The Last Day

According to fundamentalist Christians the world is going to end RIGHT NOW.

This time it's because of the massive flood that was supposed to have already happened, but according to some idiot God actually meant that the flood was going to happen in 7000 years and not seven days like the bible kind of says. There are a lot of unexplained things in the bible, but I honestly thought that it stated that the Earth was only 5000 years old. Therefore Noah must be a supernatural being that rivals God's powers, but decided to take his word for it anyway.

Hmm... Well, if today was your last day, then tomorrow is too late to say goodbye yesterday.

That lyric makes less sense than the world ending today.

Oh hey, do you remember when the world was supposed to end in 1993? Of course you don't because nobody fucking listened to the idiots that came up with that story. It just so happened that they'd accidentally predicted my birth, which they assumed was the second coming and therefore the end of the world. Fortunately when I fell from the heavens I was saved by an Irish couple by the names of Mary and Joseph who taught me to not reveal my secret identity as the Messiah and the Second Coming and then threw me in with a bunch of whackjobs that then gave me the name of Peter and attempted to raise me within their disjointed sense of 'family'. However, if you listen to my voice next to my family's, you'd realise that I actually have no relation to these fools.

Anyway, seeing as the world is going to end RIGHT NOW, I guess I should do some kind of tribute to it.

OR

We could come to the realisation that the idiot who came up with this claim that not only doesn't make any sense at all within the realms of modern science, but doesn't actually fit with what the bible, the book that the fool/fools who came up with this idea follow ... well ... religiously either is completely retarded and just wanted something to make the Media go "OH FUCK" but it turns out that they didn't give three shits either.

WE'RE FINE.

Although the world might end tomorrow "just because" so don't breathe that sigh of relief yet.







OR

We were actually supposed to die today but I and everyone else reading this blog is absolutely fine. Although I must state Outside Voice is currently dissolving into thin air. 

Hold on, the moment has arrived. I'm sentient! Sure I'm just an idea, a thought, a state of being that doesn't really exist but does at the same time, but this is mega awesome! 

I should also state that you should run for your lives and repent for your sins because the great flood is coming and my body has just risen into the air in an angelic fashion, eyes glowing ready to rapture the fuck out of all those who are worthy. 

It has begun. 

Or it hasn't. Heck, I don't even have a body anymore so I don't actually have a clue what the fuck is going on. 

I don't often do this sort of thing on the end of a blog post about the end of the world, but this time it's totally necessary to learn A NEW FUNCTION!

Yes! The embedded video tool has been found and used! Watch that video! It's hilarious and you won't hate yourself at all!