, because you get your fair share of help too if you're suffering from cancer.

What I like about it is that it's not a one-time event like a fun-run or a bath of beans or waxing your ball-sac, it is an entire month of raising money, with the potential to make millions, as I've said. It's brilliant. And you know what? I got to take part in it, which is just good.

I've always cursed myself for not doing more for charity. But what could I do? I'm a pathetic whelp who's metabolism is so high that by the end of the day all my energy is used up, and unless I eat something every couple of hours I get really hungry. This makes me unideal for most charity events, which are designed to push people to their limits. Well, I could do it, but my limit is so small that people just wouldn't believe me. Three miles for me is an absolute torture run, so doing the London Marathon is stupid, and in fact the Sport Relief Mile is a bit of a push too.

But for this entire month, I've had dozens upon dozens of people stopping me in the street and asking me, "Are you doing Movember? Good man, you've got a might fine tache going on there." And you know what? That's a pretty good flipping feeling. And let's face it. I do have a might fine tache. It's mo-tastic.

I've raised money and that's pretty damn good. I haven't raised as much as I would've hoped, but I've raised the second most amount of money in the university, so that's better than almost everyone. I suppose when compared to mine, other moustaches just die of embarrassment.

Anyway, thanks to all who donated, and to all who owe me money because I donated money in their honour - I really need the money, because I'm running dry.

Here's the mo-tage:

Pete out.

P.S. I just found out that Movember raised £65,326,800! £15million of which came from the UK! The second most awesome moustache-growing country in the world! (The first being Canada, because they raised £23million, but they're a big country with lots of moustaches, so that's understandable)

Oh Hell...

So last night was Alannah (the Head of Marketing)'s birthday party. It had a punk rock theme. I dressed up and an effort for like the first time in my life.

And then uh... well, umm... this is going to be a short blog post.

Essentially, I got drunk. I got very drunk. I got so drunk that elephants in New Zealand (they're real) turned their backs to me in disgust. And New Zealand is like on the opposite end of the world, so that's how ashamed they were of me. But in any case, to cut a long story short -

Wait. This is Cliché Life Stuff. The very notion of cutting a long story short is completely beyond me.

Let's do this.

So I started drinking and we were all having a great time, and pictures from Facebook will tell you exactly how stupid I was and blah blah etc etc. Eventually I got so bad that I publicly revealed that I like Alannah (no point in tip-toeing around it now) and then after that I apparently managed to lock myself in the bathroom (a task I had not managed to do while I was sober) and chucked my guts up. I then passed out while on the toilet and then I woke up in my bed this morning fully clothed. I don't know how I got here.

Alannah then came over to give me my jacket back and to help me change my bed sheets and I spilled my heart out to her. She also showed me how women change bed sheets, and I can tell you now that I've been doing it wrong for so many years.

I then managed to piece together what happened from her point of view, so let me tell you about it now.

Alannah and James Langley noticed that I was missing, and apparently people were leaving at this point (I think - but don't quote me on this - that it was about 2 in the morning) so they became worried about me. After a short look around, they discovered that I was in the bathroom, but I had somehow locked the door. They asked me to open the door, and either they had to force it open or I opened it for them (putting into question exactly how my brain was functioning at this point) and then they came in. Fred (one of Alannah's friends; everyone knows Fred) and Alannah saying, "Come on Pete! Wake up! You've got to stay awake!" and I said, "... why?" and I don't know if I got an answer. Alannah then de-keyed and de-phoned me and Fred and Langley carried me back to Liberty Park. Alannah was talking to me all throughout the journey, and apparently I was quite cognitive and conversational. I don't know how I managed it, but I told them where I live, I described an entire vlog post to Lannah, and I responded to literally everything they said whether it was directed at me or not. At one point Lannah told me they were discussing some kind of number, I don't remember what the number relates to, but in random response I said, "But that's not my number!" and apparently this was all very hilarious. They then somehow got me into Liberty Park, found my flat, got me into bed, tucked me in and let me sleep. How the hell they managed to get me up the stairs is beyond me.

I honestly don't remember any of that. And now it's 0100 a day later and I'm still feeling the effects of the hangover. As far as I remember I drank 4 pints of cider and about another pint of vodka, which was stupid.

That night I could have easily been the poster-boy for a Drink Aware advert, and I'm not happy with that. I did feel a little bit better after Alannah consoled me earlier, but I vow that I will never be that stupid ever again. I demonstrated my absolute upper limit and could have died.

However, on the plus side I still hold the record for the most hilarious drunk of all time. However, on the flip-side of that statement the word "drunk" is in that title, and therefore nothing to be happy about.

I was an idiot, and I can now absolutely preach the dangers of alcohol. If it weren't for Alannah, Fred and Langley, I could well be in an alcohol-induced coma or something. Hell, I don't know, but I don't want to know what would've happened if I had just stayed dead to the world with my head balanced on the toilet bowl all night.

However, on the bright side my bed looks nicer than it ever has done before.

I've been an absolute idiot.

Pete out.

Cliché Life Stuff: If Shrek were Politically Correct

Cliché Life Stuff: If Shrek were Politically Correct: Hey there, Inside Voice here. I've been trying to think for some time now what fairy tale I could make politically correct next, but Snow...

Have I Changed?

I haven't changed. No, I haven't.
Nope. I haven't, either.
No. Nothing's changed.
Just a change of scenery.
Yeah, and I make my own food now.
Head of Production...
I'm the flipping top gun here.
New friends...
I've figured out ways to make the most tedious of housework quick, easy and yet still tedious.
Procrastination is a biggie.
I've always procrastinated. That's not new at all.

Granite Moths just hit 4000 views!

But yeah, what is it that makes Dukey and Josh think that I am in the least bit different to how I used to be? I am at least one hundred percent still Peter Hutchinson. I'm just a bit more sciencey now. Sciencey in the sense of maths and refraction, not understanding the laws of thermodynamics and gravity. God I hate gravity. Earlier I was soldering on a tuner for my radio (I know, how cool is that?) but the pins for the tuner are so flat and smooth that the solder just ran straight off! In fact, no, it's not gravity I hate, it's surface tension.

Fuckin' science.

That's actually the title of my next movie in which Leonardo DiCaprio grows a wife in a petri-dish and names her after the theory of relativity.

Anyway, moving on. I'm going to read a blog post from before Uni, and then I'm going to read a current one, and then we'll fuckin' notice a difference, won't we?

Yeah.

Okay, so the post from a week before Uni. Entitled: BANG
In it, I talk about myself as an omnipotent super-being, there's a video of the Cookie Monster singing along to Ramstein and there's also a paint job about your head exploding. My language is as I'd expect it to be. Fantastic in every single way.

Okay, so what about a current one? I suppose this post will do.
In what freaking way is it different? The way I have presented myself is exactly the same.
Okay, this isn't fair. Let's take a blog post from a couple of weeks ago, just to get an official comparison.

Blog post title: What a Day
I used my trademarked Whoo! *party pop*
I used Inside Voice, another trademark of mine used well before Uni. The only difference I see is that I mention alcohol in the middle of the day. I've never done that before.

There's nothing. Not one single, solitary difference in the way I wrote it, the way I presented it and indeed the way that I ... I didn't actually have a third thing, I just like to have lists of three.

SEE? That's so me!

I was going to say that there's been a lack of cartoons, and while that may be true, I did make that cartoon about welcoming Ethiopia to the internet, which was pretty cool.

In any case, it's the same down to the pointless one-sentence paragraphs that I occasionally do because they stand out and add depth and shit to the post. Makes me seem more human, and hilarious, and all other kinds of shit.

I want a written report into how I've changed. Because as far as this guy sees it (me), I haven't changed on single bit. Apart from, you know, being the gracious and omnipotent leader of Production at Demon TV. But that's just a minor tweak.

So I leave you with one last thought:

'Da fuck?

Pete out.

Salute to Stupidity 8

Peter Hutchinson to Peter Duke
In a world where time is infinite and our movement is perceived as either infinitely fast or infinitely slow, when getting from one place to another can happen instantly or take an age, in this world it would be acceptable for you to delay doing and sending me Intermission, since release dates wouldn't matter. Everything would be released at the same time an in intervals and also randomly. However, in this world we have to keep to schedules. You've got two days before I fire you.

Peter Duke: Why does the Anti-XFactor Christmas song have to be Nirvana? Can't it be... I dunno... A Christmas song? Slade maybe? Or Let it Snow? Something like that?
Peter H: We should get Little Donkey to the top.
Peter Duke: WE should record it. No no no, it needs to not be a faith thing.
Peter H: You want a Christmas song not about faith? Dude, A: It's a fucking donkey. B: The Romans made the Christmas holiday to join the celebration of the birth of Christ, note: CHRIST, and the winter solstice. It's a flipping holiday centred around FAITH, you close-minded knob-rocket.
Peter Duke: I didn't mean it like that, I meant if it's not about faith, then people from every faith will buy it... not just Christians... (oh he did so not get my point)
Peter H: Then I won't mention to you a good, nay massive, proportion of the world's population is then. But after seeing your point, that's fine. I just want you to see what an idiot you are. So in that case, let's just get Nirvana to the top. Oh wait...
Peter Duke: Let it snow works fine. Or Band Aid, that's about Christmas TIME (again, so not getting my point. If you want to avoid faith, Dukey, you have to call it Winter Holidays like the Americans do. God, you're such a crap atheist) not Christmas itself.
Peter H: No it's not? Band aid is something you use to seal wounds... Bazinga.
Josh: Let's get Walkin' on Sunshing to the top. (Good effort, Josh)

Josh: Are you excited about Nickleback?
Peter H: Not really. Me and new music are like chocolate and steak.
Josh: Best kept off the same plate. Or you both come from Germany.
Peter H: What? Chocolate is Aztec [citation needed]... never mind. But yeah, I do old music. Music like the Rolling Stones, Beethoven's Fifth, Mozart's Twinkle Twinkle. Yeah, you get me.

Alannah: Wish the cool owl outside my window would be quiet for 5 minutes so I can sleep =)!
Peter H: Is he cool because he's wearing sunglasses despite it being dark and because he stuck his middle feather up at you when you told him to be quiet?
Alannah: Haha, no! He is an awesome colour! And not many people have an owl that lives outside their window =) xox
Peter H: You're right. Wish I had an owl. (It's true. I fantasized about having an owl during every French lesson back in year 8 at Brooke Weston). Have you given it a name yet? I think Stephen would be a great name for it, if it were male of course.
Alannah: It's called Wilbert... He looks like a Wilbert =) xox
Peter H: Well it's your owl so I can't judge your poor owl-naming skills.
Alannah: Haha!! It's a wicked name!! So is!! xox
Peter H: S'alright, I guess. But I think we should ask Stephen which name he prefers. And if says, "My name is Bridget," then we'll both be wrong and that'll be that.
Alannah: Haha, so you are naming my owl Stephen? His name is Wilbert, simples =P xox
Peter H: Between you and me, I actually preferred the name Wilbert the moment you said it, but that would make me appear weak, which is why no one can know.
Alannah: Haha, yet you have just posted it on my Facebook status! Haha!! Win win for me!! =) xox
Peter H: Ah hell! You're too cunning for me, Miss Vient.
Alannah: Muah ha ha!! xox

I think I do fixate on owls a little bit much. Do you remember the one about the owl and the crow?

I'm also noticing that I seem to be the focus of hilarity in these Salutes. Hmm... Oh well, I think that just accurately reflects on what kind of a person that I am. Hilarious.

Peter Duke: Get on the right side of the bloody road (see, this quote is stupid because the French do drive on the right), you Gallic fucking garlic bread tossers!
Peter H: Hey, hey, hey! If we're going to insult the French then at least acknowledge the fact that they have done nothing of note for the last hundred years, and that the only thing they can remember how to do effectively is not do a single solitary day's worth of hard work in their entire lives. And you know what? If someone French is reading this and feels insulted, bring it. You hop on over the channel, which will cost you precious time, time in which you could be on the streets outside your office complaining that it smells a little bit like cheese and onion pasties, and then you come and punch me. I feel safe in the knowledge that there is one good reason as to why the French won't invade us. And I've already explained it.
Peter Duke: ^ has never watched Eurotrip. (What's Eurotrip? Is it a car show?)

You remember the video I'm so Ashamed? Here are some of the responses:
Lauren: Literally so much love for this video!! Had me in absolute stitches!!
Sophia: I was kind of half-watching it because I'd already read the blog post and just heard you go "the guy that was doing the photographer." Yeah, so that plus naked photo shoot and my imagination was going places I really didn't want it to go!

Oh, I just found one of my favourite jokes of all time. I physically chuckle every time I read it.

Peter H: ‎Stanley Ashton, Ben 'Ahmed' Cotton, James Langley, Alannah Vient Just read the minutes from the last meeting, and I couldn't help but wonder what on Earth a naked colander is. Is it a colander that just has one massive hole? ... Well I thought it was funny.
Alannah: You... haha, that made me giggle! At least I can publicly admit I liked it! =D! x
Langley: I was waiting for someone else to comment.
Stan the Man with a Plan: ok thanks guys its good know face book will tell of mistakes that are made :) (for your amusements, I deliberately left the mistakes in that paragraph. Usually I correct them for my comfort, but this time I thought I'd treat you)
Peter H: I'm not gonna lie, I chuckle every time I read it. It's a brilliant joke, it must be said.

Let's see if I've got any more of these crackers lying around. Just the one.

Peter H: As Head of Production for Demon TV, I'm always finding new and interesting ways for technology to piss me off.

I feel like that's a good one-liner to end on.

Cliché out.

Housekeeping

I haven't posted in a while and there's a very good reason for that. Firstly, I was home for the weekend and that probably doesn't warrant any kind of update. I was basically looking around PC World with my Dad to find me a suitable video camera to film my future shenanigans on.

Umm, I suppose I should clarify what the fuck happened last Wednesday/Thursday. I did enjoy myself an immense amount, but it was also the stupidest thing to do ever. If I had my wits about me then I'd have left when everyone else did, and walked with them for as long as possible. In this instance, I did leave with everyone else, but I was totally alone for about ten minutes. During these ten minutes I was on top of the world and egging to get my camera out (probably), but the point is that at any moment during these ten minutes I could have been mugged, raped or otherwise wounded and I wouldn't have given a shit. On me at the time I had at least £300 worth of stuff which would have just vanished, and worst of all I'd have lost pictures. I know they don't cost anything, but pictures are completely irreplaceable. Anyway, I'm just going to make a mental note to myself to walk home with Alannah on Demon nights just because she lives closest to me (or indeed I should walk with someone from my halls if they go).

I know I might sound like a sour puss, but I was genuinely an idiot, and I don't condone the consumption of alcohol one bit.

You are right, however, I'm not going to listen to my advice either. I am still going to go out, and I am still going to get drunk because life without a little bit of relaxant once in a while is just dull.

Note to self over.

You may notice that there isn't an accompanying video to this post. Well that's because I noticed something. I do like the idea of spreading my word through mouth as well as through text, but I don't want people to stop visiting www.clichelifestuff.blogspot.com just because they can watch me read my blog.

So, what I propose is that while I will continue to do some posts spoken, I will definitely try and vlog while things are happening, or just after, just to get the word on the door and then I can comment on it later with the appropriate memories still in place (namely: the vlog).

So that's what I'm going to do. The blogs and the vlogs will be related, sometimes they won't, but I'm going to try and put an end to reading stuff out unless it needs to be read aloud in my voice. Kind of like that time when I wrote about the polar bear and the dolphin. Christ, that was hilarious.

Do I not get a say in what happens?
Nope. You embarrassed me in the first official blog post entry.
You were asking for it. You're always asking for it.
God, what's that noise? It sounds like the fucking D-day landings. Must be a student night.
Don't change the subject!
But it's a Monday... student nights are Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and occasionally Sundays. And sometimes Mondays and Tuesdays as well.
I guess you could pin it down to the fact that it will always be noisy all the time.
You could say that, yes.
I'm glad we agree.
It's not often that happens.

Anyway, yes, I know I haven't been particularly hilarious tonight, so I'm just going to write another post with a small dose of Salute to Stupidity.

Cliché out. (I've decided to change the outro to make it blatantly more cliché)

I Shouldn't Be Allowed to Drink

I had this massively awesome plan where I was going to upload a video, but then I realised that I can't be fucked to wait for it to render.

Boo-fucking-hoo.

Either way, I had a great night, despite clubs still being the shittest place in the world. Although I did learn that with female company, they're not actually that bad. So long as the free alcohol kept coming my way.

Christ that was weird. I was standing with the DSU president and David Winter, and Winter pissed off somewhere, leaving his large bottle of alcoholic beverage that I still to this moment don't know what it is, with Liam Davies, the DSU president. Liam then looked at me and handed me the bottle, and I drank it. It could have been poison. So easily. In one swift movement, David Winter could've killed me.

I did have a funny text conversation with Alannah though. She's the head of marketing. Fun times.

Anyway, when I can be bothered to upload the video tomorrow, I'm sure I will. But now it's 4 in the morning and therefore time to at least get at least some shut eye before tomorrow officially begins yesterday.

Unscramble that one, bitches. And while you're at it, unscramble those eggs that you just scrambled. HAH. YOU CAN'T. YOU'RE WORTHLESS. HAHAHAHAHA.

Uhum.

Pete out.

What the fuck is all this about? I don't remember writing this. Although the title is indeed correct. I must have taken immense care when writing all this, though, because normally my spelling and grammar is all over the place when I'm drunk. Wait, there's a video? Crap. Let me just find it. Christ, this is stupid. 

Holy hell. I really don't want to show this. I mean, it's not terrible. It's just not... good. There was 10 minutes of video, even after it seems that I "edited" it, but it showed me looking at things on Facebook, and walking into my building, so I had to edit it down even more so I didn't get arrested or reveal personal details about someone accidentally. 

I really don't want to upload it. I might have it as unlisted so I can only share it here and to only people I want to see it. Yes, that sounds like a good idea. It'll be the first official Cliché Life Stuff Easter Egg. How much more Cliché could I get? That's a point then, it's labelled so far as Vlog #3, but I don't want it to be, so I'm going to change it to... an unlisted post. Yeah, that's a good idea.

I'm so sorry. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMkymB8_0xA&feature=youtu.be

You should feel honoured; that's an Easter Egg. No one freely tells you how to find their Easter Eggs.

Pete out.

I'm So Ashamed.

I don't ... I don't even know where to begin.

I umm... God, I don't want to say this.

Okay, I'll just blurt it out at some random point during the blog and then I guess I'll be able to talk about it.

So how are you today?
Uhuh.
Yeah.
Oh that's cool.
Oh really?
Wow, I'm so jealous.
A dolphin?
Really?
My god.

You know, I actually have a funny story about a dolphin. No, really, I do.

You see, there was this dolphin and a polar bear. And I know what you're thinking, "How could a polar bear and a dolphin ever meet? Polar bears live in the Arctic and dolphins live at Waterworld in Florida." Be that as it may, there was a particular dolphin and a particular polar bear who just happened to be in the same place at the same time. In fact, they were at their local shopping centre. Americans call them malls. Anyway, they were buying hats. The dolphin saw this really flamboyant, pink, flowery number and tried it on and the polar bear said, "Oh hey, girl, how you doin'?"
And so the dolphin said, "My name is Gary."
"Ah, my mistake. You see, it was because of -"
"You're going to say, 'because of the hat' aren't you?"
"Well, it is kind of - "
"What? Come on, say it."
"Feminine."
"Feminine eh? How about we see how feminine you are when I bite your nuts off?"
"Don't you think that's a little extreme? I just don't think it suits you."
"Well what would you suggest, white boy?"
"Maybe a nice straw hat or... or a skull."
"Skull, eh? That does sound more to my taste."
"Oh... good."
"You're alright, Barry."
"My name is Tom."
"Tom the polar bear? Nah, that's ridiculous."
"What's wrong with Tom? Barry isn't a good polar bear name either."
"Sure it is. Barry the polar bear, here for your service, you could say. It'd make you sound more... handy."
"Handy?"
"Yeah, like a handyman."
"But I'm a polar bear. Plumbing isn't exactly in my repertoire."

Anyway, all the while they were having this discussion some poachers had spotted them and aimed for the polar bear, in order to harvest its delicious meat and its warm fur.

"All I'm saying is, you'd just seem more friendly."
"But I'm a polar bear. I'm big and scary!"
"Nah, you're all cute and cuddly, you are."

The crosshairs fell on the polar bear's neck, an easy target for the well-rehearsed poacher who was conveniently in a shopping centre with his rifle on the same day as a polar bear and a dolphin. This was also the day in which no one appeared to notice a dude with a gun in the middle of a public place, nor the fact that two endangered species were just wandering around like they owned the place. These reasons just added to the already numerous list that the poacher was forming in his head in order to justify killing the massive beast.

His finger squeezed on the trigger, and the poacher caught the dolphin's eye at the last moment as the bullet left the barrel of the rifle.

"Barry!"

The dolphin threw himself in front the polar bear, his flowery pink hat flying off in the process. The bullet collided with his gut, forcing the dolphin into a premature landing that would have certainly killed him quicker. The polar bear was speechless as the dolphin flopped in front of him, the scarlet liquid oozing from the entry wound. The polar bear snarled, pitched his nose and followed the scent back to the poacher. The poacher made a break for it, but fortunately the kung-fu panda was there and kicked him square in the how's your mothers. The kung-fu panda stepped aside, and the polar bear ripped the poacher to shreds. Because, you know, polar don't have morals. They don't give you second chances. They're bears. And at the end of the day, that just means that they're going to kill you. Because they're bears. And bears kill people. All the time. If you piss a bear off, by say, killing a dolphin in front of him while they were having a perfectly nice conversation, then it will kill you.

I guess the moral of the story is to not piss off bears. It's also that anyone can wear pink, flowery hats and not be ashamed of it.

I WAS IN A NAKED PHOTOSHOOT.

Whew, I'm glad that's out there.

Don't worry, it's for charity, and there were plenty of people there so it wasn't weird at all.

I will tell you though, that after the second or third photo, the photographer had to re-position one of the lights because apparently my chest hair was too reflective. How hilarious.

Other than that, everything's fine. Beer Goggles Dodgeball shoot tomorrow, which'll be fun.

Okay, I think that's it, really.

Pete out.

Cliché Vlog Stuff

Oh, hey audience, I didn't see you there. This is the long-anticipated and much-needed introduction and official first entry to my brilliant and oh-so-fantastic vlog that you've been hearing so little about.

If you're already an avid reader of Cliché Life Stuff, then the format of these vlog posts will be pretty understandable for you. It will seem obvious what I'm doing. I'm basically putting forward the concept of writing a blog, repeating it into a camera and then posting that video on YouTube and sharing it on the blog. I don't know whether or not to put the video at the top or bottom of the post yet, so I'll trial the top today and the bottom... whenever I next vlog and then you can post a comment to tell me which way round you like it. Because I'm lazy, I will do exactly what the first person tells me to do, so if you have a particular preference; get your comment in quick!

Moving on, today I spat in a cup.

I'm not going to talk about it here because Cliché Life Stuff and VideoCutters teamed up today to bring you this vlog post: (see video)

If you are unable to view the video due to internet restrictions; tough.

I hope you enjoyed that video.

Ah man, you know what's great about doing a video log? There is no way in hell that Inside Voice can possibly have any say. It's going to be brilliant.
That's what you think, sucker.
What? No! You can't do this! How is this happening?
I'm more powerful than you could have ever imagined.
But you're just my thoughts! The things that I dare not say out loud!
Am I a voice?
No.
Exactly, I remain text on a screen. I don't see how you aren't understanding this.
Because I didn't put the text in the video!
Do you put this text in your blog of your own volition?
No...
Same principle, jack-ass.
I hate you.
Get over it.
I'm going to move on.

So, it's day twelve of Movember, and therefore there are still plenty of days left for you to donate! To donate click on the link at the bottom of the video and then click donate. It's quick; it's easy, and it could save someone's life.

But look at my moustache. Towards the end of the month I could be styling this bad boy.

Anyway, I think I've said all I need to say.

Pete out.

What a Day

I don't think I know where to begin.

Well, first off, I'm now officially the Head of Production for Demon TV. Whoo! *Party pop*

In fact, this is how I broke the news to my favourite guys and gals: 

"Hey guys, just wanted to let you know that the station manager just texted me to tell me that I am now the head of Production for Demon TV and it will be officially announced tomorrow at the pre-production meeting :)

Also, if you haven't donated to me yet, I'd really appreciate it if you did xx"

Oh yeah, that is right. I was told by text. No banquet, no ceremony, a text message. It was a nice text message, I'll give you that. In fact, I'll share it with you.

"Hi Peter, well done in your interview today and well done on getting the job of head of production. Thanks. Stanley Ashton. Demon TV Deputy Station Manager."

Oh yeah, it wasn't even the actual station manager. It was his bitch. But that's okay, I'm not complaining. I love those guys and I'm really grateful to them for giving me the job.

Anyway, I then naturally received a plethora of congrats:

Bekah: "Whoop whoop! Well done Hutch! Congratulations are well deserved. X"

Joe: "Well done mate, climbing the ladder already, that means you can be the first to the top and then push the ladder over so no one can follow, muwahahahahaha."

Lauren: "CONGRATS!!!!! Xxx"

Josh: "Well done mate, dead proud of you, as inevitable as this was XD"

As to the ones who haven't responded: Tut tut. 

Anyway, I was thrown into the deep end straight away. The next morning I was in DSU setting up cameras and meeting the Head of Marketing, whose name is ... Lanah? Something like that. Uhum, this was all in preparation for holding an interview with the mayor of Leicester. Cool, huh? As a first job, I thought it was pretty good. Of the hands to shake and introductions I did get to make as cameraman, I felt really cool. "Hi, I'm Peter, the Head of Production at Demon TV" and naturally I got all sorts of comments about rolling out the best to make sure everything worked properly, and I obviously looked flattered. On the inside, of course though, I was more like "Yeah. The fucking best. You heard him, plebeians. The best. That's what I am. I know you all know it, because I make it apparent every time I'm in the room, but this is just confirmation from the most important people in the city. Suck on that, rivals for my position." Anyway, yeah, we met the mayor and had an interview with him, which was pretty cool. 

So that ended at about half 1, I went to my Photoshop lab, finished the work in 20 minutes, other people were looking like they were almost ready to leave, so I left, making it snobbishly apparent that I'm fucking awesome at Media, had a pint with the Head of Pre-Production, and then we had our first Demon TV management meeting. Exciting stuff. We talked about things that were going on, and things that were going to happen, and our goals, and the [redacted for being inappropriate and rude] and sorry I went off on a tangent and now I've completely lost my train of thought and yet I'm still rambling on through this sentence to make you hopefully forget that I'm a pathetic, lonely weirdo :)

I don't often do smileys. 

But yeah, that meeting went well, and soon it was time to go to the still image lecture. Because I and James Langley (the Head of Pre-Production) had a busy day ahead of us doing all sorts of Demon TV-related things, we left at the half-way break, went to the pub, had dinner, and then went to the Pre-Production meeting. 

So where are we now? I've written about the time between 1230 and 1800. In the Pre-p meeting we talked about the upcoming quiz show some more, we talked about the shorts that we should do, stuff about the Demon TV hoodies came up and uh... yeah. I think the name for the quiz show should be "In One Ear" because that's a fucking awesome name for a quiz show, and is better than my other ideas of "Quizzicle" and "Quizardry" because they both have the word 'quiz' in the title, and that's just not imaginative. But all my ideas are cool. I also suggested (see, I'm fucking awesome at this media thing) that we also do something for Movember, and the idiot sitting next to me was just an idiot. I'm not even going to go into it. He was just an idiot. 

Anyway, at 1900, James and I went into Level 1 and set up cameras ready for Footlights First Footsteps! Yeah! I'm sure that doesn't actually mean anything to you. Well, it was a stand-up comedy night, and I got to film it! It was cool. Stan the Man (the man with a plan... I mean the Deputy Station Manager) went up on stage and did a cracking good performance, as did one of my flatmates. Which was odd, because he was the hermit. I'm sure you've all got a flatmate whom you seem to never see anywhere. Well now I can tell you where they are. They're doing flipping stand up comedy. 

Anyway, I wasn't home until 2300 that night because I had to de-rig the cameras. And that is the story of why I titled my blog post in the way I did. 

Pete out.