As it so happens, Pope Paul the VI deleted Valentine's Day from the Roman calendar (our calendar, I believe) in 1969, meaning that it doesn't actually exist in the modern world. Sure people celebrate it by doing these stupid things for their loved ones, but on all accounts the day no longer exists. But I'm not one to tell you stop celebrating this joyous occasion, if indeed you find it a joyous occasion, so enjoy it all you want. There is literally only every other day of the year in which you can buy cheap chocolate and fake flowers for your other half.
I bet I sound quite sceptic of this holiday right now. I'll continue with my point.
Historians don't actually know which Saint Valentine is the one we base this day on, partly because none of the three that we know of have anything to do with love. In fact, this is what we know about him:
"Though the memorial of Saint Valentine is ancient, it is left to particular calendars, since, apart from his name, nothing is known of Saint Valentine except that he was buried on the Via Flaminia on February 14."
So, it seems like we're celebrating the death of a guy that has nothing to do with the holiday he is attributed to. However, I then found this while searching the interweb.
Well, that's what the net was born for.
That's quite funny, you have to admit. Anyway, my point was that there was actually a Priest called Valentine, who was obviously persecuted by the Roman Empire for being Christian. This bit is a little ambiguous, but the Romans didn't want their young men to marry because they needed them to join the army, so this guy married them in secret. So I suppose that's the love thing. Now, in order for a Saint to be a Saint, he had to perform a miracle. Because the Romans were bastards, they executed Valentine, but before he died he apparently cured the eyesight of this blind chick who was the daughter of his jailer.
Okay, so original Valentine's Day was all about feasting. So what happened? I think I'd rather have a day of food than romantically linked people telling everyone else in the world that they're better than them just because they occasionally do the hokey kokey.
"Something awful must have happened last year or something, or you wouldn't be this bitter."
Bitter? Am I coming across as bitter? I do apologise, readers. While I do applaud people for finding someone they can confide in and out and in again, I must say that I'm just not up for this whole shabang. The fact of the matter is, I always miss the opportunity to have someone during any festivity, so you may even call it jealousy. And you may be right.
Listen, I know what you're going to say, and I don't want to hear it. I can't be bothered with all that nonsense. Although I swear to Christ that if anyone says to me, "We really need to find you a girlfriend" today then I will punch them square in the nut-sac. I'll give them a "happy Valentine's day", as it were.
I still sound really bitter, so let's turn it around. I'm only saying that I dislike this holiday because I'm alone, and that's the truth. I'm almost certain that if I had a girlfriend I'd be all hyped up like a horny hyena ready for some "go get some." Oh well, at least I can look forward to manufacturing the story of how I spent my Valentine's night with my fake girlfriend when Casey inevitably asks me what I was doing today with said fake girlfriend. That really makes me a loser. Like a huge loser. Like a bigger loser than Biggest Loser USA, and they're fracking HUGE.
Anyway, enjoy this stupid day if you can enjoy this stupid day. I'm happy for those whom have been struck by
However, if you are going to be miserable today, perhaps this'll cheer you up.
Look how happy he is!
Right, with that done, I'll see you on the morrow with Tuesday's turn for a blog post.
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