Good Morning?

So at the current time of writing (16:10) I have been awake for one hour and 25 minutes. My alarm woke me up at half ten, but I thought pressing snooze would wake me up nine minutes after that but uh... well, here I am. I guess I was celebrating the fact that we were still alive so much on Saturday night that my body wanted to catch up with itself this morning by staying the fuck asleep.

Now don't be expecting one of my massive posts today, since I'm only writing about Dukey's party and I'm pretty sure I won't tangent from it because my hands still aren't that awake yet and so are lagging behind the speed that I can think. Spelling/grammar errors may accidentally occur.

So on the day of Satur...n, yeah sure, let's assume that the root word for Saturday was the celebration of the Roman god Saturn, just like how the root word for Monday is the celebration of the Jamaican word for man, despite the fact that every man on the face of the planet despises Mondays.

Huh, I said I wouldn't be going off on any tangents, and I haven't really even started the blog post yet. Go me.

So yeah, on Saturday Josh rang me and told me to be ready at 14:15 for pickup. This was an adequately sufficient time for me to do all of the things that I needed to do that morning which included eating and showering and also gave me enough time to ... actually, I didn't do anything else. I suppose I dressed and wrote Dukey's birthday card... yeah, and gave me enough time to dress and write Dukey's birthday card. So at exactly a few minutes past 14:15 I was at the end of my street thinking, "Shit, I'm late." Little did I know that Josh would be so late that I would have to return home, ring him asking him what the dick he was doing only to be told that he hadn't even gotten his stuff together. Here was me thinking I'd be convenient by walking to the end of my street and he didn't have the courtesy to arrive at least some time when he said he would. Incidentally, I went for a walk and at exactly some time near 15:00 Josh arrived with his Laura and I stumbled into their car. Now you'd think by being 45 minutes later than he said he would he'd have everything sorted out good and proper, but no, we had to go back to Josh's house to fetch some sleeping bags. So at exactly some time an hour after Josh said we'd arrive at Dukey's house, we arrived at Dukey's house. Wicked.

That was a lot to say about the journey over to Corby.

So when we arrived in the humble town of Corby in the dwelling of the Dukes the first task was to do nothing. I liked this task. We gave Dukey his card with two proper good messages from Josh and I, mine being long and thoughtful and Josh's one was an altered version of mine. It was hilarious. Laura then gave Dukey an Angry Bird. He liked it. He then proceeded to think in his one-track mind, "Wow! Something else to throw at Hutchy!" and then threw it at me. We then got Dukey's sat-nav down and downloaded our preprepared voices onto it. Josh plotted in a random address and the first thing it said was "Please proceed to highlighted llama," which pretty much sets the tone for the rest of what we say on said sat-nav. I will definitely transpose the first journey we have with this thing in.

Soon later we decided to build the barbeque. Now, because Josh and I are the engineers of the group you'd think it would only make sense that we be the ones that build it. Naturally Josh tried to start without the exploded drawing in front of him, so I quickly snatched it up before Dukey or Leachy got to it so I could go about my way of being quality control and making sure nothing went wrong. In fact, it was a bloody good thing I did or we would've had to have restarted a billion times. Idiotic guys will absolutely state that following instructions is a woman's way of doing things, but as a man I state that women need a man to read instructions to tell them how to bloody do it properly. There is no room for error in my life. But that's only with building things, if I need to tune a TV or rewire some stuff then instructions do more harm than good. But yeah, after we banished Dukey and Leachy from the BBQ so that we could do it properly, things were going swimmingly, but then Dukey's idiot of a little brother caught wind that silly string was being played with, so decided that it would be a massively good idea to get right close to Josh and me and silly string the shit out of us. I was angry at this. If that little cunt was only 8 years older then I'd have beat into him like a hormonal honey badger.

Anyway, after I washed the shit out of my hair I got drunk, so all was good. So was the food, I remember the food being particularly appetising.

It was sometime around this time that we realised that we hadn't been destroyed by the massive earthquakes that the 89 year old religious nutjob told us that we would, so we all had a brief moment "Well that's okay then". I later learned that in America the atheists were having parties in celebration of the fact that this prediction was wrong. A: The entire world knew that it was bullshit, B: Get over yourselves you close-minded cunts. B can apply to anyone who follows religion to the letter as well. Hang on, I know that atheists have enough of a fan-base to become a religion, but since they will absolutely never call themselves that (despite the fact that they are), that technically would make them a cult. Intriguing...

Anyway, I'm pretty right now was also the time that Laura kept force feeding me Doritos. In fact, she fed me so many Doritos that I couldn't drink. She also wanted to keep me drunk. Intriguing...

At some point we also did the rules for manhunt walk about. I don't think anything interesting happened. If something interesting did happen, then it has completely vanished from my memory.

After the food was depleted Manhunt happened. The first round was easy because we could see everyone. The second round was a little harder because it was getting dark and Luke and Dallamore were sneaky little bitches. Apparently they hid in some long grass that none of us dared to go into because it was in a lake bed. Well, there you go. If you want to win Manhunt then you have to go where no-one else will.

After the second game we put up the tent "while it was still light." Turns out it wasn't really light because it became very dark while we were doing it. Josh and I ended up doing all the heavy work, one because he knows how to put up a tent and two because he absolutely trusts me beyond anyone else to be competent.

Anyway, after the tent was "put up" we did another game of Manhunt. This time Harry decided to join us. Also this time I decided to be on the hiding team because I hadn't done that yet. I chose a nice little spot amongst some trees and waited. Apparently Joe was the first to spot me, but he was drunk so didn't think anything of it. Luke and Dallamore then found me, but didn't dare go into the bush to tag me so I slid out and dropped off a 12 foot embankment to escape. A little light then sparked in Joe's head because his Jewish power of invisibility activated and he managed to strike out at me when I had slowed my run down to a jog. His large bear-like arms engulfed me and he shouted "One two three Manhunt!" I turned on my torch to acknowledge the fact that I was now on the team of the seekers.

Several minutes into searching the wilderness for the remaining people Edwards phoned me in a panicked state because the police caught him hiding. I then collected the group that I could see together and headed towards the road. The police walked towards us and I looked to see who was among us. One of them was Joe, and because he was drunk he could've compromised the entire operation, so I made sure that they talked to me. As the kind, approachable person I am the forward police officer walked up to and said, "Alright, lad? What's going on here then?"
I responded with, "We're basically playing a giant game of hide and seek."
"Oh really? Oh well that's okay then."
"I mean I can see why you were called out. Someone saw a bunch of kids running around and thought the worse."
"Well no, there's just been reports of suspicious activity. See some lads recently stole stuff from the building site."
"Oh right fair enough then. Hah, we've actually made the building site off-bounds."
"Oh really? Hah, alright on your way then. Thanks a lot."
"No thank you. See you around."
It was a very formal, polite conversation. I have no idea what happened with the other guys talking to the policewoman, but apparently Joe tried to talk back to them. Now, I know Joe disagrees with not being able to argue with people, but the police are the ones who can legally kick us out of an area. He just hasn't got it in his head that the best way to get out of any situation is to be calm, controlled and understanding. But still, that ended Manhunt, which was fair enough. Well, it ended Manhunt for most of us. Aimee and Laura still stayed out there for another 45 minutes because they didn't think that the police arriving was anything to do with them, so they stayed hidden. I tell you what though, it was a damn good thing that Josh didn't talk to them because he was armed to the teeth with lasers and knives. What a hooligan.

Anyway, after that we sorted out the bedding in the tent and "tried" to get some sleep. This ultimately didn't go very well and at 5 in the morning we decided to try and dry the shoes in the sun and because of that just ended up being outside. It was damn side more comfortable sitting on the decking than it was trying to sleep on the ground.

A few hours later Dukey's mum unlocked the door and we praised her and then ate toast.

So with that being that, the rest of the day happened.

And that's the story behind the reason for why I slept for 13 hours last night.

Good day.