Well what a day it is to blog, and blog away I shall. There are so many things I could tell you. Well, not that many, but still, there's enough. We shall begin at the beginning with what I would hope is quote of the day.
Mr Nicholls: Peter, schlagen.
Me: Schlagen, schlaegt, schlag, geschlagen.
Mr Nicholls: and what does it mean?
Me: *emphatic fist movements as I think of a way to say chucking over something*
Mr Nicholls: Yes, that's exactly right.
Me: *looks at fist* it is? So it's something to do with throwing...
Mr Nicholls: No, it's 'to hit'.
Me: Oh I see. *Turn to Joe, something else is happening in the class, but I have no idea what wass going on, so don't ask* Take it, you schlag (from the popular series 'The Mighty Boosh'). 0.0 Sir, I have the best donkey bridge of all time! (Donkey bridges are like normal bridges, but on this one, a donkey in a tuxedo, top hat an monocle with one of those posh cigarette extendy arm thingies helps explain stuff to you, such as linking the word wiegen to vegans, and since vegans don't weigh very much, wiegen means to weigh. Got it?)
Mr Nicholls: I don't think I want to hear.
Me: No, seriously, it's the best thing you'll ever hear!
Mr Nicholls: No (something about sexism)
Me: *pleading look*
Mr Nicholls: Oh go on then.
Me: *punches Joe in the shoulder* TAKE IT YOU SCHLAG!
*roar of laughter. Look of "that was funny, but wildly inappropriate for my lesson" on Mr Nicholls' face*
I do hope you found that as hilarious as I and the rest of my German group did. It was an inspired moment.
What other moments happened today?
Oh yes, Dukey broke a tripod. Now Dukey has a reputation for breaking stuff and being a bit of a tit, but I think this takes the cake. We were filming more stuff for RichChief, and Josh banged the table in disgust at something, so Dukey was all like, "Did you mean to do this?" and threw the table at the camera. What a tit. I call Dukey a tit a lot. But he deserves it.
Okay, I just saw Poppet dry humping Walter. That makes literally no sense whatsoever. Unless of course doggy-style is completely different to what I thought it was. If it is then when I finally get around to this position in the bedroom, I can expect my future girlfriend/slag I met at a bar to start humping me. I don't know why, but apparently that's how it works now.
Anyway, I've run out of things to say now, so I'm going to stop here.
Until a later time, comrades.
Friday 29 October 2010
Thursday 28 October 2010
Blog Roll
I was going to name the post "Let's keep this blog rolling" but then I realised the hilarious connotations of simply writing "blog roll". It's totally hilarious and that makes me awesome. Also, for just thinking of that term, I now win. Suck it.
I realised that post-count was down for this month, so this is a pointless attempt at getting my post-count for this month on par with the others. I also have a whole lot more crazy than I used to thanks to a lot of pick-me-ups, Hyperbole and a Half and several other factors.
How could I incorporate some of this extra crazy though? Actually, I could tell you about this.
"There's being at the event, and loving it. Then there's reading about the event on Hutch's blog which is totally hilarious and suddenly there's an added spin on it. I love Hutch's blog. It's the best thing in the world. If I could personify Hutch's blog, I'd make love to it. Over and over. In and out. Shake it all about. Like that."
Okay, yes, I paraphrased, but the kind words of Joshua Hilton are in there somewhere, but with an added spin. Fuck yeah. How about that interpretation of events?
Maybe I'm letting this get to my head a little. But fame and fortune only come to those who either reveal themselves extremely publicly (like the most publicly you can, such as coming out of a limo at a red-carpet event) or work really hard and do something awesome. At the moment, I have three claims to fame:
1. I'm a totally awesome teacher
2. I made a totally awesome film trailer, which people will be all like 0.0 when I put it on YouTube
3. I have the best blog on the face of the planet. I'm not even joking about this. Well, maybe a little bit.
My rise to fame will come through hard work, not through being a crack-whore. On that note, here's an interpreted event.
I had just had a whole wave of my kids funnel past me, and I was greeted in the same way I always am, with lots of "PEETER!!!!"s and pokes. At the time, I was with Dukey, so here's a little scripted event.
Duke: You're almost like a celebrity.
Me: Yeah, I really feel their pain.
Duke: (Looks surprised at me, as if I was putting myself in the same boat as celebrities)
Me: I'm going to put them out of their misery.
Duke: (Again, looks surprised, but it was a lessened surprise) Oh well I thought you had finally decided that you weren't going to kill all celebrities. Apparently I was wrong.
Again, that was paraphrased. I should also point out at this point that I really despise the whole celebrity culture. Did you know, for example, that Wayne Rooney and Colleen had a fight over the dinner table? This was first page news. On the Sun, no doubt, but yet they still felt it was important enough to stop people from doing their important, productive things to tell them that a couple had a fight. Guess fucking what. People have fights all the time. ALL THE TIME. I probably have several arguments each day. Sometimes I argue with myself in my sleep. However, nobody gives a shit, so what makes this argument so special? :O There's a follow-up article saying "We're fine". OMG like LOL and other abbreviated phrases that now mean absolutely nothing. All that worry over something that is apparently nothing. Who the fuck reads this shit?
I just realised the irony of my last statement.
Is there anything else that can be discussed? I don't think so. Aside from simply stating that Josh's take on carbon footprints was utterly hilarious. Never has anyone ever kicked their shoe into the field of vision while shouting "CARBON FOOTPRINT!" just as he was told to start talking about such and such to do with global warming. We were making a RichChief video, what more can you expect? You'll have to watch it when it's up on YouTube and RichChief.
Well I think that'll be all.
I should have named this blog Blog Roll; it's just so hilarious.
Next time I'll even add in some Aloe-Vera, just for extra comfort.
Until then, readers.
I realised that post-count was down for this month, so this is a pointless attempt at getting my post-count for this month on par with the others. I also have a whole lot more crazy than I used to thanks to a lot of pick-me-ups, Hyperbole and a Half and several other factors.
How could I incorporate some of this extra crazy though? Actually, I could tell you about this.
"There's being at the event, and loving it. Then there's reading about the event on Hutch's blog which is totally hilarious and suddenly there's an added spin on it. I love Hutch's blog. It's the best thing in the world. If I could personify Hutch's blog, I'd make love to it. Over and over. In and out. Shake it all about. Like that."
Okay, yes, I paraphrased, but the kind words of Joshua Hilton are in there somewhere, but with an added spin. Fuck yeah. How about that interpretation of events?
Maybe I'm letting this get to my head a little. But fame and fortune only come to those who either reveal themselves extremely publicly (like the most publicly you can, such as coming out of a limo at a red-carpet event) or work really hard and do something awesome. At the moment, I have three claims to fame:
1. I'm a totally awesome teacher
2. I made a totally awesome film trailer, which people will be all like 0.0 when I put it on YouTube
3. I have the best blog on the face of the planet. I'm not even joking about this. Well, maybe a little bit.
My rise to fame will come through hard work, not through being a crack-whore. On that note, here's an interpreted event.
I had just had a whole wave of my kids funnel past me, and I was greeted in the same way I always am, with lots of "PEETER!!!!"s and pokes. At the time, I was with Dukey, so here's a little scripted event.
Duke: You're almost like a celebrity.
Me: Yeah, I really feel their pain.
Duke: (Looks surprised at me, as if I was putting myself in the same boat as celebrities)
Me: I'm going to put them out of their misery.
Duke: (Again, looks surprised, but it was a lessened surprise) Oh well I thought you had finally decided that you weren't going to kill all celebrities. Apparently I was wrong.
Again, that was paraphrased. I should also point out at this point that I really despise the whole celebrity culture. Did you know, for example, that Wayne Rooney and Colleen had a fight over the dinner table? This was first page news. On the Sun, no doubt, but yet they still felt it was important enough to stop people from doing their important, productive things to tell them that a couple had a fight. Guess fucking what. People have fights all the time. ALL THE TIME. I probably have several arguments each day. Sometimes I argue with myself in my sleep. However, nobody gives a shit, so what makes this argument so special? :O There's a follow-up article saying "We're fine". OMG like LOL and other abbreviated phrases that now mean absolutely nothing. All that worry over something that is apparently nothing. Who the fuck reads this shit?
I just realised the irony of my last statement.
Is there anything else that can be discussed? I don't think so. Aside from simply stating that Josh's take on carbon footprints was utterly hilarious. Never has anyone ever kicked their shoe into the field of vision while shouting "CARBON FOOTPRINT!" just as he was told to start talking about such and such to do with global warming. We were making a RichChief video, what more can you expect? You'll have to watch it when it's up on YouTube and RichChief.
Well I think that'll be all.
I should have named this blog Blog Roll; it's just so hilarious.
Next time I'll even add in some Aloe-Vera, just for extra comfort.
Until then, readers.
Monday 25 October 2010
My Blog Is the Best Blog You'll Ever See
Okay, I'll admit it's not quite as good as Hyperbole and a Half, but with you (I think) 12 readers, of whom are the only people that I allow to read this blog, I have accumulated nearly 600 pageviews, 188 of those being in September. Yes, that's right, I found the stats page. If you haven't already worked it out, I'm absolutely thrilled with this number. The most popular blogs have like 11000 views or something along those lines, and when you compare the amount of people that they have compared to me, the people that read those blogs aren't dedicated in the slightest!
Okay, so let's divide 188 by 30... that's like a billion pageviews a day. Okay, my maths is a little out, but come on, that's a pretty big number. Oh, I just worked it out. That's half of the readers coming on every single day! That's not bad at all! I don't know what the other half are doing that could possibly be more entertaining than the Best Blog In The World 2012 (yes, I have a target). Although, in hindsight, they were probably masturbating.
In fact, 169 pageviews have come through this month, and when you think about how many posts I've done compared to September, well, those posts must have been pretty spectacular. Every post is pretty spectacular; I shouldn't kid myself like that.
All this attention is starting to get to my head. Maybe I should add advertisements to my blog, open it up for the whole world to see and then I start making money from writing about my exploits. Ooh.
But I don't know. I don't want those crummy people from crummy school to read my blog, that's why I made it private to start with. But now that I've started writing these short stories about owls and such, I think I can start something wonderful.
So, what about it? Should I reveal myself to the world, displaying all my glorious glory? Should I run the risk of also revealing myself to those judgemental cunts that stalk our school corridors like the she-banshees they are? Give me your opinions.
Okay, so let's divide 188 by 30... that's like a billion pageviews a day. Okay, my maths is a little out, but come on, that's a pretty big number. Oh, I just worked it out. That's half of the readers coming on every single day! That's not bad at all! I don't know what the other half are doing that could possibly be more entertaining than the Best Blog In The World 2012 (yes, I have a target). Although, in hindsight, they were probably masturbating.
In fact, 169 pageviews have come through this month, and when you think about how many posts I've done compared to September, well, those posts must have been pretty spectacular. Every post is pretty spectacular; I shouldn't kid myself like that.
All this attention is starting to get to my head. Maybe I should add advertisements to my blog, open it up for the whole world to see and then I start making money from writing about my exploits. Ooh.
But I don't know. I don't want those crummy people from crummy school to read my blog, that's why I made it private to start with. But now that I've started writing these short stories about owls and such, I think I can start something wonderful.
So, what about it? Should I reveal myself to the world, displaying all my glorious glory? Should I run the risk of also revealing myself to those judgemental cunts that stalk our school corridors like the she-banshees they are? Give me your opinions.
We Begin, As Ever, On Monday
And what a day to begin on. I hate Mondays. I've been informed that everyone else hates Mondays too.
First Lesson - Media
I began the term in a pointless lesson that was aimed towards helping me do my evaluation. Okay, to be fair, I haven't done my evaluation yet, so I have no legitimate reason to complain. However, I was given the questions need to do the evaluation, so I could just do it. It would be easy. In fact, if you take into account all the work I've put into my PowerPoint, I've been evaluating since mid-way last term. That's six weeks ago. Fuck you, Mankevic. I still have no idea how to spell her name, but I do know that she's totally with Mr Clarke. Little bit of old and useless gossip for you there.
Second Lesson - Free
I began in the media suite, trying to make my trailer more awesome than it already is. "How could that be possible?" Oh, it's possible. Trust me. Asian Joshi then came in to talk to me, and we did indeed have a pleasant time together. By this point we had noticed that Dukey wasn't in, and thus this started the "Where's Dukey?" discussion. Eventually though, we did wander out of the Media Suite and onto pastures new to find a source of warmth to balance Joshi's cold blood. Asians are reptilian, are they not?
Third Lesson - DT
I could bore you with the details of a theory lesson, or I could do this!
A fox and a chicken are an unlikely couple, don't you think? Well for Jim and Josephine, this was the norm. Jim raided Josephine's coop one day and spotted her, and instantly fell in love. He did not see her as a juicy meal, just like Josephine's friend, Maurine, did.
I've got to tell you, I am absolutely amazing at odd animal stories. I should totally write children's books.
Fourth Lesson - Free
Joe dropped off Becca in the computer room and then we were off to find more people to spend our free with. We found a medium-length-haired Josh (wait, I now see how that could still be confusing). We found a freshly-trimmed Josh (okay, that sounds a little weird, but you know what I mean) and a Hoier in bottom red and plonked our collective behinds with the intention of doing work. This did not happen. Instead we had some playful banter, and watched a few YouTube videos and looked at a lot of motivational posters. Then an Asian Joshi joined us with his significant other, AKA Maisie and after their quiet discussion about something or other, joined us in our conversational activities. To say the least, it was a lesson completely wasted.
Fifth Lesson - German
What exactly happened in German? I remember Joe trying to get me to yawn so he could throw one of his "darts" into my mouth. That was amusing. The fact of the matter is, if it wasn't laughing so much, I'd have probably yawned. Fuck you, Joe, fuck you. Aside from that, Josh asked Caitlin if she'd have sex with him, and after a lengthy awkward discussion she said "Okay" as a joke so now Dukey apparently owes Josh money. Wish I'd thought of that.
So, start of term. I have a long way to go yet. It's also really annoying, because I now have to do a heinous amount of work to prepare for my retakes. Eugh, I wish I wasn't so shit.
First Lesson - Media
I began the term in a pointless lesson that was aimed towards helping me do my evaluation. Okay, to be fair, I haven't done my evaluation yet, so I have no legitimate reason to complain. However, I was given the questions need to do the evaluation, so I could just do it. It would be easy. In fact, if you take into account all the work I've put into my PowerPoint, I've been evaluating since mid-way last term. That's six weeks ago. Fuck you, Mankevic. I still have no idea how to spell her name, but I do know that she's totally with Mr Clarke. Little bit of old and useless gossip for you there.
Second Lesson - Free
I began in the media suite, trying to make my trailer more awesome than it already is. "How could that be possible?" Oh, it's possible. Trust me. Asian Joshi then came in to talk to me, and we did indeed have a pleasant time together. By this point we had noticed that Dukey wasn't in, and thus this started the "Where's Dukey?" discussion. Eventually though, we did wander out of the Media Suite and onto pastures new to find a source of warmth to balance Joshi's cold blood. Asians are reptilian, are they not?
Third Lesson - DT
I could bore you with the details of a theory lesson, or I could do this!
A fox and a chicken are an unlikely couple, don't you think? Well for Jim and Josephine, this was the norm. Jim raided Josephine's coop one day and spotted her, and instantly fell in love. He did not see her as a juicy meal, just like Josephine's friend, Maurine, did.
I've got to tell you, I am absolutely amazing at odd animal stories. I should totally write children's books.
Fourth Lesson - Free
Joe dropped off Becca in the computer room and then we were off to find more people to spend our free with. We found a medium-length-haired Josh (wait, I now see how that could still be confusing). We found a freshly-trimmed Josh (okay, that sounds a little weird, but you know what I mean) and a Hoier in bottom red and plonked our collective behinds with the intention of doing work. This did not happen. Instead we had some playful banter, and watched a few YouTube videos and looked at a lot of motivational posters. Then an Asian Joshi joined us with his significant other, AKA Maisie and after their quiet discussion about something or other, joined us in our conversational activities. To say the least, it was a lesson completely wasted.
Fifth Lesson - German
What exactly happened in German? I remember Joe trying to get me to yawn so he could throw one of his "darts" into my mouth. That was amusing. The fact of the matter is, if it wasn't laughing so much, I'd have probably yawned. Fuck you, Joe, fuck you. Aside from that, Josh asked Caitlin if she'd have sex with him, and after a lengthy awkward discussion she said "Okay" as a joke so now Dukey apparently owes Josh money. Wish I'd thought of that.
So, start of term. I have a long way to go yet. It's also really annoying, because I now have to do a heinous amount of work to prepare for my retakes. Eugh, I wish I wasn't so shit.
Sunday 24 October 2010
Manhunt
He stopped in the middle of the street and let his aching legs cool down. He could feel his pulse thumping away in his head, causing him to not realise just how close the shouting and the heavy, rapid footsteps were. His hands clasped his knees as he tried to regain his breath, and in the corner of his eye he spotted a bush that would be big enough for him. He composed himself, zipped up his camouflaged coat to cover his white under-shirt and crawled into the space. He knew that comfort was not an option here, and he hoped to god that his willingness to survive would keep him as still as possible. Now was the time for silence.
He didn't know why he had been chosen for the hunt, but then none of the 'volunteers' did. As far as they knew, they had just been randomly selected, kidnapped and now released for the hunters to find. That much he had surmised, what happened once he was found though? He had not seen the hunters before his 'release' so he didn't know what they were equipped with, whether they were armed with shotguns or baseball bats or just relied on communication and a tough spirit to find him. A loud crack in the still air and the sound of a flock of birds taking off gave him his answer though. Once they found him, they would kill him.
One man's fear was another man's sport.
What now? If they had dogs then he'd be found instantly, but he could not hear the sounds of barking, rapid panting or uncontrollable sniffing. Hopefully the hunters would remain fixated by the hordes who were trying to get as far away as possible from them, but alas, one gun shot after another, he knew that soon he'd be the only one left on the list.
A dozen feet suddenly stampeded past, he held his breath and stiffened up, trying not to move. He could hear them talking amongst themselves. He dared to open his eyes, now seeing that dozen feet lined up next to him. He could see the gun barrels rise from the ground and then he heard the resounding click of a bullet being fed into the chamber. He closed his eyes tight, and tried to ignore the burning in his lungs that told him that he needed to breathe. Once again his pulse started elevating, to the point where it was pounding in his ears, partially deafening him. The guns fired all at once and he finally let his breath out. He expected his death to have come, but it didn't. Instead the sound of large body falling to the ground entered through his ears. He relaxed, in fact he relaxed a little too much, letting one short laugh out. The following shouts made him realise that his position was no longer secure, and he would need to move. The following clicks told him that he only seconds to move, and he used them as wisely as he could. He rolled out of the bush and stumbled to his feet, crashing into the wall opposite. He recovered just in time to duck as the brick above him exploded and forced his legs to move as fast as they could as the air shattered around him as more bullets were fired.
And that story will never be concluded, nor started, but let's face it, that was amazing. Inspired by Friday night's manhunt. That was an amazing day though, wasn't it? Unfortunately it seems that I only took like one picture that day, but hey, there was more action than there was time for photos. I also went to DMU and Nottingham Trent yesterday, and they're both amazing. DMU has the exact course that I want to take but Nottingham has one of the nicest city centres I've ever seen, so it looks like I'm going to DMU. What? It's all about the course, and apparently the shopping is good there anyway, it just doesn't look as nice.
School tomorrow *sad face* and that means doing all my work now *super sad face*
See you all there.
He didn't know why he had been chosen for the hunt, but then none of the 'volunteers' did. As far as they knew, they had just been randomly selected, kidnapped and now released for the hunters to find. That much he had surmised, what happened once he was found though? He had not seen the hunters before his 'release' so he didn't know what they were equipped with, whether they were armed with shotguns or baseball bats or just relied on communication and a tough spirit to find him. A loud crack in the still air and the sound of a flock of birds taking off gave him his answer though. Once they found him, they would kill him.
One man's fear was another man's sport.
What now? If they had dogs then he'd be found instantly, but he could not hear the sounds of barking, rapid panting or uncontrollable sniffing. Hopefully the hunters would remain fixated by the hordes who were trying to get as far away as possible from them, but alas, one gun shot after another, he knew that soon he'd be the only one left on the list.
A dozen feet suddenly stampeded past, he held his breath and stiffened up, trying not to move. He could hear them talking amongst themselves. He dared to open his eyes, now seeing that dozen feet lined up next to him. He could see the gun barrels rise from the ground and then he heard the resounding click of a bullet being fed into the chamber. He closed his eyes tight, and tried to ignore the burning in his lungs that told him that he needed to breathe. Once again his pulse started elevating, to the point where it was pounding in his ears, partially deafening him. The guns fired all at once and he finally let his breath out. He expected his death to have come, but it didn't. Instead the sound of large body falling to the ground entered through his ears. He relaxed, in fact he relaxed a little too much, letting one short laugh out. The following shouts made him realise that his position was no longer secure, and he would need to move. The following clicks told him that he only seconds to move, and he used them as wisely as he could. He rolled out of the bush and stumbled to his feet, crashing into the wall opposite. He recovered just in time to duck as the brick above him exploded and forced his legs to move as fast as they could as the air shattered around him as more bullets were fired.
And that story will never be concluded, nor started, but let's face it, that was amazing. Inspired by Friday night's manhunt. That was an amazing day though, wasn't it? Unfortunately it seems that I only took like one picture that day, but hey, there was more action than there was time for photos. I also went to DMU and Nottingham Trent yesterday, and they're both amazing. DMU has the exact course that I want to take but Nottingham has one of the nicest city centres I've ever seen, so it looks like I'm going to DMU. What? It's all about the course, and apparently the shopping is good there anyway, it just doesn't look as nice.
School tomorrow *sad face* and that means doing all my work now *super sad face*
See you all there.
Friday 22 October 2010
Tangents
I'm going to go all tangent on your asses. Let's see what happens when I do this!
There was once a crow and an owl, and they were quite content with each other. They were the Dynamic Duo, the crime-fighting team, wit and brawn they were. The crow would warn people of their deaths, and the owl would advise them on how to avoid it. Everything was perfect, and every successful mission made them happier. But the owl soon got OIDS (owl AIDS) and naturally the crow predicted this.
"Owl, you're going to die!"
"I am? Well I'd best be careful then. Perhaps we can avoid it. Maybe we should stop visiting that burly folk with the beard. I didn't like him anyway."
"You don't understand, Owl, you've got OIDS!"
"I never!"
"You so do!"
"Well poppycock. How are we solve this?"
"I don't think we can..."
"But we can't give up now! We've stopped people dying malaria, poverty, extremely bad hairstyles... you name it!"
"We've never come across OIDS before though."
"I know! We always advise people to go and see doctors, we'll just go to the hospital!"
So the crow and the owl went to the hospital, but they didn't get the welcome they expected.
"WHO LET THOSE DISEASE-RIDDEN PIECES OF FILTH INTO MY HOSPITAL!"
Naturally the owl was the most offended, because of his personality traits.
"I beg your bleeding pardon, good sir?"
"You're an owl that can talk?"
"Yes, Crow and I save lives don't you know?"
"No..."
"Well we do! We send people to this hospital every day because of ailments they have not yet discovered."
"And you know what gives people these hidden diseases? OWLS AND FUCKING CROWS! GET OUT!"
The crow and the owl were shunned out of the hospital, there seemed no hope for them.
"What are we going to do now, Owl?"
"I'm all out of ideas, Crow... and I feel that my time is nearing."
"Don't say that, Owl..."
"But you see it, don't you? DON'T YOU?"
"Well yes..."
"How long?"
"I..."
"HOW LONG, DAMN IT?"
"Well the treatment would have prolonged it... but now you only have three days."
"We'd better make the most of it then, hadn't we?"
"Out of interest, Owl, who did you do it with?"
"I was at the bar last night with Tawny."
"Well no bloody wonder! You should've been more careful!"
"And don't you think I bloody know that!?"
At that moment a skinny man limped into their view. The crow immediately stepped in to talk to him.
"Excuse me, sir, but I believe you're going to die in a few weeks."
"But how?"
"That limp... how painful is it?"
"It's the worst pain I've ever felt."
"And soon it'll be all over your body. I'm afraid you have boneitis."
"What a funny name for a horrible disease."
"Owl, what do you make of this?"
"Oh he should just go and see a doctor, like they all do."
"Owl?"
"WHAT DOES IT MATTER ANYMORE?! I'M GOING TO DIE ANYWAY! I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE IN HAPPINESS! NOT GIVING THE BLEEDING OBVIOUS ADVICE TO THESE CUNTS!"
"Owl, calm down."
It appeared that Owl was experiencing a mental breakdown. The limping man gave a nervous, yet thankful nod and scampered off. Crow attempted to calm Owl down.
"It's okay, Owl, we'll get through this. We'll find some way of fixing your OIDS. It hasn't killed Tawny yet, has it?"
"What's the point in you being able to predict things if you then say something different?"
"I'm only trying to help."
"Well do you think your 'help' is curing my OIDS? The only thing that can help us now is..."
"What is it, Owl?"
"Something smarter than an owl!"
"What's smarter than an owl? Especially an owl of your calibre!"
"It's the wisest creature of them all."
"Spit it out!"
The owl regurgitated a pellet.
"Not that, Owl."
"Oh, apologies. The hyena is what we're looking for."
"The hyena? But they're so..."
"Annoying?"
"Yeah, I can't think of worse company."
"This is what has made them so wise. They're so annoying that people avoid them so they can then carry out all the research they want."
"Damn, didn't see that one coming."
"The sloth is a close third by the way."
"What's second?"
The owl gave the crow a stern look.
"Oh right, sorry."
So, the crow and the owl set off to find the hyena. Two days and nights passed, and on the third they found the hyena. Unfortunately, this being the predicted day of Owl's death from OIDS, he was in no fit position to talk (which makes my life a lot easier).
"What do you want, Crow?"
"I need you to help me save my friend."
"Looks like an owl. People look up to owls. They respect them. They don't respect the hyena though."
"Yeah well..."
"What're you saying I'm annoying?"
The hyena has, what can only be described, as the most annoying voice you'll ever hear.
"Listen, Hyena, it doesn't matter. I'm asking this favour of you, to do what Owl does. To become what you always wanted to be. You're smarter than him, but people don't know it. This is your one chance to prove to the world that hyenas are the smartest creature on the planet!"
"Well I'm sold. Let's see what's wrong with your friend, here."
"He has OIDS."
"Owl AIDS? I haven't come across that before, but then again, I don't get any customers. Put the owl down, I need to think for a while."
"Please be quick, he doesn't have long."
"Well you're not speeding things up by pleading, are you?"
The crow remained silent. The hyena, however, made the most annoying buzzing noise as he thought. It was also very apparent when he had just worked something out, because he made an ear-splitting screeching noise and bounced around like a 20th Century child being told the news that they would no longer have to work in the fabric factory running beneath the deadly-deadly machines. At one point the crow was so annoyed that he dared to think that it would've been better to leave Owl to die. But now he was here, and there was a job to do.
"Okay, I've worked it out."
"You have?!"
"Yeah, don't get too excited though, because you're going to need to give something up."
"Anything."
"Your left testicle."
"I - I mean, you can't be..."
"I'm kidding! Haha, your face was hilarious!"
"Okay, thank you, just get to the point."
"His immune system has shut down, and his brain will soon stop functioning, but all we have to do is to get these to work again."
"How?"
"Well first we need to give him a deadly disease that his immune system will instantly fend off."
"Like what?"
"Like RAIDS."
"Rabies AIDS?"
"The very same."
"You want me to go and find a rabid dog with rabies and get it to rape my friend?"
"The great part is that it doesn't even have to be a dog! My honey badger friend just happens to go out on the town all the time and has both rabies and AIDS!"
"That's just fantastic."
"Hey, Honey Badger, come here! I've got something for you to rape."
The Honey Badger emerged with a bull's testicles hanging from its mouth.
"Been busy, I see."
Once the honey badger saw the owl, it didn't even need to be told what to do next. He instantly pounced and [descriptive text removed for reader's safety].
"Well that was quick."
"I'm going to find more animals to castrate."
"Bye, Honey Badger!"
"You just let the most violent mammal on Earth rape my friend."
"And he's already recovering! Sure he'll have a [redacted] and he'll need to put an ice pack on it every morning, and sure he'll have to endure the horrible, horrible [redacted] but at least we saved his life."
The owl started to stir, and the hyena enacted the next stage of his plan.
"All we need to do now is to get his brain working again. The simplest way is algebra, but the most effective way is to get him doing what he did before."
"Helping people avoid deaths?"
"Exactly."
"Hmm... I hate to tell you this, Hyena, but you're going to die."
"What?"
The owl pushed itself up enough to open his beak and utter a few words.
"Avoid your honey badger friend... honey badgers are no one's friend."
"Yeah but we have an understanding... He would never castrate me?"
"You're smarter than I am, Hyena, heed my warning."
"Nah, you're alright."
At that moment the honey badger pounced on the hyena and immediately castrated him. The owl and the crow flew off.
"I'm glad you're okay now, Owl."
"Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better. But my [redacted] feels a little weird... what on Earth happened while I was unconscious?"
"I think it's better that I don't tell you."
They flew off into the sunset and the noises of a hyena being castrated by a honey badger were drowned out by the awakening of night-life.
Aren't stories wonderful?
I was planning on doing multiple tangents, but let's face it, you'll be happy with just the one today.
Hutch out.
There was once a crow and an owl, and they were quite content with each other. They were the Dynamic Duo, the crime-fighting team, wit and brawn they were. The crow would warn people of their deaths, and the owl would advise them on how to avoid it. Everything was perfect, and every successful mission made them happier. But the owl soon got OIDS (owl AIDS) and naturally the crow predicted this.
"Owl, you're going to die!"
"I am? Well I'd best be careful then. Perhaps we can avoid it. Maybe we should stop visiting that burly folk with the beard. I didn't like him anyway."
"You don't understand, Owl, you've got OIDS!"
"I never!"
"You so do!"
"Well poppycock. How are we solve this?"
"I don't think we can..."
"But we can't give up now! We've stopped people dying malaria, poverty, extremely bad hairstyles... you name it!"
"We've never come across OIDS before though."
"I know! We always advise people to go and see doctors, we'll just go to the hospital!"
So the crow and the owl went to the hospital, but they didn't get the welcome they expected.
"WHO LET THOSE DISEASE-RIDDEN PIECES OF FILTH INTO MY HOSPITAL!"
Naturally the owl was the most offended, because of his personality traits.
"I beg your bleeding pardon, good sir?"
"You're an owl that can talk?"
"Yes, Crow and I save lives don't you know?"
"No..."
"Well we do! We send people to this hospital every day because of ailments they have not yet discovered."
"And you know what gives people these hidden diseases? OWLS AND FUCKING CROWS! GET OUT!"
The crow and the owl were shunned out of the hospital, there seemed no hope for them.
"What are we going to do now, Owl?"
"I'm all out of ideas, Crow... and I feel that my time is nearing."
"Don't say that, Owl..."
"But you see it, don't you? DON'T YOU?"
"Well yes..."
"How long?"
"I..."
"HOW LONG, DAMN IT?"
"Well the treatment would have prolonged it... but now you only have three days."
"We'd better make the most of it then, hadn't we?"
"Out of interest, Owl, who did you do it with?"
"I was at the bar last night with Tawny."
"Well no bloody wonder! You should've been more careful!"
"And don't you think I bloody know that!?"
At that moment a skinny man limped into their view. The crow immediately stepped in to talk to him.
"Excuse me, sir, but I believe you're going to die in a few weeks."
"But how?"
"That limp... how painful is it?"
"It's the worst pain I've ever felt."
"And soon it'll be all over your body. I'm afraid you have boneitis."
"What a funny name for a horrible disease."
"Owl, what do you make of this?"
"Oh he should just go and see a doctor, like they all do."
"Owl?"
"WHAT DOES IT MATTER ANYMORE?! I'M GOING TO DIE ANYWAY! I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE IN HAPPINESS! NOT GIVING THE BLEEDING OBVIOUS ADVICE TO THESE CUNTS!"
"Owl, calm down."
It appeared that Owl was experiencing a mental breakdown. The limping man gave a nervous, yet thankful nod and scampered off. Crow attempted to calm Owl down.
"It's okay, Owl, we'll get through this. We'll find some way of fixing your OIDS. It hasn't killed Tawny yet, has it?"
"What's the point in you being able to predict things if you then say something different?"
"I'm only trying to help."
"Well do you think your 'help' is curing my OIDS? The only thing that can help us now is..."
"What is it, Owl?"
"Something smarter than an owl!"
"What's smarter than an owl? Especially an owl of your calibre!"
"It's the wisest creature of them all."
"Spit it out!"
The owl regurgitated a pellet.
"Not that, Owl."
"Oh, apologies. The hyena is what we're looking for."
"The hyena? But they're so..."
"Annoying?"
"Yeah, I can't think of worse company."
"This is what has made them so wise. They're so annoying that people avoid them so they can then carry out all the research they want."
"Damn, didn't see that one coming."
"The sloth is a close third by the way."
"What's second?"
The owl gave the crow a stern look.
"Oh right, sorry."
So, the crow and the owl set off to find the hyena. Two days and nights passed, and on the third they found the hyena. Unfortunately, this being the predicted day of Owl's death from OIDS, he was in no fit position to talk (which makes my life a lot easier).
"What do you want, Crow?"
"I need you to help me save my friend."
"Looks like an owl. People look up to owls. They respect them. They don't respect the hyena though."
"Yeah well..."
"What're you saying I'm annoying?"
The hyena has, what can only be described, as the most annoying voice you'll ever hear.
"Listen, Hyena, it doesn't matter. I'm asking this favour of you, to do what Owl does. To become what you always wanted to be. You're smarter than him, but people don't know it. This is your one chance to prove to the world that hyenas are the smartest creature on the planet!"
"Well I'm sold. Let's see what's wrong with your friend, here."
"He has OIDS."
"Owl AIDS? I haven't come across that before, but then again, I don't get any customers. Put the owl down, I need to think for a while."
"Please be quick, he doesn't have long."
"Well you're not speeding things up by pleading, are you?"
The crow remained silent. The hyena, however, made the most annoying buzzing noise as he thought. It was also very apparent when he had just worked something out, because he made an ear-splitting screeching noise and bounced around like a 20th Century child being told the news that they would no longer have to work in the fabric factory running beneath the deadly-deadly machines. At one point the crow was so annoyed that he dared to think that it would've been better to leave Owl to die. But now he was here, and there was a job to do.
"Okay, I've worked it out."
"You have?!"
"Yeah, don't get too excited though, because you're going to need to give something up."
"Anything."
"Your left testicle."
"I - I mean, you can't be..."
"I'm kidding! Haha, your face was hilarious!"
"Okay, thank you, just get to the point."
"His immune system has shut down, and his brain will soon stop functioning, but all we have to do is to get these to work again."
"How?"
"Well first we need to give him a deadly disease that his immune system will instantly fend off."
"Like what?"
"Like RAIDS."
"Rabies AIDS?"
"The very same."
"You want me to go and find a rabid dog with rabies and get it to rape my friend?"
"The great part is that it doesn't even have to be a dog! My honey badger friend just happens to go out on the town all the time and has both rabies and AIDS!"
"That's just fantastic."
"Hey, Honey Badger, come here! I've got something for you to rape."
The Honey Badger emerged with a bull's testicles hanging from its mouth.
"Been busy, I see."
Once the honey badger saw the owl, it didn't even need to be told what to do next. He instantly pounced and [descriptive text removed for reader's safety].
"Well that was quick."
"I'm going to find more animals to castrate."
"Bye, Honey Badger!"
"You just let the most violent mammal on Earth rape my friend."
"And he's already recovering! Sure he'll have a [redacted] and he'll need to put an ice pack on it every morning, and sure he'll have to endure the horrible, horrible [redacted] but at least we saved his life."
The owl started to stir, and the hyena enacted the next stage of his plan.
"All we need to do now is to get his brain working again. The simplest way is algebra, but the most effective way is to get him doing what he did before."
"Helping people avoid deaths?"
"Exactly."
"Hmm... I hate to tell you this, Hyena, but you're going to die."
"What?"
The owl pushed itself up enough to open his beak and utter a few words.
"Avoid your honey badger friend... honey badgers are no one's friend."
"Yeah but we have an understanding... He would never castrate me?"
"You're smarter than I am, Hyena, heed my warning."
"Nah, you're alright."
At that moment the honey badger pounced on the hyena and immediately castrated him. The owl and the crow flew off.
"I'm glad you're okay now, Owl."
"Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better. But my [redacted] feels a little weird... what on Earth happened while I was unconscious?"
"I think it's better that I don't tell you."
They flew off into the sunset and the noises of a hyena being castrated by a honey badger were drowned out by the awakening of night-life.
Aren't stories wonderful?
I was planning on doing multiple tangents, but let's face it, you'll be happy with just the one today.
Hutch out.
Thursday 21 October 2010
"You've been quiet recently"
Oh shush, it's only been two weeks. Although I have literally no excuse. I planned an update last week to tell you what has been happening, but naturally you were all there at said happening, so I then concluded that I couldn't be arsed.
But I suppose I owe it to you all now to give you the most spontaneously awesome update you ever did see! However, the outcome is probably not going to be that. Unless I go off on a tangent. God my tangents are awesome. Like that one with the bee and the rhinoceros. Oh, you didn't hear that one? Well you see the bee's all like "this is my house now. Get out or I'll sting you >:)" but the rhino is all like "I have really tough skin and a horn. You haven't got a chance" and then the rhino charges, but of course the bee is really small compared to the rhino, so poor Mr Rhino can't impale it. But then the bee gets tired, but in one last attempt to piss off the rhino, it goes in for the kill. Its stinger breaks on the rhino's back but the bee dies anyway, because bees have the worst defence mechanism of all time. Death. So now the rhino's all content with itself, but then a wasp flies in and is all like "Hey Tony, are you-" *inhaled gasp and wide-eyed-surprise* "WHAT DID YOU DO TO TONY!"
"He attacked me!"
"SO YOU KILLED HIM!?"
"But he just-"
"Why Tony, why??!"
"I kind of feel bad now... I have some nectar-"
"Did you just say nectar?"
"Yeah, I was just about to -"
"Where is it? I want nectar. Bzz bzz nectar."
"If you'll just-"
"I'll sting you for nectar. I'm a mean wasp. Bzz bzz nectar."
"It's in the back."
"NECTAAAARRRR!"
And the wasp and the rhino lived in peace.
So anyway, as I was saying. Actually, I wasn't saying anything, I just went off on a big tangent about bees, wasps and rhinos. But that was an awesome story, I should write. Oh wait! I do write! Damn I'm awesome. If only writing stuff was a cool thing to do in younger years, then I'd have been laid at least ... when did I write the Boy with No Name... two years ago! Damn that was a good story, and it was certainly popular with the ladies. Wait. Fuck. I totally missed a huge opportunity to do something amazing didn't I? I let fame get to my head and write a second, but not as good, story, and it all went tumbling downhill. Darn. But hey, if you would like to read the Boy with No Name, it's on MySpace and www.richchief.com.
Right, was there supposed to be a point to this blog? Yes, yes there was. It was supposed to be the most epic of epic updates. With fireworks and explosions and duelling banjos... the list could quite possibly go on. But no, let's get serious.
As many have noticed, I've not been quite myself recently. Being a little quiet, a little reserved and generally being miserable.
"I worry about you."
I wish I could put my finger on it. I mean, the most recent reason would be that the fucking cleaner took my dog away after I assumed we were keeping him forever and she took him away just like that. That was two weeks ago, and I haven't seen him since. And you know what? It's fucking annoying. I also heard from the grape vine that he wouldn't be coming back. WHY FUCKING NOT? He's my dog, he was supposed to be my dog after three fucking months! It's been 9 months now, and we only had him for three months before that whore took him back. Why? It makes literally no sense. She's got two dogs at her house already, so it's not exactly like she's missing much. We finally get someone to fill the void left by Bart, and then he's stolen away again. Why is everything about loss?
But apart from that I can't fathom anything. My misery started before Walter was taken, so there must be something else. I wish I knew the answer, because then I could fix it. But there ain't no rest for the wicked.
So, the current holiday. What's happened? You know what's happened. We've hung out a lot, eaten pizza, watched movies, Jonathan Creek nights (one of which happened last night and I had a very interesting and in-depth conversation with Bekah, that's always a nice thing to do, since it doesn't happen often), and our hundred and one thousand trips to either Kettering or Corby town centre. Josh H has really dug his heels in and gotten to know all of the Krewe a lot better, and as such he has taken the helm to organising things. Well, when I say organising, I mean he texts us every morning saying, "So what's descending this day, various people of African-American origin?" Okay, he's never said that, but I have totally put an awesome, PC twist on the popular phrase, "What's going down, negro?"
Well, there you have it. What an update this was. It was more tangent than anything else, but I needed to give you something to laugh and/or sigh at.
"Your blog has gone to shit" as Dukey said. I sure proved him what's what and where's where, who's who, why's why and when's how. Yeah.
Until another post.
Hutch away!
But I suppose I owe it to you all now to give you the most spontaneously awesome update you ever did see! However, the outcome is probably not going to be that. Unless I go off on a tangent. God my tangents are awesome. Like that one with the bee and the rhinoceros. Oh, you didn't hear that one? Well you see the bee's all like "this is my house now. Get out or I'll sting you >:)" but the rhino is all like "I have really tough skin and a horn. You haven't got a chance" and then the rhino charges, but of course the bee is really small compared to the rhino, so poor Mr Rhino can't impale it. But then the bee gets tired, but in one last attempt to piss off the rhino, it goes in for the kill. Its stinger breaks on the rhino's back but the bee dies anyway, because bees have the worst defence mechanism of all time. Death. So now the rhino's all content with itself, but then a wasp flies in and is all like "Hey Tony, are you-" *inhaled gasp and wide-eyed-surprise* "WHAT DID YOU DO TO TONY!"
"He attacked me!"
"SO YOU KILLED HIM!?"
"But he just-"
"Why Tony, why??!"
"I kind of feel bad now... I have some nectar-"
"Did you just say nectar?"
"Yeah, I was just about to -"
"Where is it? I want nectar. Bzz bzz nectar."
"If you'll just-"
"I'll sting you for nectar. I'm a mean wasp. Bzz bzz nectar."
"It's in the back."
"NECTAAAARRRR!"
And the wasp and the rhino lived in peace.
So anyway, as I was saying. Actually, I wasn't saying anything, I just went off on a big tangent about bees, wasps and rhinos. But that was an awesome story, I should write. Oh wait! I do write! Damn I'm awesome. If only writing stuff was a cool thing to do in younger years, then I'd have been laid at least ... when did I write the Boy with No Name... two years ago! Damn that was a good story, and it was certainly popular with the ladies. Wait. Fuck. I totally missed a huge opportunity to do something amazing didn't I? I let fame get to my head and write a second, but not as good, story, and it all went tumbling downhill. Darn. But hey, if you would like to read the Boy with No Name, it's on MySpace and www.richchief.com.
Right, was there supposed to be a point to this blog? Yes, yes there was. It was supposed to be the most epic of epic updates. With fireworks and explosions and duelling banjos... the list could quite possibly go on. But no, let's get serious.
As many have noticed, I've not been quite myself recently. Being a little quiet, a little reserved and generally being miserable.
"I worry about you."
I wish I could put my finger on it. I mean, the most recent reason would be that the fucking cleaner took my dog away after I assumed we were keeping him forever and she took him away just like that. That was two weeks ago, and I haven't seen him since. And you know what? It's fucking annoying. I also heard from the grape vine that he wouldn't be coming back. WHY FUCKING NOT? He's my dog, he was supposed to be my dog after three fucking months! It's been 9 months now, and we only had him for three months before that whore took him back. Why? It makes literally no sense. She's got two dogs at her house already, so it's not exactly like she's missing much. We finally get someone to fill the void left by Bart, and then he's stolen away again. Why is everything about loss?
But apart from that I can't fathom anything. My misery started before Walter was taken, so there must be something else. I wish I knew the answer, because then I could fix it. But there ain't no rest for the wicked.
So, the current holiday. What's happened? You know what's happened. We've hung out a lot, eaten pizza, watched movies, Jonathan Creek nights (one of which happened last night and I had a very interesting and in-depth conversation with Bekah, that's always a nice thing to do, since it doesn't happen often), and our hundred and one thousand trips to either Kettering or Corby town centre. Josh H has really dug his heels in and gotten to know all of the Krewe a lot better, and as such he has taken the helm to organising things. Well, when I say organising, I mean he texts us every morning saying, "So what's descending this day, various people of African-American origin?" Okay, he's never said that, but I have totally put an awesome, PC twist on the popular phrase, "What's going down, negro?"
Well, there you have it. What an update this was. It was more tangent than anything else, but I needed to give you something to laugh and/or sigh at.
"Your blog has gone to shit" as Dukey said. I sure proved him what's what and where's where, who's who, why's why and when's how. Yeah.
Until another post.
Hutch away!
Friday 8 October 2010
End of Term Friday
Yeah, I'm going to do exactly what I did last week. Take it in, readers, take in the large, juicy-juicy post.
Thursday 1 - Free
Ah, you see the unfortunate thing about trying to remember yesterday is that I can't remember yesterday. I most likely spent the lesson with Josh Q, and if he'd like to enlighten me as to what occurred then that would be brilliant.
Thursday 2 - DT
This lesson remains in my head very vividly. We went into DT to find Mrs Cheatley filling in for Mrs Quinreynolds. Where on Earth Mrs Quinreynolds was, I don't know, and to be honest I don't care much. A very minute amount of this lesson was spent where I was supposed to be doing work, and instead I spent most of the lesson teaching the kids, talking to Westie and "scanning". The reason that this memory remains is because of the fact that I gave them a proper good talking to. Like the most talking talking to of their talking lives. It first started with Smith talking to the girls, so I told him to return to his station and get on with his work, and then it was argued "that you're not teaching us so you can't tell us what to do," to which I responded "you will do exactly what I tell you to do" with a harsh tone to my voice. Smith returned to his station and I continued to be annoyed at them, Courtney then felt prompted to ask, "why are you in such a mood?" This begs the question, why am I in such a mood? I simply responded with "because you're all being annoying" which is a fair point to make. Then the annoying ones decided to have a crack, so I gave it my all and shouted their fucking heads off. "WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE DOING?" "work." "WORK! NOW". After this they shut the fuck up, which I was thankful for since I could be myself again and help them, and towards the end of the lesson I was once more my kind self. They can thank Courtney for that, since she's the most bearable.
Thursday 3 - German
Reading and translating? Yeah, that was it. I got to do my own bit, which was fairly difficult, but I cracked it.
Thursday 4 - Structured Study?
Did we go to the library? No, we didn't, we went to the Media suite and I managed to read my World War Z book some more, this time getting to an awesome Zombie-standoff point in Yonkers. Jesus that bit was sooo awesome. Describing in detail how ineffective explosives actually are against zombies, and how in a horde headshots are almost impossible, and since that's the only thing that can kill a zombie, it helped me understand how screwed we are if we get attacked by zombies.
Thursday 5 - Free
I remember being miserable in this free, but then again I've been miserable for a while now. Hilton questioned me about it, noticing that I have been miserable for a while, and I simply couldn't answer him. I don't know what's wrong, if I'm perfectly honest with you. Everything just seems so disappointing right now. He came back with "you need to get laid." Very true, Joshua, very true indeed.
Friday 1 - Media
I remember arriving and finding out that I had to sit through an explanation of what I'd already done literally four times, that being the exporting of my video. Why did I have to sit through this? I suppose that's what you get for being ahead. But hey, I won't be ahead for long since the project has suddenly become annoying. I don't want it to be annoying, Media is the best subject in the world. Why on Earth would it start to annoy me? It's the sound, the sound is getting to me. It was the last hurdle to climb before top marks were just handed to me on a plate, but it turns out that rerecording the voices just made things worse, so I have to somehow edit the originals. Suffice to say I pissed off out of the Media suite after ten minutes and went to bottom red so that I could hang with Quach, Joe and Becca in breakfast. Naturally I ended up with Hilton at breakfast though, and he once again questioned my miserableness, threatening to bite me. How can you be miserable when someone like Josh is threatening to bite you?
Friday tutor time
I felt like this needed mentioning for me to remember since I had such a nice time with Lauren. That's all really, just a memory I don't want gone.
Friday 2 - German
Was this particularly fun? The only fun bit was at the end of the lesson when we saw the effects of 10 drugs on drivers. It was hilarious.
Friday 3 - Free
I filled out the Reading Leader log sheets that I hadn't done and made the RichChief Weekly Update (check it out now at www.richchief.com, or don't, this is my blog, not an advert). Quach joined us and showed me his pictures, which was nice.
Friday 4 - Free
Aside from the awkwardness of Hoier being around, this lesson was pretty damn perfect. It was made more so by the appearance of Hilton, who likes to help brighten my day. I finally got the log sheets filled out too, and gave them to Mrs Cheatley.
Friday 5 - Free
This was also very nice. I love Joe, Becca and Josh, they make my days. In fact, so do the rest of the krewe. The only thing left to do is ponder why I've been so miserable, and I have two weeks to do it. I also need a job.
I kind of summarised in Friday 5 so... this is a little awkward.
Night.
Thursday 1 - Free
Ah, you see the unfortunate thing about trying to remember yesterday is that I can't remember yesterday. I most likely spent the lesson with Josh Q, and if he'd like to enlighten me as to what occurred then that would be brilliant.
Thursday 2 - DT
This lesson remains in my head very vividly. We went into DT to find Mrs Cheatley filling in for Mrs Quinreynolds. Where on Earth Mrs Quinreynolds was, I don't know, and to be honest I don't care much. A very minute amount of this lesson was spent where I was supposed to be doing work, and instead I spent most of the lesson teaching the kids, talking to Westie and "scanning". The reason that this memory remains is because of the fact that I gave them a proper good talking to. Like the most talking talking to of their talking lives. It first started with Smith talking to the girls, so I told him to return to his station and get on with his work, and then it was argued "that you're not teaching us so you can't tell us what to do," to which I responded "you will do exactly what I tell you to do" with a harsh tone to my voice. Smith returned to his station and I continued to be annoyed at them, Courtney then felt prompted to ask, "why are you in such a mood?" This begs the question, why am I in such a mood? I simply responded with "because you're all being annoying" which is a fair point to make. Then the annoying ones decided to have a crack, so I gave it my all and shouted their fucking heads off. "WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE DOING?" "work." "WORK! NOW". After this they shut the fuck up, which I was thankful for since I could be myself again and help them, and towards the end of the lesson I was once more my kind self. They can thank Courtney for that, since she's the most bearable.
Thursday 3 - German
Reading and translating? Yeah, that was it. I got to do my own bit, which was fairly difficult, but I cracked it.
Thursday 4 - Structured Study?
Did we go to the library? No, we didn't, we went to the Media suite and I managed to read my World War Z book some more, this time getting to an awesome Zombie-standoff point in Yonkers. Jesus that bit was sooo awesome. Describing in detail how ineffective explosives actually are against zombies, and how in a horde headshots are almost impossible, and since that's the only thing that can kill a zombie, it helped me understand how screwed we are if we get attacked by zombies.
Thursday 5 - Free
I remember being miserable in this free, but then again I've been miserable for a while now. Hilton questioned me about it, noticing that I have been miserable for a while, and I simply couldn't answer him. I don't know what's wrong, if I'm perfectly honest with you. Everything just seems so disappointing right now. He came back with "you need to get laid." Very true, Joshua, very true indeed.
Friday 1 - Media
I remember arriving and finding out that I had to sit through an explanation of what I'd already done literally four times, that being the exporting of my video. Why did I have to sit through this? I suppose that's what you get for being ahead. But hey, I won't be ahead for long since the project has suddenly become annoying. I don't want it to be annoying, Media is the best subject in the world. Why on Earth would it start to annoy me? It's the sound, the sound is getting to me. It was the last hurdle to climb before top marks were just handed to me on a plate, but it turns out that rerecording the voices just made things worse, so I have to somehow edit the originals. Suffice to say I pissed off out of the Media suite after ten minutes and went to bottom red so that I could hang with Quach, Joe and Becca in breakfast. Naturally I ended up with Hilton at breakfast though, and he once again questioned my miserableness, threatening to bite me. How can you be miserable when someone like Josh is threatening to bite you?
Friday tutor time
I felt like this needed mentioning for me to remember since I had such a nice time with Lauren. That's all really, just a memory I don't want gone.
Friday 2 - German
Was this particularly fun? The only fun bit was at the end of the lesson when we saw the effects of 10 drugs on drivers. It was hilarious.
Friday 3 - Free
I filled out the Reading Leader log sheets that I hadn't done and made the RichChief Weekly Update (check it out now at www.richchief.com, or don't, this is my blog, not an advert). Quach joined us and showed me his pictures, which was nice.
Friday 4 - Free
Aside from the awkwardness of Hoier being around, this lesson was pretty damn perfect. It was made more so by the appearance of Hilton, who likes to help brighten my day. I finally got the log sheets filled out too, and gave them to Mrs Cheatley.
Friday 5 - Free
This was also very nice. I love Joe, Becca and Josh, they make my days. In fact, so do the rest of the krewe. The only thing left to do is ponder why I've been so miserable, and I have two weeks to do it. I also need a job.
I kind of summarised in Friday 5 so... this is a little awkward.
Night.
Tuesday 5 October 2010
OMG It's Like Drama and Shit
Hey all, I see you're all sat down nicely, or doing some kind of chore like tidying up or drying hair or etc, whatever, I'm just glad you're there and paying attention. And pay attention you will, because the following blog post is rather pointless.
I bring your attention once again towards my kids and the exciting news that I'm being stalked. Yes, you heard it. When I say stalked, I mean Emma (a small blond girl) has told me that Emily Matthews (a small, I think now brunette girl) totally fancies me, and ceases to miss an opportunity to tell me of that fact. I was told that this was a possibility during that reading leader meeting thingy back all that while ago, and hey, it happened. Although, if I'm perfectly honest with you, I think it's happened about a dozen times over now. But I know how to deal with it. It's only the problem of when the kids start saying it the other way round that any and all reactions surely point to "Peter fancies Courtney," which is something in life that I have always found annoying. Simply saying "no" just isn't good enough. Anyway, that wasn't the point was it? Actually, I feel it all ties in nicely to create a nice, flowing paragraph, and now I've fucked it up.
Time to move on and stop ruining good paragraphs.
Point number two brings us over to Becca's step mum. "Whoa," I hear you say, "When the fuck have you had anything to do with Becca's step mum?" you ask. Well, reader, I'm taking you onto my next point. A point that actually made me feel slightly good about myself. Becca and her step mum were looking through pictures, and apparently she pointed me out and made compliments about me. Thank you, Carol(e), your compliments are well received.
So what does this mean for me? I'm a total stud, of course. But then I said something else to Becca, which is a very good point. These two instances are both outside my age range, which is fairly annoying to say the least. If age had nothing to do with it then I'd totally do Sarah Chalke, but I think I'm going off topic there. Hey, it's not my fault that in Seasons 3 and 4 of Scrubs she's just about the hottest girl in the entire world. Anyway, yeah, off topic again, back to the point. Clearly what I need to do is find new people and mingle, become friends and then totally boink all of the chicks there. Plan. Everybody needs one.
Did you see what I did there?
Stay tuned.
I bring your attention once again towards my kids and the exciting news that I'm being stalked. Yes, you heard it. When I say stalked, I mean Emma (a small blond girl) has told me that Emily Matthews (a small, I think now brunette girl) totally fancies me, and ceases to miss an opportunity to tell me of that fact. I was told that this was a possibility during that reading leader meeting thingy back all that while ago, and hey, it happened. Although, if I'm perfectly honest with you, I think it's happened about a dozen times over now. But I know how to deal with it. It's only the problem of when the kids start saying it the other way round that any and all reactions surely point to "Peter fancies Courtney," which is something in life that I have always found annoying. Simply saying "no" just isn't good enough. Anyway, that wasn't the point was it? Actually, I feel it all ties in nicely to create a nice, flowing paragraph, and now I've fucked it up.
Time to move on and stop ruining good paragraphs.
Point number two brings us over to Becca's step mum. "Whoa," I hear you say, "When the fuck have you had anything to do with Becca's step mum?" you ask. Well, reader, I'm taking you onto my next point. A point that actually made me feel slightly good about myself. Becca and her step mum were looking through pictures, and apparently she pointed me out and made compliments about me. Thank you, Carol(e), your compliments are well received.
So what does this mean for me? I'm a total stud, of course. But then I said something else to Becca, which is a very good point. These two instances are both outside my age range, which is fairly annoying to say the least. If age had nothing to do with it then I'd totally do Sarah Chalke, but I think I'm going off topic there. Hey, it's not my fault that in Seasons 3 and 4 of Scrubs she's just about the hottest girl in the entire world. Anyway, yeah, off topic again, back to the point. Clearly what I need to do is find new people and mingle, become friends and then totally boink all of the chicks there. Plan. Everybody needs one.
Did you see what I did there?
Stay tuned.
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