So today is the time of year in which every single one of us looks back (maybe) on what we said we'd do at the very beginning of 2011 and then breaks down crying because we have hopelessly failed in our task to better ourselves.
Because this is Cliché Life Stuff, the thing for me to do now would be to explain to you exactly how much I have failed and then how much I need to try and redo next year. That'll be annoying.
So, here goes nothing. Be prepared for failure of the highest magnitude.
1. Be happy
This is necessary because this time last year I was a miserable wreck. So this year I'm going to start happy and remain happy indefinitely.
Status: Complete. I'm quite literally the most cheerful person you'll ever meet. Actually, that's a lie, I'm nowhere near the most cheerful person you'll ever meet, but I have come strides forward in terms of how happy I am. There have been a few upsets, yes, but that's just life really, isn't it? I've moved forward and I haven't let petty things ruin my days.
One down.
2. Find someone
I have everyone I need except someone. I didn't want to say "get a girlfriend" because that's far too cliché and it's not like this blog is about cliché life stuff or anything. You know what I mean.
Status: I - I don't know. We all knew what I meant, and in that sense it's a no. But saying "someone" is stupid. I have a host of wonderful people in my life, and I'm confident that these people are the best people in the world. Somewhat. Some of you are bad, bad people. But if you're a friend of me, then that means that I have chosen you because you have the potential to not be a complete moron, and you have the ability to be a good person. There are too many people in this world, which is why I try my best to only be friends with persons. Persons are ... well they're not people. Persons think for themselves and don't follow the pack. They're usually agnostic. Some of them aren't, granted, but that makes them even better, surely?
Umm. Yeah.
3. Cut down on [redacted]
Last year [redacted] was a real problem for me, so this year I'm going to cut down on it. Some of you may think this is stupid, some of you may not even know what [redacted] means, but it's redacted for a reason.
Status: Complete. Well done.
Two out of three so far.
4. Make and retain actual workout sessions
Last year I started doing this, but it was on/off with my attempts at gaining weight. This year I intend to not give up as soon as I pull every muscle in my arm so that they become disabled for the next three days.
Status: Oops. There have been points in the year where I've forced myself to regularly exercise, but it was either the wrong kind of exercise or not at all effective. I should invest in some weights.
5. Gain weight
It's still a problem, but I'm working on it.
Status: Oops again. It was going well, and then I accidentally lost a stone in the first term of uni. But that's because I was an idiot. Fortunately I've nearly put that weight back on, and next year if I start working out with weights and start cooking then I'll do well at that.
So that's two out of five. Not even half.
6. Ace all exams, finish all coursework to my best ability and secure my place at De Montford
This shouldn't technically be that difficult so long as I keep working and don't get distracted by too much.
Status: Done! I did better in my final exams than I did in all of my other exams. Especially in Media. Christ that was a good exam. Who knew complaining about the government would get me a place at DMU? Cool beans, bro.
Okay, so that makes it 50%.
7. Be the best I can make me
Nothing made me happier than when this blog became the best blog on the planet. So this year I should really let this blog run wild and try and seep over into my life more so that I can be the best person ever, and not just on this blog.
Status: I don't really know. I'd say yes. For god's sake, I'm Head of Production for Demon TV, my blog is more popular than ever, I do a vlog, Granite Moths is running for gold in the Slender Parody Olympics, and I think I have conclusive proof that I am an amazing friend to the people I love. Yeah, I think that's a definite yes. That's such a big yes it's almost orgasmic.
Whoo! More than half!
8. Be more confident, man
Last year I had a huge boost in my confidence. This year I'm going to keep that confidence and not let petty things like house-bound issues and my past get in the way of the important things in life, like exams, my Real Family and of course resolution number 2.
Status: Ongoing. For the sake of making myself feel better, I'd say yes. At least in terms of the description I provided. I've actually purged my memory of my childhood and pretty much everything before I started to become the man your man could smell like. I mean, the man that I am now. That was so that I could start over, or at least forget what an awful person I used to be, and ever since I've just become more and more confident, and now I'm Head of Production for Demon TV. At this rate, I'll achieve my ultimate goal in my teenage life.
9. "Don't make a girl a promise..."
If I fail any of these resolutions, then this resolution is also an automatic fail. Can I handle failing more than one thing? No, of course I can't. Therefore I've made up this cunning plan so that I keep to my word. I'm wicked aren't I?
Status: Bollocks. Why would I do that to myself? Aw... Although I suppose I was right to do it, because that's a fucking harsh challenge.
There's one remaining.
10. On December 31st, laugh at myself for ever considering these other nine resolutions as challenges
;)
Status: Ha, not-so ha, ha, aw, aw, ha, ha, ha, aw. I don't know if that means it's complete or not. But, nonetheless, I'd say I've done pretty well. The things that I have completed I think mean a lot more than the things that I haven't completed. Yes, those menial challenges will be repeated next year, and if I don't complete it next year, then it'll have to be made doubly hard the year after that, because I'm cruel to myself like that.
Well, I'd like to give myself a pat on the back, really. 2011 has been a wonderful year. It's mainly been all about the up, and not so much about the down. Our lives are moving on quite rapidly, and some things have changed (most of them very recently), but at the end of the day, as long as the good people stay good, and the bad people stay the fuck away from me, then nothing bad can possibly happen. I've met new good people, realised that some people whom I used to think were good people actually turned and became bad people, and in-turn I forgot about them, but now a state of equilibrium, on New Year's Eve, I think has finally been reached. If there are people out there who are unhappy, then for god's sake have a chat with me and cheer up.
I have absolutely no doubt that 2012 will be an amazing year. Now that we've all grown up and discarded all of this petty drama that used to surround us, there is literally nothing (aside from distance) that could keep us from being happy. I speak of course about My Real Family, and of course all of my new friends at Uni and naturally everyone else.
2012 should be the time when we look back at our past lives and then forget all about them. Tomorrow should be the start of the future, a time when all the things that I said Future Pete will deal with, will now actually deal with. It should be the start of a happiness revolution. Nothing can possibly get in the way of anything now. And if anything should try to crop up, then I want to take your hand, clench is ever so slightly (as if you were a bear) and then bat it away. There will be no violence, no tears, no anger. Tomorrow we will march into the beginning of the rest of our lives and never look back, because they may take our lives, but they'll never take OUR FREREEEEDONM!
Uhm. I think I got a little carried away.
Have a good night.
Pete out.
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