Salute to Stupidity: Inventions Special

These are some pretty cool designs and inventions that have no place in the real world.

This is the THUMBTHING which is pointless. I don't know about you, but I can hold my book open with just one hand anyway. Sure it requires a bit of hand rearranging, but I sure as hell can do it. Also, look at the price. £8.76 for FOUR?! That's ridiculous! A sheet of A1 acrylic isn't even that much. I could make 100 of them for the same price. Personally I would market them at 25p each, because that's what they're actually worth. No wait, sorry, they're worth nothing because they're a pointless investment. DON'T BUY IT.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That person looks ridiculous! Are you tired of carrying oodles of tissues in your pockets? Do you wish that you could look insane in public? This solves both problems! Pff... pff.. HAH! I can't get over it.

It's an ear extender! Forget hearing aids. Forget dignity. This is where it's at.

Why is there a massive fabric vending machine? And why does it have feet? Wait a minute. Shirley, is that you?

Stupid but insanely cool. Personally I think it's a really good idea. But why not go the whole hog and give it little cleaning gloves and tiny cleaning shoes? Don't want the baby smudging up the floor with its grubby fingers now, do we? In fact, staying along that ilk, give it a little cleaning muzzle as well, just to get absolute efficiency from your tiny cleaning Asian.

Not worth the money, but again it looks quite cool. I would've said that this was an American invention (the nation of spray-on cheese) but that hand is distinctly Japanese. Hmm... Well, can't complain. It is stupid though.

The idea of this is that it cools down your noodles before they reach your mouth, but it would actually just make your entire meal cold. Figure it out, Japan. It won't work.

It took me at least five minutes of staring at this image to try and work out what it was. And you know what? I still couldn't work it out. As far as I can tell it's just a device for making you look like an idiot while you eat. No wait, I've just looked at the article and it states that it's for keeping your hair out of your food while you eat. You know what else does that? Tying your hair back, you MORON.

Ever felt like J-walking but was too worried about the legal issues? Well now you can break the law even further! This is a portable pedestrian crossing, which halts traffic while they wait for you to unravel your crossing, and then have to wait for you to cross, and then have to wait even longer for you to fold it back up again. I know, right? It's insanely cool! You wouldn't be arrested for this at all.

MORON.

This shirt is designed so people can scratch your back in the perfect area. First you obviously have to learn the grid entirely so you can tell your friends where it itches, but other than that it's actually just pretty cool. If you have the patience for this shirt, I'd say it was worth it.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. MORON.

Wow! Laser-guided scissors! It doesn't really make you more accurate, it just looks cool.

This. Is. The. Coolest. Thing. Ever. Of all time. Do you remember when pocket knives used to fit in your pocket? I know! That feels like ages ago now. This is the ultimate in car-fixing, war-fighting, sewing, grooming, bike-fixing, lid-lifting, crime-solving, stabbing, tiny sawing and screwing! In fact, that is not the entire list. It has like one million different blades on it, along with a screw driver set and OMG. It has an Alan-key. Fuck me that's cool. However, if you were to even try holding this you'd probably lose a finger so its function is actually very limited since it's damn-near impossible to pick up. If you've got £400 to spare then buy it. Buy it immediately.

Right, that does it here from the team at Cliché Life Stuff. You know, the team of two consisting of Outside Voice and Inside Voice. He's been quiet recently, but he did gain sentience when the world ended so he's gone off on a little holiday.