Stupifying Tuesday

Hi, it's Tuesday.

First Lesson - Free
Well this was a nice lesson. Since we're really digging into this Granite Moths project, I decided to start scripting up the coming Entries which will be uploaded to the Tube of You sooner rather than later. It's pretty cool.

Second Lesson - DT
Right, so, this lesson was all about ... I'm not entirely sure really. I made a prototype for the things that will hold up the bike, and it turns out that I can twist aluminium really easily. So yeah, that's going to work really well. Quite well. Well enough.

Third Lesson - Free
Again... I was writing Granite Moths, but this lesson Dukey showed Edwards Granite Moths so that we can integrate him into our little pack of everyone who watches Granite Moths. Our influence is spreading. None can stop us.

Fourth Lesson - Media
Christ this lesson was interesting. Last week we were talking about regulating the internet and about how countries like Libya and Egypt are rallying up against the government by using the internet as a tool of communication to actually organise these events. This week we were talking about marxism, which is also very interesting. Karl Marx envisioned that despite what we may think, we are never really free and are always controlled by a higher power. In our case, it's the fact that we're controlled by the government. We're not free. At all. He basically stated that democracy doesn't truly exist, and I totally agree with him.

Fifth Lesson - Free
Another boring lesson for you, I'm afraid. I wrote Granite Moths.

Okay, now for the bits of the day that I didn't put in because I completely forgot where they were. At several points during today Sophia and Luke both hug attacked me. While this is fine, it can get painful, especially when Luke does his massive bear hug. Also Becca said at one point, "I was thinking earlier 'Hutchy is really attractive'" when she saw that I had new glasses. Oh yeah, I have new glasses. I suppose you want to see them. Waste of time. Okay then. But yeah, several people came across me wearing these spectacles (hah, you see because spectacular) That was not hilarious. But yeah, confidence boost for the win. Thank you, Becca.

Also today, Dukey signed up to the Marble Hornets twitter page and came across this:

Ahahaaha. 

You see that's hilarious for people who watch Marble Hornets. You know what else is funny for people who watch Marble Hornets? Granite Moths. It's just fantastic.

I don't know what else to say really. Oh yeah, I was walking Walter earlier and came across this guy and I immediately thought, "Shit, youths are about" but then his two little kids appeared. I was like "Aww" and then he challenged them to a race to the end of the path and I was like "Aww" and Inside Voice was all like "What a great guy he is". He's one of the people who claw back humanity for the human race. Well done, sir, well done.

And now I'm done. Ciao.

Let's Get this Update Started

Uhuh.

Let's get it started in here. 

Let's get it started uhuh. 

Etc. 

So, it is officially Monday and therefore school is in like eight hours so I should get my seven hours of sleep. That'll probably drop to six by the end of this post, but hey, it's enough. 

So, what the hell has happened since my last post? Well, Thursday and Friday were quite boring days on account of the fact that I can't remember them and because all the funny bits were put into Salute to Stupidity 5 (featured below this post). Saturday, luckily, had some blogworthy material. 

The Diamond Anniversary 

Guest featuring Inside Voice!

Fine, you can plague this bit of the post, Inside Voice. Basically, at the stupidest time in the world (Friday night) I was told by my stupid whatever-you-call-your-brother-who-is-only-your-brother-because-you're-adopted told me that we were going to my Aunty and Uncle's 60th wedding anniversary. While that is quite a feat and I'm very proud of them, why the hell did anyone in this stupid house wait until Friday night, after I had already made my plans for the day, to tell me that I would most certainly have to drop everything so that the people I'm not actually related to could huddle around me and tell how much I've grown and how I was only this high when they last saw me. I hate this stupid family. Who put me in it? God did it. Take your rage out on him. Oh I have. I have had several words with God, but he claims that he wasn't responsible. Pff, this is like the Great Flood all over again. They're calling the earthquake in Japan the Great Flood? No, I meant the bible story with the big ship and the inbred animals. Fun tip: Noah's family were all actually something like giant squids that could walk and their brain power could rival that of a sea otter. I know, crazy right? But yeah, because it was his family that rebooted the human race, we only look like we do now through generations of horrible inbreeding. It's disgusting. Thanks, Inside Voice. 

So yeah, on Saturday I woke up waiting for the man who swapped hair on his head for hair on his top lip to ask me if I wanted to go to this stupid thing, but apparently it was non-negotiable. I told you to kick him right in his bald forehead. That would be counter-intuitive. Luckily I got an excuse to wear a really nice shirt and my waistcoat, so that made me feel a little better. When we arrived at the Thornhill Arms (the location for every single one of our fucking family gatherings, as infrequent as they are) Inside Voice immediately said, "Christ, it's like the graveyard from across the road just got up and tipped all the corpses into this room and then gave them placeholder cards. This is going to be extremely annoying." Inside Voice was right, as always, it was extremely annoying. The first half an hour was just mind-numbingly painful. All the old people were huddled together for warmth because old people can't stand temperatures below that which is only achievable in the pits of hell, which is where they're going to end up for having opinions that rival those of the BNP and religious extremists. You tell em, Outside Voice. But when the happy couple arrived (the only people in the family whom I can actually stand. I've mentioned them before, my Great Aunty Joy and Uncle Bob) things got a bit more bearable, partly because it gave me a glimmer of hope for these people yet that they're actually genuine people because they managed to organise a surprise party for these two good people... but mainly because it was now acceptable for me to go the bar and start drinking. Oh, and a little while later I had lasagne, which is just fine. Drinking made the whole thing a lot easier though. I managed to have a conversation about cameras with a guy who had a beard, so that was cool. However, I was unnerved by the fact that he knew exactly who I was because of, yup, you guessed it, the fact that he knew me when I was little. 

Anyway, enough about that. 

Josh's House

This is what today was supposed to be all about. After I got back from Nightmare on Desborough Road, Dukey came to pick me up with a Joe in his front seat. Hah, innuendo. There isn't an innuendo in there. Yes there is, damn it. Anyway, we then carted off to Josh's house to do some stuff. In fact, today was all about Granite Moths and we certainly got a shit load of videos done for it. If you would like to see our work so far, then take a look at our YouTube channel... I mean P's YouTube channel. Good save, gotta keep the magic alive, man. No one can know that this isn't actually a guy in immediate danger from a six foot pink panther. The web address is: http://www.youtube.com/user/GraniteMoths

Wicked stuff. Anyway, after that Laura came round with food. Food happened. Pizza topped with meat, meat and more meat! It was surely a concoction of brilliance thrown onto some pitta bread. I don't know why the Italians think they're good at this, because they haven't got anything on pizza chain restaurants like Perfect Pizza. Perfect Pizza is especially good because Laura works there and we get free food. Free food is, indeed, a gift from Laura. I would've said God, but he's actually a selfish bastard. He won't let me have my own body to control, for balls' sake. Oh stop whining. So, after we watched Austin Powers we hit the hay. 

Joe woke us up at the bright and early time of eleven of the clock because he had to go home. This was quite a shock, and I don't remember him saying anything about going home before going to Edwards' thingy because of some family meal thing. I feel for you mean, I really do. One delicious sammich later and we were on the road. 

Edwards' BBQ

Yeah man, David's house is where it's at. Where it was at, idiot. Oh shut up, you. I immediately thought aloud, "Wow, Edwards has a bridge over his pond!" and I was amazed. 

I'm going to have to be a cunt now and summarise this event for you because I'm tired and it's approaching the early hours of Monday morning, which is never a good place to be. So yeah, we fooded, we ate, we fooded and ate some more. Oh yeah, 'to food' is now a verb because they use it in German. Essen means to eat and Essen means food. So yeah, suck it. After that we sat around and chatted about various things. It was just a genuinely nice day, if I'm honest. I don't really need to talk about it, do I? It was just nice to be in this relaxed, care free area surrounded by people who weren't about to die from being in oxygen for too long rather than the moth-ball particles that old people have to breathe to survive. So yeah, I enjoyed it. 

That's summarises this weekend pretty well. Now, all I have to do is to kick my internet into life again so I that I can post this blog post. 

*Kick*

*Kick* 

*Kick* 

There it is. You didn't kick anything. There's no physical chance of you being able to kick a wireless connection. In fact, I have a better chance of kicking a wireless connection on account of the fact that I am purely made of electrical impulses. Okay, you've made your point. I don't think I have! You consistently lie to these people about actions you take to get things to work. Kicking broadband to life, sheesh. Thanks, IV, you're a real sport. 

See you on the morrow. 

Salute to Stupidity 5

Peter Duke: What's wrong is that Grantley and Ruby are gonna get together on Waterloo Road.
And there's NOTHING right about that.

Man who claims to be my father: Do you want some money?
Me: Uh... oh yeah!

Joshua Hilton: Well, after 6 long dreary tiresome months to the day, Mr and Mrs Durham University have decided that my application to study physics, which was tailor written to be perfect for the course, has been 'unsuccessful' on the grounds that they think I am either a) a Negro, b) a Molerat worshipper, or c) they wanted to be a waste of fucking time.
Cheers guys, Manchester it is
Peter Hutchinson: Well Dur... it's clearly because they don't think you've got enough Ham on your bones.
*3 Personen gefaellt das*
Joshua Hilton: That's not funny.
Peter Hutchinson: Oh you know it's funny. I can hear your screachy little laugh right now. Face it, Josh, I'm more hilarious than a baboon with a speech impediment. That's pretty damn funny.
*3 Personen gefaellt das*
Joshua Hilton: Curse you, you're right.
You are... a Class A (life threatening and hazardous) muppet
Peter Hutchinson: I see.

Peter Duke: Joshua Splodge Hilton - For reasons I can't explain, we need you to have a sex change and then have IVF to have Joe Hadden's child... ASAP would be awesome, cheers.
Peter Hutchinson: You mean I get a baby brother?!
That's a terrible idea.
Laura Mackay: Whyyy :P
Peter Hutchinson: Duh, because then I won't get as much attention.
Peter Duke: Who said it'd be a brother?
Laura Mackay: Aww, I'd make you still get the same amount of attention :3
Joshua Hilton: Hmmmmm... well as to how this came about, I must admit to a certain amount of personal scepticism, but whilst I reject your conclusion I accept your hypothesis. Me having a sex change and having Joe's baby definitely sounds like a good idea. Making sure Bugs still gets an even amount of attention, not such a good idea. If you give Bugs attention, he feeds on it like a homoerotic vampire until his neck expands and his mole venom mixing facilities (his BALLS) swell into watermelons, then become watermelons, then become watermelon flavoured starburst with milkshake for semen that most definitely brings all the boys to the yard.
Peter Hutchinson: Josh, come on. Homoerotic vampire? Now you're just being ridiculous.

Josh: K'tchair. It's what happens in Marvel when you hit someone with a chair.

One of the most simple pleasures in life is the ability to sign into MSN using my fingerprint. I feel so awesome right now it's unbelievable. 

Battling Ram is more awesome than your puney wooden pole.

Josh: Hey Joe, how are you doing? 

Joe: Oh hey... I have a hangover... I've got paint on my face and glowsticks up my arse. 

If I'm honest with you, Joe seems to have shown us his true colours. Hah, do you see? Because they're glowsticks! You really suck, IV. Shut up! What I mean is, Joe's fetish for glowsticks has really shone through. My god. I just can't comprehend how lame that was. 

"K'tcha! See, if this were a real gun, you'd be dead." 

Duke: Josh, you know how you're part metal now? You're my friend and alloy. 

Mr Tiktin: See, normally there are attractive girls waiting outside the classroom for the sixth formers. But I don't know about you. 

Mr T said this to me when I was waiting outside the Physics classroom for the guys to come out for lunch. Perfectly reasonable and definitely a witty moment for Tikkers there. 

Josh: Me and Laura just realised, well Laura realised, that since we walk you, feed you and care for you, you're our tamagotchi :)

So now I apparently have six parents. Christ this is complicated. Joe and Becca, Luke and Sophia and now Josh and Laura. As awesome as this is, it is definitely extremely confusing. I mean, who gets me for Christmas? 

Naturally I shall update later with more, but for now I have two Deutsche Prufungen to revise for. This is now a lie. I shall update as I will. Also, on the note of German exams... I'll probably do a post about it. 

Wahey Monday

That "wahey" was more sarcastic than your little brother, who has conveniently just learnt the meaning of sarcasm and is now using it more often than a schizophrenic hippo. Ah, but you thought this was going to be a simile that made sense, didn't you? You should know me better. However, I am willing to explain exactly why a schizophrenic hippo is sarcastic. It turns out that the voices in its head are incredibly stupid (because hippos don't have the mental capacity to create voices that are in the least bit intelligent) and therefore it's constantly like, "well duh..." and "oh no... really?" and does it a lot. A lot. And that, my friends, is how sarcastic my "wahey" was in the title of this blog post. Perhaps I should explain why. Today was the first day back at school. Good enough reason? Good.

First Lesson - Media
Ah, Media on Monday mornings. What a lesson I don't want to do. It was actually fairly interesting though, because we were talking about regulation in the media. See, Miss Mankiewicz (I have totally learned how to spell her name now) asked us how the media is regulated. She was thinking along the lines of Ofcom and ITC, who are the companies that control what goes on TV based on complaints. Taking that into consideration, I argued (only in my notes, mind) that it is in fact the public who completely control the media in every way. Sure, the government might have a say in it, but ultimately the goal of any producer or editor is to make the audience watch or read their media and so they need to tailor it to the public's needs. If something racist is said on Eastenders, five million people will collectively gasp, pick up their telephones or go on the internet and complain the shit out of it. Eastenders will then make sure that they never broadcast racism again. So yeah, there you go. We're in control of the media. Well, all except the newspapers. They're self-regulated. Which is fine. That means that they get to decide what the public read about. Same rules apply though.

Second Lesson - Free
Dukey and I claimed a Sophia this lesson. Dukey was meant to be editing his footage in the Media Suite, and I have no idea how he got on with that. I was far too distracted by Sophia. I guess I'll tell you why now. This time it wasn't her good looks, but the fact that we have to do an Extended Project together. Basically, she gets to write a film script, and I get to make the trailer for it. So that's what we talked about for the entire lesson. Not sure what was concluded, but hey, at least I know what's going on now. It's a pretty cool idea, it must be said.

Third Lesson - DT
Eugh. I swear Miss Ainscow is actively trying to make me fail DT. Westie told me earlier that she was being smug about my not-quite-my-own-aspirational-target result in my recent exam. This makes me angry. Who the fuck does she think she is? She has no right to be a dick, because she's a teacher. Well, I say teacher. She's officially been demoted to Bitch-Whore from Hell. Actually, that sounds far too nice. Bitch-Crack-Whore-Vagina-Penis-Dickhead from Hell. There, that's more like it. Dare I even write that she's a ... a cunt? I think she might be. That's definitely my lowest rating, now that I've cleaned my language up. And you know what? Everybody in the world hates Mr Gilligan, but he's a damn-side more helpful than Miss Ainscow ever was or will be. As long as Nigel doesn't leave the department ever, it'll be cool.

Fourth Lesson - Free
I've just noticed that I didn't say anything about the lesson of DT. Oh well, it was boring and you wouldn't care about what I did. Incidentally, in this free I can't really remember what I did, probably because I didn't do very much at all. Hmm... Sophia and I continued our movie conversation, but that was possibly the most productive part of the lesson. That can't be good.

Fifth Lesson - Deutsch
You know what I've realised? It's a really bad idea for Mr Nicholls to teach us controversial topics like stem cell research because it really does divide up the people and cause a massive huge-ass argument that wastes these precious lessons. I've always been of the opinion that people have opinions and that I respect that. What I don't understand is why people like us, you know, the ones who are supposed to be completely open minded and all up for changing the world and not letting stuff like dictatorships and communism appear in the world again, argue the shit out of each other. I don't think it makes any sense. For example, I completely agree with stem cell research. There is no chance that that embryo could become life, because it was aborted and therefore never alive, so why not put it to good use? However, I understand that people could argue against that in the sense that abortion shouldn't happen because you're stopping life from happening, and playing with embryos is bad because it's undoing god's work and all that. I get it. You know what else I don't get? Atheists. They were the people who set out to ... well that's the thing. Atheism is now, technically, a religion, because they follow a code of ethics, they all band themselves together as societies and they have enemies. There are two reasons as to why I call myself a Christian. 1: I was born a Christian, and I'm sure my real parents would've raised me by their code of ethics, which would've been fine. 2: Atheists are close minded bastards. That doesn't mean to say that I hate atheists, because I believe in all the stuff that they believe in but I leave an open mind about it. If suddenly we find out that science is wrong and god is real then I wouldn't care. The fact of the matter is I don't want to believe in one thing, because that means that your life is pretty much set out for you. If you're an atheist, you live to prove religion wrong and then you die. If you're a Christian or of similar faith (Judaism, Islam... well, religion) then you live to spread the word of the lord and after you die you go on to the afterlife, in whichever form you believe. I should really have done this as a separate rant post. Maybe I will one day.

Apologies for the long rant about nothing to do with anything on topic... I may have gotten carried away. On a final note though, I'd like to make it apparent that the internet hates my blog. I don't know why, but whenever I'm writing a post, the internet, without fail, will break. It's aggravating, to say the least.

And with that being that, I'm done.

A Day in the Life of Inside Voice

Okay, so I've been looking for a way to incorporate Inside Voice more, and you know what I did? Found one. No, I found it. FYI, Inside Voice is in italics. They can read, asshole. Shut up. No, you shut up. Let's just get on with this.

Nan: Peter, can you get up please? I don't know what time Lucy's coming and I need to clean the bathroom.
Outside Voice: yeah... okay...
Inside Voice: Sleep... 
*Ten minutes later*
Nan: Are you going to have a shower?
Outside Voice: No...
Inside Voice: Sleep...
Phone: Ring ring. Ring ring.
Nan: Hello?
Inside Voice: Sleep... 
Nan: Peter, it's for you!
Inside Voice: If this is De Montford or Nottingham Trent stalking me again, I will not be happy. I mean, I'll be happier if it's NTU, because their women on the phones sound hot. Last time DMU called me, it was a man. Bad move, DMU. Oh wait, the phone. 
*Runs down stairs, picks up phone*
Outside Voice: Hello?
Inside Voice: Do you have any idea what I was trying to do three seconds ago? Exactly. Sleep. Whatever you have to say better be good. 
Mr Nicholls: Hello, Peter, this is Robert - Mr Nicholls.
Outside Voice: Oh hey.
Inside Voice: Oh hey! This is five thousand times better than Uni open day reminders. 
Mr Nicholls: I'm just calling to remind you that you were supposed to do that crib sheet for me.
Outside Voice: Oh damn, sorry I totally forgot to do that.
Inside Voice: Oh fuck. I totally forgot to do that. 
Mr Nicholls: I know you did *chuckle*. Now you know what you're doing don't you? Just pick six or seven  -
Outside Voice: Yeah I know exactly what to do, sir. I have done it twice before *chuckle*
Inside Voice: Was that cheeky? I don't think that was cheeky. 
Mr Nicholls: Well I do need it quite urgently.
Outside Voice: Yeah, okay, I'll have it done within the hour.
Inside Voice: I'd better get my arse in gear. Breakfast and Smallville will have to wait. I'm really hungry. No! Appoint Mr Nicholls before the luxury of eating!
Mr Nicholls: Okay, thank you, Peter. I'll see you on Monday.
Outside Voice: Okay, sir, thanks. Buh-bye.
Inside Voice: Is buh-bye too informal for use with a teacher? Nah, this is Herr Nicholls, he's totally cool with informality. 

That sums up this morning. You completely forgot breakfast and Smallville. It's not important information! We do that every single morning! And yet, nobody knew that. This is why I should be in control. Listen, Inside Voice, How can I not listen? I'm inside your head. Fuck off a second. This is my my blog. Damn it, hah. Let's just get on with the story. What happened next? I don't know. It's apparently my blog. Fine, let's work it out together.

This is weird. This is weird.

Later in the day I went into town to book myself an eye test at Specsavers. I was about to say it- just making sure. So I walked in and towards the front desk. Hold on, I'll need to take you into the moment. Inside Voice, do the honours.

Okay, so they appear to be quite busy at the moment. Veer towards the hot one. Crap, the middle-eastern one saw me. Okay, let's get this over with. Right, yes, tell me to sit down, thank you. Type a little on your computer... hang on. What nationality are you? Iranian? Pakistani? Not Indian. You're not Indian at all. You could be Indian... No, you have the hint of Omid Djalili about you, so you must be Iranian. Just like that guy on the plane. Did I blog about Omid Djalili on the plane? How could I not? Mental note: paste picture in blog of Omid Djalili next to Caitlin on the plane. 

Ah man, that's wicked. 

Task complete. Oh, are we done here? Crap, I forgot to make a note of when it is. Oh wait, Outside Voice took care of it. Awesome. 0240 on Sunday. Cool. I have to get money for my resit on Sunday as well. Okay, that's cool. Ah, leaving now I see. Okay, so the next stop is to aimlessly wander around the streets of Kettering looking for this metal place. But first... hah, Outside Voice will never see this coming. And take control of body... hah! Lap around Newlands for you! Hehehe. Outside Voice is going to be so mad. Ooh, especially since Horse Market has been partially blocked off because they're making pointless 'improvements' to nothing and the walk around will be tedious! Ahahahaha! 

Inside Voice is a dick sometimes. So yeah, after IV made me wander around aimlessly looking for this metal workshop, we found it.

Let's see here... opening hours... we're okay. Ah, Mr Gilligan, what are you doing here? I'm joking, of course, you're not Mr Gilligan. Sure, you're bald, tubby and work in a storage area for various metals but you're not the same guy. In fact, you're at least twelve million times nicer than Gilly-Willy of the Bald Man Clan. I could've so come up with a better name than that. That was just poor. Anyway, time to get myself in gear because I have to give Outside Voice measurements. 100m. 50m. Okay, 60m. 18 gauge you say? You spelt gauge wrong. Unless of course it is spelt gage... hmm... Hold on, so I walked in here, you have exactly what I need, but is perhaps a bit heavy duty, so you're giving me two numbers to places in Northampton and Earls Barton respectively? Crap. Wait, if I only need 18 gauge then what I have at home, and therefore hopefully in the DT department will do. Then maybe I can spray paint my work so that it looks nice. I should ask about the scissor jack. Oh wait, I've already left. Never-mind, I'm sure I'll work it out. I'll give OV a nice little exploded view of the scissor jack, along with the processes he'll have to go through to make it. That's the theory, OV, that's what I do, but you'll have to do the physical. 

So yeah, when I got back home I played Prince of Persia, the game Josh recently lent to me. IV had a lot to say about it, so we'll take a couple of snippets. The first snippet is when I learned the power to control water.

Okay, so I have a new power. Right. I'm walking up to this water jet. It's spitting out water in a nice little stream. You know what that looks like? Yeah, if that water was solid then it would make one of those swingy pole things. OMFG. I CAN FREEZE WATER WITH MY MIND. That's awesome. 

That was the first bit. Let's see what happened when I came across a particularly difficult floor puzzle.

Okay, so I'm at another one of these pointless corridors with traps in it. This one seems to be a series of swinging spiky death beams. Hmm. Okay, run up and roll through, that works with the others. The fuck? I totally missed it. God damn it. Right, through again and roll... hit again! Oh well, I got through this time. Wait a minute, do I have to jump that gap with the swinging spiky death beam there? Oh poo off. Okay, here goes... get to the edge... jump! Hit by the swinging spiky death beam. Oh, I fell down the thing. It's okay though, I'll just use my power to turn back time and start over. Okay, jump! Hah! I made it this time! Hold the fuck on. There are two swinging spiky death beams there. Will this never end? Okay, I just have to do two quick jumps. First jump! Fail... rewind... jump! Rewind... Jump! Oh, no more rewinds. Dead. Oh cock fuck. I have to do it all over again? Okay, first one... hit... hit again but through. Second one, hit. Rewind. Hit. Rewind. Who designed this fapping trap? I hate the fapping person who designed this fapping trap. Hit. Dead. Run through. Hit. Make it. Jump. Hit. Dead. Run through. Made it. Jump. Hit. Rewind. Jump. Made it. Okay, the stupid one again. Jump. Jump. Hit. Rewind. Jump. Jump. Dead. Oh this stupid fapping game with its stupid fapping traps in this stupid fapping castle! 

That happened for some time, until I got through finally. That actually happened a lot more than you'd think. Stuck. Rewind. Dead. Jump. Stuck. Dead. Etc. I think IV liked this moment though.

Okay what now? Oh wow, I better be able to use this sword now instead of my crappy one. Ooh, it's shiny. It's got blue on it. What do you mean, "How will this make any difference?" Can you not see the blue? Blue makes it super powerful! Hold on... did the black chick just get absorbed by the sword? Dude, that's weird. Hang on, so the black chick is my sword? I don't even know if that's a sexual connotation or not, but I'm pretty sure that I just can't be. Can it? What's so awesome about this sword then? Fap. Wow! This thing is awesome! Fap fap. Death to all you sand-skeleton-creatures! Wait, is the black chick making the swishing and fapping noises? She is. Wow, that's pretty weird. It's one thing to be the sword, it's quite different to actually make the onomatopoeic noises that a sword makes. Okay, at least you're not saying "swish, swish, stab," but come on. It's pretty close. Okay, I think I have the words for it now, "Fa, fu, fap." Yup, those are definitely the noises that she is making.

IV was amazed by the black chick blue sword.

Anyway, I think that concludes today. Only because you spent all the fucking rest of the day on Prince of Persia. It wasn't that long! I suppose we did complete the game and never have to play that god awful piece of crap ever again, as fun as it was. Too right. You know what I discovered? I know! We have to unlock Ezio in this game. What did we have to do? Uplay or something. What does that mean? In Ass: Bro you can unlock things for the game like cosmetics and stuff. I guess this is the same. Do it. Okay, but we have to wrap up this blog post. Fine. Be a bitch. No one wants to see this conversation. Josh does. Josh isn't everyone.

I'm sure I'll manage to get in posts more often now that I have broken free of my restraints and can freely argue with this prick in written form. Hey, don't talk about me like that! I'll talk about you, meaning me, however I, meaning you, want! Hah! I/you, confused my/yourself. Hah.

Peace out. Ciao. 

Oh you complete dick, Outside Voice. You know what you completely forgot to do? No... you're kind of my memory and stuff. Oh fuck off. I'm in control now. 
So on my way back from town I noticed a couple of things. 

That bus stop needs a hat. 

You know what else I did on my trek? Yup, I walked the Pennine Way. I know what you're thinking, "Hang on, isn't the Pennine Way in the North of the country and hundreds of miles long?" I know right? But I walked that bitch. 

Oh it's funny because it's not.

Shut up, Outside Voice. 
You see, now we're properly done. I'll catch you around, you lovely people, you. 
Stop trying to steal my audience!

2,000 Views has Happened!

Fuck to the yeah!

Bollocks.

I was about to take a screenshot of my victory, but then another view happened. I'm now on two-thousand-and-one views.

Oh well. Cause for celebration anyway! Whoo! *Party pop*

Anyway, I guess I should get back down to Earth and stop being all Bratwurstig on you and be Englischer mit euch... I mean more English with you guys. Right, so basically, since I got back nothing much has happened. I say not much, but I've been up to my bleeding knees with stuff to do, and only actually one day where I just sat down and had a nice whole day to myself. I played Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood on that day. It was nice. However, Ass: Bro is not what life is all about, and that's why you're here. To get some more cliché in your lives.

On... Monday Josh was all like, "Oh hey, do you want to come to town with me and then we can go and pick up Laura from school and then do stuff?" and I was all like, "Yeah, man, count me in. Let's score some weed." Josh was then all like, "Whoa, what the fuck? You've never done weed before." And I was like, "yeah man, I'm a total cannabis-oholic thanks to that bio lesson we did in Germany," and then he was like, "Yeah, I was tempted myself but then I thought that it would be wise to keep my sanity. But it's your choice, bro," and then I was like, "Oh I suppose you're right, dude, I am actually paranoid that my anal virginity is about to be taken away from my by a gruff gentlemen with bad teeth."

Then Josh took my anal virginity, but let's not go into that.

In fact, forget about that last entire paragraph.

No wait, I'll start over.

So basically, on Monday Josh asked me if I wanted to hang it with him and Laura and of course I said yes because I love Josh and Laura. While on the way to meeting Josh in town, Joe appeared and shocked and surprised me. So then we went into town for a while with the intention of buying Josh new shoes and new shorts. It went well. I have a feeling that some things went down, but it's Wednesday and I have a headache and can't be bothered remembering stuff.

Anyway, after a long and pointless search for some new Josh-shoes we went to Southfields. Just to go there. I'm joking of course, Laura goes to Southfields. By some strange coincidence, Joe's mum happens to work at Southfields, so he could get a convenient lift back home. Don't you love it when things coincide conveniently? But yeah, Joe left us and we found a Laura. There's something that should be worth mentioning about Laura. While walking along the streets of Kettering with her, she just about knows everyone we walked by. I don't mean your run-in-the-mill smile, nod, walk on... but I mean shout name, run, hug, introduce everyone, walk on... it's a little strange, to say the least. But hey, we had fun.

After chips we went back to Laura's. Inside Laura's house is a bear. You think I'm joking. Okay, I'm joking. But in all seriousness, her dog is the size of a bear, and also looks like one. So yeah, Laura has a bear in her house. However, this isn't the kind of bear that kills and rips off your head as a trophy for his wife, taking a leg for him to eat and then leaving the rest of the carcass for the little'uns to munch so happily on, this is the kind of bear that is a dog. I think I mentioned that earlier. He's incredibly obedient, and damn clever. When they walk him, they give him his lead and he just carries it himself. I wish Walter would do that, as opposed to looking at the lead when I fetch it out of the cupboard, biting at it furiously and then not actually letting me put it on him so I can walk him.

So, after I got back home I had dinner and then the Brotherhood was called together at Bekah's house for our first official Not-Jonathan-Creek-but-Instead-Movies-From-Before-the-Millenium Night. We really need to rename it. We watched the Blues Brothers, which is both hilarious and awesome. Yeah, that sums that up though.

I apologise if I'm rushing, but I don't want this to be too long, I know you've got a lot of reading to do.

On Tuesday I luckily had a bit of time to myself just to lounge about, get a bit of work done and then do some Xboxing. After that, Josh invited me over his to do stuff. Dukey picked me up in his 206 and we were soon there. I could talk about Xbox, but then that'd be a waste of precious blog, so I'll instead go on with what tonight was really about. Its actual intentions and shit. Basically, you know how we started that Granite Moths project? Yup. It happened. It's totally up and it's totally awesome. I believe the funniest moment was when we went into Tesco and Josh had to film himself taking condoms off a shelf. Oh no wait, Dukey in his boxers. Oh no wait even more, the Slender Panther moving across the window in the dark. Classic stuff.

Also, I popped my driving cherry. I was scared. I stalled the first time I braked. Apparently I did okay though, so that's fine.

So when we woke up on Wednesday we drove to Joe's house and then we went to school fuer Deutsch! Yay! We just did German stuff. At lunch, Josh and I opted out of getting a Subway because that's expensive and decided to get a full beef burger meal at the Morrison's café instead. It was the same price as Subway, but you get more for your money. Which is cool.

After school, Magic Dave picked us up to go and see Laura at her school again. The same routine happened with the people in the street. However, when we got to Laura's house this time I got to see my first anaemic person. Okay, that sounds degrading, but I wasn't at all prepared for it. We were just standing around talking and then this girl whose name I can't remember toppled onto Laura's brother's shoulder, whose name I also can't remember. I know his other shoulder is called Jim, though. It was weird. Slightly funny, but weird.

After Laura's brother and her... his name is Erin. After Erin and his friends left we broke out Super Mario for the Wii. I was confused. You had to use the Wii-mote sideways. They're not built for sideways. They're built so that I can shoot people in the face. I don't have a Wii. But yeah, it was surprisingly fun, but got tedious after a while.

So yeah, all in all the days following Berlin were pretty good. Now I have to look forward to two German speaking exams! Whoo! I also need to get materials for DT. Remind me of that. Tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow.

Catch ya later.

Berlin: Freitag 11/03

So the final day in Berlin was upon us. We met up at school as usual for our last Deutsche Stunde. Joergi started by giving out our awesome certificates that we were given for being awesome. Today we had several huge heated discussions about burkas and religion and shit.

So after school it was decided that we should go to the Ampelmann restaurant at Hackescher Markt because it had Ampelmann in the Titel and because we we had some money in the budget. Hoier decided to be a bumscheissnork and not be with the group for this one and go for a Chinese instead of pizza. I had pizza with scampi on it, which is a first and also delicious. It was at this moment that I put it to Joe that I might have Crohn's disease, but the lack of concern on his face made me a little easier about it. I've probably miss-diagnosed myself. Meh. I'm just saying that it would link my amazing immune system to my terrible digestive system. But that's not what we should be talking about. Diese ist die Zeit von Berlin and nichts anders.

After lunch we went on another Pfand run to try and get rid of the glass bottles and so after a whole fracking hour of walking around trying to find Edeker and then a Supermarkt, das Rewe heisst, it was apparent that no Pfand Machin nimmt glase Flaschen. Das ist doof. However, after wasting our time we met up with everyone else am Alex including eine wilde Janina. We hopped on a Strassenbahn and headed towards Janina's Haus fuer Abendbrot.

Half an hour on the train and a bus journey later and we were bei Janina. We were chapperoned into her Lebensraum after her wirklich heisse Schwester, die Verena heisst, nahm unsere Jacke. We were then given Baumkuchen, which means tree cake. Basically, you get your cake seeds and plant them, butter and egg them every couple of weeks and after seven years it'll be ready to eat. Unfortunately, we ate the only Baumkuchen in existence.

The Boltze Factor

After that, Mairaid, Josh, Caitlin and I became X-Factor judges and made everyone perform. We picked our roles carefully. As she was the meanest, Mairaid took on the guise of Simon Cowell. Because he couldn't do a good Irish accent, and funnily enough does a wicked impression of her, Josh became Danni Minogue. Because I have an amazing Irish accent, I was Louis Walsh and because it just makes sense, Caitlin was Cheryl Cole. We saw... two performances. One of Paul and Hoier re-enacting Eastenders, rather well actually, and then Lofty and Nat decided to show us a bro-hug. They can't bro-hug; they're chicks. The theory was sound, but practically it just didn't work for them.

For dinner we had chilli con carne, which was delicious and to drink we had this awesome German beer that I forgot to take a picture of again. Damn. Oh well, there's always the next Berlin trip.

These pictures can tell a story better than I can any day. In fact, those pictures aren't very informative, but whatever. When I wrote this, I must have thought I'd created some kind of story arc with the pictures that I had taken, but I really hadn't. To fill in the blanks, we basically sat around and talked for the rest of the night. It was pretty cool. 


After fairwelling the Boltze family we jumped into some cars and headed for the train stop. At this point, Kyle (the year 12 that pointlessly came on this trip and didn't fit in at all except maybe with Westie) said to me that everybody hates him. Outside voice said, "Nah, you're an okay guy," but inside voice was all like, "You're a dick and I hate you. You haven't ever tried to not be a dick and there are at least funfmillionen Gruende as to why everybody hates you. Before you signed to go on this trip you should've thought, "Hmm, you know what? I should really think about what I'm about to do. Okay, after much thought, I have decided that I will not go with people who will undoubtedly hate me and therefore ruin the group dynamic," but did you? No." Inside voice was very angry at him.

So after giving Janina a massive hug we reluctantly got on the train. We managed to make fun of this last empty train journey Verkehrsmittel-surfed all the way back to Alex. That was quite fun. I want to put this on the record now thought. Caitlin decided that she'd take us all out on the town in the summer so that we can get a taste of her life since she has been forced into ours and figuratively raped with our foul language and strange tendencies. It's been fun though.

If Saturday is worth blogging about, then I will, but this signals the end of our stay in Berlin. Sad face.

One day, we shall return. You haven't seen the last of us yet, city of prosperity and lesbians.

Okay, so if I were to summarise Saturday, Josh played with the luggage trolley, we argued about the direction we were taking to get back to Luton and then we played with Caitlin's hair on the bus journey back to Brooke. 


So, what a week, eh? Berlin is quite possibly the best city in the world. It's all totally new and tailor made to suit our needs. It has the best transport system... in the world. It has the best Bratwurst man... in the world. In fact, it has all of the best Bratwurst men in the world. Also, when travelling with the best people on the planet, what the hell would be better? 


I'm Peter "Bugs" Hutchinson and this has been my take on Berlin. I'll catch up with you England-folk soon enough. 


P to the S: Becca complained about all the German in here. I realise that I put German in here, and yes I realise that makes it a little harder to read. I must reinforce the fact that I have written here what I wrote in my notepad, otherwise it wouldn't be first and final and it most certainly wouldn't stand for what I stand for. I give my sincerest apologies if you got annoyed or frustrated at the amount of German in here, but heck, I was in Germany and my mind was telling me to write in German. Just be thankful that I didn't start any of the posts in German, otherwise we'd be in a whole world of mess. 

Berlin: Donnerstag 10/03

Today started with results. I did better in DT but worse in German. Herr Nicholls is chasing it up because of his disbelief. However, I got an A in Media for Zombie Plan, so that's cool. School was uninteresting to be honest. Everyone was hung up over results, so we didn't get much done.
If you analyse my tone here, you can tell that I was still hung up over results. In fact, I spent the whole of school just not part of it because I was pretty upset. But hey, these things happen. 


After that we went to Hackescher Hoefe for lunch. We firstly got Haagen Dazs, which is delicious, and then we got some chicken kebabs, which were also delicious.

You know what I've realised? This is currently more like a diary entry than a blog post, so let's spice it up a little.

We all met in Alexanderplatz. Well, that was the plan. Caitlin and Harpreet managed to get lost, despite Hackescher Hoefe being one stop away from Alex. In this time we also saw a TV crew walking around, so Josh, Hannah and Mairaid set it upon themselves to get an interview with them.
Josh asked, "Was filmen sie?"
"Nichts."
"Dann warum tragen sie eine Kamera?"
"Uh... kein Grund."
They weren't very nice people.

Anyway, once Caitlin and Harpreet arrived we got on the Stassenbahn to ... a place near the Stasi prison. It's actually really cool. I say cool as in interesting. So it was a hot ginger German lady showed us around. We first learned about the Stasi no-go zone. Basically, there was the huge prison... and then the town around it was also a prison. There was only ever one escape, and they don't know how it was done. Investigations still happen today. Kind of like Jack the Ripper. Perhaps it was even Jack the Ripper who escaped. It'd certainly explain ... nothing really. But I guess we'll never know.

Okay, so we first went to the post-war prisons which were underground.

You see that? Yup, at first four people stayed in there. Then twelve. The ventilation was literally three holes and it was lit by a single bulb four twenty four hours a day. They weren't allowed to sleep in the day and were interrogated at night. That's a very effective torture method, sleep deprivation. Many people just gave up the information as quickly as possible, even if it was false, just to get out.

This is a picture of a Chinese water chamber. You basically have your head between those bars above the bucket and water is dripped onto the back of your head for hours on end. It'd drive you mad. In fact, it'd be painful because it'd just be on the same spot over and over.

This is another water torture room. Here, the prisoner stands in about three inches of water for a few hours and because the walls are rubber none of the water is sponged up. After a while, it does give you the sensation of drowning, even though it'd just be your ankles in the water.

New block

Traffic lights

Windows

We moved on to the new block. When the Stasi took over this prison from the Ruskis, human rights kicked in. I think it's that sort of time frame anyway. Something like that. Now these rooms had natural light and time for sleep. However, they were now completely isolated from each other and there was actually a traffic light system so that the prisoners didn't see each other. The only person to talk to was the interrogator, so it was again very effective. In fact, they were so isolated that there were enough bedrooms for 120 inmates (102 rooms, to be exact, so some did double up), but 120 interrogation rooms. Now that is taking things a bit far.

"Kill them" Interrogators were friendly people

Inmates had to sit on their hands, but when the guard leaves, the interrogator lets them sit in a comfy seat

Because of all this, the inmates actually invented a system for communication by tapping the walls. Joe's first thought was Morse code, but who actually knows Morse code? Basically, it was one tap for A, two for B and so on. A short conversation would take hours, but they had time to waste.

Anyway, I have to show you this.

So. Many. Cows.

The final important event of today was dinner at an Italian restaurant. There were loads of pictures of Chez Guivarer (spell check) everywhere, which was weird. It was nice, and Hoier naturally ate everyone's food. After that we covered Caitlin in coats and hugged her because she cold, bless her. Also, if I can get back the six word Berlin stories, I'll blog them.

Anyway, I'm tired and I have school in the morning.

P.S. Today Westie wrote in here that he has to call the masseur institute down the road. Intriguing.

Berlin: Mittwoch 09/03

Today was basically school and more school. The day started early. We had to meet in Alex at 0815. Herr Elimer told us that the M6 runs every six minutes, so when it was fifteen minutes late, I turned to Westie and said, "We're taking the U-Bahn." Two transferrals later and we were at Alex, five minutes late. We then saw the tram we were going to catch pass through Alex. I laughed at its foolishness.

So the point of today was to visit Janina's old school. Ich muss sagen; it's pretty massive. It's apparently the largest in Deutschland and teaches to 6000 students. In comparison with BW, that's a lot. However, they only have 600 computers, which is half of what we have at Brooke. 10 to 1 pc. That's different. It's actually a converted WWII barracks, which is auch cool.

While in the Oberstufen Zentrum, I learned that most of them were Turkish. Josh being Josh, he got our guide (called Umah) to add him on Facebook. Also, all of them have to learn English there... because they have to. It was really interesting to see how a Deutsche Schule works.

While there, we all got to sit in a lesson. Harpreet, Joe, Josh and I got to learn about yr11 Bio, so it was einfach. It started with photosynthesis and the transferral of energy across the food chain and then we moved onto Suechtigkeit... I mean addictions. This consisted of these stupid students failing to define it. In the end they managed it, but it took longer than it should have. Following this were illegal drugs, which the students knew a lot about. The teacher asked about the kind of high you get from crystal meth and, sure as sure can be, a student answered in worrying amounts of detail. We then learned about the difference between Haschisch und Marihuana. I didn't think there was a difference, but one comes from one part of the plant and the other the other. I began to get worried about the detail in which were were going into over cannabis. I can grow to 6m. So basically, we learned how to become drug abusers today.

After that we went to the east side gallery. Picture opportunity of the day.

Josh, Caitlin and I graffitied our names into the wall and Josh added something extra a little later on.

Damn good. 

After that we went to school. Ich... folge nicht diese Stunde. Josh, Caitlin and I essentially doodled in the corner so we didn't fall asleep, but we were just all Germanned out.

So moving on, after dinner and Herr Elimer rant (he does that... he likes the Queen and constantly turns to me so I can decipher Westie) we went to the Kino. We watched a film called Kokowaeaeh. It's basically this dude (who I eventually worked out was a film writer) whose maybe-Tochter comes to stay with him. It's the Pursuit of Happiness with less black and more German.

Westie and I then had a pleasant trip with the Nicholls's on the Strassenbahn back to Orienburger Tor.

Bis Donnerstag.

Berlin: Dienstag 08/03

A new day of school was upon us. We met Dana, our teacher for the day, who taught us stuff about the Berliner Mauer. Der Antifastistisches Schutzwall, for those of you watching at home. During school time we went to a memorial place for those shot trying to escape over the wall. The two that got to me were the pictures of the little two year old and the soldier. I bet you're thinking, "Soldiers were made to fight and die though?" Ah, fight and die for their country, dear reader. This soldier was so appalled with the DDR that he threw down his gun and legged it, getting himself shot in the process.

Anyway, a bit of fun I think now. We were standing in the 40m long turf between the 1m high wall and the 4m high aux wall and the 4m high primary wall. Harpreet then took a picture of me running through the aux wall, which is cool. We went into a museum, which was boring, but we climbed up to the top of it where we could see perfectly the 40m wall thing. The aux wall, then a guard tower ("treehouse" - Josh Hilton), then a trench for dogs, and then a minefield before the primary wall. Yeah, they fortified that bitch. It was totally serious.

After that, Herr Nicholls told us about an old WW2 anti-air bunker that is still standing. Josh and I were super interested, so we brought the group to see it. They're flak towers that only two of the four were destroyed before the Allies gave up. They required so much concrete that nothing else in the entire country could be built while they were constructed. Pictures time.

Not even Tommy's bombers could bring this down.

"Okay, so we've got about 3ft by 6ft of space to use... what should we write?"

"Penis."
"Ah mate, that's brilliant!"

Anyway, on the way down Caitlin officially became one of us when made a Westie's testes rhyme.
"Westie's testes are like lard.
Westie's testes make Josh hard."
Wicked, Caitlin, wicked. She also now knows that my semen mixed with mole venom is the elixir of life. Also, Caitlin is now our deity. A lot happened with Caitlin today.

We returned to the Brandenburger Tor and met a chicken. We then did a loop around the Tiergarten and the Angel.

Dukey makes his début

The Brandenburger Tor in all its glory. Now with fewer people!

Putting the sexy back in Pariser Platz

Still incomplete: The Angel with added stolen French cannons

12x optical zoom for the win

We soon ended up at the Reichstag. No, actually, we went to the Pregnant Oyster first. Haus der Kulturen der Welt. Double genetive for the win. Anyway, the Reichstag is currently inaccessible because someone tried to blow it up at Christmas, so that was a shame.

So with that being that we went to the Fernsehturm for Kafee und Kuchen endlich. While we were waiting to go up, Herr Nicholls did us lads a favour by buying the girls flowers (it was Frautag today) and Caitlin and I decided that we need to build a huge tower in England because we don't have on.

The top of the Fernsehturm is just wonderful. The view is spectacular. Our waitress funked up our orders, but when you can see the sunset I'm about to show you, it doesn't really matter.

Sunset inbound

How nice

Also, in the Fernsehturm,
Josh: I'm blind now. Joe is my dog.
Herr Nicholls: Well at least he's not your bitch.
What a legend that bearded man is.

OH FACK. I forgot to say that Josh and I were commenting to Caitlin about her breasts (because she's one of us now, it's totally acceptable) and she dresses down her size. So Josh and I decided we should make a lingerie company called TITS IN YOUR FACE. Just... fill in the gaps yourselves. I don't really need to pitch it to you, do I?

Bis Mittwoch.

Also, Westie wrote this at the bottom: PS. I love men. Okay, that's a joke, only Herr Elimer.
That's a little bit weird, Westie.

Berlin: Montag 07/03

We got up bright and early to go to school. Unfortunately, my time of writing this is Tuesday, so details may be a little fuzzy. Basically, we didn't have Sven or Jochen, but a new guy called Joerg (henceforth known as Joergi). What was funny was that we all did the Welle salute when he walked in to freak him out. Always a good way to make a first impression. Oh, when we had our break, Josh bought some chocolate with yoghurt in, which was strange and delicious.

Anyway, after school we went to Potsdamer Platz. If you remember, we to Potsdamer Platz last year and it was really busy, so it was interestin to see it with no one there. Joe, Josh and I then went back inside the U-Bahnhof to find some Bratwurst, which is the local delicacy. Josh got a huge, inch-thick slice of ham, which he thought the world of. He took the usual Josh reaction, as it were (that's saying 'wow' in a really amazed way, for those of you watching at home).

We were then supposed to go to a big plane wing in the middle of a street, but we had no idea where we were going. We arrived at the Gedaechnis Kirche and then an Indian guy sent us in the wrong direction. When we finally got our bearing it was actually Berlin's singposts that let us down. We passed the wing once because the sign said 250m, and the street was only 100m long, but then it sent us back 250m so we were mighty confused. Luckily I happened to have my hawk-eye attachment on me at the time, so I booted it up and spotted the plane wing. We were then at the story of Berlin museum. It was actually really interesting. Let me describe it to you in picture form.

When in Rome... 

Yup, we turned Josh into a statue. 

So, after that we went the to nuclear bunker, which has the possibility of holding 3,600 people. It has 1 bathroom for each gender, no showers, one isolation room and 2 kitchens. I don't mean to profane, but it was shit. Like, it would probably be better to die in the nuclear blast than to squat in that hell hole, where you will die after two weeks anyway. Yup, supplies and oxygen only last two weeks. They did an experiment with 20 people, so they had the potential to stay for months, but after two weeks health issues forced them out. So there you go.

Loads of beds

So after that we were left to our own devices. I don't mean to insult Josh by not mentioning him, but the next part of the day wasn't veru blog-worthy. Basically, we went to Media-Markt again.

Anyway, Westie and I then had this strange pancake thing with Herr Elimer. It was nice, but confusing. I did not know what I was eating.

After dinner, we had a few hours to kill, so I played Angry Birds for the first time. At first I was like, "Why are these birds so angry?" but then I went back to the first level and figured out why.
"Ah no! Where are the eggs?!"
*Pans to yellow angry bird* "Oh it better not have been...!"
*Pans to pigs* "Those bastard pigs took our eggs! Quick, let's hurl ourselves at them until they give in! To war!"
That's what they'd say if there were dialogue.

Anyway, Tuesday is tomorrow. Wicked.

Berlin: Sonntag 06/03

So, at exactly some time near half past one on the 6th of March 2011, Josh rolled up in his hatchback and stole me away from my family and drove me to school. After saying goodbye to Laura and Josh's Dad we started to load the coach that had been so bountifully supplied by Bizzy Bees. Josh and Joe put it to themselves that they would manage to fit all of the luggage in the hold, despite our doubts. They actually had to unload it twice to fit it all in. Oh, first funny of the day was Caitlin managing to not bring a huge-ass suitcase full of everything you'd need to start a war. I applauded her.

So, the bus journey began. I can only really describe this in picture form.

The "Who can take the oddest picture of Westie?" competition

Caitlin makes a wonderful diet coke advert

Luckily, check-in was empty so we got through without hassle. Then the girls all gave me their food, which was awesome. Departures was cool too. Various things happened. Oh yeah, Josh decided to give my Situation picture 6 tits. I won't post it on here on the grounds that once was enough, and I've done it twice.

Then plane stuff happened. We thought we'd lost Tom for a moment because he took an in-opportune piss. Then we got on the plane. Nothing was wrong. Easyjet was on-time and running. Odd. We spent the journey doing this quiz that asks you questions and you have to answer them with the correct answer... much like many other quizzes, actually.

The plane then touched down and we were in Berlin. *Party pop* The next funny was at arrivals when we had a choice of two queues. We adamantly went with the right queue, and when it was apparent that the left one was quicker, people moved. Then Caitlin finally gave in and I threatened to scold her. But then it was apparent that the woman in front of our line was a terrorist so we all eventually moved. I then ran to find Caitlin so that I could scold her, purely on a matter of principal.

We then raced to the train, got on it and went to Alexanderplatz. Westie and I then met Herr Elimer. He's and alright guy, but a bit orderly for my tastes. He's your run-in-the-mill single-old guy who likes cats. He also watched us eating. He didn't eat though. It was kind of weird. Also, this bit is in italics because this is present me talking. Past me did all of that talking. Literally, it's like word for word and shit. But eventually I got used to him. Before too long he was actually using me to translate Westie-German into proper Deutsch. But yeah, that's that. 


Until tomorrow.

Reel BIG Fish Friday

Okay, let's get on with this because it's going to take a while.

First Lesson - Media
I got bored in this lesson. I finished my essay redraft and then I went off to find people. I found Joe, Becca, Abi and some dude's whose name I think his Jack hovering around, blocking the stairs, so I went to investigate. Joe told me to stop and watch, so I did just that. He then proceeded to step up and down the stairs in time to a metronome. I then understood. I remember correctly, that's all that's worth mentioning for this lesson.

Second Lesson - Deutsch
We watched Napola again. It was good.

Third Lesson - Free
Didn't do anything as far as I'm concerned. It was just all building up to this moment.

Fourth Lesson - Dukey's House
So yeah, after an adventure getting Caitlin to bring a suitcase to school so we could get Janina's stuff in the suitcase and then in Dukey's car, we went to Dukey's house. What did we do there? Well, we had lunch and watched TV. Then we drove to Tom's house to pick him up. Oh, and then we drove to Joe's house to pick him up. At this point, we were jammed in the car and couldn't move. Well, the car could move fine, but I was stuck between two burly men, so I was not best pleased.

Fifth Lesson - Cambridge
After a taunting hour on the road we made it to Cambridge. I have to say, Cambridge looks at least twice as good as Oxford. Oxford was your run-in-the-mill old town that doesn't look very nice, but Cambridge is your "Yeah, our University is in a castle" kind of town. I was actually pretty amazed at it. Getting around Cambridge is a nightmare, but nonetheless I liked it. In fact, I'll show you some of what it had to offer.

That there is the venue for the upcoming gig. I should've probably mentioned at some point earlier that today was all about going to a gig. Oh well.

Also while the topic is Cambridge, Josh was annoying the locals with his laser pen. Some caught him and gave him looks. Others just looked downright confused. It was probably worth it. Also, this was here.

I feel like I want to do something... 

The Queue
I was told that a section of this post had to be about the queue, but for the life of me I can't remember why. I'm sure there was a quote somewhere here... Oh wait, this was before the queue but for the purpose of fleshing out this part of the post I'll put it here.
"So I was walking to the toilet and there were these chavs doing that game where you hit the punchbag as hard as you can and see how fast you punch. So this first chav did it and he put all his might into it, and got like 15mph. I don't know if that's fast or not but that's not of consequence. So this second chav walked up and his girlfriend was like, 'Go on, Dave, fuck it up!'" That was funny because the female chav has a very distinctive whiney voice that cannot be vocalised in written form. 
Oh, I do remember that Joe and Tom repeatedly tried to rape me because apparently my jeans are fitted with an anti-rape mechanism. Just goes to show that it doesn't work.


New Riot
So after the queue we went into the arena and found our spot. The perfect spot. It was the best for camera angles. The non-photographers were all like, "As people leave the middle, we'll slowly shift up there yeah?" and Josh and I were all like, "Nah, man, we've got the perfect camera angle here, so shut the fuck up." And so we stayed there. Tom wanted to drink alcohol at this point, because he's a youth, and so he had to run back to the car. The fool.

Anyway, about this band. I didn't know them, nobody knew them but they were a pretty awesome band to get the ball rolling. I can't remember any of their songs, but they were pretty funny and I can dig that.

So for this song, we need you all to sit down... 

The Skints
When this band rolled out, Josh and I noted that there was a Jamaican chick, and we both predicted exactly how she'd sing. We were right. However, they did have an awesome logo.

Skint.

This band was though, for all intents and purposes, playing for the wrong crowd. They were like a jazz/reggae/rock fusion, and that confused the hell out of me. But for argument's sake, here's a picture of the band.

The drummer was, in fact, the singer, which is an incredible feat. You see that guy on the left though? The lead guitarist? Yeah, he was a chav and I didn't like him. He said one funny thing towards the end of their act about Cambridge being better than Oxford, but aside from that he was a dick. The bassist looks awesome though, doesn't he? That's the kind of beard you can respect.

Suburban Legends
Now, these three bands were meant to support Reel Big Fish. However, I kind of felt like the other two bands were supporting this one. They were that awesome.

Legends, truly in the making. 

They were awesome. They had it all. A dick of a lead singer, an awesome bass player, an awesome lead guitarist, an awesome drummer and then they had two amazingly good brassists. The thing in common about all of these acts is that they had brass instruments and saxophones, but these two made it cool. When they weren't playing they were... well, playing. As in having little sword fights with their brass. And they wore waistcoats. That makes them cool. I was truly surprised at how good they were. They also played I Just Can't Wait to be King from the Lion King, which is awesome.

Reel BIG Fish
The joke is, that Josh emphasizes Big instead Reel to piss Dukey off. Anyway, Reel Big Fish were the Reel Big act of the evening. Suburban Legends were good supports, but there's a reason as to why they're called supports.
[Hopefully I'll put a video up here in the near future]

Lost for words. 

Truly I was. They're simply just staggeringly awesome. There was one point where this guy:

He played the guitar behind his head. Josh was talking earlier in the day about how some guy who plays for some band is the best guitarist in the world because he played the guitar behind his head at a gig, which is an amazing thing to do. Well, now there are two best guitarists in the world.

I really enjoyed this day and I hope to go to more gigs in the future. It really was amazing.

Oh, I'm gone now and won't see you for another week. I said I might give you a new author for the week, but Sophia argued that no one could handle the responsibility to be as awesome as I am, so... I left it. Now don't go and make a noose, I'll only be gone for the week. If that's too long for you then man up, because it really isn't that long. Okay, it's quite long in blog terms, but hey, I try. If I get internet connection in Berlin, I may give you snippets and quotes, but no promises. I will only have an iPod on me, and as we all know, iPods are the worst thing to ever happen.

See you properly next week.