Politics

I always considered myself to be quite a thoughtful person. I mean that in two senses. One, as in the kind and loving person that you all know I am. And two, someone who is full of thoughts.

Like this for an example: 

The world clock on my phone says

   London, Dublin

   Today                23:06 mon

And it also says

   Tokyo

   Tomorrow         07:07 tues

I love it. I love the fact that Tokyo is in tomorrow. 

Anyway, that's not what I'm on about. You may have read the title. That's what I'm on about. See, I realised something about our country. It's that we never ever seem to be happy about our government. And that's why elections are so massive over here. In this day and age it's very easy to get the gist of who's going to be in power. In America it was damn obvious. Obama had no chance of losing. But here, we all seemed to think that the Conservatives would win outright, but they didn't. I have a theory as to why. 

When the elections came round, Gordon Brown was in power following up from Tony Blair. Everyone hated Gordon Brown, so all the Conservatives had to do was look good. Imagine you're in a dimly lit street. Wait, I can make this awesome. 

So yeah, you're walking down a dimly lit street with your vote under your arm. You've realised that the current government has done a really shit job and you want a change. Suddenly, David Cameron appears and says something to you.

"You're right! I am feeling like a bit of a change. And look at that shiny head of yours! Wow! I don't think anything can top that!" Nick Clegg then appears to try and swindle you.

The debate becomes heated. Clegg clearly fancies the pants off Cameron and wants in his pants, but Cameron doesn't want anything to do with him and slags him off all the times. As if this wasn't enough for your mind to handle, Gordon Brown shows up to try and win back your vote to keep him in session.

He doesn't exactly sway your vote. In fact, you like him even less now. So, here's my theory of what actually happened in the last election.
 - All of the old people stuck to their guns and just did what they did last time and voted for Labour. That's because old people hate change.
 - The 30-50 year olds were in two ways about it, and it turns out that they still have opinions so I think they voted for the Conservatives. It makes sense, really.
 - The 18-25 years olds decided that they didn't want to do what everyone else was doing, so the politically minded and clever ones voted for the Conservatives whereas everyone else voted for the Liberal Democrats, but that's just because no one else was doing it. And us young people like to be different.

So at the end of it all we ended up with a government that no one voted for and therefore everyone was miserable. Gordon Brown disappeared completely and Nick Clegg finally became someone we all actually knew. And then we instantly hated him for being a lying dick. The general feel I got from the people around me after the election is that suddenly everybody hated the Liberal Democrats and the Conservatives and they all claimed that Labour was the best party. There's a very good reason for this. People have this urge to hate whatever they can't control. Yes, they controlled the election, but as soon as that almost elected government started making decisions they were hated. It doesn't matter what party it is, we are never ever going to be happy with the way that this country is run. And do you want to know why that is? Because at the end of the day there is only one person who can effectively run this country:

Yeah, everyone. Oh wait, hang on... the picture is changing... my answer might be wrong... Apparently we aren't the ones who can save the country. If not, then who? Gordon Brown is completely out of the picture now, but that wasn't my doing. What's going on?

No! It all makes sense! The slender new Labour head... What was his name? Oh it doesn't matter. I know it begins with O and ends with perator. All that matters now is getting the hell out of here before Slender Man creeps into any more of my paint jobs.

Let's go.