Right, I'm exhausted from last night so I am so not in the mood to blog right now, but I felt that I needed to as a service to mankind. I know, I get it. I am that awesome.
First off, for some reason Sophia presses ctrl+F "Sophia" on each of my blog posts in search for a mention, and so Sophia, you have a mention. Well done. Your efforts haven't gone unnoticed.
Right, it's time to piece together the things that happened as best I can.
Actually, I should probably mention Sophia's lovely meal that happened on... Wednesday. Basically we all got dressed up in our best outfits and some even went for the Alice in Wonderland theme that had been proposed, but this was actually far too much effort and in any case Joe's costume was the best because he looked like the white rabbit and he went all out with the glasses and the ears and the little tail and the pocket watch. It was surely a sight to behold. Anyway, I warned Sophia that I wouldn't blog about her dinner party because I wouldn't be able to do it justice and I can't so it's here. We all had a wonderful time, Sophia, and as always your meat was absolutely delicious. We all gobbled it down like we would never get any ever again. Do continue to provide your delicious meat, Sophia; we all love it.
Anyway, onto whatever the hell I was talking about. I'm hungry. BRB.
Eugh, can I do it later? Of course I can. I'll do it later.
Later is now. My neck is still killing me but I'm not too knackered to do so now is definitely the most opportune moment to do this. I've also just shredded about a ton of paper and so I needed to do something constructive rather than destructive.
On Thursday at exactly 1901 I arrived at Joe's house and Joe answered the door to say, "I knew he'd be the first one here." He and Becca both looked lovely so I immediately felt underdressed, but they also had changes of clothing so whatever. We then moved to the garden where Joe got to open the present that I had given him. It was a 50ans edition of Catch 22, a book that Becca had told me that he would want, and he was thoroughly pleased with it. He then found the deck of Plop Trumps I had also bought specifically for the party. Plop Trumps is disgusting. Anyway, other people then started to arrive and with them they brought the largest amount of alcohol that I have ever seen ever. There was just loads. Piles. Gallons. I'm glad Joe told me that I didn't need to buy any alcohol for it. There was enough.
The alcohol that we had accumulated then happened.
It really happened.
I'm stalling right now because my memory is straining to put the events in order. Like, I'm actually getting a headache just thinking about that inebriated patch of time that I like to call some point between Thursday evening and Friday morning. Let's uh... let's just put some pictures in.
Alcohol made us dance.
The people who weren't drinking were having lovely conversations.
Alcohol made us pull funny faces.
Alcoh- actually, that's just me and Becca pulling our normal picture faces.
Anyway, Jed continued to be thrilled by the atmosphere.
And then alcohol made us pull some more funny faces.
- Interlude -
As you can see, at this point the party was in full swing and the majority of us had begun to get drunk. Okay, so here's a list of things that happened in no particular order:
- Joe told me to look after Becca because she was drunk
- Joe told Becca to look after me because I was drunk
- Joe told me to get more drunk because he had started to get drunk and couldn't accept that I wasn't as drunk as him despite the fact that my tolerance is like a third of his
- Becca made me dance
- Sophia kissed me ... on the cheek
- Josh talked to me about something
Well that was more successful than I thought it would be. Here's some more pictures.
Alcohol then made me forget where my camera was.
Alcohol may have caused this, but I suspect that the green glow means that Josh is to blame.
This is just a nice picture.
So yeah, that's actually the end of the album. The pictures that help me piece together everything that happened stop there. It's okay though, because I have the memory of an emu who has been given a drug so that it can access 25% of its brain. That's all an emu needs.
The "midnight rave" then happened in the living room and I didn't want to do this so I started mellowing out in the other room. Wait, something else happened first.
Hang on, I gave Sophia my hoodie. I don't remember getting it back. But yet it's here. Never mind.
Anyway, that wasn't what I was talking about. At one point I was sitting outside on the bench because people were doing stuff and setting up music or whatever - I don't know - and Joe came up to me and asked, "are you okay?" because I was sitting alone. Normally when I have a moment to think - especially under the influence of alcohol - I become miserable, but I said to him, "Yeah fine. I haven't been this happy ever." And that's a fact. Instead of contemplating how crappy everything is and what have you, Inside Voice actually started reciting all of the good things in my life. This is definitely a step up. Somehow, some way, I had become completely content. And that's just great. I think you know whose fault that is. Congratulations, your years of tiresome work have actually paid off. Well done. And thank you. I love you.
But yeah, the rave then happened in the front room, and someone convinced me to go in and give it a go. The alcohol then wore off enough to make me think, "but hang on, this music is not only crap, but shit as well. It's about as shitty as Plop Trumps. Why the hell would I even think about moving to this ungodly strain on my eardrums?" I think it was supposed to be dubstep, which is bad at the best of times, but the bass track just wasn't there so it sounded even worse. The alcohol then wore off enough to make me not want to put up with it at all, so I went back to the other room and relaxed. Aimee and Dallamore were there as well, so that was cool. A short while later Becca joined me and as far as I remember we sat and chatted there until everyone went to bed.
The following morning wasn't nearly as fun. It's not really blogworthy either I think. Essentially Becca and I tidied up most of the mess while everyone else gorged on the toast Becca was making from the goodness of her own heart, bless her. And then we had to tackle Edwards' puke. Eugh.
Anyway, right now is Joe's actual birthday, so it leaves me only to copy and past what I wrote to him on Facebook and see where I go from there.
"Yo Joe, it's your birthday. I do hope that you are aware of this fact. 19! What a number, eh? You get to do... zero extra things because everything became unlocked when you were 18 but uh... well 19's still a pretty cool number. For example, 19 is the 8th smallest prime number, and it's also the atomic number of potassium. 19 is also the début album from English soul and jazz singer Adele. The Soviet submarine K-19 was the first Soviet nuclear ballistic submarine.
Probably the most important one for you though is that this is the final year in which you can be a teenager. You have exactly 365 days before you become a boring, normal person, just like every other adult in the UK. You still have a year in which you will still be blamed for all of the problems in the world.
But apart from all of that, enjoy the hell out of yourself. Today is your special day and that's kind of cool.
Happy birthday, Dad :)"
And what is there really to say apart from that? I've already said a billion times that you're a wonderful person and happiness should absolutely always be heading your way because you totally deserve it for everything you do. Seriously, you're not one of those bad people we always hear about. You're one of those silent good people that we never hear about because only bad people crave so much attention that they appear on TV. You've proven yourself to be a top-notch guy and you have the qualities that make an awesome father and a great dog-keeper. No matter where you go and what you do in life only success will swirl around you because you've always been a shining beacon of success and getting free stuff.
Keep up the good work, sunshine.
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