Blogging 101

Do you see what I did there? That's quite funny.

I'm sat here in the library wondering why I would even need to update my blog, but something has been bothering my mind, killing my brain and generally making me miserable. Would you like me to ruin the train of happy fun posts? No, you wouldn't, but I feel it necessary. Don't worry though, I'll try and round it off with something joyous and wonderful. It'd be like teaching you how to properly structure a blog post.

1. Introduce your topic in a fun and interesting matter. Getting straight to the point is overrated. Make your reader want to find out want on Earth you're not currently ranting about.

I have already done this.

2. Get to the point.

I'll do that now.

The person in question (I know there is no question, because I said it was something bothering me, but fuck off) used to be my super best friend and she knows everything about me. Or at least used to. Now as I'm sure you'll readily know, I literally can't let go of people who know everything there is to know about me, because of some weird-ass emotional connection I have to these people. I know they definitely don't feel the same way about me, and the person in question seems to want to drift away from me. It's disturbing. I saw this coming, but I can't bring myself to accept it. We were super best friends once, and that sort of thing doesn't disappear from my mind ever. I don't like it one bit. I absolutely do not know what I would do if other super best friends who know everything about me were to start drifting away from me. I can't deal with that shit. Remember how I lost my dog? Yeah, it'd be like that.

3. Continue rant or move on.

I apologise for that, but it needed to be said. I'm an emotional person. Okay, no I'm not. More-so now than ever before because I actually have rapid changes between happiness and sadness rather than the shitty phase of either passive or aggressive. Neither are good.

4. Round it off or go off on a tangent

Hey, you know what this post needs? Something happy and joyful to help cheer you up after reading that trash up there.

A lion and a polar bear had a shack together in the Rocky Mountains because they couldn't stand the monotony of their current environments. Let me explain.

The polar bear was all like "It's a bit chilly out here, I'll head south. At least then I know I don't have to balance on ice sheets that are slowly heading away from my family." Incidentally, that's how he got to America.

The lion was all like, "I'm tired of having to find meat. I wish I could go and live with something like a polar bear in a shack in the Rocky Mountains." So he got on the first plane to a polar bear in a shack in the Rocky Mountains (at this point in time, planes had very specific destinations).

Anyway, an interesting story about hunters, darts and tearing the ranger limb from limb happened, but I feel like this post is getting on a bit now, and you know what I get like when I go off on tangent. See: Tangents
(I would link it, but for the life of me I have no idea how to)

5. After that weird tangent, decide that it's finally time to call it a day and get the hell out of there before the audience gets angry at the fact that you started a story about a polar bear and a lion and didn't continue or conclude it.

I'm very sorry for this blatent disregard of your feelings towards my about-to-be-awesome story about a polar bear and a lion.
I hope you enjoyed my guide-within-a-blog, and to be honest, the only reason I did it is so that I could have 101 in the title because this is the official one hundred and first post! Woo!

*Party pop*

I'll catch you soon.