Barn Dance Madness

Right, tonight I got to sample my very first barn dance. Yeah, you know that thing where people wear large-rimmed hats and checked shirts and link arms and spin around the room a lot? Yeah, that. I did that.

But first I'd like to talk about the Green Hornet. My Luke, my Dallamore and my I went to go and see that on Friday because we could and I have a lot of money right now. Frankly, I thought it was quite good. Some of the camera work was questionable, but it was made up for the fact that it was filmed for a bigger screen, and was filmed specifically in 3D. I'm just saying I would have done some of the shots differently, and some things looked out of proportion. But I suppose that's just the 3D messing with my mind. Anyway, I do recommend it if you enjoy films with lots of guns and explosions and Asians that kick loads of ass. And I mean loads. 

So yes, the barn dances to start all barn dances. I would've said end, but this was only my first and I reckon I could probably fit at least one more in my life, so it's not an end to anything and thus it's the start. When Bekah and I arrived the lot of us were standing in a huge circle right in front of the door. There were quite a few of us, so I won't go through who was there. But yeah, chatting started, I got a high-five for my waistcoat and then Joshi, Dukey and Maisie turned up. This wasn't just your normal turning up either. Joshi decided to wear a moustache and a beard with aviators and a large hat. This struck me as odd. He looked Mexican, but he's Chinese and cowboys are American. Therefore he was third-caste. I've never come across a third-caste before, but Joshi managed to do it. Well done. Naturally he got all the attention from the older women during the night. Haha.

EDIT: I don't normally use other people's photos, but I found this and felt like it was needed:

Mexican-Chinese-American. Courtesy of Westie. 

So, the first dance came up and we were all super excited about it. It was all like "yeah, find partner, stay with partner" but then the guy was like "Change partner!" and then I was all like "Shit, if this continues then in about three changes I'll be with that old woman!" I know that sounds childish, but old people smell like moth balls, and that's not a very nice smell. A person should not smell like a disused wardrobe. So yeah, after that I was put off by dancing, and the most part of us went outside to have a cool off. I'm sure something significant happened, but I'm not a genius and can't be bothered to remember. All I remember is that when everybody left it was Luke, me and Sophia left and I decided to leave them, making various gestures to Luke, but then I was like "Hold on, I can't let them do that" and then went back out again saying "Only joking! I'm not going to let you do that" and it was all very funny and inappropriate. 

I then took a lot of pictures, videoed a dance which will be on Facebook this time I promise because I purposefully kept the camera above chest height this time. It occurs to me that you probably have no idea why I said that but I also apparently don't care. Just read back to New Year and that'll tell you all about it. Jesus, New Year was only 23 days ago but it seems like a billion years ago. So much stuff has happened since then. Damn. Anyway, I'm going off topic. 

Uh, oh, I suppose I should show you this: 

It only took him a day to grow that beast. 

And now I've lost all sense of what point in the night I'd gotten to. Was there anything else going on that evening? Hmm... 

"I've just realised that a barn dance is speed dating for hill-billies" - Andrew Nunn on barn dances

"It's essentially bigamy without the commitment" - Peter H on barn dances

"Hutchy, will you come up and get food with me?" - Joshie Quach on food that we may or may not have to pay for, but it turned out that we didn't

Those are just a few of the hilarious quotes from that night. Okay, you're right, I'm stalling because I don't want to talk about the final dance just yet. The chilli was delicious though. Ooh! 

"I'm just saying that there's a nice bush over there if you uh..." Peter H to Luke and Sophia

"Hey, I'm here and I'm going to be inappropriate all night." Peter H to Luke and Sophia

Personally, I quite liked those quotes. They're pretty good. So, I guess I'd better do this last dance thing I've been talking so much about. I've built up all the suspense and now your hopes and dreams of this awesome climax are now going to go rushing down the drain because I'm not the brilliant writer you think I am, and I won't do it justice. 

So, we were trying to organise our coupling. I was with Bekah and we needed four other couples. We had our group, but unfortunately it was whittled down so that there were only two of us couples left in the group. I felt sorry for Little Imo at this point, because she'd been thrown in with Thomas Leach. Fuck, he doesn't read this blog does he? Leachy's a great guy. Whew, got out of that one. So anyway, we needed three more couples so our eyes darted towards Luke and Sophia, who thought that they were going to get away with a quiet shag in the corner. But not this time. I started for them, chased them out into the parking lot. I believe Dallamore caught Luke, but Sophia had run off. I went all Terminator on her ass at this point. She was running really quickly around the cars while I was calmly strolling, managing to keep up with her. Yes, I did just say that going Terminator meant calmly strolling after the victim who is running as fast as her little legs can move her as opposed to blowing her brains out with a Model-1887 sawn-off shotgun. Leachy ran out and told me that it was about to begin, so I gave up and went back inside, where our group had picked up three other couples. All was well... then they gave us the instructions. Before every dance came the instructions on how to do it. This dance seemed to completely fuck with our heads, because after three attempts at explaining it to us, we didn't understand at all. Although I only think I didn't understand because Thomas Leach was doing it completely wrong. That said, when the dance finally started we just about got it right. Leach managed to fuck up a bit, but when it was mine and Bekah's turn to twist and turn our way down the line, we showed them all how it was fucking done. Yeah. 

"I don't know if it's possible to pwn in a dance, but I just fucking did it." Peter H to Luke and Sophia on the dance I just did

And with that being that, after a group photo it was time to embark for our homesteads. Thank you, Dallamore, for having this awesome event. We should do it again some time ;)