If the victims of the September 11th attacks (in fact, every person who has ever died) could hear everyone consistently mourning and telling them to "resquiat in pace" then they'd simply turn over in their grave and shout "I would if you just shut the fuck up telling me to!" Consider the needs of others, human race. Stop saying "rest in peace" and just let them get on with it. They get the picture.
Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. Actually, it kind of is, otherwise I wouldn't have named this blog post after it. In fact, I'm renaming my blog post. I changed it from "Rest in Peace" to "Saying Goodbye" so that it is appropriate for both topics.
That's the kind of guy that I am.
So, what have I been up to for the last few days? That is indeed a very good question, my tiny insignificant readers. I believe the last time I posted was on the 7th when Becca was slagging off my brother, so all I've got to work out is what I did on Thursday and Friday, because I definitely know what I did yesterday.
So, Thursday was... probably sit in and do nothing day because I honestly can't recall a single solitary thing that happened that day. If I'm honest, that's a tad bit annoying, but hey-ho, what'cha gonna do? According to Facebook all I did on Thursday was watch videos on YouTube. I suppose I must've watched a movie as well, otherwise I can't think how in the how I'd have filled an entire day.
So what did I do on Friday? Oh yeah, in the evening we got together and stuff the Panther so that it now looks like this:
[lag due to the fact that the pictures haven't come off my camera yet]
Just uh... waiting for the pictures to upload. Shouldn't be too long now. Ah, there we go.
That's right, we dealt with that son-of-a-bitch.
So yeah, Slender Man's cousin, the Pink Panther, had finally been slaughtered. Granite Moths need never continue.
Ah no! What the fuck?!
That's it. I'm getting out of here. He doesn't even need support for his head any more. He is quite literally unstoppable now.
I've decided to quit.
This is the last time I will ever be posting.
You know, for the third time that I've actually used that joke.
Shut up.
But yeah, to get back to reality - what? Reality? But I am being stalked by a paranormal Pink Panther in search for Alec, who looks a lot like Dukey and being chased by Masky, who looks a lot like Josh... aren't I? And every time I post a video to YouTube it's actually detailing things that genuinely happened to me, like when I hit on Tessica, who looks an awful lot like Becca, and filmed that wild animal that looked a lot like Harry. There's nothing in this entire world that can make me believe that all of that is fake. Nothing. What about the bloopers? The stuff we got wrong in rehearsals for this story of fiction. That was just Tessica fumbling as she was trying to talk, and then she tried to flirt with me, and it was all very amusing at the time, but I got her to restart her story anyway so that it would work better on tape. I will personally post all of the bloopers on the internet which prove that Granite Moths is a work of fiction. In fact, if I wanted to I could link every Granite Moths video to their Marble Hornets equivalents because Granite Moths is actually a spoof of Marble Hornets. What the fuck is Marble Hornets? Oh wait, I know what that is. I thought that was a spoof of Granite Moths. Then how does it have more entries? Because they diverted and went down their own path. The first Marble Hornets entry came out a year and a half before the first Granite Moths. Oh. Well there I'm stumped. - But yeah, to get back to reality, we re-stuffed the Pink Panther. I knew it! I knew Alec and Jim would team up with Slender Man to take me down! And now he looks more menacing than he ever did. I am not coming out of this with all of my fingers, I can tell you that for free.
So then I said to the guy, "shut the fuck up, Inside Voice," and he was really confused.
Oh! There was something I forgot to mention that we did on Wednesday.
How cool is that?
Yeah, we actually got to meet Einstein. It is true that people from olde times didn't actually have pigment.
Pff! I'm actually joking. I can't believe you fell for that. My god, you're stupid. You actually believed that Einstein travelled forward in time and - on a whim - decided that it would be a good idea to come to England, and not only that, specifically go to Josh's house? And you call yourselves persons.
If you were a people then you'd have just thought, "Hah, he said persons. That's so wrong."
But anyway, I totally had you going, didn't I? Unfortunately that Einstein is actually made out of cardboard, and yet he can still theorise wormholes. Do you want to know how we got it there?
It was all very covert.
Child labour, that's how.
I haven't even gotten onto Saturday yet. Yesterday we all went to Mairaid's goodbye party, in which we celebrated the fact that Mairaid was leaving to go to Germany and we were all going off to uni. Come to think of it, that's actually quite saddening. I'm sad now. In any case, it was all very fun and we drank and danced at Brigstock Village Hall and we all realised that Mairaid was the envy of the entire German group. She gets to live in Germany! I don't! I'm stuck with fucking Leicester!
Uh... Hi, Becca. I love Leicester. I'm super glad that we're going there.
Bullet: dodged.
In any case, the clear stupidest part of the evening was when we were getting ready to leave. We were parked in the car-park of the football field, and Dukey sent me back to the Hall to get his CD while they loaded the car up, on the condition that I get picked up from the Hall. So I picked up the CD and I walked outside and Paul, Andy and Aimee were out there so I thought that I should go and talk to them while I waited for Dukey to get his and Joe's, Josh's and Bekah's arses in gear. This was all very lovely and when their lift arrived about ten minutes later I thought to myself, "what the hell is he doing?" So I ran back to the car park and go to the car park gate and realised that it was shut. My immediate instinct was to think that the guys already knew this and were jut figuring a way to get out. I then thought, "Hang on, this is Dukey, say hi" and proceeded to shout "Hey guys, did you know that this gate is locked?" And it turns out that they were just pissing around at the car for ten minutes because they had no fucking clue that it was locked. Joe ran over and was like "Oh shit" and then was like "Hmm... I should smash it in" and I was like, "Yeah well, the wood is rotting," and then Josh came over and was like, "We could easily pull this off" and I was like, "Okay, you're both openly considering vandalism now," and then Bekah came over and said, "Yeah, no. You're not touching that fucking fence, you bastard." So then we had to ring a taxi and go home to Joe's house.
This morning Joe fixed my necklace with super glue and I was very happy.
Now, hit that fucking Publish Post button before I put things in your head.
Nice things?
No. Not nice things.
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