The Phonetic Alphabet

I was spending some time with Becca today, and she wrote out the alphabet, and for some reason this got me thinking, "I would totally write that different." Now, as you all know, I'm a super grammar nazi, and I also absolutely love studying language and learning about its roots and such. During this time I've come to learn a lot about how the English language should actually be spelt, so here's my rendition of the alphabet:

Ayh

Bï

Scï

Dï

Ïe

Eff

Geï

Haytsch

Ei

Djay

Kay

Ell

Emm

Enn

Oh

Pï

Queue

Arr

Ess

Tï

Yü

Vï

Double-vï Yes, double-vï, not double yü. W does not look like uu, but it does look like vv

Exx

Wy

Zed It will never be zï, because of its roots. Zed derives from the French Zett, and the German Tszet. The Americans bizarrely invented the letter zï, probably because they wanted it to rhyme with the rest of the alphabet.

Now you may be wondering why I used this, ï, a lot. When I learned German, I learned that ie sounds like ee, and ei sounds like Aye. Through my own research, I then learned that a long time ago, the Germans may have used the letter ï instead of ie. That would make sense, since they place an e after letters if they can’t umlaut them. For example: ä is the same as ae, and ö is the same as oe. Therefore it only made sense if ï was replaced by ie, but I don’t know why. It is used in Dutch, and Russian (when using the Latin alphabet, of course) and you should recognise it from the word naïve.

Right, that’s the language lesson done, I apologise for not being very fun. Wait, I know exactly what will piss Dukey off. Here’s my rendition of the Gordie alphabet.

Äh

Bäh

Scäh

Däh

Äeh I know, it’s hardly any different

Eff

Geäh

Hähtsch

Ähy Again, very difficult to distinguish

Djäh

Käh

Ell

Emm

Enn

Öh

Päh

Kuyü

Ühr

Ess

Täh

Yüö

Väh

Double-yüö

Exx

Whaiy

Zähd

If that didn’t piss Dukey off, I don’t know what will. He döesn’t lähk it when ähy späek all Gördie with ‘im.

If you’re finding it difficult to understand what the Gordie accent sounds like, just read this sentence:

Ähy dön’t lahk it when they cüm över ‘ere, stählin’ ühr jöbs, and räpin’ ühr wömen. (ühr = our)

Well, that’s the language lesson done and over and done for a second time. Let’s get down to a small amount of real blogging.

*Dramatic music*

*Types away furiously at the keyboard, chronicling his thoughts and feelings and then showing them to the world*

*Vinyl squeak noise*

Okay, I have only one real thing to say. Remember how the other day I was like all worried and shit that my kids were being all “Peter fancies Courtney” and then I heard one of them excitedly say “She said yes!” and then I got super paranoid. Well, I was paranoid for a reason.

Casey: Are you still going out with Courtney?

Me: *Confused, but still managing to look evil, glare*

That wasn’t really an extensive conversation, but I have spoken to Courtney on several occasions today, and it seems that these kids are playing me for a fool. She has not said a word regarding the subject, and she’s being as lovely as ever. I felt I needed to talk to her about it, but after I had a conversation with her as we were walking towards our respective homes after getting off the bus, I knew that she had no part to do with it. If she does, I’ll be annoyed. But I’m pretty sure she doesn’t.

There’s also a huge possibility that my kids think that I’m going out with Becca (but naturally I'll inform them otherwise if they ask), which should hopefully throw them off thinking that I fancy Courtney, but she’s not like a bit of cake. I only ever fancy a bit of cake. I fancy a bit of cake, coming to think about it.

I’m sure I was supposed to expand on a point in that last paragraph, but now all I can think about is cake. Shit, we might not even have cake at home right now. We finished the remaining cake at the weekend. NOOO! CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I take pride in this picture. Yes, that person is colourless, but I didn't want to offend anyone.

Hutch out.

PS: I have 799 blog views. 788 of those are from Grande Britagne, and another 6 from America. That means that five views are from a country that doesn't exist. Who are you? Why don't you exist within a country? Unless... :O You're French! No one would happily disclose that information, so you simply hid that fact! Or you're an alien. Either/or.

PPS: I found some cake. It was at the back of the cupboard. It was a regular sponge cake covered in chocolate, and it was beautiful.

PPPS: Apparently I was wrong about the word naive. It is actually French, but they stole the umlaut rule from Dutch. Thank you, Westie.

PPPPS: The number of P's is getting ridiculous. I've never even seen someone go beyond PPS. In fact, PPPS and PPPPS probably aren't even things.