I sure am going to miss the lunacy of the phrase "Magic in a Can" though.
Sigh.
Anyway, I suppose you want to know all about my adventures into the vast exciting world that many of us call getting drunk in a place where we cook our own food. It's more colloquially known as university though.
So, let's start from the get-go.
Saturday
Christ this was a while ago now. Let's see if I can remember all. I packed all of my things, got in the 5 Series and went to my accommodation. I arrived, unloaded my things, found my room, unlocked the door, put all of my bags in there, emptied a couple of them so my Dad could take them back home and then he fucked off. So yeah, that went well. I then met my first flatmates. This was an interesting moment. Richard was the final one to arrive and so was wandering around trying to find out who everyone was. He was talking to Dave and I walked out to say hi, and he was all like, "Ohhh, you're the one in A. Yeah, I'm just trying to find out who everyone is because apparently I'm the last one to sign in. Oh, I'm Richard by the way and this is Dev." You see, it's funny, he called him Dev because Dave is a northerner and therefore pronounces his name as Daeve! What a hoot. Anyway, a little while later we went to the party upstairs and had quite a fun time. There was alcohol, attractive women, creepy weirdos, creepy stalker weirdos, creepy rapey stalker weirdos. In fact, I think there's a trend. I got into the vibe of the party pretty quickly, but I couldn't pin down the whole creepy stalker routine. Apparently I find it necessary to not treat women like meat that we want to stick our dicks into. I didn't want to appear like a nice, genuine guy for fear of embarrassment so I kept quiet about that trait. Anyway, one million introductions to people whom I'm never going to remember the names of later and I met someone that I apparently knew. What are the chances? This girl came up to me and pointed at me and said, "I think I know you... do we know each other?" Well, me being me I had no idea what she was on about but then she said, "I'm from Kettering too!" and followed it with, "You know Luke McIntyre? Yeah, I'm his ex. Or one of." This cleared everything up. Although to this day I still have no idea who she is or how she recognised me. Guess I'm just famous in my local town.
Anyway, so that was fun.
Sunday
Oh Sunday, what did I do on Sunday? That's actually a very good question. I woke up at ridiculous o'clock in the afternoon because I was a little more than tired and I... genuinely can't remember what I did for the rest of the day up until the evening. Although I don't particularly want to say what I did in the evening. Basically I attempted to cook myself a pizza that night, and upon failing miserably I suddenly started contemplating that I had no idea how to do anything. I was fretting that I had no idea how to live and do this whole uni thing and continually thought, "I'm not cut out for this." And then I broke down and started to think that without Lauren or Bekah or Joe or Becca or anyone else from my Real Family I'm just a non-entity standing in a field of nothingness being crushed by the vast emptiness. Anyway, a couple of text messages and a few tears (I KNOW. I FUCKING CRIED! HOW COOL IS THAT? [Just for those of you confused by that outburst, I used to be a completely emotionless dickhead and as time went on and I was transforming into the awesome person I am now I decided that crying would be a very significant step forward] So yeah, now I'm even better than I was before) later and I was all better. Good.
WAIT. I just remembered what I did in the day. I met up with Aimee with Dave and we went for a wander around town. Dave wanted to buy food and alcohol, so we found a Tesco and we went there. However, because Aimee is particularly cheap she wanted to find a Home Bargains. Eugh. And do you know what? There isn't a Home Bargains in Leicester. I think this might be my new favourite place on Earth. In fact, the ASDA isn't even close to the city centre. This place just gets better. There's two Sainsbury's Locals and two Tesco Expresses. I literally have no other option than to find good deals in these places. And that makes me really happy. ASDA might be cheaper than Sainsbury's, but I doubt that they have as many offers on.
Monday
8 o'clock start. 9 o'clock lecture. Although it wasn't really a lecture. Basically the course leader stood in front of us all and said, "So we've given you these sheets with all of these criteria on and now you have to find names to put under all of them! Go!" and it was brilliant. They called it the "icebreaker" just so that we were forced to get to know each other in the first five minutes of our time together as a team of Media Productionists. I met loads of cool people. We then had a coffee break in which Katie with a K and an ie (I had to ask these questions, and it helped break the ice as it were) took a shine to me and we bought a drink from the coffee shop where there was a trainee who didn't know the price of anything and so took the actual piss to serve us. Anyway, that was good. So a little while later we were back in the lecture theatre and then we really got on to talking about the course. And you know what? WE GET TRAINED BY THE BCC IN OUR SECOND AND THIRD YEARS. I KNOW. It's the most amazing thing ever. Of all time. Anyway, after that I'm pretty sure we had a couple more lectures but... oh yeah, we had the Dean's Welcome which was dull and then enrolment which was the easiest thing I've ever done. I was despairing because I thought I'd have to wait in a massive queue and then go through this complicated process that would involve having a stake driven through my heart and then I'd have to resurrect myself using my student finance form and my A-level certificates. But no, I was the third one there, they gave me a form to fill in, I filled it in, they sent me to get my student finance letter scanned, they scanned it, I got my student card and bam. Done. I was out within ten minutes. As for the evening... I'm sure I did something. Sunday has been the only night I've stayed in, so I must have done something. I know the film quiz was on that night, but I didn't do that. Wow. I guess it'll come back to me soon. Kind of like Sunday's situation.
...
I have 30 mb internet now so things download really quickly. But I shit you not, I just downloaded an entire program onto BBC iPlayer in less than 10 minutes. I like Uni. It's good.
Edit: I actually just downloaded this week's Mock the Week in less than 1 minute. Apparently I'm really underselling my current internet speed's true potential.
Tuesday
This was fairly boring. We were given the library tour today. Wait, scratch that. We were told to look around the library today and answer questions and there was going to be a prize draw with iPods! Yay! I didn't bother doing the questions. I don't really plan on using the library. I have Adobe Premier Pro and Photoshop CS5 on my laptop. I'm set. We then sat in a lecture theatre for three fucking hours listening to security talks and boring stuff and other stuff I can't remember and it's all just a blur really. Anyway, that evening was Fresher's Footlights, which was a comedy show at the DSU. That was cool. It was actually pretty good and most of the acts were genuinely funny. One wasn't. I like to call him Shaky McNotaverygoodstandup. It must have been his first time, bless him. Oh, but the female comic afterwards said something hilarious. "So after most girls break up with their boyfriends they like to indulge themselves in something. You know, eat lots of chocolate, listen to loads of sad music which completely epitomises their current mood. I got chlamydia." Unfortunately that's the only joke that I can remember right now, but for 10 comics that aren't famous at all it was really good.
Wednesday
This is the day that Joe came to visit me. He arrived and it felt like we'd never been apart. I was supposed to go to the space centre that morning with my course mates, but I woke up at 8, did a painful shit and thought, "Life is too short" so I went back to bed and slept for another three hours. I know, that is ironic. So yeah, I met up with Joe and then we went to go and look at the societies. I think I'll be joining the Demon Media group, because they make TV and radio and newspapers and that's awesome. Then we met up with Aimee and went back to her place for a bit and chatted for a while. We then left to go to my place and Aimee went to bed because bless her she's always knackered now. Anyway, after Joe met Richard and decided that he was a nice guy we went to stake out Becca's accommodation so that we both knew where it was and how far it was from everything. We looked at the route on Google Maps and almost made it without a hitch. But to be fair, it was a 40 minute journey (including getting lost time, which still puts me ahead of Google's estimated time thank you very much) so it was very difficult to remember each and every turn. Anyway, it's fucking miles from anywhere. Seriously, it took us maybe 15 minutes to walk to Leicester Uni and then from there it took the piss. So yeah, she's going to have fun getting around. But then again, I'm a ten minute walk away from DMU so it's not actually that much further for her. Twice the distance in fact. But even so, it's still easier for me to get to Leicester Uni than it is for her, which is hilarious. Anyway, that night we... did the pirate treasure hunt and I got to see all of the sights around Leicester that I haven't seen yet, including some really freaking hot pirate chicks. Oh, and the prison that looks like a castle.
How cool is that?!
Anyway, we then went to the circus societies' welcome event, which was good fun. I can see me getting plenty of good pictures out of it. Kind of like this one:
I am master of fire!
So yeah, there were people playing with fire and I got to test some stuff out on my camera and that's always cool. Oh, and on this night I also tried Brothers toffee apple cider, and by Vectron's name it's the best tasting drink on the entire planet.
Thursday
And finally we reach today. My god, it's been a week. Today was Bodge Day for the Media Production students. It was insane amounts of fun. The guys from Demon FM and Demon TV came to give us a taster of what we'll be doing both with them if we join and over our three year course. My little group were first given a tour of Demon FM, which is really cool because it's an actual radio station that was kitted out by the same guys who kitted out BBC Radio. We were then given a task. It was a funny task. We were told to record a radio show about the dangers of squirrels in the style of an insurance advert. By god it was hilarious. But then came the Demon TV part. Firstly we were given a video camera that's worth like ... a lot of money and I fell in love with it instantly and wanted to keep it forever because it's amazing but anyway, that wasn't the point. We were tasked with making a video about a ninja death battle in the style of David Attenborough including the quote, "Do as I say or I'll give you a ride on the tickle train." I think that this is the single greatest thing I've ever done that doesn't count Granite Moths and Zombie Plan. And it was only an hour long project as well, but that was the best hour-long project I've ever done.
So, that was this week. Tomorrow there's another comedy thing happening at the DSU so I'll be heading to that and then from then on I don't know what's happening. Ooh, it's going to be good.
As a final note though, I do miss you (my Real Family) a hell of a lot. While I've made a few friends and I'm getting along with everyone, there's no one here than could possibly replace you. Wait, I have a feeling I've actually already said this in the last post. If I have, meh, if I haven't then here you go! Feel impotent.
HAHAHA! I wrote impotent instead of important! Fuck me, I'm funny.
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