Shit, it's Christmas Day.
Well um, I'd better get this done pretty quickly to be quite honest with you.
Okay, so to pick it up where we left off on the 23rd, after I posted my post I had my dinner, and then Joe and Becca picked me to up to try and find Edwards' house which was somewhere in Geddington, but we spent like 10 minutes finding the damn street he lives on. But it mattered not, because we arrived first because we're awesome like that.
Anyway, quickly quickly quickly because I'm tired and need some sleep because I haven't in like seven thousand years (two nights). Soon the party got going and party stuff happened. Um, memorable bits include dancing, prancing and another word that rhymes with dancing. I honestly can't think right now and all thoughts turn to after the party wound down and we found our sleeping arrangements. Josh, Josh and I were in the spare bedroom, which is where the Edwards sort their laundry. To cut a short story long, Hilton was on the floor using the laundry as a pillow, and at some point he decided that it would be a mature thing to start flinging it at me and Quach who were in the double bed together. What really peaked his interest was when he found a lacy thong, because to him that's just about the most hilarious thing you could ever find while rummaging through someone else's laundry, and I did mention on several occasions that people get arrested for shit like that, but this is Hilton; he doesn't give a damn about such trivial matters.
Right, what else can I remember. There was poker, but I didn't take part in it because I don't know what's good and what's bad and it's impossible to beat a Jew at poker because they just horde money when they see it. If you find that comment offensive, you can insult me. If you insult me but I know for a fact that you find Jewish jokes hilarious, then I will stab you in the eye with my penis.
Oh yeah, I should tie in the name of this post. Hoier got me my secret Santa present finally, and it was a very lovely ace of spades belt. Unfortunately the belt is too big for me and I'll need a belt hole puncher before I can use it, but hey.
I'm sorry, this post is disgraceful and I really can't do Edwards' party justice because it was genuinely awesome. The only other things that I can draw my attention to now are things that I shouldn't say, and things that I can't say for discretion purposes.
I probably shouldn't have even mentioned that I'm withholding information, because now you'll all ask questions. While I trust you all (not you, Stephenson who the fuck is Stephenson?), it's not my place to say it, because it's not about me. I mean, why would it be about me? The only weird thing that happened to me was this text message: "You are a sexy beast with a collosal third leg, cheer up xxxxx." I don't know why that was written, and I don't even need to tell you who wrote that text. I guess I did get a little fed up when all the drunk guys were attempting to play poker, and all the sober people were talking about their sexual experiences, so I couldn't really join in either way. In fact, Quach even said, "We need to find you a girl, Hutchy." Hold on.
Quach: We need to find you a girl, Hutchy.
Me: There's no finding about it. You can't just walk into a room and pick out a girl and say "that one". I paraphrase, I can't remember what I actually said.
Quach: Well we at least need to get you laid.
I guess that's just my problem though. Quach says that your first time should not be with the person you want to be with, because your first time will be crap. I beg to differ. The first time should be something special, not just an initiation to full manhood, but if you do cock up a bit, the random girl whom you just boinked may then tell everyone else, and then you get a bad reputation. However, if you're with the girl that you want to be with, then the likelihood is that she'll want to be with you, and therefore she'll understand that it might not be as good as it could be.
I'm sorry, it's Christmas Day and that means I have to spend the entire day being forced to spend time with the people I'm forced to live with, as opposed to my birth parents or my Real Family.
All in all though, it was a fantastic party and I had some good moments. It's been a brilliant week with you, Real Family, and I hope to Jesus (me) that we do something soon again because staying in this house is an actual nightmare. You'd hate it. The only relief is Walter, because he's the best dog in the world, but otherwise just no.
Once again I apologise for this appalling post and I'll give you some witty wit soon.
I promise.
Cherry Mristmas everyone!
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