SERIOUSLY. IT WILL BLOW YOUR FREAKING MIND.
Hang on, my new phone did its gay little ring tone to tell me that I have a new text message. I haven't figured out how to fix it yet.
Ah, it was from an attractive lady. Let me read it to you.
"Dear Mr H. I've decided to call you Mr H. Because that's totally an awesome name. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you're super freaking awesome and that you're so freaking hot. All the best, your biggest fan."
Okay, I lied. It was just Sophia asking me what we were going to do tomorrow. Jeez.
Anyway, I believe that I promised you a freaking awesome blog post.
First off, who loves the Cookie Monster?
I know, right?! That video was freaking awesome!
So anyway, what have I done recently? Well, after GAMEfest I got a new HTC Chacha, can't remember if I told you that or not. I like it. I now understand why everyone must announce that they have a new smartphone. I haven't really announced it. I did the ceremonial post to Facebook to check to see if Facebook actually worked on my phone, and now I vow to never ever make a status update via mobile again. But you know, I can if I want to, and that's the point of a smart phone. Oh, but I'll tell you freaking what, the alarm doesn't go off if you have the phone switched off. That sucks. How can you call a phone smart if the alarm is lazy? How can you have a lazy alarm? The alarm on all of my previous phones dating back to my Nokia 8800 which had a camera and polyphonic ringtones wasn't lazy at all. If the phone was turned off when the alarm was due, then the alarm would sound regardless. Get smart, phone.
Anyway? What was the purpose of this post? Oh yeah:
If the snake-arm didn't do it for you, I don't know what will.
So there's your choice. You can have your mind blown or your arm can become a schnakey-schna. Personally though, that paint job blew my mind. I couldn't even believe what I had done. I mean, that man's arm is a snake.
Speaking of italics, here's Inside Voice with a take on today's trip to the bank:
"Okay, so just walking in... looks pretty empty. That's okay, we'll be done in a minute. Two desks open, that's unusual. Aw, that baby is sitting on the desk thinking that he's all high and mighty. I know what he wants for his birthday. A schnakey-schna. I hope I don't have that old woman who always tries to advertise stuff to me. Are there any male bankers around today? They don't try and sell me pointless new bank accounts that may have added benefits, but you have to pay for them. I don't think of it as a benefit if it's not free. I got a bank account so that I wouldn't lose money, and yet there you sit trying to take my money from me. You're supposed to put that money into my bank account so that I can use it, not take it for your own selfish needs. Crap, there are only female bankers today. I'll just have to hope I get the black woman. She doesn't look so... 'banker' like. She looks like she knows what I want, which is to just put some money in my fucking bank account without dilly-daddling. Fucking hell, what's taking so long? Right, my turn. Yes, I'd like to pay in this cheque. No, I'm not trying to cash the cheque you stupid whore, I have my card right here so that I can pay it into my account. Stupid old woman. That mother and child are having such a nice time with the black chick over there. Damn this stupid world. Right, the money goes in, I put my pin in, you give me my card back. OH FUCK OFF. NO I DON'T WANT TO UPGRADE MY ACCOUNT TO A FUCKING SIGNATURE ARSING CURRENT FUCKING ACCOUNT. I have a bank account, I just came in to pay some monies, and now I want to go home. But no, that's not good enough for you is it? You're not even mentioning the monthly fee of too much fucking money per month. Yeah, okay, I save 7% at ASDA, but where does the money that I save from using this account go? Yeah, straight to you. You're a moron. I don't want or need this account. I've been saving money pretty well on my own. Well, I would've been saving money pretty well on my own if Liberty Living didn't take 200 fucking pounds off me to pay for damages to my apartment that haven't even happened yet. If I don't get every penny of that back at the end of the year, then Liberty Living is so going down. Are you done telling how much I won't benefit from this stupid account upgrade yet? It's not really an upgrade if I have to pay for it, is it? That's called taking money off me and giving me only a small reward in return. No, I'm not driving. All of my technology comes with its own insurance. Fuck off. You haven't fucked off yet. Give me my card so I can get the fuck out of here. I'm the one trying to fuck off now. Seriously, it's not that difficult. Just put the card into the funky tray and I'll get out of here so I can go home and watch a movie. Do it. Do it. Thank you, you mindless, self-centred, putrid being of a person. Now it's definitely time to look at the improvements to the town centre. Dum-de-dum... what? You've just redone the paving a bit. That's not an improvement, that's just maintenance. I want my money back. I didn't actually pay taxes for this to be done, but that's not the point. I want the money back that I would've spent on this terrible excuse for an 'improvement' if indeed I paid taxes. There, that sounds good."
Inside Voice got angry at the old woman in the bank.
Anyway, a whole new adventure starts tomorrow.
I have a headache.
P.S. Who searched "spider monkey touching their balls" and found my blog? You're a weirdo. So is the person who searched "filthy tits". This is just getting ridiculous. I should stop putting weird words in my posts. My blog is titled "Cliché Life Stuff." What makes you think that I'm the source for your weird, seedy fetishes?
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