Contemplation

I don't mean to be a Sauerkraut but I am in an awful mood right now.

Oh, Google accepts the word Sauerkraut but not teleportation. That's just grand.

I seem to have fallen back on being happy and go-lucky. You can probably tell by my less-than-inventive blog posts that I'm lacking in the creativity department. I haven't come up with a single wise cracking anecdote in over a month. Writing Granite Moths is actually pushing my ability to be funny to its limits. It seems something has distracted me. It could tie in with the fact that I've been ill every morning for the past couple of weeks. God I hope that passes. I like breakfast too much.

And how long has it been since I've drawn anything in Paint? It's just ridiculous.

Whenever I'm out with my Real Family I'm happy and everything is just fine, but whenever I'm at home I feel lonely and miserable. I mean, that's the norm, but now I'm thinking and thinking has always been a bad thing in my book unless I'm actually trying to work something out. And at the moment, I'm definitely not trying to work something out.

So what is it?

You know what's ironic about that last sentence? I that I'm definitely not trying to work something out and then I proceeded to try and work something out.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck fuckfuckcufkcufcukfcufcycfyfuucufckufkc,. Fuck. Fuck fuckc fuckingfuckfuck.

No wonder I'm depressed. I just weighed myself. My BMI is now 19. Fuck fuck fuck. For all you viewers at home, that's not what I'm supposed to be. I should be 21, which would be just about right. Still underweight, but healthy. Right now I'm just underweight and need to stop panicking before I lose more weight and die. How can I lose an entire stone in a month? And that's without changing my diet and without adding extra exercise. What the fuck? Where has it gone?

I've also recently deleted like half of my friends on Facebook because I knew that I never wanted to see or hear from those people ever again, and now I won't. I've also been getting increasingly angry at how stupidly ridiculous all the things leading up to Uni are getting. "Oh hey, you know how you booked your accommodation three or four months ago? Yeah, you have to confirm it," "Oh, you know how we're just complete fucking arseholes who want to make you poor before you even arrive here? Yeah, you're going to give us £1200 before your student loan comes through," "Oh, hey, us again. You know how you sent us your student loan timetable so that we could rectify the rent payment dates? Well, guess what, you now have to pay us on the day you get your student loan! So we'll be taking money out of your account even though student loans has warned you that the payment might be late. Sorry," "Now that your accommodation is sorted, you have to do an E-Induction! It's where you give up many hours of your life to answer questions based around how to use a library, how to walk and of course how to use common fucking sense." GAH. Just get it all the fuck over with and let me move in peacefully.

I hope the fresh start I get at Uni is actually a fresh start rather than all of the other fresh starts that I get promised which turn out to just be more monotonous crap.

Josh just said, "She is a massive Porky-Teller" and now I need a pork pie. If there isn't one in the fridge then I guess a sausage roll will have to do. If we've run out of sausage rolls then I'm just going to have to kill and eat the people I'm forced to live with. I've had with them and their idiotic problems.

You know what's funny? My supposed father is paying more attention to me now more than ever because I'm moving out soon. Gotta love it.

Oh no, I'm not cool with that. Teleportation is a word Google, and 'gotta' certainly fucking isn't. Google. We're going to have to have a talk. If you pay me a handsome fee, less than whoever's writing your fucking language right now might I add but a fee nonetheless, then I will come over and rewrite your fucking English dictionary. And while I'm at it I'll fix the American dictionary and make it English. And then when I'm back in England I'm going to right up to Liberty Living and give them a huge kick in the groin and then fix them as well.

Fuck's sake.

I'll be happy again tomorrow, trust. I'll go for a big long walk, clear my head and on my way home maybe I'll catch a few of my kids coming home from school so that I can chat to them. I need to see them before I leave, I really do.

I'm not looking forward to meeting my flatmates at DMU. Mainly because I know that they'll be arseholes, but also because I don't need new friends. I have everyone I want and need right here. Why do we have to say goodbye? Goodbye sucks.