Peter Hutchinson: 1993 - 2011

We'll get on to why I'm dead later.

As you may have read (or about to read) I was drunk last night. This was because I was at mine and Hoier's official huge big 18th shindig. We'll start with the beginning.

The Beginning
I arrived at Joe's house at exactly two minutes past seven, thinking that everything was packed and ready to go. I walked in to Joe's house to find Bekah and Becca doing make-up, which lasted like seven years. Seven years later and we were all ready to go. Upon arrival at the house of Hoier, uh... everyone else was already there. Okay, I honestly thought that my thoughts were cognitive enough to be able to unscramble last night, but it's still all a mess.

Tsingtao
I was worried about this drink, since Quach told me it was really strong, and I'm not normally a fan of beer, but when I cracked open this baby it was like heaven in a bottle. 2 pints of pure, Chinese bliss. Beer should definitely taste like this. Cider then became irrelevant. I still had it, but it was irrelevant.

Cassie
Cassie gets a special mention because this was the first time I've ever spoken to her. And I must say, if I'm honest, I spent a sizeable portion of the evening with her. But you see, I didn't mind at all, and in fact, because of my wit and charm, she warmed up to me in moments and decided that because she didn't know anyone else and didn't want to get molested by Hoier every seven seconds, she was pretty glad that I was around. And I quote, "Aw, I love Hutchy *hug*". Damn I'm awesome. I deemed myself to be her official protector before too long, since I have to stop Hoier from molesting her a lot. I do hope this isn't the last we see of her though.

Harry and Bekah
Fucking whoa. Shit went down with these two. And I don't mean like there was a fight or anything, I mean their tongues were locked in an epic duel of which there appeared to be no victor. What will happen next? I don't know, but perhaps it's time for a HUGE DISCUSSION. I'm not saying we should catch them at AWKWARD TIMES and BADGER THEM UNTIL THEY CRY or anything, but I'm just saying.

Antics
This was definitely the most drunk I have ever gotten. I believe my most common antic was the 'hug and don't let go' routine. When Josh arrived, I did this to him, and told him that I love him. This was essentially a sign for him to start fucking with my mind. I don't remember what he did, but he must have done something, otherwise it wouldn't be Josh. Oh yeah, laser pen. That's a given though. I also did the same routine to Becca once or twice, but because she's so loving she decided to not fuck with my mind. I could argue though, that many will say that you shouldn't let go of the people that matter most. Although the rest of the people that matter most to me were either drunk or locked to Harry's face. I also managed to cut my lip on a torch. Oh, and I tried to open a beer with a machete. Joe cut his fingers on the machete. Why the hell do the Hoiers have a machete in their kitchen? They should've known disaster would strike. I remember Luke's hair being huge and curly, which was weird. I also remember talking to Sophia, but I have no idea what about. As I said, my memories are all jumbled up. There's a start and an end, but then there's a middle bit of being drunk that's kind of all mixed up. Oh yeah! I wrote that blog post. That was hilarious. Badger Westie about Vicky Coppard. I've also just remembered that Becca was touching my ass inappropriately, but I can't remember why.

Time of Death: 04:32am
Dukey was rifling through Hoier's stuff and so I told him off. Dukey got so angry that he shoved the briefcase back into the shelf and then a Tiki mask fell on my head. At first I was just like "Ow." But then blood started dripping into my hand and I started to panic a little. The worst bleeding I've ever had has been a nosebleed, so this made me shit myself scared. You know those movies where the blood pours down their face and you're like, "Nah, that's ridiculous." That fracking happens. That's actually factual.

I then died. A funeral service was held.

I have the best funerals ever. 

Luckily, Josh happened to have a vial of mole venom on him, and managed to mix it with my semen to revive me. Perhaps I should put that into context. Josh believes that when you mix my Messiah semen with mole venom, it becomes the cure for death. I proved it.

Anyway, after that I was rushed into the kitchen so I didn't bleed all over everything, which I already did. An ambulance was then phoned and I got to sit with my hand firmly trapping a tissue onto my bleeding scalp. I have to thank Josh and Joe for saving my life here. They didn't leave my side even for a second, this makes them like my best friends ever. And yes, Becca, I realise that if you were up you'd have been in there too. Lots of people started to crowd me and I told them all to fuck off because I wasn't out of the woods yet and still dying. If I offended you, and in particular this is to Maisie because she actually brought it up with me the next morning, then I apologise with deepest sincerity. Still, no harm done. Except to my head.

The paramedics then arrived and took a look at my deadly deadly wound. I was actually surprised to see that the bleeding had stopped and this took a real load off my shoulders, since it was clear that I wasn't dying and wouldn't have go to the hospital to die in a cold bed surrounded by evil machines that try and kill you with their various fluids and beeping noises. I wish that my head wasn't full of blood at this point so that I could perform the necessary functions to form memories of the jokes made, but there were some crackers made about me dying, and the paramedics being on call for 48 hours and such. It was funny.

Anyway, after that everyone went to bed who weren't already in bed and I settled down for like ten minutes before I was like "my head hurts" and that was pretty much that for two hours before I woke up from hearing that people were talking in the other room and I was intrigued so I joined them. Various conversations happened for a while, mostly about how I nearly died. I might kill the next person who asks me "How's your head?" because the simple answer will always be that it is fine, despite the fact that it feels like someone's boring a pin into my skull.

A couple of hours and some food later I found myself talking to Cassie and Josh in the Room of Death. I kept my distance from the Death Shelving Unit this time, but I gave the "good-luck" tiki mask, that had actually snapped on my head, a big long stare. I think it was tired of giving everyone good fortune, so as soon as it saw Dukey it was like "oooh, I can do something bad with this guy's aid." Gasp! Dukey is adamant that he had nothing to do with the near-death experience that occurred. He and the Tiki Mask of Misfortune must be in cahoots...

After Josh and Cassie went home, I found everyone else playing with toys. I then found out that Hoier's little sister was up and having a duel with Quach, so everything kind of made sense. He's going to be a great father, it must be said. Maisie, you're a lucky girl.

Right, I think I'm done here. Time to watch some movies. I think I'll be hanging out with Joe and Bekah tonight, so he and I can totally make her uncomfortable about the whole Harry thing. But I don't think I should tell you how it goes.

See you soon.