You see the other day I was checking my blog stats and for that day I saw that I had a single view from Ethiopia. This surprised me, mainly because I've never had a single view from Africa. The first thing I had to do was inform Josh, the potentially racist but in a non-hating way individual who thinks most of Africa is a barren wasteland. He certainly wasn't expecting a person in Ethiopia to go on the internet and view my blog.
Cue Salute to Stupidity: Ethiopia Has Internet Special
Me: "Put your previous judgements aside, Ethiopia actually has technology! See I know this because I got a view from the country today."
Josh: "Hold on, Ethiopia? What could they... okay, previous judgements aside, what have they done?"
Me: "They viewed my blog. Not just technology, Josh, but internet too. And they use Safari, Chrome or Firefox. Specifically not IE though."
Josh: "Hmm, maybe I've been quick to judge them. But one computer with internets in the whole country isn't breaking the bank. At lease they had the sense not to use IE though."
Me: "Indeed. And if all other observations are to go by, they found me using google.com. I don't think they have their own Google domain yet."
Josh: "Sure they do! I believe it's www.google.poorasfuck"
Me: "Ah, now Joshua. Now that they've viewed my blog we can officially welcome Ethiopia to the internet. I don't want any of that from you at the punch bowl, okay?"
Josh: "Okay, I'll behave myself. They get a new domain then, say google.stillcomparitivelypoorcomparedtogeneralsocietybuthigherinmyestimationsthanioriginallygavethemcreditforafteralltheyfinallyfoundthebestblogeverwiththepoweroftheinternet."
Me: "I think they'll appreciate the effort you've made. Now come on, we've got a party to set up (aka, this is so becoming a blog post for tomorrow)."
Josh: "Well there has to be finger food, but as this is Ethiopia they're not quite used to the concept of a buffet, so I think we're going to need some exotic stuff. Maybe some badger cutlets, wombat carpaccio, maybe even some roasted tapir with stuffing and roast potatoes. And we're going to need to give Ethiopia a party bag, which in turn has to contain at least one penny whistle. And we should have a small army of cheap labour dressed as gorillas to make them feel at home, potentially someone dressed as a tree, although the tree has no relevance, just so he can go 'tree powers, activate!'"
Me: "Sure thing. Just remind me to quote all of this at like midday. No wait, I've been drinking so make it about one you remind me."
Josh: "Okay then, sure thing bromeslice. (FYI, Bromeslice is the new ethnic lingo I coined to combine the two levels of the outer and inner 'hood'. One can combine the very ethnic 'brother' with the less ethnic 'homeslice' to achieve a perfect racial balance, 'Bromeslice').
Just to put it out there to how dedicated to this single idea Josh is, that was all said via text message. Sometimes I think he has a very generous amount of time to spare. But then again, I just wrote all of that out and I'm about to do write some more stuff out that probably is a complete waste of time, so I suppose it can be said that I too have a very generous amount of time to spare. But hey, it's all worth it.
Wait, this isn't time to spare, this is my job. Kind of. Hobby, we'll call it a hobby. It's like a job, but you don't get paid for it, you enjoy it, and there's a h, lack of a j, and extra b and a y to account for.
So, let's do this. Get your party hats on.
And yes, this is so happening.
This will be the best party ever.
I think that wraps up that party quite nicely.
If you have been offended by any of the stereotyping displayed in today's blog post, then you are one of the stereotypes presented yourself. Take a look at yourself in the mirror, take off whatever nation-related hat that you might be wearing, and become your person.
Bless you.
Pete out.
No comments:
Post a Comment