Oh Hell...

So last night was Alannah (the Head of Marketing)'s birthday party. It had a punk rock theme. I dressed up and an effort for like the first time in my life.

And then uh... well, umm... this is going to be a short blog post.

Essentially, I got drunk. I got very drunk. I got so drunk that elephants in New Zealand (they're real) turned their backs to me in disgust. And New Zealand is like on the opposite end of the world, so that's how ashamed they were of me. But in any case, to cut a long story short -

Wait. This is Cliché Life Stuff. The very notion of cutting a long story short is completely beyond me.

Let's do this.

So I started drinking and we were all having a great time, and pictures from Facebook will tell you exactly how stupid I was and blah blah etc etc. Eventually I got so bad that I publicly revealed that I like Alannah (no point in tip-toeing around it now) and then after that I apparently managed to lock myself in the bathroom (a task I had not managed to do while I was sober) and chucked my guts up. I then passed out while on the toilet and then I woke up in my bed this morning fully clothed. I don't know how I got here.

Alannah then came over to give me my jacket back and to help me change my bed sheets and I spilled my heart out to her. She also showed me how women change bed sheets, and I can tell you now that I've been doing it wrong for so many years.

I then managed to piece together what happened from her point of view, so let me tell you about it now.

Alannah and James Langley noticed that I was missing, and apparently people were leaving at this point (I think - but don't quote me on this - that it was about 2 in the morning) so they became worried about me. After a short look around, they discovered that I was in the bathroom, but I had somehow locked the door. They asked me to open the door, and either they had to force it open or I opened it for them (putting into question exactly how my brain was functioning at this point) and then they came in. Fred (one of Alannah's friends; everyone knows Fred) and Alannah saying, "Come on Pete! Wake up! You've got to stay awake!" and I said, "... why?" and I don't know if I got an answer. Alannah then de-keyed and de-phoned me and Fred and Langley carried me back to Liberty Park. Alannah was talking to me all throughout the journey, and apparently I was quite cognitive and conversational. I don't know how I managed it, but I told them where I live, I described an entire vlog post to Lannah, and I responded to literally everything they said whether it was directed at me or not. At one point Lannah told me they were discussing some kind of number, I don't remember what the number relates to, but in random response I said, "But that's not my number!" and apparently this was all very hilarious. They then somehow got me into Liberty Park, found my flat, got me into bed, tucked me in and let me sleep. How the hell they managed to get me up the stairs is beyond me.

I honestly don't remember any of that. And now it's 0100 a day later and I'm still feeling the effects of the hangover. As far as I remember I drank 4 pints of cider and about another pint of vodka, which was stupid.

That night I could have easily been the poster-boy for a Drink Aware advert, and I'm not happy with that. I did feel a little bit better after Alannah consoled me earlier, but I vow that I will never be that stupid ever again. I demonstrated my absolute upper limit and could have died.

However, on the plus side I still hold the record for the most hilarious drunk of all time. However, on the flip-side of that statement the word "drunk" is in that title, and therefore nothing to be happy about.

I was an idiot, and I can now absolutely preach the dangers of alcohol. If it weren't for Alannah, Fred and Langley, I could well be in an alcohol-induced coma or something. Hell, I don't know, but I don't want to know what would've happened if I had just stayed dead to the world with my head balanced on the toilet bowl all night.

However, on the bright side my bed looks nicer than it ever has done before.

I've been an absolute idiot.

Pete out.